Chapter 17

--PREDEBUT FLASHBACK--
For Kris and Luhan it was about ... it always been about . It started almost instantly as trainees. Within days of meeting they began to . It just cmae natural. Their bodies were like magnets. As they worked hard training because of their ual relationship it became easy to be close in other things as well. So there we were, a pair... Luhan and Kris. Friends, partners, not quite boyfriend, and so they thought it wasn't wrong to see other people.

Kris was non discrimnatory in his romancces. He bedded a few of his fellow trainees once or twice, male or female. Then there was Amber too but he had to cut that one short because she got too emotional and since she already debut it was just drama. Luhan also had his own flings, with his ultimate target being their u-know yunho sunbae. But it all got messed up when Luhan fell in love.

"We have to stop this," Luhan said one day while they taking a break in the breakroom. They the only ones there cos the other trainees went to the convienience store.

"What?" Kris asked, looking at Luhan like he crazy. "You must be crazy. It stressful, our arrangement work. Why you want to stop it?"

"I think... I think I want to make it work... between me and sehun."

Kris look at Luhan like he crazy before laughing his off.

"Really? For real... tell me the real reason," Kris replied.

"That is the real reason!"

"What? What happened to Sehun just being a casual persuit, a new young thing?" Kris ask.

"Things changed... you wouldn't understand," Luhan said.

"Try me."

"I mean it. You look really cool, your image that is. But really you're so innocent. You don't understand anything about love... just ."

"Well of course, I don't have time for that. We dont have time for that. You forget we're training to become celebritiesm right?" Kris said.

Luhan rolled his eyes, "I knew it. No use talking to you. I give up and we're over, ok! And don't get any ideas about Sehun."

"Fine I won't," Kris said.

That said Kris was left without buddy. He did get some from other trainees but with Luhan it was always consistant. Now Kris basically didn't know when he'd get it next. He got a little annoy when he see Sehun and Luhan together so happy. It wasn't cos he like Luhan it just so inconvinient.

It was around the time they getting ready to debut anyway so Kris don't mind too much. It a bit stressful but he can focus on preperation and also getting to know . That when he start to get closer to especially Tao. Someting about the boy really make him want to protect him. It like a kid brother. Oneday Luhan confront him.

"Tao isn't like that," Luhan said.

"Like what?"

"He's still a kid..."

Kris shook his head and scoff, "Says the one robbing the damn cradle."

"Sehun and I love each other... you don't love you just wanna . Tao isn't like that. He doesn't just want to screw around. He's a good kid."

"If I really wanted to I could," Kris said.

"Just don't," Luhan replied.

After that conversation Kris started paying more attention to Tao. Tao always was cute but now it something so intriguing about the way he act. He tries to act tough and he is, tough enough to withstand pressures and being an outsider, but he also so fragile. Kris wonders what it takes to get under all of that. To hold all of that. Is it really as complicated as Luhan makes it seem?

is bodily: physical. It didn't take thought. If he pushed the right buttons, pulled the right strings, teased the right nerves Tao would be his.

----END PREDUBUT FLASHBACK---

--KRIS POV--

Everything is set up as I planned. I'm sharing a room with Tao in the hotel. FINALLY! I get to get Tao away from that baozi hyung of mine. All this time I put into wooing Tao, taking all Luhan advices. Sometimes I think it not worth it but then I see Tao smiling or so happy just being with me. It so crazy how he can be so pure and happy and innocent just in my pesence. It seem so sinful to have these thoughts I having of him but I still want him. My dongsang and he mine! I won't let Xiumin ruin it this time like he did by taking the room with Tao at the apartment!

I finish the shower and go out and Tao already in bed. I get ready to get in and I see he awake! He start talking to me.

"Shouldn't you be wearing pajama?"

""This is my pajama."

"You going to be cold?"

I roll my eyes and sit on the bed.
"Why you worrying so much what I'm wearing. We both guys," I say. I notice Tao always so sensitive to what i am doing. Is he really so innocent to not understand I trying to seduce him?

"So! Just because we both guys don't mean to be indecent and show off!" he say.

"Why you say I show off?" I asked. "You always complainin about me show off? But you have no problem being so close to Xiumin!"

I shock that I mention Xiumin! Is it really bothering me so much that Xiumin hyung always ing me. It shouldn't matter if they are close. It not like Xiumin is purposefully trying to do it. But I still feel annoyed anyway.

"WHy you mentioning that baozi hyung in our conversation?" he asked.

"You always around him lately."

"He my roommate."

I get under the blanket and I start thinking. It probably really is all my head that Xiumin trying to get close to Tao. After all, they have some language barrier. But I have a weird feeling my stomach and have to make sure... i want Tao to be all mine afterall.

"So you mean there nothing going on?" Tao looked confused by my question and I feel a bit guilty to put him on the spot. Of course he confused. Tao so innocent I bet he never think like that about anyone in the group that why he so shocked when I flirting or doing nice thing for him.

"I just... I thought I was your favorite hyung!" I tease.

"You want to be my favorite hyung?" he asked. "Am... Am I your favorite dongsaeng?"

AHHH! he so cute when he stutter I just wanna hug him so tight. I can't wait until I can make him mine.

"This isn't about me. This is about you," I tease.

"No fair!" he glares cutely so I pat his cheek.

"Ok, ok you my favorite dongsaeng," I tell him but I not ready for what happen next!

He start asking me who my favorite is and I keep avoiding but finally he ask me about luahn!

"What about him?"

"Do you like him or me?"

I am so shocked. Is he really so peceptive to know something going on with me and luhan? I think none of the members really know anything about us that we been buddies!

"I like you both," i reply.

but he persistant! "No. You have to choose."

"I can't..." suddenly it feel hot and I feel under pressure. This is not how I thought the night with Tao would go.

"Why not?" he ask, pouting.

"Because I really like everyone in the group. But everyone is special... the way I like you... and the way I like Luhan... it so different."

The words could barely come out right. I feel like I lost control and I hate that.

"How?"

"You wouldn't understand," I try to end the conversation and flop down to pretend to sleep.

Luhan is like me, I know it since the day I met him and he let me him in the deserted music room. Except he's wrong when he call me naive! He is the one naive! He say he so. in love with Sehun but now he can't stop trying to get with me. He want to have with me whenever he can. Of course we never do it since he's still taken but the tension is there. and he just roll his eyes when I ask him about Sehun.

Luhan is beautiful, and he's a great friend, a person I never want to disappear from my life. He is important to me... he is my friend.

but Tao... Tao is sacred. Tao I don't want to be just like Luhan. At first maybe I thinking it would be nice to have Tao as another conquest but it isn't like that anymore. Now Tao is someone that I think deserve more than that. I hate to admit but Luhan was right when he said Tao isn't someone who just wanna screw around. He so innocent and pure and I don't want to be the one to taint that....

and Wow! Did I really just think all of that?.... about TAO!? This is dangerous thinking. I don't want anything serious but if it's Tao... how do I feel? Ugh! I so confused.
I can't even sort my thoughts because then Tao start talking again.

"Tell me... I want to know... maybe I can udnerstand," he say.

He wants to know... wants to understand... the difference between him and Luhan. The difference between need and want. I close my eyes and search my brain because i don't know how to explain it. Because Luhan is my friend and he is precious. So why do I group him differently. Is it because of our history or...?

I turn in the bed and look at Tao. He's searching my face as if trying to read my secrets and I am aware how intimate this is even though it started as childish conversation. I gulp and attempt to explain but the words sound foreign even to my own ears. I think about all the time I spent with Tao as trainees when I help him and all the times  felt sad to see him feel all alone. The times I see him happy with his new EXO family... I think of all that as I speak.

".... you ever have a friend that you... even if you want to be alone it ok if they there. Sometimes even if they don't acknowledge you you just happy to know they are ok, happy to see their smile from far away. This person is like a brother, and a friend but more. There are no words for the title of this person. This person you want to protect more than anyone in the world... This person transcends those words... that's how I feel... that's how I feel about... about...--"

a whispered "yes?" break through my words and I realize then that Tao is waiting for me to say the name... his name. And I realize then when I see in his eyes that maybe i'm not ready for this. That I'm over my head. That I can't just take Tao because really it's me who isn't ready! It's me who is innocent and naive and stupid to what this is all about and not Tao!

It's not Tao who has fallen deep... it's ME!

"Forget it!" I sit up hasitly and jump out the bed. I can't do this. I can't look at him. I can't look at myself. I can't touch him with my dirty hands. I wanted to use him up and take his body but to what end!?

"I shouldn't have said anything" I say as I put on my shoes.

I don't even remember what I said to him when he ask where I going! I don't even consider anyting else. I just have to get out of there. Put distance between us before I say something I regret. I walk down the hall cursing Luhan for being right and for also being so stupid. I pond on his door and a sleepy Lay opens the door.

"Kris?"

"Where's Luhan?" I say bluntly.

Luhan asks "Who is it?" before coming to the door. When he see me he push Lay in and then go outside, shutting the door behind him so we both n the hall.

"What do you want. It's late I'm sleepy and I'm not in the mood to fu--"

"You were right!" I blurt out.

"What?" he looked confused.

"You were right about everything! I think Iknow what you feel... or something I don't know about you and Sehun and... Tao and..."

"Wait wait wait... you're not making any sense!" he said. "Start over."

I sigh and try to lower my voice since we still in the hall. I lean forwad on my elbow on the door trapping him against it and he look up at me with his large round eyes. He really is so beautiful. Why am I not with him? Why is he with Sehun? Why am I chasing Tao when we could be so deliciously wicked together? I my lips and he rolls his eyes.

"Any time now?" he says.

I sigh, "I... I think I understand now... what you said that time... about quitting our... thing and being serious about Sehun. Because... because it isn't enough... or it wouldn't be enough... just ing... with him."

"With who?" Luhan said, a dangerous look in his eyes, like a warning. I knew already I would be introuble since he already warned me stay away from our maknae but i didn't have time to worry right then.

"Tao..."

"ing Kris!" he cursed softly. "I told you not to touch him! You been ing the maknae?"

"You're the one ing the true maknae!" I retorted. "And no I dind't touch him! I wanted to but I dind't because... because i knew i'd want more than what I can handle right now. I just... I can't get in a relatonship but... I can't be away from him. I need him so bad and..."

"Woah woah slow down you're going too fast," Luhan said and push me away so I not leaning over him anymore. "If you know you like him why not go for it. It can be rewarding."

"I'm... I..."

"Before someone else gets him," Luhan warned.

"Like who?" I asked, ignoring the way my gut churned.

Luhan rolled his eyes, "You're wayyy to innocent about this. How do you manage to have so much and know nothing about relationships?"

"Stop insulting me and just help me!" I snap.

"Can this wait till morning? I am sleepy as hell. Go to bed please!"

Luhan then went back into his room before I could stop him and I sighed and went back to my room. However! I am shocked because when I open the door it isn't Tao in the bed sleeping! It is Chen in there!

"What you doing in here!?" I ask, jumping onto the bed and shaking him.

"Huh? Tao was really upset so he went to my room to see Minseok. It's ok don't worry they're really close so I'm sure it'll be fine in the morning. Go to sleep i'm freaking exausted."

Then chen pulled the blanket over his head. But I felt my stomach drop I felt so unsettled. Would things be really fine in the morning?

Arrgh!? THat minseok xiumin baozi puffy cheeked young looking dancing hyung!!! I did a mini tantrum on the bed and Chen kicked me.

"Go to sleep!" he yelled and I slapped his but stopped my tantrum.

Luhan was right, I need to go to sleep and handle things in thr morning But I can't... I feel so anxious. Do I really know what I getting myself into...?

-to be continued-

AN- wahhh that was hard to write. *faints*