The next morning, Mingyu seemed to avoid me. It was funny because he had been the one wanting to pretend to be close and as soon as it was time to do so, he was too scared to even stand in the same room as me.

I found it quite pathetic. I mean, he acted like I was going to him or something just because I'd admitted to be in love with him. Or had I really?

I didn't even know.

Sure, I'd said some stuff which indicated that I was in love with him, but didn't Mingyu realize that I'd only used those words to aggravate him? To play around with him like he always did with me?

Apparently not.

By then, I was actually pretty sure that Mingyu must've been right. I probably was in love with him and simply hadn't realized it earlier because I'd never seriously thought about it. For some reason, I wasn't as shocked about that fact as I should've been. Sure, it was weird to just acknowledge those feelings as if they were usual, but it wasn't like I really cared anymore. Since the situation was too ed up itself, I just accepted it all.

I accepted being in love with Kim Mingyu as if it was nothing, because honestly, I had no idea what else to do.

Even if it didn't make sense how I could possibly like Mingyu after having been bullied and humiliated by him, I sort of knew I still did anyways. I didn't understand it, seriously. Being in love with someone who treats you like dirt, isn't that a contradiction itself? I'd always thought so, but my feelings were proving me wrong.

Apparently, it was possible.

When sitting in the kitchen and sharing breakfast with the other members, I observed Mingyu and tried to find out what exactly could be the reason for my feelings. Honestly, I contemplated it all. Wether it was because of the memories of our good old trainee days, because of his handsomeness or maybe simply because of the way he talked, I thought about it all.

Without finding an explanation.

Looking at him act all cheerful as he talked to the other members, I didn't feel a thing, to be honest. It was weird. I realized that my feelings once again didn't add up with my thoughts. 

"So now that I admit to be in love with Mingyu, I don't even feel anything when looking at him", I noted to myself, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. It didn't make sense and once again, I started to overthink.

What if I wasn't into him after all?

I smiled at that thought. Not being in love with Mingyu meant that there was a small possibility for us to get back to the way we used to be. It meant that things would work out for us again, if he believed my words, that was.

"Hello? Earth to Wonwoo? Are you daydreaming about some girl right now or what is that lovesick smile on your lips?", a joking voice interrupted my thoughts. Perplexed, I looked around the table, only to find the source of those words laughing loudly. Soonyoung. 

I was embarrassed, to say the least. Other members soon joined in with Soonyoung's laughter, making my cheeks flush in a light shade of pink once again. I hated how easily I started to blush since it always gave the members a reason to tease me.

As I awkwardly looked around the table and noticed that even Mingyu was laughing, I felt even worse. Suddenly, I wanted to leave the room and hide somewhere, instead of having to face the other members. I knew Soonyoung had only joked around, but seeing Mingyu laugh like that, I found myself in a completely different situation. Just like that, I felt pathetic and humiliated, probably the complete opposite of what Soonyoung had tried to accomplish.

And when Mingyu looked into my eyes, wearing that happy expression on his face as if he had no care in the world, my heart suddenly skipped a beat, telling me not to delude myself. It told me that I was in love with Mingyu, without a doubt.

And I knew my heart wouldn't lie.
______

That day, we performed at Show Champion. Now you might think that I probably disliked always being on music shows, but actually, those were quite easy to handle. 

Since we actually only appeared in front of the cameras for our performance and therefore weren't able or even supposed to show any kind of fanservice for our fans, I found music shows pretty assuring. Basically, it was just us performing and just like that, we were allowed to leave again. 

So when we were sitting backstage, waiting for our performance to begin, I wasn't uneasy at all. I knew that nothing could possibly go wrong and therefore simply enjoyed being around the other members who cheerfully awaited our stage. 

That was, until we were told to take a picture together and for some reason, I suddenly found Mingyu by my side, putting his arm around my shoulder. Without even thinking about it, I pushed him away, not wanting him to be so close. 

It was a reflex, I swear.

"What the hell?", he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. The other members' attention was instantly on us, but instead of them giving us worried looks, they only laughed it off, probably thinking we were just joking around. And so Mingyu simply stood behind me while we took that picture, smiling brightly as if nothing had happened.

I was annoyed, honestly. 

But what made my blood boil even more was that Mingyu grabbed me by my wrist and dragged me to the restrooms, saying we had to talk about something. Of course, I knew what it was about and so I just let him since I wasn't in the mood to make a scene in front of the others.

As soon as we reached the bathrooms, Mingyu closed the door behind us and let out a groan. I only smiled at him, innocently.

"What exactly did you not understand when I said we should pretend to be close?", he hissed at me, making me laugh out loud. 

To me, Mingyu looked like a little kid throwing a fit for no reason at all.

"And what's so funny right now, huh? You honestly want to ruin everything for me, don't you?", he yelled, probably angered by my reaction to his little 'outburst'. But I found it hilarious and so I couldn't stop my laughter, even if I was kind of sorry for pushing him before.

"Sorry, I wasn't prepared for the situation, so you kind of surprised me", I explained after having calmed down, still smiling at how flustered he obviously was: "But that's not really a reason for you to yell at me, you know."

"It sure as hell is! Our manager told us to do one thing and you instantly it up. Taking a picture together isn't even that hard, but once again, you have to make a scene!", Mingyu raged. And to be honest, I seriously had enough with him just randomly putting me down for the smallest things. Screaming at me for being a bit surprised and pushing him away was just too much. It didn't even make sense anymore. Mingyu was mad about everything I did and yes, it was amusing, but at the same time, I found myself hurting because of it.

Somehow, it seemed like he was furious simply because of the fact that I existed and well, it wasn't a nice feeling to know that someone hated you that much. 

"Mingyu, just calm down, okay? Next time I won't push you away and endure whatever you want to do. Just get a grip, I'm honestly getting tired of your behavior", I told him, wanting to leave already. For some reason, I suddenly felt myself tearing up and I honestly didn't want to show Mingyu my weak side right there.

"You're getting tired of my behavior? I should be the one saying that! Just yesterday you confessed to me that you're in love with me and now you push me away because I hug you for a little fanservice? You're the one who should get a grip already", Mingyu snapped and made a turn to leave.

I only watched him as he strutted out of the door, before letting out a huge sigh. My heart still beating fast, I looked into the mirror in front of me, not even recognizing the face that was looking back at me. The angered and saddened expression I wore didn't fit myself and so I immediately looked away, not wanting to see myself in that state. 

I contemplated if I should wash my face to cool off but remembered that I was wearing make up and therefore couldn't destroy the work of our stylists. And so I only washed my hands, thinking that the cold water would probably help to calm me down.

Strangely, it did. For a moment, just feeling the cool water run over my hands was enough to make me forget about the situation I'd been in just a few minutes ago. I felt assured and for a small moment, I smiled again.

That was, until I heard a door being opened and turned around, just to see a figure leave one of the toilet cabins inside of the restroom. My eyes went wide at the sight in front of me and I immediately hated myself for not checking if anyone had been inside of the room, before arguing with Mingyu about, well, everything.

The person didn't say anything but just walked next to me to wash their hands. Silently, I checked him out and realized that I'd seen him quite a few times already. He was an idol, but I honestly couldn't remember which band he belonged to. 

It didn't really matter, anyways.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop or anything, really", he started to talk, making a turn to look at me: "But if you want my honest opinion on this situation, well, you're ed."

I didn't know how to answer him and to be honest, I didn't even want to answer. He'd probably listened to the whole 'conversation' between Mingyu and me and therefore knew enough already. A complete stranger being aware of our situation made my stomach turn. I wanted to leave, immediately.

"Are you seriously into an like that?", the guy asked, wearing a worried expression on his face: "I mean, it's not really my business, but he was totally trying to fight you or something. He's probably not taking the whole 'you're into him' thing well, is he?"

"Urm, no", I only muttered as an answer. The fact that the guy was actually talking to me instead of just making a disgusted face and leaving made me confused and honestly, I was feeling so damn uncomfortable that he addressed the topic when we didn't even know each other at all. 

As if he'd been reading my mind, he suddenly gave me a small smile, introducing himself just like that: "Oh, I'm Jin, Kim Seokjin, by the way. I guess I'm older than you, so just call me Seokjin-hyung."

"Oh okay, Seokjin-hyung. I'm Wonwoo", I answered and gave him an awkward bow, wanting nothing more than to run away from him. That whole situation was way too embarrassing to handle.

"Ah, you're one of those Seventeen kids, right? I heard you guys would be here today", Seokjin said in a cheery tone, smiling happily: "I'm a member of Bangtan, you've probably heard of us."

Of course, I'd heard of them. They were getting quite popular back then, so naturally, I knew about them. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed for not having recognized Seokjin and so I lowered my head before replying: "Ah yeah, of course. Nice to meet you."

It was weird.

Seokjin introducing himself and talking to me about Mingyu as if we'd been friends for ages just didn't make sense. The way he acted around me even though he knew that I was probably gay was also nothing I had expected. Honestly, nothing that guy was doing was predictable, at all.

"So, are you in love with that Mingyu guy or not?", he suddenly asked, without any reservation. Raising his eyebrows, he looked at me with eyes that clearly wanted answers. Slowly, after realizing that I probably wouldn't talk, he nodded: "Ah okay, I get it."

"Get what?", I questioned, not knowing what he was getting at.

"That you're head over heals for him", Seokjin stated, making my eyes go wide. I mean, he was probably right, but the way he said it shocked me completely. Seriously, he talked about the whole thing as if it was nothing. 

"Since you just debuted you must've fallen for him during your trainee days. Ah , he's probably your first love, too", Seokjin kept talking about the issue, confusing me even more. 

As soon as he noticed that I wouldn't answer him at all, Seokjin sighed: "Wonwoo, I know you're quite awkward right now, but honestly, don't be. I was in a similar situation once and let me just tell you, it ."

"Wait, you're gay too?", I asked, stunned. Seokjin just shrugged his shoulders, as if he didn't really know the answer himself, but gave me a small smile: "Well, I'm not completely straight, so I don't know."

Finally understanding why he was so calm about the whole situation, I nodded, feeling assured. For some reason, knowing that another person in this business was into boys too, was something that made me feel at ease. I liked it.

"And you've been in a similar situation?", I inquired, making him nod: "Yeah, I used to be in love with one of our members. Honestly, it was hell, but I'm over it now. I guess we just weren't meant to be. He's straight, after all."

I only let out a short "Ah" and once again, I didn't know how to answer him. Seokjin didn't seem like he really wanted to talk about it either and so I left it at that. 

"You know, we should probably get back to our members now. The show is about to start and yeah, I don't want to make anyone worry", Seokjin told me and took out his phone: "Let's exchange numbers, alright? You can text me whenever you need someone to talk to. After all, I've been through all that stuff you're going through right now, so I can probably help."

I wasn't even sure if I would be brave enough to text Seokjin about my problems, but I gave him my phone anyways and watched as he typed in his number, calling himself right after so that he would have mine too. As soon as his phone rang, he ended the call and smiled happily as he handed mine back. 

I smiled back, not knowing what else to do. This whole conversation was still too weird for me to progress, but for some reason, it felt like I'd finally found a way to solve some problems. 

It made me happy.

"Just let me tell you something very important today", Seokjin said before opening the door: "Give him up. Seriously, don't even try to make him fall for you because it will just end up with your heart getting broken. Just try to let go of those feelings as soon as possible. It's the only way for you to survive in this business, trust me."

And I knew he was right.
______

A/N: You're probably mad at me for putting Seokjin in this story BUT I've been fighting my conscience a lot since I started writing this fanfic bc I didn't put my ult in here and then I checked Seventeen's schedule and they actually met Bangtan back then... and it totally fits into my concept? I couldn't help myself, I'm sorry.

The picture they took backstage (150701) is this one: 

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