Chapter 36 
Ambivalent

***

You looked up and found a concern Jongin looking at you. "we really need to talk" he repeated. Before you could even open your mouth to explain or lie, well speak in general you continued to break down into tears. Jongin understood and pulled you into a hug without asking you further questions. 

After a sometime of shedding all the tears you have been holding back, and the emotions you kept hidden inside were released you were able to talk "she called me a monster, she hates me, for the first time my daughter hates me" you continued to sob. 

"why did you have to act like that, in front of us and towards Taerin-ah? that's not how you are Hyorin-ah. Something's bothering you" he spoke

*aish why did you have to know me so well* "let's just say that I exploded alright, my mind has been full of thoughts and I was at the verge of having a mental breakdown" you replied

"I know there's more to it Hyorin-ah" he asked

"I wish I could tell you but I can't right now. It's something that I have to deal with myself" you replied

"come on you use to tell me everything Hyorin-"

"I'm sorry but please just this once, I'll tell you once it's the right time" you butted in "you should probably head back, I'm just going to go for a drive. Just tell Taemin to call me when you guys are done here oh and please make sure Taemin has calmed Taerin-ah for me. I just need some time alone" you excused yourself and walked out of Disney Land.

(Jongin's short POV)

For the past week I've noticed Hyorin-ah drifting into deep thoughts, she might be hiding her thoughts well from the other guys but not me. While we would webcam with Taemin and Taerin-ah I would see Hyorin trying to avoid the conversations and she wasn't as engaged into seeing us again. 

I wonder what she has been thinking about lately. With Hyorin being distant, I too could not help but be distant and observe. Her behavior is weird. Could it possibly be because all Taemin's and Taerin-ah's attention are towards us?? jealousy maybe? but that doesn't seem like something Hyorin-ah would do.

Like our surprise for our SM TOWN Concert here in Tokyo. Her reaction was not something the boys were expecting. Seeing her in person once again allowed me to read her expressions and body language. She looked frustrated and I sensed a bit of anxiety through her. 

Whatever she's hiding, it must be something really outrageous. She obviously needs someone to talk to right now to express herself. 

And now today in Disney Land, I knew it was the first time ever that she raised her voice directly at Taerin-ah. She must be blinded by all her emotions but had to let it out on her poor daughter. Seeing her eyes open wide as she yelled at her daughter as if she actually slapped her across the face, it's an action that all mother refuse to do towards their children. 

Hyorin-ah was surprised herself with her reaction, but of Taerin-ah wouldn't let go of it easily. When she pulled Taerin-ah of my grip I felt a lost, lately that feeling I get when I'm with Taerin-ah has returned and it has been bugging me as I am unable to figure out why it's happening. Apparently it's the same for the hyungs and Sehun but I feel a great loss. 

The boys were still standing in shock after Hyorin's blow out ~ no one saw it coming. I decided to run after Hyorin while Taemin tried to calm down Taerin-ah who was cry her eyes out.

"I wish I could tell you but I can't right now. It's something that I have to deal with myself" When she told me that I felt my heart twitch. Does she no longer trust me anymore? I thought to myself.

"I'm sorry but please just this once, I'll tell you once it's the right time" when exactly would be the right time? tomorrow? next week? next month? or next year? well I see some personality traits of hers has not changed at all. 

She was now walking away from me, needing alone time. Does she always do this? Aish whatever ~ I'll just do as she requested and try and help Taemin.

(Taemin's short POV)

After how many times I've tried to comfort her and reassure her that nothing will change she still gets caught up with her thoughts. I always try my best to understand everything she is going through. 

We've been living with a lie and it was something that I swored too, to be the father of Jongin's child. Even though I am not Taerin-ah's biological father I've treated her and loved her as my own and nothing will change about that. The only thing that