I let myself fall.

Not even caring about a possible heartbreak, I trusted my foolish beliefs and let Mingyu continue with his act, convincing myself I'd be happier like that. 

Even if it was hard.

To be honest, I didn't even accomplish what I'd planned to do. Deluding myself became harder than I'd thought and so I failed miserably at that, not getting Mingyu's real feelings out of my mind. Knowing that he didn't love me, his kisses felt empty and his touches started to hurt, my heart disliking to be affectionate with someone who was just lying to me. There was always this sickening and guilty feeling which followed me around, telling me to stop going along with Mingyu's act, not only for my but also for his sake. 

Mingyu's casual "I love you" became a sentence that haunted me in my sleep, laughing at my weak state which couldn't refuse his sweet lies. And I knew so well that I was hurting myself when trying to delude myself yet I couldn't stop.

I was too afraid of losing Mingyu completely.

"Are you happy?", was I question I came to hate, not wanting to answer it anymore since I had no idea if I was happy. I felt guilty when saying "Yes", but knew that answering with "No" would make everything even worse. 

God, I felt so pathetic.

Being aware of the fact that Mingyu was actually pretending to be in love with me so that I would be happy, I realized soon that I must've seemed too pitiful and weak to be able to live without him which had probably driven him to go to such lengths just to see me smile.

And I didn't like it.

Scratch that, I hated it. I hated how Mingyu pitied me, how he kissed and smiled at me for my messed up heart to find strength. I hated how he was so sure of my weakness that he had decided he was the only one who could make me stronger. I hated how much I had to rely on him to be able to live happily and most of all, I hated that Mingyu was well aware of all of that.

"What is it that you love about me?", I once asked him but didn't even get a reply. Mingyu just smiled at me, shrugged his shoulders and pecked my lips, whispering that everything about me was lovable. 

Which was a lie because nothing about me was even likable. I was a broken mess and Mingyu knew that. 

He knew it so well.

The funny thing is that Mingyu was able to read me like a book yet he couldn't even notice how much I was hurting when seeing him try so desperately to make me smile. Mingyu was convinced his act was working, that he was giving me what I needed, when it actually was the other way around.

Instead of getting stronger by his faked love, I felt even weaker since I was always reminded of the pitiful person I'd become.

I started losing myself, really, and there was none who helped me to get over that state since I'd refused all the support I could've received.

I soon realized that I couldn't stay like that if I wanted to stay sane.

And so, about two weeks after having met up with Seokjin, I decided that I had to call him again to apologize for the way I'd acted. Actually, I was still upset about his words from that day, but I realized that he'd probably only meant well when saying them and to be honest, I didn't want to stay mad at him for such a long time just because of that. I didn't want to fight with Seokjin when we'd just made up and so I knew I had to say sorry for my sudden outburst.

Maybe I called him because I wanted him to cheer me up as well, but I didn't want to admit that. 

"What's up?", Seokjin picked up the phone when I called him between practices for our comeback, his voice underlined with confusion: "Did Mingyu do something again? Or do you want to scream at me again because I talked badly about Mingyu?"

I sighed, realizing that he was probably still pissed about that.

"I'm not calling because of Mingyu", I admitted, hesitating a bit before continuing: "Actually, I want to apologize for that day. I don't know, maybe we can meet up so that we can talk? I know you don't like talking over the phone."

Seokjin seemed surprised by my words since he took some time before answering.

"You actually want to apologize?", he asked, chuckling a bit afterwards: "Woah, that's new. Are you okay? Nothing has happened, has it?"

Seokjin knew me too well, but I didn't want him to be aware of that. And so I lied.

"No, everything's alright", I replied, not feeling like telling him about my problems after all: "I just want to say sorry because I realized that the way I talked to you wasn't right. You only wanted to help me and I yelled at you, I'm sorry about that."

Seokjin probably started smiling at my words.

"Hey, that's okay", he answered after a short moment of silence: "You're in love with Mingyu, so of course you didn't like the way I talked about him. I should've known you'd be angry, so it's alright. I'm not mad anymore, I guess I was just a bit upset because you stormed off without letting me explain."

I chuckled: "Sorry about that."

"Nah, don't worry. It's funny, now that I think about it", Seokjin started laughing, probably remembering how I overreacted that day: "It was actually quite cute how you suddenly had an outburst like that. You seemed different than normal, I don't know, you were so energetic."

And I don't know why, but as Seokjin said those words, my cheeks suddenly started burning, making me realize just how embarrassed I was. Thankfully he couldn't see me at that moment.

"Yeah, I was mad, I guess. I don't know what suddenly came over me, but it must've surprised you a lot", I mumbled, feeling a bit ashamed for the way I'd behaved: "So, yeah, are you free today so that we can meet up? I actually do need to talk to you again and I don't know, I haven't even asked you how you are and all that. You haven't told me about your boyfriend either because I was too busy screaming at you."

Seokjin laughed even louder at that.

"You didn't even give me a chance to talk about him, that's right", he told me in between his laughs, trying to catch his breath: "But sure, we can meet up. Today I have to practice, though. We're having a comeback soon, so I actually don't have much time for other things."

I smiled at that, suddenly much happier than before.

"Oh, you're having a comeback? Ours is soon too! Maybe we'll see each other at some music shows, then", I stated, beaming at the thought of promoting at the same time as Seokjin. I liked how I'd be able to see him more often thanks to that, thinking we could talk a bit when being backstage and preparing for our performances.

I guess I was earning for someone to casually chat with when feeling down and Seokjin was exactly the person that fitted into that position.

"We probably will!", he answered, probably as cheerful as me: "Ah, seeing you there would certainly make me feel much better. You know, the new dance choreography is killing me and I'm upset as hell because I at dancing anyways. You'd probably be a great friend to cheer me up if I failed on stage."

I laughed at that, my face beaming when I heard Seokjin call me his friend. I liked it, seriously. I liked how he was so unproblematic and easily made me forget my distress, how he gave me so much strength just by telling me that I was his friend.

I guess I was affected by his sincerity and I'm grateful for that becaus, honestly, without Seokjin I probably would've been completely broken so much earlier.

He was my savior during that time, even if I didn't realize that at first.

We ended the call when Seokjin had to go back to practice and I noticed that I should probably get back to the other members as well, both of us not really wanting to stop talking but having to go anyways. It was a pity that we couldn't see each other for the time being since both of is were too busy, but I was happy enough to know that we'd made up, liking the fact that I actually had some support once again.

And so I made my way back to the training room while wearing a big smile on my face, suddenly feeling cheerful again.

It was like I'd finally been brought back to life, my mind feeling refreshed and at ease, not worrying about all the ugly lies surrounding me. I was happy for about five minutes, until I actually walked into the practice room and saw Mingyu's face again, his eyebrows furrowing at my gleeful expression.

"What's with that smile, Wonwoo-hyung?", Chan asked me as I walked in, probably realizing that something was up as well. But I just shrugged my shoulders at him, trying to maintain my good mood as I walked towards Mingyu and let him put his arm around my shoulders, dragging me closer to his body.

I tried not to let my smile fade, but it didn't work out. I guess reality hit me again and so I knew almost instantly that happiness was not a feeling which was destined to be with me. 

I suddenly felt sick. 

And during our practice, that feeling wouldn't leave. No matter how much I told myself that everything was okay, I couldn't even look at Mingyu without feeling guilty or stressed. The whole situation between us was suddenly disgusting me again and yet I held his hand when he reached for it, not wanting to make him notice that something wasn't right. 

"What made you so happy earlier?", he questioned later that day, both of us having left practice already while the others had insisted on staying longer since they wanted to improve a bit more. Actually, I'd wanted to practice a bit more as well, but wasn't able to do so as Mingyu dragged me away, telling me that he wanted us to spent some time without the other members.

"Oh, I just talked to someone", I answered him as I sat down on my bed, looking at him with a small smile on my lips: "Why? Am I normally not as happy as I was today?"

I knew the answer to that question myself but I didn't want to admit that. 

Mingyu shook his head slowly, sitting down next to me soon after: "No, not really. You were actually beaming when you walked into the practice room so I thought something very exciting must've happened. Who did you talk to? Your parents?"

I bit my lip, knowing that I couldn't tell Mingyu the truth since I was well aware of him not having forgiven Seokjin for what he'd done to me yet. Mingyu hated Seokjin, that much I was sure of.

"Urm, yeah, I talked to my parents", I lied, not able to look at Mingyu since I felt guilty for lying to him. I didn't even want to hide the truth from him, but at the same time, I knew it was for the best. 

"You're lying", Mingyu stated, throwing me off-guard. And as I looked at him, his face showing nothing but annoyance, I was sure that I'd ed up just like that. 

Mingyu was mad.

"Give me your phone", he demanded, stretching out his hand while raising his eyebrows, indicating that he was waiting. Hesitantly, I did what he wanted, biting on my lip as I saw him unlocking my phone and going straight to my call history, his eyes getting darker as he realized who'd made me so cheerful. 

Suddenly, I felt bad.

"I didn't know that 'Seokjin-hyung' is one of your parents", he uttered, glaring at me as he put the phone back into my hands: "And I certainly didn't know that you've started talking to that bastard again."

I looked on the ground, not daring to see his face anymore: "Im sorry, I should've told you sooner."

Mingyu stood up. 

"So you're saying you've forgiven this jerk and now you two are back to being friends again, or what?", he snapped at me, huffing as I nodded my head at his words: "Oh, how great! That guy almost you and yet you just go back to being friends with him! Are you ing kidding me right now?"

I stayed silent.

"And you even have to nerve to lie to me about everything and tell me that you talked to your parents? What the , Wonwoo?", Mingyu started to yell at me, probably getting madder by second: "I thought you'd trust me enough to talk about everything now that I'm your boyfriend but you actually go around and meet that behind my back?"

"Seokjin-hyung is not a !", I insisted, not liking how Mingyu talked about him like that: "And I didn't tell you about him because I knew you'd react like this! I didn't want you to be worried, okay?"

Mingyu shook his head in disbelief, not even looking at me anymore.

"Seokjin-hyung has changed! He apologized for what he did to me and actually helped me out with some things, so there's no need to be worried!", I desperately tried to convince Mingyu that he had no reason to be concerned about Seokjin, but Mingyu just laughed at that: "Woah, how nice of him to help you out! Maybe you've forgotten about it already but back then he said he'd help you out as well and as soon as you trusted him he just used you! But that's not even what's upsetting me right now, no, it's the fact that you've been hiding this from me and even lied to my face, saying you talked to your parents when it was actually your beloved Seokjin-hyung!"

I sighed, my gaze falling on the ground, my mind not even thinking clearly as I spoke those next few lines.

"Well, but I'm not the only one who's lying here, am I?", I mumbled, not daring to look at Mingyu's face while saying these words: "I'm not the only one who's been hiding something. You are doing that too and I know it. Mingyu, I know it all."

I didn't get an answer, probably because Mingyu was too shocked to give one, but it wasn't even like I cared about that. I knew I was right anyways.
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A/N: I told you in my last author's note that this chapter would be more exciting but ah, nah, I'll leave that for the next chapter.

Here we have a guilty Wonwoo and a jealous(?) Mingyu. Or what is Mingyu's reason for getting so mad about it all? You'll get to know soon (probably in the next two chapters) so stay tuned!

And thanks for reading and commenting!!