"I leave, and the leaving is so exhilarating I know I can never go back. But then what? Do I just keep leaving places, and leaving them, and leaving them, tramping a perpetual journey?"

*****

Sehun felt like he was living in a surreal bubble for two whole years.

Ever since he left Korea and went to London with his mother, he had become even quieter and withdrawn than his usual self. He would often lock himself in his room and refuse to come out. Sometimes, he would go out and come back during odd hours of the night, completely withdrawn with hollow eyes. His mother had sent him to a psychologist but all he could tell her was "I feel like I'm dying". He kept reiterating that statement over and over again until the psychologist issued him a bunch of anti-depressant pills, warning his mother to "keep a close eye on him".

Sehun liked to curl up in a corner and think about her. He would reminisce about all the memories they had together; the feel of her long silky hair, her pale flawless skin, her bright twinkling eyes and the way her warm slender hand felt in his own hand. He would remember how they would stay up and stargaze together, how they would run together in the rain while laughing their hearts out, how she would curl up in his arms and sleep peacefully, a blissful smile on his face.

It's been two years, and he's unable to forget.

Nevertheless, the pain remains the same.

Maybe it was the anti-depressants, but after six months of being that way, Sehun snapped out of it and developed a strong passion for the guitar. He would stay up 'till wee hours of the night playing the guitar, trying not to think about her. 

On one cold rainy night, he returns back to his warm cosy apartment. His mother was in Windsor, on a business trip. Just then, it could have been the cold that overwhelmed him, or it could have been something else, but Sehun finally snapped and broke down. He picked up his guitar and smashed it onto the floor repeatedly, he tore up every single music sheet he owned and he trashed the entire apartment, screaming and howling, buried under levels of indescribable pain. 

It was 3am when he finally stopped. He curled up into a ball on the floor, surrounded by fragments of his splintered guitar, crumpled paper and broken glass, trembling uncontrollably. 

When his mother returned and saw him that way, she decided that he needed help.

*****

Every month, Sehun would receive a letter from Luhan, telling him about how Ji-eun was coping with his absence back in Seoul. He cherished them and kept them in a small wooden box under his bed, locked with a silver brass key. Every day, when he came back home from college, he would read those letters, with a small smile on his face. He would read and reread them again, until the words became a teary blur on the pages and he would feel a familiar trepidation sinking in his heart.

It took him a year for him to finally realize that he had to move on.

From that moment on, he kept every single unopened letter from Luhan in his box under the bed, refusing to read them, as if that somehow would help him to ease his pain, to move on and forget.

He never read those letters again.

*****

Sehun passed Kai a bottle of beer and drowned his own bottle. They were sitting on a bench in Hyde Park at the middle of the night. Sehun had called Kai up and asked him to meet out here, and Kai, being Sehun's absolute best friend had agreed without hesitation. After a year, Kai had gotten used to Sehun's moodiness and his occasional mood swings, so he wasn't really surprised at anything anymore.

"Classes were absolute hell today," Kai remarked as he popped open his bottle and took a swig, letting the cold liquid gently burn down his throat. Sehun closes his eyes slightly and murmured "Do we have any assignments?" 

Kai shook his head. "You got lucky, the professor didn't take note of your absence today." Sehun simply shrugs and throws the now-empty bottle to a nearby trash can, grabbing a flask from his jacket and unscrewing it. Kai eyes his best friend, "Is that what I think it is?" Sehun just silently hands him the flask and Kai takes a swig. He winces at the whiskey's bitter taste and hands it back, his eyes watering slightly. "Oh God, that's strong stuff." He chokes slightly as he resumes drinking his beer.

Sehun merely shrugs again and takes a long swig from his flask, seemingly unperturbed by the whiskey's bitter strong taste.

Just then, Sehun speaks up, his voice a quiet murmur in the darkness of the night. "I feel like I'm dying." 

"I feel like I'm suffocating. Every day, I wake up and I think to myself: today's going to be a great day, you're going to be happy. But by the end of the day, when I go home and sit down on the couch by myself, the emptiness seems to be suffocating me and I feel like I'm drowning. I try to be happy, but by the end of the day, I still break down anyway. I don't know what to do, this pain seems like it's never going to stop. I've tried absolutely everything but the pain remains. When am I going to be happy? When am I ever going to forget? WHEN IS THIS EVER GOING TO END!?"

His voice rises up to an enraged howl as a single tear slips down his cheek.

Kai watches him quietly. After a while, he reaches out and wraps his arms around Sehun. Sehun was so frail, like a child. Despite all his defences and cold behaviour, he was just like a child, all he needed was the assurance of love, all he needed was the assurance that someone out there, in this wide vast world, actually cared.

Sehun allows Kai to hug him, comforting him in a way that words never could.

"I feel like I'm dying."

Kai just tightens his arms around him while Sehun repeats that statement quietly throughout the night, until those words were seared into his brain, seemingly engraved there for eternity.

*****

Two years later, Sehun feels happier, he feels lighter and he doesn't feel like dying anymore.

It was a Friday afternoon and as usual, he lugged his guitar out to Westminister to busk on the streets. He loved performing on the street, because for that short while, for that temporary moment, he could close his eyes and forget the worries of the world. He had actually gathered a rather huge crowd, everyone seemed to like to come watch him perform every Friday afternoon. Whenever he performed, brief flickers of joy would actually appear in his beautiful brown eyes and his pale flawless skin would emanate a radiant glow, painting him in a resplendent picture. 

"As if I was reborn as a child who doesn't know anything,

I thought it was a dream so I closed my eyes,

You were standing in front of me and praying,

I want to walk side by side with you for once.

I enter your world and you ask where I came from,

I didn't answer but if we just walk together like this,

Wherever we go, it'll be heaven.

You are more dazzling than an angel,

Just like the first person who stepped in Eden,

Wherever we go, it'll be heaven."

It was raw, it was emotional, it wasn't defined but to Sehun, it was absolutely perfect.

He could still remember singing this song while she quietly listened outside the window two years ago, as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.

When he finished performing, he could feel the huge crowd that had gathered around him applaud enthusiastically, but for the first time in a long while, he didn't feel exhilarated, like he normally would. He felt an odd melancholic sensation in his chest and he furrowed his brow, wondering why he was feeling this way. 

Sehun opened his eyes and lifted his head, as a familiar face floated into his line of vision. He froze up completely, oblivious to everything else in the world as he remained staring at that beautiful girl. 

It's her. It's her. It's her.

Her gaze met his, just as easily as his gaze met hers. 

She was still perfectly beautiful, just like she was all those years ago. However, time had changed her and her twinkling mirthful brown eyes seemed to have been replaced by a more composed seriousness. Nevertheless, despite two long years, she had barely changed. She was just as stunning as she was last time.

It was like Sehun had forgot how to breathe. His chest swelled up in emotions that he couldn't find the words to describe and at that very moment, before he could say something, she quickly turned around and ran away, her hair billowing out, like she was an angel that had descended from heaven.

"No...." Sehun croaks out, his voice abnormally hoarse, his eyes darkening slightly. 

He abandoned all traces of rationality and chased after her, leaving his guitar behind and the whole crowd staring confusedly after him. The wind blew roughly in his face but he didn't care about anything else anymore. All he wanted was to grab her wrist and spin her around to face him.

It's been two years, and they're both still unable to forget.

*****

Sorry for the late update, guys! I've been super busy nowadays.

I also wrote a Hunhan one-shot and I'm currently writing a Taoris one-shot. :)  

Had an intense tennis game with my friends yesterday and my entire back is aching so badly, ughhhh. Anyway, I hope you guys like this. Subscribe and comment! Tell me what you think. :) 

x,