My whole day .

After having yelled at and broken down in front of a doctor who'd only tried to help me, I was left alone in my room once again, doing the thing I was best at.

Overthinking.

I'd come to realization that I had to let go of my feelings for Mingyu as soon as possible, of course. But no matter how hard I tried to come up with solutions, with ways to get rid of my love for him, I found nothing.

And it frustrated me a lot.

I wanted to be able to just say goodbye to my unhealthy obsession with the boy who'd hurt me so endlessly yet my mind came up with nothing. Did I have to let go of all the happy memories with him in order to be reminded of his bad side only? Did I have to find someone else to love and obsess over for my heart to be at ease? And if so, was I even able to find someone to replace Mingyu?

I knew I wasn't.

Replacing Mingyu was a thought I had to cross out of my mind, knowing there wasn't anyone who'd be as perfect to me as him. Which made me mad because I hated how I still found Mingyu perfect after everything he'd put me through.

Mingyu wasn't perfect at all.

He was selfish and didn't care about me the slightest bit. He was destructive and had done nothing but to break my heart into tiny little pieces. Mingyu was the complete opposite of perfect and yet I couldn't even think about anyone being nearly as good as him.

It didn't make sense, nothing did.

"I should feel nothing but hatred for him, for s sake!", I complained as my frustration grew: "I shouldn't be this way anymore! I shouldn't love or even like him anymore! This is just wrong!"

I started hitting and punching my pillow, trying to release all the anger I'd bottled up. But that didn't give me any satisfaction but just made me even angrier and so I gave up soon, letting myself fall back once again.

"I have to sleep", I told myself, shutting my eyes as I let out a deep breath: "I have to sleep and get him out of my mind. I'm too tired to think clearly right now and that's why I'm this way. As soon as I wake up I won't be feeling anything for that bastard anymore."

I opened my eyes again.

Sleeping was pointless and I knew it. Mingyu wouldn't get out of my heart if I didn't push him out of there and therefore I was well aware that it wouldn't get better if I didn't do anything about my situation.

I had to stop myself from being so passive already.

But then again, I didn't have the slightest idea how to actively fight against my own feelings. Was there even a way to do that without going completely crazy? I didn't know.

I knew nothing.

"Maybe the doctor wasn't wrong at all", I chuckled to myself: "Maybe I should see a therapist and tell him about my addiction. Yeah, right, I can just tell him I'm addicted to a certain drug and want to stop myself from craving it. It's not like he has to know that Mingyu is that drug."

I was talking to myself once again, laughing at my own words as if they were the funniest things I'd ever said. They weren't even funny but just the sad truth and maybe that's why I couldn't stop myself from laughing at them, realizing just how ed up and pathetic I was.

Maybe I just didn't want to cry anymore as well.

And I'd probably gone against that will if it hadn't been for the door opening all of the sudden, a person I'd completely forgotten about barging into my room as tears strolled down his face. He didn't even care about that, though, but just rushed towards my bed as soon as his eyes found me, his arms instantly wrapping themselves around my upper body: "Wonwoo, oh god."

It was Seokjin.

He didn't say anything more but just cried as he hugged me tightly, not even realizing that I couldn't catch a single breath until I told him to loosen his grip, gasping for air as he did so. 

"Are you okay?", I asked, unsure about his reasons for behaving the way he did. Seokjin only nodded, still holding me in his arms and crying into my shoulder, making me pat his back in comfort. 

I didn't even know what I was comforting him for.

"Are you sure?", I muttered, still too taken aback by his behavior to understand what was going on. Seokjin nodded again, finally letting go of me and looking at me with complete bliss in his eyes: "It's just- I'm so happy- I'm so glad to see you."

My eyes widened at his words.

Seokjin was happy to see me? But why? What was so special about that? I thought about his words, still a bit overwhelmed as I stared at his tear-stained cheeks and the happy smile he wore. I wondered for only a few seconds, then I finally understood what was happening. 

Seokjin was happy to see me after having heard about my suicide attempt.

"I just- god Wonwoo, I'm so sorry. I didn't know a thing because I was in Europe and then I came back this morning and they said something about you not being well in the news and I- I texted you in an instant Wonwoo, I swear, but you didn't even text back and-"

"Slow down", I cut him off, smiling a bit at his flustered state: "It's alright, we have time. Just talk slowly so that I can actually understand what you're saying right now."

Seokjin took in a deep breath, nodding a bit as he did so.

But as I waited for him to speak up, he didn't, his eyes suddenly starting to tear up again. He looked away for a moment, bringing the end of his sweater to his eyes to wipe his tears away, before looking back at me with a sad smile. I opened my mouth, wanting to ask if he was alright, but he spoke first, his voice soft but filled with something I could only identify as guilt.

"I'm sorry", he said, looking at me with so much regret: "Wonwoo, I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you these past two days. I should've been here for you but I wasn't."

I didn't even know what to say.

"You've been going through so much and yet I wasn't here to comfort you", he mumbled, taking my hand in his as he sat down on my bed: "I'm so very sorry that you had to cope with this by yourself when you actually needed someone to lean on. I would've been here for you if I'd known about this, Wonwoo. I'm so sorry I wasn't."

Seokjin bit on his lip, almost looking like he was ashamed to speak further. It was as if he was blaming himself for everything that had happened and I hated how he felt guilty like that when he had no reason to. I didn't want Seokjin to believe he'd wronged me.

"Hyung, that's okay", I muttered, giving him an encouraging smile: "You have nothing to do with all of this and didn't even know what's going on. Besides, you've probably been busy these past few days and that's nothing I can blame you for."

Seokjin took in my words, not saying anything for a long while as he thought about his answer.

"I'm alright now anyways, so don't worry too much about it", I tried to assure him, but Seokjin shook his head at my words, disagreeing: "No, Wonwoo, you're not alright at all. Nobody would be after having gone through everything you had to go through."

I looked down, suddenly not wanting to see his face anymore.

"You know, as soon as I heard about you not being well I just had that feeling. I knew something trivial must've happened and I was right", he uttered, sighing: "I'm just glad you're alive. Honestly, I- as soon as I was told what was going on- god, Wonwoo- I thought you'd left the world. For a moment I thought you-"

He didn't speak further but he didn't have to anyways. I knew what he wanted to say.

"I didn't", I simply answered, looking back at Seokjin again: "I didn't die, Hyung. I'm still here, still alive. I didn't leave this world and- wait." 

I stopped talking, furrowing my eyebrows as a confusing thought came to my mind.

"How did you know about this anyways? It's not like they said anything about this in the news since my management made sure to cover everything up", I wondered, furrowing my eyebrows: "How did you-"

"Mingyu called me", Seokjin cut me off, laughing a bit as he did so: "You know, I saw that you were calling me and picked up in an instant because I was worried as hell, but it was Mingyu calling me from your phone. On top of that, he was a total mess and kept crying as he told me what was going on."

My eyes widened.

"Mingyu called you?", I questioned, not quite believing him: "But he hates you! Why would he call you and tell you about everything that happened when he can't stand you at all? That doesn't make sense."

Seokjin nodded, chuckling a bit.

"Yeah, he probably does hate me", he agreed with me: "But apparently, he didn't know what else to do than to call me. I couldn't even understand him properly because he was all over the place. At first, he kept saying I had to help him and watch over you because he couldn't do that anymore. I didn't even know what was going on and so I had to ask him about five times what he was talking about."

I gasped.

"And he explained it to you? Just like that?", I inquired, making him nod: "Yeah, he explained everything. And after that, he kept pleading for me to come here to take care of you because you didn't want him to be near you ever again. I was so shocked by his words, seriously. I actually had to take a cab here because I was way too shaken to drive by myself."

I nodded at Seokjin, yet I couldn't believe his words.

Mingyu had called him so that he would look after me? But why? It wasn't like Mingyu trusted Seokjin, scratch that, he hated and mistrusted him more than anyone else. Mingyu would've never asked Seokjin for such a favor, I knew it so well, yet he'd done it so easily, so effortlessly.

As if he actually cared about me.

"He sounded so desperate", Seokjin muttered, looking at me with an expression I'd never seen before: "You know, I always thought he didn't give a about you and maybe it used to be like that, but now that I think about it... he might actually have started to feel something. He worried so much about you that he actually called me, doesn't that mean he cares a lot?"

I was speechless. 

Mingyu caring about me didn't even make sense, no, it was way too absurd. Seokjin was mistaken, it's all my mind could tell me as I took in his words. Mingyu had called him out of regret, because he'd felt too burdened by the guilt which was tormenting him. He hadn't called because he was worried, of course he hadn't.

That was just wishful thinking.

"No", I let out in a whisper, shaking my head at Seokjin: "No, don't believe things like that, Hyung. Mingyu isn't worried, he just wants to get rid of the guilt he's feeling. Maybe he's trying to trick us by acting like he cares as well. Yeah, Mingyu would never care about me, he's way too selfish to do that. Hyung, he only called you because he wanted to help himself."

Seokjin stared at me, an unreadable expression in his face.

"You don't trust him anymore", he concluded after being silent for a long time, probably thinking about my words deeply: "Now that you know everything you've stopped believing him completely, haven't you? You don't even want to believe his sincerity anymore since you're scared to be fooled again. But Wonwoo, what if he's sincere this time? What if he just wants to help you because he cares about you?"

I shook my head violently.

"No, Hyung! He doesn't and that's the point. All he wants is to ease his own mind!", I cried out, hating how Seokjin didn't share the same thoughts as me: "He pretends to care so that it makes him feel better about himself. If he cared about me he'd apologize sincerely and stay away so that I could get rid of my feelings for him! I just- all I need is to- you know- I have to stop these feelings already!"

I wanted to cry once again, feeling the sudden urge to punch someone as well. I was too upset, too angry, too confused. 

I just wanted to get out of it all.

"Wonwoo, calm down", Seokjin mumbled, worried: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to side with Mingyu or anything. I was just wondering if he cared, that's all. Please don't get frustrated now, I'm sure everything will work out soon. Do you want me to talk to Mingyu? I'll tell him to give you some space. You'll be able to sort out your feelings, then. Yeah, I'm sure you'll be fine."

He gave me an encouraging smile and before I knew it, his arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders again, giving me a comforting hug: "Don't think about it too much and lean on me when you need comfort, Wonwoo. I'll help you to get better, alright? I'll stay by your side from now on, okay? I'll even talk to Mingyu if you want me to."

I nodded almost instantly, my heart feeling at ease as Seokjin spoke those encouraging words. And as I stayed in his arms, feeling his warmth calming me down, I suddenly found the answer to forget Mingyu and get rid of my feelings.

That answer was right in front of me, after all.

"Hyung", I whispered, not quite believing I was about to say those words: "Can't you help me differently? Can't you make me forget Mingyu in another way than just telling him to give me some space?"

Seokjin stayed silent, waiting for me to speak further. Desperately, I did so. 

"Hyung, can't you date me?"
______

A/N: I couldn't keep my promise to update in my usual pattern. Actually, college has started for me and well, this week was pretty stressful. I'm sorry, I probably won't be able to update more than 1-2 times a week from now on :(

Seokjin finally came into the picture and brought a "solution" with him?! Did you notice how sincere and warm everything about Seokjin is, I love him :( finally someone hugged Wonwoo istg he's so lonely, look at his desperation now :/

Thanks for reading (as always, I love you guys) and I'll try my best to update as often as possible!