I would be lying if I said that I knew what I was doing when I kissed Mingyu, because honestly, I didn't have the slightest clue. 

His blood was probably boiling at the move I'd made and I was convinced that he was more disgusted than he'd ever been, so I already expected to be pushed away, maybe to even get punched in the face.

But Mingyu didn't do that.

Instead, his hands suddenly found the back of my neck, dragged me even closer and for a reason I couldn't comprehend, he kissed me back. Almost hungrily, he bit my lip before opening his, gliding his tongue over my upper lip, wanting for me to open my mouth as well.

And without even thinking about it, I did.

Of course I realized that something wasn't right but let me just tell you, feeling Mingyu's hot tongue and plump lips move against mine angrily, I didn't even care. Sure, it was wrong and didn't make sense at all but do you honestly think I would've let go of such a kiss when it was probably the only one I would ever get from Kim Mingyu?

No, of course not.

I was in full bliss when feeling his lips pressed against mine, the heat of his body making everything even more intense than it already was. So when he suddenly let go, breathing heavily, I instantly wanted to capture his lips once again, hating the idea of letting go.

But Mingyu thought differently.

"The other members are coming", he only said, taking his hands off of me and pushing me back, escaping from my arms. I stumbled back, flustered, before I heard the voices of the other members approaching us as well. Looking around, I noticed that some of the staff members seemed to have witnessed what had happened between Mingyu and me and honestly, my heart almost fell out of my chest when some of them just turned around, pretending they hadn't seen a thing.

With my eyes wide opened and my heart beating fast, I tried to recognize the people who seemed to know what was going on, but I couldn't. They were staff from the concert hall and not from Pledis and so I had no idea who exactly had found out about Mingyu and my secret. I was only aware that someone did know about whatever had happened just seconds before, and I honestly felt like I was about to die when looking at them.

"Ya, guys! Why did you leave the stage so early?", Seungcheol's voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts and as I saw the members walking towards us, bright smiles and excitement plastered all over their faces, I knew I had to calm down before they would notice that something had happened.

But how could I when Mingyu had kissed me back for a reason I couldn't understand and on top of that, some strangers had witnessed it all?

"Oh, Wonwoo-hyung didn't feel so well and ran backstage all of the sudden, so I decided to look after him", Mingyu explained, his cheeks a bit red from the kiss, his breath not calmed down either: "After all, it was pretty hot up there and having a special stage like that was new to us, so I guess he was a bit overwhelmed afterwards."

Seungcheol only nodded, letting out a small "Ah, okay", not asking further questions or complaining about my behavior since he probably didn't want to change the cheerful mood of the members.

"Why are you two so out of breath? Did you fight or something?", Soonyoung asked and I swear, I heard one of the staff members that had witnessed our kiss chuckle, amused by that question. My cheeks burned even more than before, my mind too clouded to form a clear thought. 

"That's because of the excitement, I think", Mingyu laughed it off and hit my back, indicating for me to get myself together. But I couldn't, I was a hot mess that had been kissed back by the guy who'd given me for loving him for almost nine months, so of course I had no idea how to act when I was suddenly confronted with a situation like that. 

"Wonwoo-hyung, are you okay?", Chan then asked, leaning his head to the side in concern: "You don't look so well."

I only smiled a bit, before I nodded my head, still too flustered to open my mouth. Chan looked sceptic, but when I smiled even wider, he shrugged it off, walking towards the changing rooms with the other members without analyzing me further. I let out a relieved sigh, before looking at Mingyu who seemed to be even more conflicted than me. 

With his eyebrows furrowed and the clear blush on his face, he looked almost cute and I would've swooned over him if I hadn't been so confused about the kiss we'd shared. 

"Mingyu", I whispered his name and wanted him to look at me, but he just shook his head, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh.

"Mingyu, what was that?", I questioned, not wanting to let go of the topic. I needed answers, instantly. I didn't care if he was too confused himself, but just wanted him to tell me what that kiss meant and why he hadn't pushed me off when he normally would've done so with great effort.

"It's you who kissed me, so ask yourself what that was", he only replied when opening his eyes and looking at my puzzled face: "I guess I didn't feel like fighting you off, alright?"

My eyes widened.

"You're telling me you kissed me back because you were too lazy to push me away? What kind of explanation is that?", I complained, my voice breaking. I hated how I never got clear answers from him but always just vague excuses I couldn't even understand.

"You liked it, didn't you? That's all that matters right now", Mingyu smiled and I had no idea if it was a real smile or a fake one. After all, I couldn't read him anymore.

"But you hate me", I insisted once again: "You should've fought me off and screamed at me like you always do. Why kiss back? I disgust you, have you forgotten about that?"

Mingyu chuckled.

"Wonwoo-hyung, just think of it as me doing you favor. Or wait, no, maybe it wasn't for you at all. Yeah, I'm pretty convinced I kissed back because I wanted to", he told me, suddenly laughing nervously: "Yeah, that must be it."

I was shocked at how flustered Mingyu was. He didn't even know what to say either and everything that came out of his mouth made less sense than the words before.

But could I trust his behavior or was he fooling me once again? I didn't know.

"Are you playing around with me?", I asked, not sure of what was going on at all: "Is this another one of your crazy plans I can't understand?"

Mingyu groaned.

"God, just let it go for now. I'm not planning anything and don't know why I did that either, alright?", he replied, awkwardly looking away, wanting to stop talking about it. 

But I shook my head at him: "How can you tell me to let it go? You know how much I love you and yet you kiss me back like that? Do you even know what that does to me?"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have kissed me if you didn't want me to kiss back?", Mingyu argued, rolling his eyes at my frustration: "You did that to yourself, seriously. So just do me a favor and stop talking about it before I've thought it all through myself."

He left after having said those words, joining the other members in the changing room and making me yell out loud in disbelief. I couldn't even grasp the whole situation, but I knew something big had happened and seeing the looks on the faces of the staff members around me, I realized that indeed, I was ed.

Storming off in utter shame, I wanted to find Mingyu, to get another answer from him, to hear words that would actually calm me down. But when I walked into the changing room and all the other members were there, getting ready to leave, I instantly knew I couldn't confront Mingyu anymore.

"Wonwoo, are you sure you're okay?", Junhui questioned as he noticed me standing at the doorway, a puzzled expression drawn on my face, making the other members look at me as well. Even Mingyu stared at me, raising his eyebrows as if he wanted to ask me what I was doing. Immediately, I put a smile on my lips, trying to assure everyone of my well-being.

"I'm good, really. Don't worry about it", I announced and walked into the room, sitting down next to Junhui. Slowly, he leaned over to me, whispering that we had to talk and yes, I knew that we did, but to me, a conversation with Mingyu came first. And so I just nodded at Junhui while staring at Mingyu who smiled at something Hansol was saying, chuckling a bit afterwards.

He looked so beautiful, really, that I just wanted to walk over to him, sit down on his lap and put my lips on his for a second time that day. Honestly, his sight was so breathtaking to me that I'm still wondering how nobody even noticed how lovesick I was by the way I was staring at him, smiling when seeing him look so carefree around the other members.

Sadly, I was falling even harder for him at that moment and I couldn't even stop myself from it, the still too vivid taste of his lips showing it's impact all too well.
______

That night, I couldn't sleep at all.

I was worried about those people having seen the kiss and scared of what they might do. Other than that, I was still confused about Mingyu's behavior and honestly couldn't understand why he would kiss me back when he'd always made sure to tell me that he would never catch feelings for me. I was sure that he didn't like me back and so I couldn't comprehend what the kiss had meant. Had Mingyu just felt like kissing me and done so because it was a great way to let out some of his frustrations or had there been another meaning behind it? I didn't know the answer and it drove me crazy.

I was well aware that I needed to talk someone since I couldn't work out what was happening by myself, but at the same time, I fought against that idea, not wanting to drag others into my problems once again. I'd seen how Junhui and Minghao had reacted to everything and so I simply didn't want to upset them or other members again, knowing they'd get concerned and confused when knowing about it. Everyone thought that the issue between Mingyu and me was long gone and that's why I hated the thought of telling someone the truth and ruining their happy mood just like that.

But apparently, Junhui thought differently and actually wanted to know everything.

Since I couldn't sleep anyways, I got out of bed way too early the next morning, thinking that I could use a walk to clear my head. And the funny thing was, as I got dressed to go outside and put on my shoes, Junhui walked out of his bedroom with that knowing look on his face, once again following me outside without saying anything.

"Did you watch me all night and just waited for me to leave or how can you possibly be awake right now?", I asked him almost jokingly as we got out of the dorm, closing the door behind us.

Junhui smiled.

"No, actually I slept but woke up when I heard someone getting dressed. You know I'm a light sleeper", he answered me: "So, do you want to explain what exactly happened yesterday for you to get up at seven in the morning to take a walk or do I have to guess it all once again?"

I shrugged my shoulders at that.

"I don't really want to drag anyone into my problems anymore, so I don't know if I should tell you about this", I told him truthfully, looking on the ground while doing so: "It's way too complicated for you to understand anyways."

He sighed.

"Wonwoo, I don't know why you're trying to solve everything by yourself once again, but from what I saw yesterday, you're clearly not okay. First you had that breakdown before the concert began and then you seemed all flustered afterwards. Something happened, I know that, so stop staying silent about it and just tell me what's wrong", Junhui complained, not liking how I was trying to convince him of letting go of the topic.

"Do you honestly want me to tell you? It's pretty ed up, though", I stated, but only earned a shrug from Junhui who clearly didn't care about that: "Just tell me the truth already, it can't be that bad."

I hesitated a bit, thinking it would be best to just lie and satisfy Junhui with words that weren't even true, but as I saw how concerned he looked and realized how much he'd actually done for me when I'd told him the truth the last time, I couldn't even lie to him, knowing it was a disgusting and selfish thing to do.

And so I spoke the truth.

"I kissed Mingyu. Yesterday, after I left the stage we had a fight and I don't know, he said pretty disgusting things and I just wanted to shut him up and so I kissed him", I told him, my mind not even knowing how to put all my confusing feelings from the day before into words: "But Junhui, the weird thing is that Mingyu kissed me back. I was so sure that he would push me away but for some reason he kissed me back and it doesn't make sense."

Junhui furrowed his eyebrows at my words, not quite understanding them.

"Some of the staff members even noticed. I don't know who they were but they witnessed it all and I have no idea what to do about them", I explained even further: "And Mingyu didn't have an explanation for the kiss either. He said he was doing me a favor or something like that and that I was the one who kissed him, so I should've expected that."

"Well, of course you should have", Junhui said, his voice calm: "If you kiss someone there's always a possibility of them kissing back, don't you know that?"

I didn't agree with his words.

"But not Mingyu! He hates me, so why would he kiss me back? He's disgusted by me and keeps fighting me but yet he kisses me back? What kind of bull is that?", I cried out, not knowing what else to do. Junhui laughed at that, confused.

"Mingyu doesn't hate you, what are you even talking about? You guys have gotten so close again, so why would he be disgusted by you? He even told me that he's happy to have you by his side again and that he doesn't care about you loving him as long as you'll always stay his best friend", he insisted, making me speechless. Mingyu had said something like that? I couldn't believe it, at all. 

"He must've tried to fool you", I whispered, shocked, not quite understanding why Mingyu would've said things like that: "Junhui, I don't know about that, but I think he was trying to convince you into believing that we're okay. He wanted you to stop worrying about us and so he lied to you. I don't see another reason for him telling you that kind of stuff when it's not even true."

Junhui shook his head at that.

"No, Wonwoo, listen. Mingyu looked so  ing happy when telling me that, it can't be a lie. He was literally shining, talking about how much he missed having you by his side", he explained, confusing me even more. Mingyu had never even indicated that he was happy to be next to me and if he did, then it was always just to fool others. He hated me, that much was clear, so there wasn't a reason for him to tell Junhui those things, other than him wanting to make Junhui believe that we were okay.

"He probably actually does like you now and that's why he kissed you. Wow, isn't that great?", Junhui said, smiling happily: "I mean, I thought he wouldn't catch feelings for you and so you guys would just stay friends forever, but now that he kissed you back it must be a sign that he actually does have feelings for you!"

Junhui was deluded, completely deluded.

"That's not possible, seriously, he probably lied to you when saying that we're okay. We aren't alright and Mingyu sure as hell isn't happy to have me by his side. If it wasn't for the fanservice then he probably wouldn't even speak a word with me", I explained, wanting to make Junhui get back to reality. But he didn't understand me at all, thinking I was probably just confused.

"Look, I've talked to Mingyu so many times and he always ensured me that he wouldn't hurt you anymore and that you guys are alright now. And you've been smiling so happily these last few months too, so whatever you're saying right now doesn't even make sense. You probably took the fight you had with Mingyu in a bad way and that's why you're like this right now. But it's okay, Wonwoo, you guys are okay", he tried to calm me down. It was horrifying to see how much Junhui had been fooled into thinking everything was alright. Honestly, I'd never even noticed just how bad it was until I saw him acting like this, completely convinced of Mingyu's innocence. Had he forgotten about all the Mingyu had put me through? Apparently, these last few months of us faking to be best friends had made a great impact and given Junhui no reason to hate Mingyu anymore.

It was scary, really.

I opened my mouth to answer him, to yell at him that it had been an act and he'd been fooled by it all, but I couldn't. Junhui looked so happy for me that I just couldn't bring myself to let him now about the sad reality. He didn't even listen to me anyways, thinking I was just getting everything wrong when he was the one who'd been deluded terribly.

And so I just nodded my head, telling him that he was probably right.
______

We got home at around nine, the other members having woken up already, eating breakfast in complete happiness. Since we had another Encore Concert that evening, everyone was happy to be able to just do nothing until afternoon when we had to leave for rehearsals. It was nice to be free for at least the morning and noon, enough to make everyone cheerful and relaxed.

The members greeted us with smiles, asking where we'd been to which we simply answered that we'd taken a walk outside. Junhui sat down in the kitchen almost instantly, joining the other members with a happy smile on his face as well, but I couldn't do the same.

Because someone was missing.

"Where's Mingyu?", I asked almost immediately after realizing that he wasn't among the others, to which many started laughing, probably thinking it was funny how I only cared about him. 

"He went to the company about half an hour ago, saying he wanted to practice a bit more before the rehearsal later today", Soonyoung answered me, smiling at me while doing so: "Why? Do you miss him already?"

Everyone laughed at that, making my cheeks go red.

"No, its just that I need to talk to him, that's all", I explained awkwardly, hating how everyone teased me for being so close to Mingyu. After all, they thought our friendship was real and so it was fun for them to mess with me about our closeness.

"Well, he didn't seem like he wanted to come back anytime soon, so you should probably go there yourself", Seokmin told me, still chuckling. I only nodded, thinking that it was actually a good chance for me to be alone with Mingyu and talk things through and so I left our dorm once again, making my way to the company.

It didn't take me long to get there. Since it was cold outside, I walked faster on purpose, wanting to warm up like that. And so I opened the door to the practice room soon after, instantly seeing Mingyu in there, drinking from a bottle of water as he was probably taking a pause.

"We have to talk", I said and closed the door behind me, approaching him in an instant. Mingyu only looked at me with a displeased expression, clearly not wanting to have a conversation as much as I did.

"That kiss, I can't get it out of my head. I've been thinking about it all night and still haven't gotten an answer. It just doesn't make sense. Even if I was the one who kissed you, I just can't understand why you kissed me back. It's totally contradicting everything you've said and done so far", I started rambling, just to make him chuckle in amusement.

"Calm down. It's not like you hated to be kissed back so I don't know why you're soworked up about it", he laughed at me, but I just didn't have it. He was back to his self, not explaining a thing and I just hated it so damn much.

"No, I'm not going to calm down now! You're not explaining anything and I'm confused and can't stop thinking about it! Have you forgotten-"

Mingyu didn't let me talk further.

Instead, he just took my face in between his hands and leaned down, putting his lips on mine and shutting me up immediately.
______

A/N: And everyone is probably confused as hell. Mingyu catching feelings for Wonwoo, does it make sense? No. So why does he kiss him? Well~

This is what I've planned all this time so don't go thinking I'm confused myself, I'm nooooot.

Btw I have like so many comments and views and subscribers already, how does this even make sense? You're all so awesome, thanks, really!!