The aftermath was a mess.

My eyes opened and I found myself in a whitewashed room. My body was aching all over and I couldn't move. The monitors around me beeped simultaneously, creating a dissonance somewhat. The pain that was a dull throb now hit me like a bullet train, making me submit to the unconscious. My eyes rolled back and I fainted.

The guilt was another thing I couldn't handle.

I woke up again, feeling refreshed and better. My head slowly turned around, surveying my surroundings. It was quite barren and looked dull. Other than the table and chair beside me, there was just the bed I was lying on and the machines beside me beeping rhythmically. There was a large square glass window that gave me a view of the outside world. It was drizzling, with the sun shining up ahead.

Why did I agree to do this in the first place?

"Just tell me the plan." He coaxed me, pushing the drink in front of me. I pushed it back, shaking my head. "Do it, or else-" He showed me a picture of my mother sleeping peacefully in her bedroom. I closed my eyes and sighed. "You got no more time left." He pressed the picture and it moved. My mother jerked in her bed and fell still. I could see a tiny spot of blood on her temple.

My lips pursed. By right I had no attachments or relationships to them, but why am I still caring so much? "Next will be your father. Please think through this clearly." He went off. I was trembling from the anger, and my fists were clenched. Why did he make me choose, yet again?

I really regret it.

I was sitting in a cafe, a cup of coffee left untouched on the table in front of me. A man dressed in black - cap, sunglasses, coat, shirt, gloves, pants and boots - came to sit down opposite of me. I looked outside to see the black car waiting at the sidewalk. Turning my gaze back to him again, I slid an envelope over. I then took my cup, bowed to the man and walked over to another table. Moments later, Taehyung and Namjoon walked in. They were laughing about something, and I just looked at them.

I looked down at my cup of coffee, trying to get myself to force a smile. They can't know, or I'll be dead. They too. I heard their footsteps nearing my table and I looked up. "What's up?" I greeted. Inside I was writhing from the guilt and pain. They both said their greetings and started a random talk. I listened to bits, occasionally adding some words to pretend I was listening.

I'm sorry, dammit. I'm sorry I broke all your rules.

I overheard the conversation Yoongi and Seokjin had. I was angry, but I don't know why. Why did they hide this from us? My hand hit against the doorknob, creating a dull thud. I could hear feet shuffling and a soft call of "Who's there?". I quickly waddled to my room and shut the door softly. They mustn't know that I am the spy.

The room door opened later and I saw Taehyung entering. He was rubbing his temples. He must still have that headache he had when we woke. Wait..was it why I had a gap in my memory? I actually died. I hurried to the bathroom and closed the door, making sure to lock it. I check myself all over, and I couldn't find the spots my body had. I was so..clean. I continued searching and I felt a rough line when I was swiping the back of my ear. Pulling my ear back, I saw a faint white line. My hand let go of my ear, fingers trembling. In fact, my mind had descended into chaos and my body was shaking so bad. What in the hell happened?

And I know, I know I shouldn't do this but I still did, just to save someone that wasn't supposed to matter.

I'm here, the same person as before,

but the overgrown lie is trying to swallow me whole>

I laughed at myself when I heard this song. Did I sing this knowing I'll betray them? I still remember how happy I was to receive this song from Yoongi. Hoseok put me in a headlock, telling me how jealous he was of me. Namjoon had patted me on the shoulder, his face radiating the pride. He knew how much I struggled while trying to get better at singing. And now, with this song, it'll be the result of all my efforts.

The lyrics that I wrote then were just mocking me now. I felt the pain and the euphoria when I was stuck in that daze, writing all my feelings down that created the song Lie. It really feels like a lie threw right smack in my face.

Can I run away, with all the burdens all thrown behind?

I was still stuck in the same room, recovering from the fractures I've sustained. Namjoon was on top of me when I was found, and I had cracked ribs and bones. I was barely breathing, but they managed to pull me back from death's door. But they didn't need to, I wanted to die anyway. The guilt was so much that it made me insane for while. And I didn't confess my sins to them, and I regretted it so much. Everything wouldn't be this way if I confessed. There was a chance if they would forgive me or even kill me, but at least things wouldn't turn out this way.

I was rewarded handsomely for my help, but I am not happy at all. All I feel are maggots inside me, chewing my rotten soul out. I can't stop them, but I won't do anything to stop them either.

The guilt is eating me alive and I want to be eaten somehow.

I’m sorry ma brother

No matter how much I hide and cover it up, it doesn’t go away

“Are you calling me a sinner?”

What else can I say?

That light, the light that shines on my sins

Only the time ticks on, unable to be rewind

Every day, I want to die even more

Let me take the punishment

Grant me absolution from my sins

Please do it now>

Thank you for everything you've given me. I don't deserve it, but so long. Our dreams were wonderful, and it shone brightly while it lasted. Like a shooting star, it came rushing down to be smashed into smithereens of sparks that disappeared. Our smiles turned into something else, and I was the cause of that. Our laughs turned into screams of pain and grief all because of my foolish emotions. Our relationships turned into red slicks of blood splashing to the floor and I created it with that damned envelope.

I don't know how sorry can solve everything, but it ain't helping me either.