Hello To Myself - Ye Eun

Before _________ was discharged, her parents visited her and expressed their worries and dissatisfaction with her agency.

“Oh honey, we didn’t take care of you well just so they can tire you out like this.” Her mom voiced out as she watched her daughter drink her medicine and additional vitamins.

Her dad was not in the room since he was busy lecturing ________’s manager and asked numerous questions about her new lifestyle that it had to reach to this point. Typical of parents, right? Well ________ just hoped that her caring parents would not embarrass her more because of the way they were reacting, it was as if she was still a kid.

Her dad reminded her of his lack of trust with ‘those people’ and that she should have just gone to graduate school abroad instead of ‘playing’ in this kind of unstable business.

Because of what happened to ________, the management had an emergency meeting. They realized that maybe the other trainees and artists are also experiencing the same exhaustion so before another passes out or complains and garners attention from the media, they arranged a short vacation for everyone.

A membership training (more commonly known as MT in Korea) is a good opportunity for the trainees and their seniors to get together and be more comfortable around one another. A good old fashioned outing would surely give everyone a good break, right?

“Don’t get me wrong but I kind of want to thank you for passing out.” Yoonji jokingly told ________ when they got on the mini-bus that the company rented out for them to use.

“Do you usually have these kinds of trips?” ________ curiously asked after Boa sat next to her.

“Rarely.” E-young replied and the other girls nodded in agreement.

“So is it always these planned places with the others or do you also go on your own vacations?”

“It’s like this half of the time. Actually these kinds of trips are better for us rather than when we go out by ourselves for our down time since people recognize us and follow us everywhere, unlike when the management rents a whole place out for us, it gives us more privacy and less stress.” Boa explained to her.

“Oh I see. Well I kind of wanted to visit Hongdae.” _________ honestly told the girl she dearly misses her friends and niche.

“That’s where you used to play, right unnie?” Sunmi asked to confirm in which _________ nodded in response.

“Living as an idol is hard, especially for us ladies. Choosing to live with this is difficult.” Boa stated the truth.

“Do you regret it at times? Or do feel like there’s something missing?” ________ curiously asked because with the way Boa expressed her sentiments, it seemed that she’s had it tough because of the industry.

“Would it be bad if I answer ‘Yes’ to both of your questions?” The girls sympathized with their senior after hearing her answer. They’re still trainees yet they’re already feeling the pressure, what more if you’re already a star like Boa?

“But don’t get me wrong, even if there are moments that I get tired and question the path I chose, I think that if I’d turn back time I’d still choose to relive every moment because I’ve grown so much because of it all. I can’t imagine myself not being a performer. Everything has its pros and cons, right? I love what I do and you know what they say, nothing worth having comes easy.” Boa enlightened the rest of the people listening to her. It’s only the start of the trip, they haven’t even left for their destination but the trainees are already learning a lot from their idols and it has made them respect and understand them more.

In the midst of talking with the others, _________ saw Donghae enter the vehicle and the two had an eye contact before Donghae looked away to put his bag on the shelf above the seats.

This made ________ think about their senior-junior relationship, how would she to act around Donghae now? Should she still show that she’s mad based from where they last got off and just be indifferent with what she heard in the hospital or act civilized but still pretend that she wasn’t aware of his visit or should she just confront him about it?

For one guy, she surely has a lot of questions regarding him.

Everyone excitedly went down the mini-bus as soon as they reached their destination. Half of the resort was surrounded by lush tropical gardens yet there was still a spot wherein you can have a view of the main city. Their vacation place was not too far from the hustle and bustle of the city yet the distance still gave them a new environment to appreciate.

The groups separated to explore different areas of the resort since there were a lot of recreational activities to try out. 

Since ________ couldn’t decide on which part she wanted to start with, Nichkhun ended up convincing her in trying out table-tennis. She was a rookie in the sport but Nichkhun patiently taught her the sport that he enjoyed.

Everyone gathered in one place when the sun was already setting so that they could prepare dinner together and strengthen teamwork and closeness. The guys were in charge of grilling an assortment of seafood and meat while the girls got busy with creating a stew, side-dishes and desserts.

After their delicious dinner, everybody gathered inside the villa and sat on the sunken circular sofa that had a bonfire lit in the center.

“Let’s play truth or dare.” Leeteuk suggested so that things would get more interesting.

Most of the dares weren’t risqué since there were still minors in their company. Some of the dares for the guys included dancing ‘cheaply’, kissing another person on the cheek, imitating famous dances from girl groups, and a lot more that made most laugh.

When it came to the truth part, a lot of the questions included things like revealing their crushes in the agency and their ‘firsts’ like their first kiss, first impression of someone, first relationship, first crush on a label mate and the likes.

When it was Donghae’s turn, Boa was the one who asked him a somewhat serious and surprising question.

“Do you like ________?” Her unexpected question raised eyebrows.

Donghae kept quiet and just looked at Boa seriously, his eyes seemingly expressing a question of ‘why’, what was her intention in asking this?

_________ on the other hand couldn’t look up because she was the other person involved in that question, she had her eyes fixated on the throw pillow on her lap.

“I like her!” The revelation shocked a lot of the guys and girls presents, but what was more surprising is that the answer didn’t come from Donghae…it actually came from Nichkhun.

One by one, people started going back to their rooms to shower and prepare for bed. The day has been fun but tiring, good thing they still have one more day to play and relax before going back to the ‘real world’.

Donghae saw Boa go out on the poolside and decided to join her there to talk to her privately.

“Boa, why did you ask me that question in front of everyone?” Donghae asked after he sat beside her and submerged his legs on the water.

“Why are you still bothered? You didn’t get to answer it anyway.” Boa answered back not truly responding to Donghae’s real question. In all honesty, Boa was starting to think that maybe…just maybe, Donghae was being aloof and hard on _______ because he saw her in a different light. With all the years that they have known each other, she can already read Donghae well.

Donghae sighed and looked at Boa earnestly before saying “You know you’re the only one I’ve liked and still have feelings for.”

“Yet here we are talking as friends and not as a couple.”

“And why is that? Why can’t we just be together?”

“Your music is your priority, and I treat mine the same, we both know that. We might be better friends than in a relationship if we will just fight about not giving each other the proper attention because we put our careers, our passion first. You’re the type of friend I don’t want to lose Hae.”

“I'd put you first." Donghae replied sincerely but Boa only shook her head at him,  not fully believing that it can last. "Come on Boa, you also get jealous when I get romantically linked with a girl, just like how I feel when you have another guy, especially recently during your special dance for ‘Only One’. It’s hard being in between two very distinct relationship statuses, we don’t know what we are.”

“That’s why we are sticking with being best of friends. I know we love each other more than friends but we are unofficially together because of certain reasons.”

Donghae sighed knowing that they’ve had this talk a couple of times before yet it always ends the same. Both of them had jealous moments with each other yet they don’t know if they even have the right to feel that way because they’re officially not together. Donghae doesn’t know where their relationship stands, there’s no exact definition.

“Hey, it looks like we’re not the only ones talking about relationships.” Boa’s voice snapped Donghae out from his serious thoughts and looked to where Boa was pointing at.

“They should know it’s against company policy to date each other.” Donghae murmured as he flicked the water with his hand a bit strongly.

“You’re being double standard and you know it.” Boa rolled her eyes at Donghae and took her legs off the water to stand up and retreat to her own room but not before kissing Donghae on the cheek “Sleep it off.”

The people being talked about were not aware that they had an audience speculating about their ‘relationship’ when they were just simply talking.

“So…will you be awkward around me now that you know that I like you.” Nichkhun asked ________ finally after beating around the bush with his random topics earlier.

“Well you did surprise me with that news but I don’t see a reason why there should be a change since you’re not doing anything wrong.” She casually replied, as if she wasn’t affected with Nichkhun’s earlier public confession.

“I wasn’t supposed to say anything but I couldn’t hold it in earlier. I hate the fact that dating is strictly not allowed in our contracts.” Nichkhun sighed and didn’t hide that he was frustrated while _______ just looked at him with a soft expression.

“Oh by the way, I might be starting on my new album soon.” Nichkhun suddenly changed the subject of their conversation.

“Oh really? That’s great.”

“Yeah and I was wondering if you’d like to work with me on it.” Nichkhun said as he looked at ________ hopefully.

“What do you mean? I haven’t even officially debuted yet.” ________ tilted her head a bit since she was confused as to how she would be able to work and help Nichkhun.

“Well yeah but I actually won’t ask you to be a featured singer, I’m praying that you’d agree to write a song for me or maybe you can pass me one of your original compositions. I’m sure you have a great collection of your own lyrics, I could tell even if I just heard one song from you that time in the recording booth. I know you have always wanted to be an official songwriter, right? Won’t this be a perfect opportunity for that?” That is true but in her earlier dreams, ________ wanted to be able to sing her own songs, she hasn’t thought of being a songwriter for someone else but seeing that her current situation under her label hinders her from producing her own compositions, maybe it would be a great experience to have another person she admired to sing her song. It would still give her exposure as an artist.

~Comment Replies~

fishyfangirl: Hae definitely is still a mystery here, right? Probably need to dig deeper to uncover more about him, and I hope to show that in the future chapters :)

Leave it to Donghae to confuse girl's hearts and minds.hahaha

anj_yesung: You're so right about Nichkhun!! I don't know if a lot of people caught on to that though or they just didn't mention it.

eunhaecupcake: Yay for sweet yet still mysterious Donghae! Yup he's acting like a jerk for a reason. Let's see how her life will continue under that agency.

JustWinter: Donghae will continue to give the girl + readers that mixed feeling / reaction about him. Donghae does have his reasons why he's keeping things to himself.

Btw, I'm glad we've been messaging a lot here, haven't replied to your latest message yet but will do soon :)

parkjiyeon: Glad you're liking it:) Hope you enjoy this update!