Lee Jang Woo – The Words I Couldn't Bear to Say 

After that incident, _________ acted as if nothing has been bothering her. Fortunately, she did not see Donghae and Nichkhun for the next following days so that made things somehow easier for her. She laughed, she danced, she sang, she talked and she joked like she wasn’t hiding any bad feelings, as if her heart wasn’t battling with her mind. She tried her best to put up a strong front but the girls who practically treat her as their sister saw through her.

By the end of the week, Yoonji gathered all of the girls in _________’s room and finally asked her what was wrong.

________ broke down the moment they asked. She told her members everything, from the start…her misunderstandings and fights with Donghae, to the offer to move and to the incident with Nichkhun, up to her last conversation with Donghae. She told them her feelings in between those situations and all of them sympathized with _________.  

“I hate him! I hate how complicated things are now. I just…I want everything to stop. It hurts so much.” ________ clutched her chest as she cried out.

“Oh how could he do all of that after you’ve fallen hard for him.” E-young consoled and even cried with her.

“I didn’t think that the rumor would be true.” Sunmi muttered.

“What rumor?” E-young asked.

“That Nichkhun manipulates trainees in his favor and they keep mum because of the way he uses his words and actions. But honestly though, who would think that people would take a trainee’s word over Nichkhun’s?”

“But I am a bit mad at you _________.” Yoonji turned her attention back to the girl in the middle of all the controversies. “You didn’t consult with us when you got the letter. That sounded like a pretty good, legit offer.”

“I didn’t want you to think that I was considering leaving you girls because we already worked so hard.” _________ told them that her attachment to them was one of main concerns why she turned the offer down.

“It’s your dream _________. We all know why you came here in the first place, we know what you originally thought you would be doing, we saw the struggle you had when you had to conform.  Sisters do not hinder one another from reaching their goals.” Yoonji reassured her dongsaeng that they’ve got her back if when she leaves, no hard feelings.

“Yeah, we support you unnie. We want you to get it.” E-young urged _________ to go for it.

“I don’t even know if the offer still stands. I didn’t confirm or reject so…I just don’t know.”

“You haven’t officially rejected them yet, right? I mean you just didn’t respond back so you can say you got it late in the mail or something. Any company will be lucky to have you my dear.” Yoonji was really vocal in pushing _________ to accept her fate.

“Even if I do move, there’s still this issue with my contract and I won’t have a support system like what I have with you girls here. There are still things I need to deal with first before I can ‘move on’.”

-Meanwhile on Donghae’s end-

“Do you really want to do this?” Leeteuk asked Donghae after his dongsaeng came to him for advice.

“I really am doing this for her benefit hyung. I know she can’t read me, I know she doesn’t see my way and that’s my fault but I really think this would be for the best. After all of this I do plan to tell her everything, I’m dying to tell her the truth.” Donghae raised his head from his palms to look at his hyung.

“I understand Donghae but you have to also see how your ways hurt her. I mean, how hard could it have been if you just came clean from the start? You could’ve told her of your plans and just get her to go along with it, she would’ve understood it better. Is it because more feelings would have been ed and involved if you were completely honest?”

Donghae simply nodded and let out a deep sigh.

“Well isn’t that the same case as now too? You of all people know that it takes guts to be who you are, to fight and do what you love. Letting the truth out takes courage Donghae, I know you’re brave enough. Just hope your timing after is not too late yet. Think about it, you only have one life, you already have your career made, what do you really want after all of this?” Leeteuk’s words really made Donghae think.

“I want to love her straightforwardly.”

“I know you do buddy but until you actually speak your thoughts out, you're not going to get anywhere with her.”

Leeteuk saw how Donghae fought for his beliefs, his music, his values, he defended them like fury…now he could hardly wait to witness how he would defend his woman…that’s if he can make things right.  At least now Donghae knows and acknowledged his true feelings for _________.

Early the next day, _________ was pulled out from dance practice for an emergency meeting.

“The president wants to see _________.” The secretary passed the message.

“Why?” The group’s manager asked.

“I don’t know. I’m only here to fetch her.” She simply replied and waited for _________ to freshen herself up to at least look presentable for the man in charge.

‘Oh my God. What now?’ __________’s eyes opened wide when she saw Donghae in the same room as the president. She immediately bowed and formally greeted them. This meeting is certainly unexpected and seeing Donghae with the president really made _________ anxious.

“Please sit.” ________ meekly obeyed and sat on the chair across the president and near where Donghae was siting.

“Do you have anything to tell me?” He asked seriously.

She looked at him blankly before shaking her head. “Nothing in particular sajangnim.”

“Well…Donghae here told me that you two haven’t been getting along well, is that right?” He asked like a teacher who was trying to meddle and fix a fight between two kids.

_________ glanced at Donghae with a worried expression. Did he really just rat her out? It made her wonder if he also told the president about Nichkhun.

“Uhm…with all due respect sajangnim, I think everyone has their differences but I want to believe we tried to work things out.” She replied as politely as she could.

“I’m sorry but I cannot continue working in the same building, in the same company as her. I feel like it’s even toxic for me to be in the same environment as her. It’s affecting my work and I know I’m not the only one that will be affected when it gets worse. I can’t think freely nor breathe easily with her here.” The last line was the only true thing yet it was for different reasons.

“Why do you keep doing this to me?” She whispered with lips trembling.

With every fiber of his being, Donghae kept his cold demeanor and did not look at _________. He didn’t want to see the reflection of him in her eyes, the person to blame, the reason for her tears.

This is actually his last attempt in pushing her away.

“Sajangnim, you have to choose between me and her. I have been here much longer, I’ve showed you my loyalty despite our troubles and I believe I’ve given back to the company the investment you gave when I was still training. I can bring much more for us whether it be related to finance or reputation. On the other hand, _________ is still a rookie, she still hasn’t debuted yet there’s already a rift between us. Who knows what may happen in the future.”

“Well you seem to have taken things really serious Donghae. This is something that can’t be settled with in any other way?”

“I’m afraid no sir.”

The president sighed and tapped his fingers on the table before making his final decision.

“Well I feel bad in letting a girl with such big potential go but I’m sorry _________, I’m leaning towards Donghae, he practically grew up here. Your connection with us ends the moment you leave the building. I will give you a week to move out from the dorm and say your goodbyes. It’s been nice working with you. I will refer you to other companies.” And just like that he gave her the boot. All because of Dongahae’s words. Baseless accusations? Maybe. Irrational? Yes. But did he do this to really destroy __________, to ruin her future?

“I don’t think there’ll be a need for that. I heard she’s already been scouted by another company.” Donghae spoke up.

“I wish you all the best _________.”

_________ didn’t try anymore to defend herself. She was simply exhausted from all of it. Although she felt that she was treated unfairly, she still thanked him with teary eyes. She bowed and extended her hand to shake the president’s hand out of courtesy.

_________ went out the door first followed by Donghae who was busy doing something with his phone. The moment he looked up he saw _________ looking at him with a fierce gaze.

“Since I have nothing to lose anyway.”  _________ slapped him hard on the face. That was a first for her and never did she imagine that she’d snap and do something like that to anyone. “That is not even close to how much you’ve hurt me.”

Solemnly, Donghae said “Don’t make this any harder than it is for me. I’m doing this for you. I did everything for you!”

“Oh really? Then please explain to me how this is to my benefit. How making my life difficult causes you distress because I can’t see your point of view.”

“I put myself on the line for you ________! I won’t say anything more but sooner or later you will see what I mean.”

“You really enlighten me. I should applaud you for your great acting skills because you fooled not only me but the big man himself. Listen, I don’t know what I did to you that made you do this to me but I don’t think I deserved any of it. Stop putting my life under a microscope, stop putting me down and underestimating me. Just so you know, everything you did left a heavy impact on me. You stepped on my effort and dreams like it was nothing, I hope that haunts you in your sleep.” She scornfully told Donghae.

“Don’t waste too much of your energy on me now. Reserve it for someone, or should I say something that’ll really matter.”

Before _________ could even utter a ‘huh?’ or ask Donghae what he meant, her cellphone rang, putting their altercation to a stop.

“Take it. It’s important.”

And true enough, it is a life-changing call.

_________ turned her back on Donghae before taking the call.

“Hi, is this ________’s phone?”

“Yes, speaking.”

“Oh good. I’m one of the representatives for Fluxus music. We were wondering if you got our letter in the mail a few weeks ago? We would like to invite to visit our building so we can talk about it in person so we can go over the details if you’d like.” __________ was surprised at how accurate Donghae predicted the call would be...how did he know? Was it possible that he's behind all of this? Was that why he knew about the offer in the first place? She turned around with the purpose to question Donghae but alas, he was nowhere to be seen already.

‘I pushed you away…I pushed you so you could get closer to your dreams.’

Those who really love, love in silence, with deeds and not with words

So here it is, another / one of the the 'big' updates for now,  wishing it lived up to your expectations. Hope I didn't dissapoint you guys.

Did it reveal and give you more insight into Donghae's true feelings and intentions? 

I miss Leeteuk! Was it not obvious?lol

The next update would focus on her move. Won't be able to write the next chapter until next week (after my trip) but I hope you all stick with me ^_^