AN: Waaa T.T I wrote a nice AN, and a nice half-chapter, and accidentally clicked on the ad before copying the stuff. I lost a whole scene that was already written. Great -.-"'

The rest of the school week passed similarly to the day before. We had school, I felt sick, the four of us hang out in one of our houses. It was nice to be back and have fun with them. I felt free, and almost healthy. But the constant headaches and dizzy spells made me realize that I wasn't healthy.

I still hadn't told Taemin. How could I? He was so happy to know that I was 'healthy' and that I would stay here for ever? Jonghyun still tried to convince me that I wasn't doing the right thing. I knew that he was right, but I could only hope that I would live enough to be able to tell Taemin.

On Friday, Jonghyun decided to take me on a date. I was really excited about it, of course. I hadn't had alone time with him since I've told him everything, and that time mostly consisted of crying, yelling, and hugging each other (though I have to admit that I loved his hugs). So after school, he walked me home, then went home to change. He told me that we would go to his house (I have no idea why he had to go home to change when we would go there anyway, but at least it gave me some time to refresh myself).

I walked upstairs to my room, knowing that he would be back soon. I opened my wardrobe and looked at my clothes. I had a lot of them, since I really loved shopping. The only problem was that most of them were too baggy on me, because of how skinny I was. And I hated wearing them, since they reminded me of the fact that I was dying. I only had a couple of T-shirts and two or three pairs of extremely tight skinny-jeans that weren't baggy on me. (they were  very small in sizes, but at least they fit perfectly)

As I tried to choose between too of my brightly colored, tight-fitting designer T-shirt, the room started to spin with me. At first it wasn't too bad, just the colors mixing up and creating a strange rainbow as they spun around. It was even a bit funny at first (yes, after years of experiencing things like this, I started to see the 'fun' in them. But a few moment later, my head started to hurt more and more, and dark spots started to cloud my vision. I felt the bile rise in my throat, but I didn't throw up, it just hurt. A lot. I reached out blindly to find something to support me, but everything seemed to slip out of my touch. It was really scary.. I felt myself sink to the floor, and curled up into a ball, squeezing my eyes shut. I could only hope that the dizziness would disappear soon. I really wanted to go to Jonghyun's house. I missed his family and his dog.. And.. of course, I wanted to spend a lot of time with him. But at the moment, I just wanted to pass out, so I wouldn't fell the pain anymore.

The minutes passed slowly, and the dizziness seemed to fade away. The pain in my head lessened until it was bearable. I stayed on the floor for a few more minutes though, I knew that I shouldn't stand up too quickly. I opened my eyes and put my hand on the floor, then pushed myself up slowly. Another wave of dizziness hit me, but it wasn't as strong as the previous one. I could only hope that Jonghyun needed a lot of time to change. I wanted to see him badly, but I didn't want him to worry about me.

For once, I seemed to be lucky, because he still wasn't there after I choose out my outfit and dragged myself into my bathroom. Though I didn't feel it, my whole body was covered in cold sweat. My hair was messy, and tears were dried onto my face. I laughed at my reflection. I didn't even notice that I had been crying. I sighed and stripped slowly. Once again, I looked into the mirror. I noticed that my ribs were more prominent than before, and there was a small, purple bruise on my stomach. I think I got it when Taemin accidentally elbowed me on Thursday. I wasn't mad at him, of course, but it still looked ugly.

I sighed and stepped into the shower. I closed my eyes as I felt the hot water calm my tensed body. Sometimes, I was really scared of everything that would happen to me. But sometimes, I was actually happy to be dying. I never really knew why, but there were times when the pain was just.. too much. Not only the physical pain, but the emotional pain as well. Especially now.

I was hurting everyone around me.

I was hurting my parents. They knew that they would loose their 'baby boy' soon, and they couldn't so anything. My mother still called me when she had the time, but her voice was becoming sadder and sadder as the time passed. My father begged me to go home. He had never begged in front of me before.

I was hurting my friends. As much as I hated Minho, I knew that he still felt bad for me. And we were friends in our own, strange way. And I was hurting Taemin with lying to him. Even though he was so happy now, he would be devastated when I died.

I was hurting my boyfriend. Jonghyun tried to put on a smile for me, but I knew that he was really sad. I could see it in his eyes. I hated that I was only causing him pain, all I ever wanted was him to be happy. I really loved him, and now I was the one that was making him miserable. I was a bad person.

I was hurting myself. I knew that I would die soon, and the worst thing was that sometimes I couldn't have cared less. I only wanted to stay alive for them, not for myself. If I didn't have them, I would have given up a long time ago.

I got out of the shower once I felt refreshed, and dried myself off quickly. I dressed up, and checked out my reflection again. I was wearing a dark pink T-shirt that has some funny cartoon print on it, and a pair of extremely tight, black skinny jeans. I put on some concealer to hide the paleness of my skin, and fixed my hair.

'Kibummie~ Are you ready?' I heard Jonghyun's happy voice. My head still hurt a bit, but I was going to smile for him. I wanted to be happy... For him.