Chapter 22
-PREDEBUT FLASHBACK-

"What the are you talking about... it's just ing. That's all it ever was and ever will be!"

Kris rolled out of the bed and Minseok stared helplessly at the younger male.

"Kris... You... you don't mean that--"

"Is my Korean really that bad?" Kris asked, looking back at Minseok. "We a few times. It no big deal. You don't have to be a girl about it. We're guys right. You understand how it is. It's just fooling around. You're stressed. I'm stressed. So... stop trying to make it more than what it is. Anyway, I'm out of here. I'll see you later."

And with that Kris left the room, and let the door close. miseok was left all alone and so then he start crying. He knew it was stupid. His feelings got involved despite he knowing Kris not that kind of guy to want to date someone like him. Even he is older than Krs he the one who fall so hard. He even say I love you during and then kris leave him like that. It really so stupid.

Minseok felt so pathetic.

Later on in the week he go to SM building for training. He get there and he think he the first one there but really he isn't! He go to enter the studio and to his surprise... Kris and Luhan already in tehre and THEY KISSING!

"Ahh, I'm sorry!" Minseok say, turning red.

The two break away and Kris just smirk at him and Minseok feel himself blushing. He look away and go to a corner to stretching. He don't bother to look over at Kris anymore. And is grateful when more people coming into the room.

---

It not long after that that Minseok over hears the news that Luhan is dating Sehun. It kind of a secret but sometimes it not hard to over hear information if you have your ears open. Minseok don't bother to thinking about it more though. He tries to ignore all of that and focus only on his training.

Kris approach him a few times but he ignore Kris. He thought he love Kris in the heat of the moment. But he realize it for what it really was. It was just and Minseok doesn't want just . He want something more real and tangible.

The groups have been decided and not only is he having to practice a lot to debut but he also has to learn Chinese. He never thought he want to learn chinese. Even when he was sort of close to Kris he always use Korean so it no problem. But he meet the other memebrs and he guess he a little interested in learning Chinese...

Especially because Tao. Minseok don't know why. Of course it cute when Tao first call him "oppa" but that isn't why he's draw to him. There just something about seeing the other struggle with korean and his surroundings that make Xiumin feel like he need to be close to him.

Minseok feel he can relate. Maybe... maybe Tao is like a mirror to what struggles await him in China. Somehow his heart start to open up to him despite Tao not knowing he watching. But he want to be closer. And as Minseok become Xiumin, so too he grows to love the Zitao who becomes Tao.　He know for a fact that the feeling in his heart for Tao is love. A true tender love like he never feeling before.

-END PREDEBUT FLASHBACK-

-XIUMIN POV-

As I run away from Tao and Kris I feel like everything in my heart is collapsing. It like I built an entire castle just for Tao in my heart and now it collapse! Just like that! It so painful I really think I can't go on...

But I deserve it! I deserve this because I lied! I deserve this fate because I brought it on myself.

I don't know why but I jsut had to do it. I really did. That day in the apartment after we first arrive in CHina and I hear Tao crying and touch himself and saying Kris name... I lied when I told Tao that Kris would be disgust with him. I let Tao think Kris would never like him because he another male... even though I know it far from the truth!

It so funny really. I wanted to protect Tao... because Kris would only want Tao for his body. Tao more precious than that. Tao deserve more than that. I couldn't bare to see Tao corrupted like that.

My precious Tao... I watch him for a long time and I just wanted to make him mine. I try so hard to show him I love him... I thought that I could make him forgetting about his feeling to Kris. Let him know that there someone already here that truly care for him.

AM I really so wrong? Am I really not good enough to him? I chase him with everything I have, gave him everything I can give. TOld him the extent of my feelings... but all Kris have to say is one word and Tao slip from my fingers...

I never feel so pathetic. I don't know what to do.

I not runing anymore. Just walking bakc to studio. Because I am an idol, and I have to be professional. I can't just leave work. I have to pretend everything ok for the band sake. And really if Tao want to go with Kris... if that how he really happy then I have to bare it. Even it hurt me so badly.

I walk and finally  get back to the studio. When I walk in Chen immedietly run to me.

"Hey did you find them?" he ask. But then he see my face and he suddenly look so worried. "Hey, hyung what wrong?"

"Nothing..." I say.

"Something happen between you and Tao?" he ask.

I don't want to answer. Even though Chen the only person in the world know how I feel about Tao. He my Korean member so of course I don't keeping secret from him. He even know I dating Tao that why he always teasing us.

He pull me over to the others and Lay and Luhan are just chatting happily, not even noticing me but then the doors open and then Tao and Kris come in soon after me. I look over and I see that they holding hand. Tao look down at the ground I can't really seeing his face, but I can tell he a little red. Kris look normal, in fact he look a bit happy and he lead Tao over to us.

"Sorry about that," he said. "We got a bit side track."

"It ok," say Luhan. "The break is almost over. So you just in time!"

"Hey Tao... Xiumin hyung went looking for ya," Chen said.

Tao muttered, still looking the ground, "I know."

I look away too and just looking the ground as well.

"Why it so tense in here?" Lay ask.

"I know right!" say Luhan.

"It just in your head," Kris said.

"No... " Luhan reply, and tap his chin. "Oh hey I know!!!" Realization in his voice.

I tense up. He can't really know can he!?

"You and Tao never letting your hands go this entire time!!!" Luhan said and he nudge Kris in the arm.

"Ahaha, you caught us," Kris say. "Yeah... uhm... me and Tao we dating!"

Chen gasp and Tao gasp too! I lok up shocked at Tao and Kris and Tao also look at Kris with wide eyes.

"Ge...ge!" Tao stuttered.

"Right, Tao?" Kris say, and he smile so big at Tao and Tao just blush and  nodd.

AhhH! Just that moment my heart it like it shattering a million pieces in my heart. I thought my heart it shattered before but now I really can't take it! It like it really is broken.

But I don't want to look weak. Not in front to Kris and Tao. They know how I feel. Why are they like this? I put my hand to my heart because it such pain but then I feel Chen reassuring hand on my shoulder. I look at him and he just look at me and I feel like oh I am really have a friend.

I should be strong. We still at work.

----

After our break over we work a lot. I am keeping my smile on for most the filming. Even though my heart is in such pain I was trained to surpressing my mood anyway since  am an idol. Besides since I am quiet most of the time on TV nobody notice that my mind somewhere else as long as I keep the smile on my face.

After we finish filming we go to dressing room and gather our things to go to the van. I notice Kris is sticking close to Tao all the time. I so sad.

"You should try not to look their way," Chen say to me. He beside me packing his bag.

"You're right.." I say.

"Sit by my in the van."

"Ok."

We go to walk to the van when manaegr as what we want for dinner.

"Let's get barbeque!" say Lay.

"Sounds good!" say Luhan.

"Xiumin and I will try to find some local food," Chen say.

"You sure? It might be hard f it just the two of you because chinese," say Lay.

"It ok," say Chen. "We stick close to the hotel."

So it decided, the other 4 memebrs and manager go to barbeque and then Chen and I go out together.

-to be continued-

AN-do you dislike xiumin because he lie? edit- also next chapter is gonna have taoris!