I refused to eat. I refused to sleep. I refused to cry. 

I curled up in a tiny ball in my newly refurnished room, staring out of the window. My pale skin seemed to have gotten even paler within these past two weeks and my dark eye circles were so obvious that no amount of concealer would be able to conceal them. I had become even skinnier since he had left, and now, I felt and probably looked like a bag of bones. 

I couldn't cry though.

No matter how much I wanted to cry, to ease this fiery ball of pain in my chest, the tears refused to come and left my eyes hot and dry, aching for some moisture relief. I clenched my fists and I felt a familiar fiery pain in my throat. I was about to puke again. I rushed to my bathroom and puked everything out, until I started dry heaving, due to the fact that there was absolutely nothing else for me to puke out. My body was rejecting everything it was receiving and all I could do was dry heave. It was winter now, and the snow had begun to fall. My bathroom window was open, allowing the cold air to filter through thus chilling me to the bone.

I walked back to my bedroom and sat down beside my window.

The tears refused to fall.

They were definitely present, but they refused to fall.

A knock on my door jolted me out of my reverie. One of my many maids opened the door, smiling at me hesitantly, worry barely concealed in her dark chocolate eyes. "Miss, your lunch." She handed me a steaming bowl of porridge and I muttered, my throat dry and hoarse from barely speaking in weeks, "Take that away." 

"No, Miss-"

"I SAID, TAKE THAT AWAY!"

I howled and flung the bowl of porridge across the room. The bowl smashed into a million pieces, ironically representing the fragments of my heart right now. The hot porridge had spilled and was all over the floor. The maid widened her eyes in panic and hastily cleaned it up before running out of my bedroom. I stared at the barely closed door. I knew they were going to call Luhan in later. They knew that Luhan was the only one who could calm me down. 

I was right. Half an hour later, Luhan entered the room, holding a bowl of hot porridge, identical to the one I just threw across the room earlier. He gazed at me and said softly "You have to eat, Ji-eun."

"Leave me alone, Luhan."

"No." He sat down next to me and forced me to look into his eyes. Heartache reflected in those sincere brown eyes of his and he said gently, as if comforting a crying baby, "You can't keep starving yourself like this. You have to eat." I decided not to protest anymore and I ate the entire bowl of porridge. My stomach started feeling extremely uncomfortable, as this was the first time I had eaten a proper meal in days. I curled up into a little ball again, with Luhan sitting beside me.

Luhan said softly "If it matters, your father didn't go bankrupt. You didn't lose everything, like you almost did." He gestured around my room that was even grander than before, "At least you gained back everything and more."

I felt a familiar ball of fire in my throat again, but I kept quiet. Luhan kept talking to me, but I didn't answer. Eventually, after a few hours, he gave up and left, carrying the empty bowl of porridge with him. Once the door was gently closed, I leaped out of bed and raced to my bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and puked up everything, my entire chest heaving and racking with barely contained emotions.

A muffled sob came out of me and before I knew it, I was crying. 

Even when I swore I wouldn't cry.

He's gone. He's never coming back.

I didn't know what was more painful; the fact that he left me because of money or the fact that I waited like fool for him at the airport, even though I had clearly seen him disappear inside the boarding gate. Nevertheless, I still stubbornly waited outside for hours, until the sky turned dark and the stars came out, in the hopes that I would see him running out to find me.

He never did.