AN: Hi guys~ (this AN is mainly to those who read more of my fics) I gonna update everything the moment I am inspired. Right now I just have to write this.. I don't know what happened, but one moment I was clueless, and the next moment: BAM! I knew what to do.. I have to admit that I am proud of the idea though xD

The first part of this chap might be a bit rushed, but I hope it will be Ok ><"

Love ya,

KataKatica

After my talk with Minho, I laid in my bed for the whole afternoon. It seemed like I got a cold or something, because I could barely move. So I didn't even do anything in the evening. I didn't even eat that night, but seriously, I wasn't even hungry. My night was peaceful though, and I was sort of happy for that.

My weekend was very plain and boring, but full of tears...

 I woke up on Saturday, took a long shower, crawled back into my bed and read. I re-read all of Jonghyun's previous text messages, then deleted them, my eyes teary as I did so.

I did the same with Minnie's messages, and when I finished, I could barely see through my tears. I played with the thought of calling Minho, since he knew my secret, and I could have told him about what was happening to me, but I decided against it since we weren't that close. Plus, if I didn't talk to Taemin, then why would I talk to that frog?

So yes, on Saturday, I spent my day in bed, crying and wishing that I could turn back the time. I knew that I would never be able to do it, but I still wished for it.

On Sunday, I had to go out and buy some groceries. I didn't buy much, only some bread, fruit and milk. But it was enough for me. I still had some meat at home, and I knew that it would probably be thrown out, so why would I waste my money on more?

After getting home once again, I made some fruit salad and ate it while watching some sappy drama. II knew that I still had to do my homework, but honestly, my brain just didn't seem to work. And stiil, I managed to do all of it by the evening, and it made me feel kind of proud of myself.

I ate something light and changed into my pajamas. I was exhausted, despite not doing anything big at the weekend. I fell into my bed with a faint smile on my face. 'Only a few more months..'I thought. I wasn't sure if I was happy or sad.. Or maybe both.. I fell asleep, thinking if I wanted my suffering to end (because this life was very painful, trust me) or if I wanted to keep on living to see them.. I couldn't decide.

Monday started out much worse than I wanted it too. My stomach hurt a lot, and the moment I bit into my toast, I could already feel the bile rise in my throat. So yeah, most of my morning was spent in the bathroom, throwing up.

Mornings like this weren't unusual to me, so I managed to get 'better' fairly soon. I sighed deeply as I stared into the bathroom mirror. My cheeks were a bright red, my forehead and neck were shining because of the thin layer of sweat covering it, my hair stuck to my forehead. So to sum it up, I looked worse than ever. And to make it even better, (note the sarcasm please) my favorite baby blue T-shirt was stained with vomit. I let out an irritated cry, and I just didn't know whether to cry or laugh at my own reflection.

I chose laughing, because it seemed like a better choice. So I looked at the pale, broken boy in the mirror, and laughed. Laughed until my sides hurt, and tears were streaming down my face. I laughed until my legs gave out and I fell on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, my shoulders shaking. I must have looked like a madman, but honestly, I didn't care.

After a few minutes of sitting on the floor, finally calming down, I stood up slowly and pulled off my clothes. I stepped into the shower, and took a long, scorching hot shower. I didn't care that it burnt my skin like fire, it felt good. I knew that I was late from school, but this was one of the morning when I didn't care about it at all. I washed my hair, and after the shower, I put on a layer of concealer to hide the bags under my eyes and the uneven redness of my face.

Soon, I walked back to my room and got out some clothes. I threw on the pair of white skinny jeans and the grey T-shirt, then grabbed my bag and run down the stairs. I pulled on my clothes and got out of the house. After locking the door, I started running to school.

I was late from my first class, but the teacher believed that I simply slept in (or she knew that I was sick, seriously, it was getting more and more obvious, even to the students who didn't know anything about my condition), so it wasn't that bad.

Through the whole lesson, I could feel Jonghyun's eyes on me, but I couldn't even turn to him. I was afraid that I would tell him everything. I didn't want my puppy to cry because of me. But I missed him. I missed his touched and his kissed. I missed him saying that to him, I was the most beautiful creature (I used to be very insecure because I wasn't manly at all, now I loved being feminine), and I missed him saying that he loves me.

Classes seemed to flew by, and before I knew it, it was lunch break. I wasn't hungry at all, especially after my little 'episode' in the bathroom, so once again, I stayed in the classroom. I hated being alone like this. It was sort of scary, but I was already used to it.

Jonghyun didn't try to talk to me in the break or after classes at all. No.. Actually, he didn't even look at me in the last few classes. Taemin didn't come and try to 'befriend' me either, so after gathering my stuff, I walked home with a bitter smile sitting on my lips. I decided to listen to some music on the way home, since I always seemed to get home sooner when I listened to music.

I was walking slowly, enjoying the sun's warmth on my skin.  I smiled as I turned my face towards it, and I just stood there for a few moments. The soft, happy music I was listening to only lifted my mood.

Soon, I reached my house. I paused the music, smiling softly. I unlocked the door and stepped inside. Suddenly, I felt a strong hand on my shoulder, and I was turned to face the owner of it. My eyes widened and my lower lip started to tremble as I stared into the huge, but cold brown eyes.

'Could you please tell me why you'd been avoiding us?' Jonghyun asked me, his hand still on my shoulder. Tears gathered in my eyes as I looked at him. His eyes were watery as well...