The sun shines brightly on this beautiful spring day. I am having bircher muesli for brunch in an outdoor french-themed restaurant with my two eonnies that can't stop their amusement over my 'supposedly' luck for landing this YG job.

Earlier, as soon as I get on SeungHee eonnie's car when they picked me up at the office, they bombarded me with questions and accusations. Questions about how did I get the job and accusations about me having any ual relation with any of the staff. I laughed it off and put the sit belt on making them more curious and annoyed. But the second we got our on the chair of the restaurant, their questioning starts, more detailed this time, and I can't retaliate any longer so I answered their questions one by one with a simple, straight forward answer that requires no follow up question.

"How did GD stopped you from flying?" SeungHee eonnie starts the interview

"He came to the airport and we discuss, then we move to YG office" I answers as I sip my mango-orange juice.

"How did you land the job?" HyeMi eonnie chimes in.

"Interview with YG, he likes me, I got in"

"How is the working environment like?" They continue.

"Fine. All very welcoming"

"Any cute guys?" They become slightly annoyed at my short answers.

"Cute? No. Cool, yes. Plenty."

"how does GD smell? Is it true he only wears perfume with gold in it?" WHOA slow down on the questions, I mean yes, I too would want to smell my idol but asking me about it is kinda too far, don't you think?

"Are you kidding?! How would I know! I've only worked with him for a day and, forgive me, never had it occurred to me that I need to smell him" I answered, a little annoyed this time making them laugh at my answer.

"Mianhae Chae... But you have to understand how crazy your story seems to be for us mere mortal. I swear if any VIPs find out that you got where you are because you put your number on your poster, SeungRi's phone would be filled with random girl's number and YG will be packed with new staffs" SeungHee eonnie jokes as HyeMi eonnie bobbing her head in agreement.

"I know. I'm VIP too, you know... But this is my job now, I can't be bias" I said simply hoping that they would ease on the fan questions.

"How does it feel working with your idol, GD?" HyeMi eonnie finally asks how I feel.

"To be honest, I'm a little bit intimidated by him. When we worked, he doesn't seem like his own self. He's drown in his own creative bubble and I'm scared that I can popped it any second" finally I let out my worries to them. They eye me in sympathy showing their knowledge of GD's perfectionism and hard-working attitude.

"How's TaeYang? He's the one who's close to you in the first place" HyeMi eonnie asks again but this time I can feel a sense of annoyance in her tone.

"He's fine. I feel like he's trying to protect me from something but I don't know what. Eonnie you should come over sometime, I'll let you know when TaeYang's around" I try to make sure she knows that I am no threat to her one-sided love for YoungBae oppa. If I could, I would love to be their cupid. But I don't think he wants any relationship right now since he never once brought it up. Oh how I hope he's not gay.

"Maybe he likes you." HyeMi eonnie finally shows her misplaced jealously towards me.

"No eonni, don't worry, he doesn't. I think I'm more of a hoobae for him and he seems like the type of person that take care of his hoobae" I answers persuading her not to think of me in the negative light. I don't want her to think that there's a chance that I would stole her love away from her.

"Ya! I told you my sister wouldn't dare taking TaeYang's away from you! She's working there, not flirting!" SeungHee eonie smacks HyeMi eonnie's arm to wake her up from her sorrow. It seems that they've talked about this. About the probability of me dating YoungBae oppa. The idea itself seems to be absurd to me. I sighed and took a long sip of my juice, making me the center of their attention again. Damn.

"How about GD, Chae? he might be keen on you since he's the one who went all the way to the airport to stop you" this time SeungHee eonnie eyeing me suspiciously.

"He went to the airport because he's desperate to have an engineer working for him because all of YG producer is too busy with their own project that they can't help him. Purely professional." I stressed out the word 'professional' unconsciously. It's like my head is trying to make my heart see that it is really a professional relationship. Weird.

"Are you sure?" SeungHee eonnie trying to dig more dirt. Her question brings me back to last night at the samgyupsal place where we talked about more personal things and contradicts my proclaimed 'professional relationship'.

Teddy oppa went out the restaurant to pick up a phone call from overseas that he said he's been waiting to get for the whole day, leaving me and GD alone in this barely lit bbq place. Suddenly the atmosphere becomes awkward. Especially after his sudden outburst over my joke about Jake's abuse. Only the sound of chopsticks and charcoal burning fills this empty place.

"Don't do that to yourself anymore" he said after taking a big gulp of his 12th glass of soju.

"Do what?" I asks not knowing what direction his question is while flipping the meat.

"Be in an abusive relationship" he says still looking into his glass. I stopped. His voice is stern trying to hide any emotions.

"Have you been in one?" I asked curiously, putting back my chopstick on to my plate as i prepare myself for a story. Being this sensitive about a topic is only possible if you yourself had experience it first hand.

"Abusive relationship?! Heck no!" He shakes his head left to right in amusement.

"Its nothing like that..." He continues "you seem to be too fragile to be treated that way. No woman should go through that, and that's including you" he says, now staring at the meat sizzling away on the grill. "I don't know, the image of you being abused seems repulsive to me" he concludes by taking another gulp of soju, from the bottle this time.

His answer stuns me. Why should he care about my well-being? I remember only a week ago he was being condescending and pretentious, and now, he's being considerate? I stare at him in disbelief. This guy is so mercurial.

It seems that he sense my stare, he look up. My heart stops and my mind went blank as soon as his eyes caught mine. His eyes are full of anguish and confusion while still shows his tiredness. It feels like his eyes can see right through me and i can feel my cheeks starting to burn. If the room is properly lit, he would definitely see my blushed cheeks. He shift his stare back to his soju and in a second, he gulps it down until it completely finished.

He put the bottle back down, and after a sigh, he says "just promise me you won't".

"what's it to you?" i asks, wanting to have a thorough explanation for his strange concern.

"give me a peace of mind" he answers staring back into my eyes making me stopping all of my guessing and simply accepting his concern over me. Maybe i had too much to drink that i feel like i see care and adoration shines from his eyes, pointing right at me. This time, i can't pull away and he, too, doesn't seem to mind our eye contact. This time, it feels more in place. His stare gives me warmth and protection without giving me any uncomfortable feeling.

We stare at each other far too long until Teddy oppa pulls back his chair loudly for him to sit back down and stuns us both. Unknowingly, we sit up straight and fixes our own hair and clothing, as if we just did something unspeakable and embarrassing, when we actually didn't do anything at all. Teddy oppa looks at us, puzzled.

"yes i'm sure, eonnie. There's nothing going on" i say to her convincingly, while the little hidden part of me breaks with the possibility of it being true.

"He's a little player, if you ask me. A lot of scandals involving him. So be careful, Chae" SeungHee eonni warns me. Ofcourse I know how notorious he is. When first I googled him, the articles that stuns me the most are his articles about dating and plagiarism. Though after working with him, I'm sure the plagiarism accusation is false or simply a misunderstanding. But the accounts about him being a womanizer, I had to slightly agree. His stare alone can make women melt so its only obvious that he play around girls. Who men wouldn't if girls simply falls on their feet?

We spend the rest of the noon with talks about our daily life and our future dreams. It seems that both eonnis see my discomfort on answering questions about GD or TaeYang or BigBang in general that they simply drop the topic. Though I can still sense their curiosity for few things but I am thankful for their understanding.

We paid for the meal and SeungHee eonni drops me at the office as they complains on how I work during saturdays. Ofcourse its not on my job description list to be working on weekends, but yesterday's experience was exhilarating that I have to do it again. They leave after gives me a good memo about delivering their love to TOP and TaeYang, their bias.

I opened the studio room expecting JiYong oppa with my heart that beats too fast, but the room is empty and I can't help my disappointment. He did promise me that we'd work on another song today but he's no where to be seen. I take out my phone and searched through looking for his name in my address list. I gave him my phone for him to put his number in last night and I don't know what he put himself as.

I smiled as I find a name that says 'cool sunbaenim - JiYong OPPA'. He really wished that I'd call him that and the cuteness overwhelms me. I press green in hope that he'd pick it up and return back to me, wait, no, I meant return back to the studio.

He picks up after the fifth ring. "Yeobuseyo" his voice sounds a little lifeless. Maybe he's sick?

"Oppa~ " I says, feeling guilty for maybe waking him up when he sounds sick.

"Who's this?" He sounds suspicious. He knows that fans can somehow get their idol's number and he's afraid that he needs to change his number again.

"This is Chae" I says reassuring him that I'm no saesang fans.

"Ah..." He seems surprise and uncertain like he didn't expect nor want my call and that disappoints me further. "What's up?" He finally asks.

"Anniyo.. Its just that I thought we'd work today but you're not here" I tried to sound mature when in fact I'm dying to shout at him 'HOW CAN YOU FORGOT OUR STUDIO DATE?!' Wait, wrong. Not 'date'. I meant 'our appointment'.

"I can't. Not today. I got stuff to do." His tone is professional this time as if he's trying to create a barrier between me and him. I am in complete sorrow. Not only did he cancel our plan, now he also put some distance between us?

"Arrasso... Annyeonghaseyo oppa" I say my goodbye and prepare to hang up the phone.

"Do you want me to?" he asks, and it stops me from hanging up the phone. His voice is softer this time, hopeful, almost like a whisper, and caught me off guard.

"Eh?" That's the only smart word I can come up with.

"Do you want me to come back and work with you?" He says, a little louder this time.

"Not if you're busy" I answers trying to hide my disturbed feelings. I can hear his low sigh as if he's contemplating on what he should do.

Finally, his voice becomes stern again, professional. "I'm busy now. Just go round the office see if anyone else needs help. Not me. Annyeonghaseyo" he says and quickly hangs up the phone.

He left me hanging and curious over his constant change of mood. Its hard to keep up. Last night, we talked like he's my good friend and we joked and laughed like we've known each other for our whole life. We shared personal struggles and dating experience, he even showed me his concern over me! And now, he doesn't even bother to apologize for canceling our plan and seems to be wanting nothing from me anymore.

I recall this noon when he came in the studio looking fresh and cool with his black attire, smells like heaven but his face shows disappointment. I didn't dwell too much on it before because SeungHee eonni was already infront of the office to pick me up, but maybe, maybe that was disappointment was because of me.

Did I do anything wrong? As I get off his car last night, I can see him smiling. Content. So what changes?

I pick my bag up again and decide to have a tour to see if anyone else working in this building. Maybe I'll meet someone new and can get rid of this silly feeling of being rejected.

I go to the other level where artists had their practices. I can hear a muffled sound of an upbeat song coming from one of the dance room. I peeked in and I can see people with their trainings and singlets drenched in sweat as they move their body to the beat. They look exceptional.

I spotted 4 girls, looking tired but fierce nonetheless. 2ne1. BigBang's sister, as I memorize it. I remember watching their MV and mesmerized over their boldness in style and swayed by their intoxicating sound.

CL, MinZi, DaRa and Bom. I can't help but to be hypnotized by their choreography. Simple and yet so in sync. This dance practice can be honestly mistaken for a performance seeing how serious and powerful their practice is. Someone taps my shoulder and I was too absorbed that I jumped in surprised.

"Who are you?" He asks after I turn and finds a man, in his early 20s, holding a water bottle, standing looking at me . He wears a sweat pants and a t shirt with a red heart and eyes in it. He looks like one of the dancer.

"Annyeonghaseyo, Cheryl ibnida" I bow giving him a greetings.

"Ah, are you that new kid? The new Teddy?" his voice sounds more relax now knowing that I am one of the clan.

"Well, I can't say I'm the new Teddy oppa, but yes, you can call me 'That New Kid'" I answers with a smile. He looks friendly.

"Haha... Miyanhae, Cheryl, is it? I'm JongHoon" he says as he offers his hand that I glady accept.

"Want to come in and watch the show?" He says gesturing to the dance room to invite me in with him. I hesitate. I know I have the company ID badge and all, but I still feel like an outsider. After all, today is considered to be my second day of work.

"We don't bite. Don't worry" he persuades me with his smile and I got persuaded so I enters the room quietly behind him and sit in the corner so that no one would notice.

I can see JongHoon went to CL who is now resting her head on the mirror as she tries to catch her breath. Right after he whispers to CL, her head snapped up and her eyes begin to search around the room. She stops searching as soon as our eyes met. And she smiles a welcoming sisterly smile.

She marches towards me, making her other members looks quizzically at her. She stops right in front of me and offer me her hands.

"Hi Cheryl! Been expecting to bump into you any day now! I'm Faith. But you should call me ChaeRin around here" she introduces herself to me in perfect english. And I'm stun for a second letting myself being star struck before finally compose myself and return the gesture.

"Hi ChaeRin, very nice to meet you. I think I've been wanting to meet you way before you even heard my name" I answers as our hands shakes. She laughs at my answer and I can see MinZy, Bom and DaRa starts making their way to me.

"This is MinZy, Bom eonnie and Dara eonnie" she introduces her members when the finally in front of me making me nervous being in a presence of idols. I look crap compare to them even though they're drenched in sweat.

"Annyeonghaseyo, Cheryl ibnida" I bow giving a proper introduction of myself.

"I've heard about you from SeungHyun oppa. He said that you're quite close with YoungBae?" Bom asks. She sounds uncertain as she asks for confirmation from me.

"Well, he's the first YG person I know.." I answers when DaRa interrupts me.

"SeungRi told me about your story too! You are lucky aren't you! I've never heard a fan could take YoungBae's attention, and JIYong's respect in one go!" She sounds giddy while MinZy stands next to her grinning. JiYong's respect? Do I really have his respect? Then what about his attitude towards me before?

"Even DaeSung oppa talks about you when I visit him couple of days ago. He heard of your story even though he's at home all the time. Can you see that you're famous among us?" MinZy says between her laugh and as expected, my cheeks begin to burn. Why would they talk about me? Am I that weird?

"Well, its nice to finally meet you. We need to get back on our practice but please do stay if you got nothing planned. We can have dinner after this" CL steps in to calms the excitement like a true leader and her dinner plans creates cheers among the girls and I can't help my smile. These girls are so fun and far from fake.

I sit back in the corner while they start their routine all over again from the beginning. This is the first time I've ever seen idol practices and it stuns me how dedicated they are. Even though its a practice with no camera and no audience, even their facial expression is spot on.

Without knowing, time flies and its almost 6 already. They have finished practice and after making gestures to me that we'd have dinner soon, CL and the others start to pack their stuff. They went to the toilet for a few minutes and back with a refresh face with a hint of make up. Ofcourse they need to touch up, they're idols after all.

"Come on Cher! We can't have dinner any later because Bom eonni is on strict diet" CL says making Bom eonni pout.

"Hwangssabu is not here! He wouldn't know!" She protests.

"Well, I'll know, eonni" CL says calmy causing the other bursts into laughter.

The restaurant is chic and modern with very few people. When we went in, most of the patrons are looking. Who wouldn't? Their clothing alone can stop a traffic. We sit in the far corner of the restaurant and I can see our waitress is giggling with her co worker as they discreetly pointing at us. One of them is already holding a paper and a marker.

I look at the menus and I just realize that its japanese restaurant with its don and sashimi written all over the menu. I always love sashimi. Of any kind. So my tummy starts to rumble.

"Go order, eonni" MinZy, who sits next to me, says to me after she hears my grumbling tummy. Damn it, why do I have to be embarassing in front of these badasses?

I ordered sashimi set and the girls are all ordering rice meal. It's nice knowing that they don't starve themselves to be thin, and opt for the healthier ways. We talk about mostly anything. From the business, to living overseas. 

I am in the midst of discussing about N.E.R.D album with CL when I can see, from the corner of my eye, MinZy and DaRa is whispering and elbowing each other.

Finally, DaRa let out a question. "Btw Cheryl, how close are you with YoungBae?" Taking the conversation into another direction. Why is everyone so concern about my relationship with YoungBae oppa when I was actually just left being rejected by JiYong?

"We're okay, I guess. He's the first out of BigBang that I actually talk to, so its understandable that I'm closer to him than the rest right?" I really don't want this relationship between me and YoungBae to be blown out of proportion.

"How about JiYong oppa? How is it working with him yesterday?" MinZy notice my discomfort and shifts the topic. I thank her mentally.

"It was rough, 7 hours straight in the studio! But I learnt a lot from him. I think at some point he forgot that I am human that needs to eat" Everyone laugh in agreement after hearing my answer. Seems like everyone knows how JiYong oppa works.

"That's him right there! But he's really the type that changes attitude depends on who he's with. If he's partying, he'll ogles everything that has s. But if its with us, especially if its working, he'll be the older brother or a perfectionist producer" CL says.

I can't understand it but CL's words feels like a knife opening my barely healed wound. Last phone call, he was being the professional producer to me. 'I'm busy now. Just go round the office see if anyone else needs help. Not me'. His last sentences chimes in to my mind again. We weren't even working and he uses formal tone. From his parting words, he showed that he didn't even want to consider me as his younger sister now. The thought of it hurts me. Maybe I had hoped of the possibility that he could be someone else when he's with me. Someone more warm and caring. More like a brother. No, not a brother, something more. Something I shouldn't be wishing...