Chapter 33

Me and Zhoumi get back and as soon as we do I see Luhan, Kris and Xiumin waiting for us sitting in the living room! I surprise dto see them all there but they seem relieved to see me back.

"Finally!" Luhan say, and grab my hand. "Hi Mimi," he also greet Zhoumi.

"What with the tension?" Zhoumi ask.

He knew I was upset but I guess he wasn't expecting everyone there at the time.

"Guys," Luhan say and pull me toward the couch. "I think it's about time you all tlak."

I nodd and pull my arm away, "You're right..."

"Great," Luhan said and turn to Zhoumi. "Mimi could you just give them a bit of time...?"

"Sure," Zhoumi said and he and Luhan went back to another room.

Finally the other two are gona and as soon I hear the door to Luhan door shut Xiumin is hopped up and grab my arms.

"Tao, where did you go? We were worried?" he said. "You can't just run off like that. China so big."

I chuckle and bat him away, "It ok. I chinese remember. I been in China all my life! You don't have to worrying about me."

I motion for him to sit down and he does.

"Look... guys When I ran out and I had time to thinking," I said. "And I think the most mportant thing is that whatever happens it not effect the band." I sigh after I said that and look at them.

Xiumin isn't saying anything but then Kris nod and say, "You're right. It shouldn't."

I take a deep breathe and steel my nerves. I thought of all these things on the way home, to decide who I want to be with and really it no decision at all. I just hate that I know in the process I will be truly breaking a heart.

Finally I speak, looking at Kris.

"Kris... you... you're the person I always had my eye on. THe person at first I wanted to be and then the person I wanted to be with. No matter what I did in korea you were always in my goal. I don't regret anything. I don't regret my feelings for you or being with you but... I regret that you aren't quite the person I thought you were."

"You can't fault me for that," he said.

"You're right, I can't. Because despite maybe how you may treat Luhan or any others you have never been anything but good to me and good to EXO," I said.

I then turned to Xiumin,

"And Xiumin hyung... just as I always looking at Kris... you were looking at me. I think if there anyone in this room who understands my heart in this room it is you. You feel my same pain you knew the meaning of my tears and so you tried your best to comfort it. I am forever greatful to the good times and the things you taught me as a hyung and friend and I didn't lie when I said... I like you."

I could see the shining hope in Xiumin's eye when I said the last line.

"Xiumin hyung...." I continued.

I couldn't stop the heaviness in my chest but I knew what I ahd to do. I already made my choice.

"Minseok hyung.... I'm so sorry!"

ANd i bowed 90 degrees.

"I'm so sorry... but i'm in love... with Kris."

I bit my lip to keep from crying and when I moved to stand up straight I suddenly felt Kris arms aroudn me in a hug. He must have got up right away when I said I love him but I wasn't done talking to him. I kind of pushed him away, and pointed towards his room, carefully avoiding to look at Xiumin. Without even looking I could imagine the look on his face and I just couldn't bare to look or else my resolve would break.

I ran to Kris room without saying anything else.

In a few onds Kris followed me in and close his door and I was standing in the middle of the room. As soon as I heard him clsoe the door I just start crying. I can't help it. I knew that I chose Kris but still I was crying regardless and then Kris came and hug me again.

"Tao," he said, and grab my shoulder and turn me toward him. He reached up and wipe my tears away with his thumb. "Why you crying? I'm here."

"I know," I said. "I just feel so bad about Minseok hyung."

"Why?" he asked.

"You wouldn't understand," I said. "You don't understand how we feel."

And he really didn't! I know he didn(t! and that's what really hurt to know.

"Why did you choose me?" he asked.

"Do you even have to ask me that?" I asked. "Why did I choose you? Why do I always choose you why I will always choose you!"

"Just tell me," Kris say, and he lean down and kiss my tear streak cheeks.

I close my eyes and sigh against him.

"Kris... I... wasn't lying back there," I said.

"What?"

"I said... when I said... I love you. I really do. I meant it I love you for a long time but I didn't want to be the only one to say it. I don't just want you I need you. I feel like I'm incomplete without you. I feel nervous when i'm with you because after being alone so long i'm not used to being alive. Can you possibly understand how I feel?"

"Tao..." Kris whispered. "Don't you ever say that I don't need you."

"Huh?"

He continued, "I may seem stupid but I'm fagile too... I never been... in, in love before. And yeah I've liked someone but it not like this.
I didn't just wake up one day and thought 'oh i like Zitao'. it just happened... Wehn we sitting in the studio and I just see you working hard, your face so determined... or the time when you think no one looking in the dorm and you crying because people giving you hard time... it like my heart it feels for you... and I start to think I want to have you, I need to have you in the only way I knew how... but... it not about .
I may have thought it was about but I wouldn't be satisfied that because it not this physical thing I love about you it is you. The very essence of you, whatever makes you you is what i like.... I like you."

And when Kris was finish talking I felt my heart tingle with warmness. It was nice hearing Kris speak so fondly and I leaned up and kiss his lips lightly because I knew it was hard for him to say those things. But I knew regardless that my gut still true:

I chose Kris not because he love me but because I love him.

-to be continued-

AN- next chapter is last one. and it gonna have xiumin and tao talk