I run to the lift and the screen shows that it is already travelling down, taking YoungBae and Cheryl along with it. Somehow, my heart breaks and reality kicks in. I’m pissed at YoungBae but I can’t lie. I’m pissed not because he intruded me during my work, I’m pissed because he took Cheryl away from me.

I stand in front of the lift, not moving. My heart shattered. What happens to the promise I made? What happen to the determination I created? I thought I made it clear to myself that I will leave them alone and be a good brother to YoungBae, only adoring Cheryl from a far. But this, this is pain. He just slapped me the reality that he has all the right to take her when I can only watch in silent.

After few minutes, hoping the lift would open with Cheryl inside, I give up. Maybe it’s karma. All those time I played with girls’ heart, maybe this time I need to pay. I don’t know what it is, but Cheryl somehow grab my heart the moment we met and all this time I thought of it as only a stupid crush, but crush shouldn’t hurt this way. It shouldn’t.

I go back to the empty studio. Her presence is so great that now she’s not here, it feels hollow. Her cheerfulness and tenacity made me fall. I’ve loved before, but this, this is something different. The intensity of my desire for her is much more than I had for my ex-girlfriends. The effect she has on me is more toxic that those models ever had on me. It’s weird knowing that I’ve only met her, but my heart doesn’t seem to know logic.

I sit back on my chair and look at the screen. All I see are numbers and graphs in different color. She took away my motivation to work along with her. I can’t shed a tear, even though how painful I feel. Why? Because it’s stupid. I have no right to fall in love with my bestfriend’s girl and it makes me feel like a criminal, keep breaking my own rules.

The time passes with just me staring at the screen. My mind is filled with worry, hatred, and jealousy that I can’t even think of making music. Gosh, I hope she’s fine. I know YoungBae is a good guy, but I still hope she’s fine. I wanted to call him, but his phone is dead, and so is Cheryl’s, making me worry a lot more.

“Ya JiYong-ah! I didn’t know you’re here!” Teddy hyung snap me back to earth.

“Ah~ neh hyung” My strength is gone, along with Cheryl.

“What’s wrong?” He notices my sour expression.

“Nothing” I can’t bring myself to tell anyone about this. I feel sinful.

Teddy hyung examines my expression until he gives up. “Well, how about you come with me? I’ve got a session with the girls in a few minute” I know he’s trying to cheer me up.

“I don’t feel like it, hyung” I want to be alone. I want to drown myself in my own agony and let it bleed.

“That was a rhetorical question. You’re coming with me whether you like it or not” He pushes me off my chair and push me out the door to the next recording room.

I’m too vulnerable to resist and let Teddy hyung pushes me around until we reach his recording room. When he opens the door, I am welcome by four cheerful ladies that are far too happy seeing me. They stand as soon I walk in and shout in unison “JiYong oppa, annyeong!” It’s nice seeing them. I haven’t met them for a while. They have a cheerfulness of a rookie that always hyped me up.

“I didn’t know that you’re free, oppa” Minzy says as soon as I sit on the couch next to her.

“I didn’t know that I’m free either” I say, still soul-less. My schedule was to work in the studio the whole day, but unexpected thing happened and ruin my day.

“Gwencana, oppa?” CL worries, and I give her a weak smile as an answer.

“JiYong-ah, this is our recording session with Teddy-oppa, please don’t in with your perfectionism!” Bom noona’s voice is booming from the speaker. She’s already inside the recording booth and she spoke through the microphone. I chuckle.

“Hey there you go! We’ll lift your mood in no time, JiYong-ah!” Dara noona cheers. I hope they can, being in this state depresses me too.

I sit silently while the girls take turn for recording their part. Ironically, their song is about a person wanting love from someone they love. The music is incredible as always coming from Teddy hyung. Lydia took her time in helping writing the lyrics, simple but catchy.

Few hours passed and the girls are taking a break from recording, and automatically, they start to gossip.

“You know, Lydia told me that she got the inspiration from YoungBae” Teddy hyung says.

“Wae?” CL voices out our curiosity.

“D-uh, obvious isn’t it? YoungBae seems to talk to Lydia a lot about Cheryl” Teddy hyung answers. , not this topic. Please, anything but this!

“You know, the other day DaeSung oppa sent me a candid picture of Cheryl and YoungBae oppa standing next to each other! They look great together!” Minzy gets excited.

“I can picture it, YoungBae and Cheryl…. She’s really pretty, and he’s good looking, of course they match!” Dara noona chimes in.

“He’s all over her, isn’t he? He can’t stop blabbering about her!” Bom noona joins.

“What do you think, Ji? At last, our brother got a girlfriend!” Teddy hyung tries to include me in the conversation.

“Yeah… Great” I answers, with a fake smile plasters on my face. They think YoungBae and Cheryl look good together?! What about me?? Can’t I look good with Cheryl, too??!

“If Lydia eonni makes this song with YoungBae oppa’s feeling in mind, should we change the lyrics? Like, in my part, instead of ‘meotjin neol wihae bulleojulge everyday’, change it to ‘y neol wihae bulleojulge everyday’” CL jokes, cracks everyone up, except me.

“Hey, guess where YoungBae is now!” Teddy hyung shouts after he checks his phone.

“Where?” Dara noona asks.

“He’s on a date with Cheryl at some park!” Teddy hyung says, making the girls shrieks in excitement. What the hell?! Date?! My body stiffens. My whole vision blurred.

“YoungBae contacted you, hyung?” I ask. I try my best to calm my tone; I don’t want them to get suspicious. He didn’t answer my phone call, but he can texted Teddy hyung?!

“Anniyo… I’m texting with his manager. Wae?” Teddy hyung, being really close with me, realize something is wrong.

“Nothing” I answer and get up the sofa, heading outside. I can’t be in here if they are going to talk about YoungBae and Cheryl. I need to clear my head, and fix my heart. The rest are looking at me weirdly. I don’t care. They can speculate whatever they like, I don’t feel like pretending.

So, YoungBae dragged Cheryl to go for a date? I should’ve known. Why else would his face be blushed and ecstatic when he popped in the studio. He must’ve planned something before hand. Did Cheryl know about this? Did they make plan earlier? If that’s true, that means Cheryl accepts his offer for a date. . That hurts. I punch my own chest, in an attempt to ease the pain.

I lean myself on the wall in the hallway. I hope no one would spot me. I look desperate. I am desperate. Desperate to get rid of this feeling that haunts me, torturing me.

Mindlessly, I take out my phone and start texting.

To: 보람 형

Hyung, eodieyo?

It’ll hurt, but I need to know.

From: 보람 형

At some park.

Waiting for YoungBae

to finish with his date

kekeke ^ ^

Reply To: 보람 형

What are they doing?

From: 보람 형

He made a full-on crazy date, JiYong-ah!

You must’ve been proud

You’ve been his great tutor! LOL

They played at the playground,

have snacks under the tree

and now watching fireworks in the middle of a lake!

Things that you usually pull, he’s trying it out now! LOL

Right. I thought him. How ironic. I’ve always showed him my plan for all of my first date, to push him to find a girl. Now that he does, I become a wreck. Can’t I just be thankful for God has given him a girl?? Is this some kind of a joke that God is throwing at me??

My heart is at war with my brain and it seems that my heart is winning. My heart hurts too much and my head spins. What has she done to me, making me feel this way?!

Snap out of this, JiYong-ah! She is an annoying, bossy, domineering girl that kicked your in the studio hours ago! She is the girl that said that your song needs a lot of editing! She is the girl that doesn’t respect you as an idol, a Korean star! But…. Those are the qualities that make me think about her. The way she bluntly speak her mind, the way she wittily breaks my rules, the way she walks into a room and grab attention. Those qualities make me fall. Hard.

From: 보람 형

JiYong-ah, don’t worry.

I’m always on a look out for any papparazi.

The place is abandoned, too. So no one is here.

There will be no scandal.

Don’t worry.

But on good note,

I think any girl would fall for YB by now if he pull off this thing ^ ^v

I chuckles darkly at his message. Worry about scandals that the date might potentially brings? That’s the last thing on my mind. I don’t give a damn about YoungBae, what I care is the girl. The girl that’s been ruining my night with her sweet smile and her beautiful deep eyes. Yeah, it would be a good thing if she falls for him too right? Maybe then, I can completely bathe myself in my own misery.

Teddy hyung and the girls walk towards me and stop as soon as they notice me. I sit on the floor with my legs crossed and my head buried. I’m tired. Tired of this excruciating pain that I shouldn’t even feel in the first place. Tired of the reality that I need to face.

“Oppa, what are you doing here?” CL kneels in front of me, talking softly.

“Thinking” I answers, murmuring.

“Oppa, do you want to have dinner with us?” Minzy is now next to me, her arms on my shoulder.

“I’m full” I say, trying to reassure them. My head is still buried.

“Ya~” Teddy hyung waves his hand in front of my face. “What are you doing, Ji-ah! Come, have dinner”

“I don’t feel like it hyung” I finally look up. I’m not even pretending that I’m okay anymore.

“JiYong-ah… are you sure you’re okay?” Dara noona’s face shows concern.

“Have a good dinner, guys” I smile weakly at them, hinting them that I need my time alone.

“Arraso, we’ll be leaving then” Teddy hyung seems to understand and gestures the girls to leave me alone. Once the girls leave, he kneel down and whispers “Call me if you need some soju” and leave.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting on the floor, hating my own luck, when my stomach grumbles. I don’t feel like eating, but I haven’t eaten anything today. I skipped breakfast to get here early, and I barely touched my lunch. I don’t want to eat, but I need to.

I walk soullessly to the cafeteria. They are preparing for closing when I arrive.

“Omo! JiYong-ah! Why are you still here?” The lady that’s been working here since my trainee days notices me. I call her halmeoni, because she took care of us dearly since we were little.

I don’t have the strength to answer and just sit blankly on the chair.

“You look like a man that lost its soul to the demon” Halmeoni says as she walks closer to me.

“Have you had dinner?” she asks, caringly. I shake my head, still looking blankly ahead.

“Aigoo… don’t move, okay. Sit here. I’ll prepare you dinner” She says, and run off to the kitchen.

What have I done wrong? I know I haven’t been to church lately, but should the consequences be this great? Never in my life had I imagine myself being in this situation. Yes, I’ve dated. Yes, I’ve broken up. Yes, I’ve fight. But nothing, nothing compares to this. Who the is she, can play around with my heart like this?!

Halmeoni is back, carrying a tray filled with side dish, kimchi jigae and a bowl of rice. She places it carefully in front of me and takes a seat opposite me.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, JiYong-ah. But everything happens for a reason. Always remember that” She says and leaves.

Since my trainee days, I’ve always run to her when I feel suffocated by all the trainings and she’d always say those magic words. But halmeoni, what’s the reason this time? That I’ve been an ungrateful human being and that I am destined to feel this way??

I pushed the tray away because even though I know halmeoni makes the best kimchi jigae, the sight of food is making me sick. What I want now is simple, her. I want her, in front of me, without YoungBae butting in. I want her, to cheerfully say “oppa” like she did when I took her home. I want her, to want to spend time with me, like how she agreed to have a date with YoungBae.

“GD?” I heard someone calls my name. It sounds like her. I guess my imagination already gone berserk. However, after a few second, I can smell something lovely. No, not kimchi jigae. It’s a mixture of lilly and honey. I look up, and in front of me, standing the girl that has been shaking my whole beings.

ANNYEONGHASEYO! another update! WOO-HOO I'm on a roll! kekeke.. ^ ^

This chapter is not that much, but I hope you still appreceates it! :)

I'm writing the next one, so i hope more of you will subscribe cos I have a feeling I'll be update again tomorrow (amen!)

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GAMSAHABNIDA YEOROBUN :*