Miss A - Madness

It was already late at night when Donghae showed up in front of Boa’s apartment. The two settled on just staying in and relaxing after their busy schedules.

Boa greeted Donghae with a smile and pulled him inside her apartment that she decorated in a rush for tonight’s occasion.

Donghae was surprised upon seeing a simple yet romantic candle-lit dinner set-up only for the two of them.

“Happy Birthday my dear Donghae!” She sang to him before pecking his cheek.

“How foolish of me to feel sad thinking that you forgot.” Donghae whispered when he hugged Boa after thanking her.

“Hey, don’t underestimate me. How could I ever forget your special day?” She grinned at him.

“I was supposed to persuade you to come with me for a dreamy night out but I definitely appreciate and love this more than those overpriced restaurants.”

The two basked in the romantic ambiance that Boa was able to pull off. They had great food, smooth sparkling champagne and topped off with the presence of a valuable person.

They were catching up and reminiscing on old birthday parties that they celebrated together when Boa suddenly remembered Donghae’s serious message to her earlier the day.

“Oh by the way, why did your text message seem so serious and mysterious?”

Donghae stopped eating when Boa brought it up, he recalled the scene that he witnessed hours ago that agitated him yet also gave him more of a push to do what he’s about to do. He wiped his mouth clean and smiled warmly at Boa before reaching for her hand over the table. In an instant, Boa had a strong feeling where this would lead to.

“I think we’ve wasted enough time avoiding this topic. Why prolong something great, right? Boa, I want you to be officially mine, just as much as I want you to make me officially yours. Not just as friends, but in an exclusive loving relationship. I really want us to be together already, that’s all I want as a gift.” He interlaced their fingers and squeezed her hand a bit. “There’s this warmth, love and comfort I feel when I’m with you that I hope to always stay with me.”

“Donghae…what’s with the sudden rush? You’re kind of pressuring me right now.”

Donghae stiffened when he heard that from Boa, sure he kind of expected it based from their old talks but a greater part of him hoped that she was already ready to be with him, more than just a friend.

“Are you telling me to wait for forever?” Donghae replied, frustration showed in the tone of his voice.

“Please…can we not talk about this for now? It’s your birthday Hae.” Boa tried to change the topic, hoping it won’t worsen the moment and wishing she could still salvage the night.

“Exactly! It’s my birthday so why can’t you just give me that one birthday gift I’ve been asking from you!” Donghae lost it, he slightly raised his voice as he let his emotions get the best of him.

Boa slowly pulled her hand away from Donghae’s grasp and rested her hands on her lap. She felt so sorry and guilty, she knows Donghae deserves something better, something greater and she’s not confident that she could give that nor be that person for him.
“Until when will you keep rejecting me? Will my waiting actually make sense?” Donghae asked when Boa kept silent.
“Our friendship is too valuable, I just –”
“If it's so valuable then why can't you see the potential for us to actually progress into a real, serious relationship? Why do you keep hesitating when you know that we have that innate chemistry between us??” Donghae stood up from his chair since he couldn’t stay still under such intense atmosphere.

Boa, who has had enough of turning a blind eye about what she’s been silently speculating finally retaliated. “Tell me Donghae, is this talk for me or for yourself? Are you convincing me that I’m still your number one girl or are you just trying hard to pretend and ignore that gut feeling that says otherwise?”

“Unbelievable! Why are you turning this around on me? How am I at fault? As if I’m the one committing a mistake by confessing and asking you to be my girlfriend over and over again.” He paced in front of Boa and shook his head, finding it bemusing how Boa is switching the spotlight on him.

“Because like you said Donghae, we have some pretty strong chemistry between us and that means you know me, just as much as I know you…and right now I’m pretty sure something else is going on with you so please don’t lie to me.”

Donghae took a deep breath as he acknowledged Boa’s statement. He let her words sink in and he knew that she’s right, that he’s been lying to himself. They couldn’t just keep mum about it anymore.

“Hold me down and tell me not to like her.” Donghae surprised Boa with his words and his actions as he kneeled beside her chair, he adjusted her body to fully face him. “Give me reasons to be unavailable and invulnerable in all ways possible.”

Boa felt her heart drop after hearing Donghae complete what he had to say. His emotional appeal was a confirmation of her suspicions. They didn’t even have to say the name of the ‘third party’ to make sure because they both knew very well that there is only one person involved.

“Let's accept it... I can't control your heart Donghae, it isn't solely on me anymore.” Boa looked pensive as she said those words.

Both Donghae and Boa felt torn.

“It still is! Just claim my heart and I’m fully yours!” Donghae didn’t let it go…he didn’t want to let her go.

“Don't do this to me...to us.” Boa didn’t want to be selfish. She loves Donghae and she’s proving just that by not clinging on to him, she didn’t want to hold him back because she knows it would just pain her because she knows better.

“I think I should be the one saying that to you. Stop doing what you’re doing to me Boa. You’re killing me here.” Donghae ran his hand through his hair and let out a sigh. He stood up but wasn’t able to walk away since Boa got a hold of his arm.

“If I say yes to being your girlfriend now, can you promise me that you will not think of _________ the way you have been? Can you honestly say that you’re not rushing me now to prevent your feelings from wavering because you’re afraid you’ll fall for her more? Because if that’s not the case then all the years that we’ve had together as confidants will all go to waste.” Donghae turned his head away from Boa’s gaze. She got up from her chair and stood in front of him. “I know it’s unfair and selfish of me to feel hurt because another woman got to you now because I couldn’t give you a definite answer but you have to know Hae that it will break my heart more to find out that you’re just using me to cover up for your feelings even though I know that I was originally in your heart. As conceited as it may sound, I didn’t think I would ever lose that unconditional love you have for me.”

“You’re still the one I love.” He said with a slightly solemn tone.

“I know, but let’s face it, I’m not the only one at the moment. It’s not your fault, you can’t choose who your heart beats for, right?” Boa gently placed her hand on Donghae’s face, lifting his head a bit so their eyes would meet, both earnestly gazed at each other

“Don’t force yourself to forget her because the stronger you fight, the more it might consume you. I don’t want us to hate each other in the end because we’re going against our better judgment. I love you and that’s why I choose not to be with you the way you want us to be. You know I get terrible in relationships and with how demanding our jobs get, I don’t want to ruin what we have Donghae. You promised that you will always take care of me because I’m a fragile and emotional person. I’d rather you be my best friend forever than be a stranger and be one that got away. We can still be happy together, right?”

“We can give each other the whole world, but our hearts are still questionable at this point.” Donghae somewhat agreed with Boa’s point of view, he realized that maybe both of them do lack that certain something to complete the relationship he was longing to have.

The two of them know that they have their own rights and at the same time both of them also have faults in approaching this situation.

“Maybe its best we give each other some time apart first, I think we have a lot of things to sort out with our feelings.”

“Why do I feel like we’re breaking up?” Donghae let out a bitter laugh.  

“Hey, we are far from doing anything similar to that. We’re just giving each other space but you know I’m always a phone call away when you need me. No hard feelings, okay?” Boa tried to show a faint smile at him.

Donghae nodded and wrapped his arms around Boa for that much needed embrace.

Donghae loved Boa for years but then came ________ who managed to make his heart quiver after just a few months.

‘It never seems the right time to fall in love. But who am I kidding? In our kind of business falling in love will always be wrong timing. What a birthday…’