I look at my phone hoping for it to ring again. I promised myself that if she calls again asking me to come, I'll speed just to get there sooner. Little part of me hopes that she would chase me up and lose the distance that I would be creating. That way, maybe, my conscience would let me fall freely. At least that way, I wouldn't wronged YoungBae because she picked me.

YoungBae made his stance the moment they met, I had a disadvantaged start, but then I wouldn't met her if YoungBae didn't bring her in. And to keep myself away from falling further, I need to make a stand. I had to make my mind up about keeping a distance from YoungBae's girl. This funny feeling I have for her, I've felt it before. Once. And if this is what I think it is, then I better back off. Brothers can't fall for the same person, its a simple rule of brotherhood. We might ogles, flirt or even ask number of the same girl, but not fall.

'This is the right decision' I keep saying to myself to make sure that I get through with the decision this time. I strayed couple of times before, letting myself being mesmerized by her in the airport, hotel bar, studio and in my car. I blamed myself for this aches in my heart because I was too weak to control myself. Now, knowing fully well what I would feel and the consequences, its time to stick my feet to the ground. The pain I feel now won't be as worse compares to the pain I would feel if I continue my pursuit. I'll survive this. Its not as bad as before, and I've lived through that. This is nothing.

The joyful melody that was once ringing in my head now disappear, replaced by some strange melancholy notes. My fingers play air piano to the sorrowful melody as I lay myself on my bed. The weather is now cool compare to this morning, making it harder to cope with the loneliness. I flipped through my address list looking for some names that might possibly bring me out of this coldness, when maknae's name popped up.

"Yeobuseyo" I answers. I can't hide the despair in my tone.

"Hyung, gwaencanayo?" SeungRi asks after taken aback by my dark mood.

"Ne~ what do you want?" I'm in no mood to play. I need alcohol, and if I'm lucky, some cigarettes.

"Nothing, I just finished my meeting and was wondering if you're free. My friends are going to that new bar near GangNam station, was wondering if you want to come" his invitation sounds enticing.

"It's almost 4 in the afternoon. You want to get drunk?" I try to sound less inclined. I don't want to accept straight away, he'll know that I'm in deep sorrow if I do.

"Its just a lounge, hyung. Not a club. Just chill, not drunk" SeungRi persuades me. He loves inviting me when he hangs out with his friends, especially if they're new people. He'd show off that he can bring BigBang's leader to a party.

I'm in no mood to socialize but I know maknae doesn't really expect me to. He'd do all the talking, I'd do all the drinking. "Ok. Pick me up. I don't want to drive" I plan to get drunk and I don't want tabloids to be all over me for drunk driving.

"Assa! See you in an hour hyung!" He hangs up.

I reluctantly got up to change. I'm in no mood to play dress up so I simply put on what I wore this morning and add a Versace deep black sunglasses. I sit on my working desk and pick up my guitar as I wait for SeungRi to come. G F# Bm A D... These chords been playing in my head all day now and the melody makes me feel more melancholy. Again and again I let my fingers play the song through my guitar and I am back into my despair. I hum tunes to go with the melody I'm playing and rhymes starts to form. I know I'm going to get a new song out of this but my mood is too sour to write things down so I keep on improvising to this new song that I'm creating.

My apartment bell rings, a sign that SeungRi is downstairs. I put down my guitar and head out the door and down to the lobby to meet him.

"Hyung, are you sure you're okay?" He says after I put on my seatbelt. He seems to notice my dark expression.

"Just drive. I'm fine" I say, looking straight ahead.

"Ok, don't worry hyung, there's girls there too!" SeungRi says as he grins his mischievous smile. Great. I am in no mood to socialize, and now he adds girls into the mix. I can't be bother anymore, like I said, I just plan to get drunk.

We enter the pub that looks more like the Versailles's drag sister. Drapes in blood red and seats in gold. Maybe they aim for posh, but its a hit and a miss to me. SeungRi giddily introduces me to his friends, like I thought, I've never met them before and I'm pretty sure he's probably only met them once before.

I can hear whispers of my name between them and some of the girls let out girlish giggle. If I'm not in this mood, I'd probably play along. But I couldn't, not when my heart cracks this way.

I sit on one of the sofa and the kid with a red NY caps who sits next to me offers me a drink. I smile in return before I took a gulp. Ah, clean Chivas on rocks. The kid still looks at me, starting to annoy me.

"I can't believe I am sitting next to G-Dragon" he finally says. Another fan, it seems. I need to be polite but what the heck, my mood is to dark to be fake. I ignore his remarks and pour my self a good glass of Chivas, with less ice this time. I want to feel the burn in my throat, hoping it'll override the burn in my heart.

As I enjoy my solitude with my drinks, despite the whole table filled with people, a girl approaches me. She wears a pink dress that I think is a size too small for her, showing half her s, and most of her thighs. She make herself sits comfortably next to me and look at me with her lashes batted. She's trying to seduce me. I've seen this look far too many times, and usually, I'd play. But not this time.

"Oppa, you remember me?" She says with a fake aegyo.

"Anniyo" I answer simply. I can see her disappointment through her heavily make up eyes.

"Last month, you and me, remember?" She tries again. , I don't keep track of the girls I play with.

Suddenly, she went bold after my silence. Maybe she thought that it was an invitation to flirt, so she wrapped her arms around mine and put her head on my shoulder. The proximity annoys me more that it should.

"I am so dizzy, oppa. You want to go somewhere?" She said and my head is already a little too light so I can't be bother giving her a reply and sip my fifth glass of champagne. I don't want to make a girl feel bad, but I don't want this girl and I don't want her to think that I do.

My body feels warm and the room starts to become blurrier after my nth glass of Jack and cola. The noise becomes fuzzy and the lights seems to be more fascinating than before. I sip my glass even more. This is what I need. A distraction. A gateway to my sorrow. I enjoy my own hallucinations without realizing that the girl is enjoying my arms and my neck a little too much with a few kiss here and there. I don't have the strength to stop her and at this state, I don't think I want her to. At least there are still girls that want me, even though the one that I want is out of my reach.

I don't know much about what happen afterwards, but next thing I know, I had the girl sits on my lap facing me. She tries to kiss me as she holds my head still. She giggles everytime I shake my head, she thought I play coy. She caught my lips every now and then but only as much as a slight touch because I keep moving my head in attempt to shake her off. I had my hands on her back to hold her from falling off. I don't know how it ends up like this, but the last thing I remember before this was her kissing my ear.

"Hyung!" I can hear SeungRi's delight. Is it me, he's referring to? I can't see anyone around me with this girl sitting astride me like this.

"You came!" Who came? "Cheryl, you came too!!" . SeungRi's words snaps me back to reality and I used too much strength and flip the girl to the sofa next to me, with her face shock.

Stands in front of me, across the table, is YoungBae and Cheryl looking straight at me. Her eyes shows pure disappointment and possibly hatred while YoungBae is purely oblivious and grins at me. She saw me. She saw what happens. What the did I do?!

"Drunk, Ji?" YoungBae says as he sits across me and signaling Cheryl to do the same.

"What are you guys doing?" I asks, can't keep my eyes away from her, from her disgusted expression. .

"SeungRi called just in time when I went to see Cheryl. He told us to come" he explains simply without realizing the tension.

"I can see you're busy, oppa" she finally let out a sentences. A sentence filled with sarcasm that hits me straight in my heart.

"Its not what you think" I almost beg. YoungBae is too busy talking with the red cap boy that he probably doesn't notice.

"It doesn't matter" she said simply before she stands up. "YoungBae oppa, I need to go home, I don't feel well. If you stay, I'll take a cab" she say to YoungBae.

"Ah, are you ok with a cab? I feel like staying" I think I heard wrongly. Did YoungBae just say that he is not going to take her home?!

"I'm fine. Goodnight, YoungBae oppa, SeungRi and GD." She says before she darted off the room and left me speechless. After a beat, I impulsely jump up and chase her out.

"Wait up!" I shouts. She is already entering her cab and quickly shut the door tightly closed as she heard my voice. I ran to her cab but the cab was quicker at getting into the Seoul street. I am left in the curb staring at an almost empty street now.

I stomped my way back to our table with anger boiling up within me. She saw me, with a girl. YoungBae didn't take her home, its almost midnight. What the is going on here?!

"What the is wrong with you?!" I shouted and bang the table in front of YoungBae with too much force. I don't care about the others watching me.

"What did I do?!" YoungBae got defensive and I can see innocence in his eyes.

"Cheryl. Its almost midnight. What the are you doing here, not taking her home?!" I can feel my eyes burning with rage as my hearbeat beats faster by the second.

"Ahh~ geez Ji, I thought it was something serious! Calm down, man!" He is now seems more relax and it makes me even more confused.

"Listen, I decide on playing the game" he bend forward so that only I can hear.

"Game?"

"Yes. I'm playing hard to get now. Isn't it what you do anyway? Don't play coy with me, It always works for you. I should try it too" he explains and ends it with a wink and a grin. So all that was because he's playing hard to get? And he got the idea from me??

I stunned as YoungBae shines his grin to me. I finally gain my composure and stand back straight keeping my gaze on YoungBae. This is too confusing. My feelings are tossed and turn around within a day. After the drama, I can no longer feel the fuzziness affect of alcohol and I just want to go home.

"I'm leaving" I say to SeungRi as I grab my glasses on the table.

"Hyung~ SeungHyun hyung just told me that he's going to come over! Stay~" SeungRi whines and grab my arms. This maknae always took advantage of his status and acts like a baby in front of his hyungs.

"I got schedule tomorrow" I say as I put on my glasses and bennie.

"Ya! JiYong-ah! Wae gerae?" YoungBae chased me as I make my way out the door. It seems that he finally catch on my mood.

"Nothing. Have fun tonight" I say and turn to open the taxi door. I stop before I let my self in and turn to face YoungBae again.

"Don't hurt Cheryl. She's a good one" I say sternly and before YoungBae had a chance to say his farewell, I jump in the cab and told the driver to start driving, leaving YoungBae alone with a confused expression.

The taxi drives its way to my apartment. My phone keeps vibrating in my pocket but I don't want to pick it up. I want to be alone right now. That last event shocks me to the core.

I saw that Cheryl was slightly surprise by YoungBae's dismissal but was quick to regain her composure. Playing hard to get, he said? What if something happens to her on her way back?! That idiot. He knows nothing of love, but why does she has to be for him?!

To be honest, I was slightly joyful when I heard YoungBae's refusal of taking her home. I had hoped that maybe he got bored of her and that might give me a green light at approaching Cheryl. Its only a small part of me though. Most part was anger and worry. Anger over the fact that YoungBae would let her go home by herself, and worry for her safety for traveling alone at night.

God, I want to call her, make sure she's ok. But I know she wouldn't want me to. She hates me. She has all the right to be. I ditch our plan, and she caught me sleazing away in the dodgy club. I hate myself too.

Her disappointed expression when she saw me and YoungBae smug face as he let her go home by herself keeps repeating in my head. Her stare, enough to make me crumble to the ground and feel like the earth splits into two and me in to its lava core. I want to make sure she's okay. I need to know that she's okay. Whether she was hurt by me, or YoungBae, I just have to know that she is fine now...

The vision of him and that ing him is tattoed in my head. I didn't expect it to hurt as much but that pain drills my heart sparing no mercy. He was busy, he said. He got no time, he said. Now I know what he meant.

What do I expect, really? Everybody knows that's he's a casanova. A really good one at that, too. Its obvious, from the very beginning, that he is a bad news. Why is my heart never listens? I don't want to cry but this tears, too, don't listen.

SeungRi didn't mention him during our phone conversation before, and I didn't expect him to. Considering JiYong oppa was suppose to be busy, its not my fault to be surprise of his presence in that club, with a girl basically dry ing him.

Why am I angry? No, I'm not angry. I'm disappointed. I expect more from him. His nurturing side that he showed me yesterday completely contradicts his actions today. I couldn't help but to fall when he showed me his abilities and warmth yesterday. I couldn't help but to mesmerize by his charm, his wit, and his genuine smile that he offered me again and again. I couldn't help it. I tried, but I just couldn't.

Today, I saw a complete opposite. A player, a boss, an immature-self adoring-full of himself prick. A side that the anti-fans often referring him to. Now I see it. Now I experience it. And it hurts. It hurts how much I care over the difference between the beautiful Kwon Ji Yong and the G-Dragon.

I can feel the driver keeps staring at me from his mirror. A girl, just got out of a bar with a guy chased her and shouted her to stop, weeping insanely while staring blanky outside the window. Ofcourse the driver is curious.

"Um, agasshi, can I ask you a question?" The driver softly asks me after my loud cry has subside.

"Ne~"

"Was that G-Dragon-ssi from BigBang that ran after you?" He asks with cautions. , he noticed! I examine his physical. He seems to be around 40-50 years old with a grey hair, reciding hairline and old clothing. He is not the usual market for BigBang.

"It's my daughter. She's a huge fan of BigBang. She talks about them a lot and watches their videos or tv shows again and again, sometimes forcing me to watch with her too" he says with a warm smile after noticing my confusion.

I smile to hide any lies that I'm about to tell. "Anniyo, its my ex-boyfriend. We just broke up. Gosh, I WISH it was G-Dragon." I ends it with a joke to complete my lie. "I'm a fan of BigBang too. I guess that's why I like my ex-boyfriend in the first place. He resembles G-Dragon a little bit, right?" I let out a chuckle. The driver seems to believe me and he joins my laugh.

"Are you okay, miss? Don't let a man ruin your beautiful eyes. There's plenty of them in the sea" he gives me a fatherly advice that remind me of my own father. I simply nod as I try to hide more tears that are now piling up again.

"Where are you from, anyway? You don't look entirely korean, you don't sound like one too" he asks

"I'm American. I just moved here few days ago. But my mother is korean, so I know korean." I explains.

"Wow, just moved here, and you already got yourself an ex-boyfriend?" He laughs, making me laugh at my stupidity.

"We've dated even before I move here" I try to make sense of my lie.

"Ah~ arrasso. We've arrived. You work in music industry, aren't you?" He seems to always hit me in the bullseye with his questions.

"Ne~ how do you know?"

"I drive a lot of people to this apartment and most of them work in music industry" he smiles as he press the button to unlock the doors.

"Kamsahabnida~" I jump out the taxi after I give him some money.

"Miss, this is too much!" He shouted, as I walked into my building, waving the extra money that I gave him. I turn and give him a wave. A warm father like him, I'd gladly give more tip. He noticed my mood, tried to lift it up plus he offered some wise words. If that's not a good service, I don't know what is and from where I grew up, good service means more tip.

I try to let myself go to sleep but everytime I close my eye, that image of him and that flashes and that burn in my heart stings again. I can't be like this. I move here because of a job. A job of assisting G-Dragon in his recording as a music engineer. I accepted the offer and I signed a contract. I knew what I am in for and I knew what kind of trouble he is. I need to be tough.

Thank God tomorrow is Sunday. I don't need to meet him, but when Monday comes and work needs to be done, I need to step up. Shut down all my feelings and ace this thing.

What should I do tomorrow? I need to shift my mind so that he won't be in it anymore. Maybe a trip to the salon wouldn't hurt. Everyone told me how good the koreans are at beauty treatment. Maybe this will improve my mood. Maybe I can read a book while I'm at it. It's been a while since I last read a good book. , I think I left that book I just bought at the office! Damn, I should go there first then to get the book. Oh well, there's salon nearby anyway.

The sun is bright and the breeze is starting to get warm. Ah, spring, my favorite season. I wear my favorite Zimmerman orange dress and sandals with spaghetti straps in color. My mood is better than last night after I had a good bath with some aromatherapy soaps that I bought at the convenience store nearby. I apply some of those eye masks from Etude to minimize my black circle. I am determine that I will get past this stupid crush that I have for Mr. Kwon Ji Yong and be the best mother-ing music engineer YG ever had. But that is for tomorrow.

Today, I am enjoying my first ever weekend in Seoul. I'm going to be a girl this time and let myself be pampered by the skillful fingers of korean ladies in the beauty salon. I can't wait to experience it first hand. SeungHee and HyeMi eonnie gushed about it then, and yesterday the 2ne1 girls also talked about their longing to have some free time so they can get some pampering done.

As I get in a taxi, I remember that I need to drop by the office to grab the book so I change the destination much to the driver annoyance because he needs to make a U-turn to go to the YG building. His grumbling couldn't bring down my mood, with a sun shines brightly and the soothing smell from my hair.

The taxi comes to a sudden halt and the driver turns to face me. "There's a commotion in front of the building so I can only drop you here and you can walk yourself there" he says simply and stopping the meter.

"What happens?" I asks without making a move to get out of the taxi.

"How the hell should I now. Out. Now. I got customers waiting" he says rudely. I guess a good mood is not for everyone.

I walk towards the mob infront of the building wary. Are they going to kill me if I approach them? The closer I get, the clearer their poster is. A lot of them mentioning DaeSung-ssi but there are also few mentions of TOP, GD, TaeYang and SeungRi. Ah, its a friendly mob. I guess it wouldn't harm me.

I went in between the girls and when I finally reach the front building, I tap the girl with the loudest chant and the biggest banner that says 'VIP BIGBANG FOREVER'.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asks.

"DaeSung-ssi is in the building!" She shrieks "everyone is inside having a reunion! I don't think we need to worry about BigBang disband-ing anytime soon! BIGBANG HWAITING" she shouts with a reply of a louder screams from the rest of the girls. I smile as I feel their love towards BigBang.

I walk towards the door intending to come in when a hand tug my hair so hard that I got pulled back. Ouch.

"Where there hell are you going?" The girl with the biggest banner asks me menacingly. The chant has stop and all of them looks at me like a zombie that sees a warm fresh brain.

"Inside" I answers timidly. I really don't feel like being trampled on by bunch of girls.

"You can't go inside. None of us can. They're having a reunion, not a fan-meeting. We need to respect their privacy!" She said with a loud "YEAH" from the rest. I think this girl is the leader of the bunch.

"But...."

"No buts! No one should, could, and would go inside the building! We need to let them have their quality time in there!" She says, louder, with an even louder "YEAH" from the girls.

Surprisingly, the girls got stronger as they push and pull me to the back of the mob and eventually kick me out of the circle. Geez, somebody need some chill pill.

I let out a sigh of desperation and try to find another way to get inside the building. Suddenly, I remember the back door from which JiYong oppa took me to meet YG oppa. I make my way there, carefully look around to make sure noone is following. I'll be a dead meat if the mob found out there's another door to this building.

My steps stops when I see a figure leaning on the wall next to the door with an empty eyes and puffing out cloud of smoke. Kwon Ji Yong.

He notices my presence and instinctively hides his cigarettes next to him as he looks in my direction. When he realize that it was me, our eyes locked. My heart beats so fast that I can hear it in my ear. My breathes exhilarates and again my heart got a pang of pain. The image of last night flashes again, this time it felt more real with him standing in front of me like this. I can feel sorrow radiates from him. I need to stop this contact. Its too intense and it hurts.

I break our eye contact and make way to the door when he grab my wrist and stop me on my track.

"Cheryl. We need to talk."

I turn and close the door behind me and facing him straight in the eye. "About what?"

"About last night"

"There's nothing to talk about last night"

"Yes there is. I'm sorry." I can see pain and anguish from his eyes and dark circle is clearly visible.

"For what?" I asks, too softly. I don't know what it is but seeing him like this breaks my heart. What would he apologizing for? He's not my boyfriend. He didn't cheat. He's my boss, and I caught him having fun. He shouldn't apologize for it. But secretly, I feel a little relieve knowing that he seems to understand my dissatisfaction, and he too got affected by it.

Suddenly the door open from behind me but I don't dare to look because I can feel my eyes began to tear up. Whoever it is, that person shouldn't see me breaking. Though from JiYong oppa's expression, I can see that he is surprise and he quickly let go of my wrist.

"Cheryl?" A familiar voice calls my name from behind. Its YoungBae oppa.

---

hey guys! so, um, what should the directions go from here? YB or GD?