It was an hour before the clock strikes 12. I was standing in the middle of Times Square with thousands of people.

I was going to greet the New Year with my friends at a bar. Things were getting weird and so I went out to breathe some fresh air. The view in Times Square during the New Year is simply amazing. Lights are everywhere and its flooding people. I tried to go back to the bar but I just couldn’t with the amount of crowd there is.

I felt Jay’s presence behind me. I sighed and turned to him. He was smiling at me. Yeah. I’m not alone. I have Jay with me. I turned around again and hugged him.

“Have I told you I love you Jay?” I asked, still hugging him.

“I love you as well Yoona,” he said. And I looked up at him with a smile.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t be with your family,” I said sadly.

“I’m sorry too. But remember what you said when you were young?”

“As long as I’m with Mr. Jay, I’m with family,” I smiled at him and he smiled back.

As much as Jay’s more like a dad to me, I want my real dad with me. I want my mom. I want Oppa. Tears began to fall from my eyes. I want him.

“They say if you cry when the New Year starts, you’ll be crying the whole year,” I heard Jay whisper behind me.

I wiped my tears and smiled. I looked back at the bar to see Eunhyuk by the steps. He was grinning widely at me and I smiled back. I’m not alone.

That day was a crazy one. Streets were packed and it was hard to move around.

As we went around the city, buying clothes for Jay and Jonghun to wear, I saw him again. I just knew it was him. My heart thumped as I saw him standing across the street. He looked at me and smiled. I was about to cross the street but when I looked again, he wasn’t there anymore. I saw him again outside the restaurant we were eating at. And at a shop beside the one we went in.

But when I called home, Oppa said that he was with Dong Wook-oppa in Mokpo, visiting their grandparents. Jay and Jonghun didn’t see him as well.

I decided that I missed him so much I was going crazy. And that wasn’t good.

I busied myself for the rest of the day but I still kept on seeing him in every corner.

A few hours before the party at the bar, I was having a short stroll along the streets of New York. I didn’t know why, but I think I purposely went out to get a glimpse of my imaginary Donghae once again.

I’ve been walking around for an hour before I sat down at the park. My imagination may have been malfunctioning since I haven’t been hallucinating his image since I stepped out.

I sighed and put my head in my hands. Jonghun approached me immediately and asked me what was wrong. I shook my head and tried my hardest not to break down.

I faintly heard Jay tell Jonghun to buy food for me.

I felt Jay sit beside me. When I looked up and saw Jonghun far away, I began to cry. I felt Jay’s hands on my back, soothing me.

I leaned on his shoulders and cried. “Jay, I miss him so much.” It was the first time in almost 2 years since I said it aloud. “I don’t know why but my heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces. I need to see him. I need him Jay. I love him so much. I need him so much.” I cried.

He enveloped me in his arms and let me cry. When I finally decided that I have cried enough, I leaned away and looked down, suddenly getting embarrassed for my sudden breakdown. He whispered, “Do you want me to get him for you?”

I looked up and chuckled at him. A few years ago, during the time Donghae and I were having problems with our relationship, Donghae went to a bar and got drunk. Everybody knew me and so I couldn’t just go in and take him home. Seeing my concern, Jay offered to “get him for me”. Ever since then, it was always Jay who was dragging Donghae away from whatever place he was in when I couldn’t do it myself.

“If only I can ask you to do that again,” I sighed and wiped my tears.

“You can. It’ll only take me a day to go back and forth. Of course, we also need to consider the time I need to drag Donghae from his work” I laughed aloud. I told him about how Donghae was being a workaholic this days. Unsurprisingly, I talk to Jay about things like these. I can talk to him about things I can’t even talk about with Nicole or Gain or Suzy. I guess Jay is closer to my heart like that.

“Nah. I think I managed to endure until now because of you, Jonghun and the girls. Especially you. I don’t want you going anywhere. You know I won’t be able to live without you Jay.”

“You won’t be able to SURVIVE without me. But I don’t think you’d be able to LIVE without him.” Jay was looking at me seriously. He held my hand like he always does when I was little and drew a heart on my palm. “Remember when you wanted to be a model but you were so worried you wouldn’t be able to walk straight on the runway?” I nodded. That was the first time I modeled. I was so nervous that I cried to Jay for hours.

“Yea.”

“What did I tell you that time?”

“Follow whatever puts your heart at ease.” We both said at the same time, looking at the invisible heart he drew on my palm.

“Your happiness is in your hands. If it exists in a person named Lee Donghae, then go after him. Grab your happiness. Do whatever puts your heart at ease.”

I smiled and kissed Jay in the cheek. “Thank you for always being here Jay-appa.”

“I’ll always be here darling.” Jay smiled back at me. “Should I prepare your passport and plane tickets now?” he chuckled.

I laughed before giving Jay another hug. For some reason, I felt that my happiness was already within my reach. It was already there.

It doesn't look like I love Jay that much, don't I? :D Hihi. <3

I've been busy but I'll try to update as frequent as I can. I was trying my best to make time. It seems I wasn't that successful, was I? Sorry for the late update. :/ Meanwhile, you guys have seen Dream Girl, right? And Disturbance? In short, have you seen Taemin? Hihi. :D He's a man now. Oh gosh. I can't believe my eyes. He's. A. Man. Guys. Gosh.