If I had to list a few things I regret doing in my life, asking Mingyu if I could kiss him would probably be on top of that list. 

Well, normally, there are two options for the story to progress. First, the other person says yes, the kiss happens and both of you start having a romantic relationship. I don't want to give anyone hope, so I'm going to be straight: That didn't happen. Mingyu didn't say yes, we didn't share a kiss because of that and certainly didn't start a relationship.

The second option would be the other person saying no, telling you they don't like you like that and both of you either grow apart or get over the issue, with the friendship staying the way it used to be.

That didn't happen either.

Mingyu didn't say yes nor did he say no, but he simply started laughing. Thinking I was just joking, he full-out laughed, leaning back in his chair: "Are you on drugs or something?"

I should've answered with a 'yes' and the issue would've been solved with that, but I didn't want to. The emotions I was feeling were overwhelming me and instead of realizing that I was ruining everything Mingyu and I had, I wanted to press further, to make Mingyu understand. 

"I'm serious, Mingyu. I honestly want to kiss you right now", I told him, my face blank. God knows what went through my mind at that moment because honestly, nobody's as stupid as I was back then. But apparently, the whole excitement I'd felt throughout the day was kicking in, making me delusional.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. And the next thing you tell me is that you're secretly in love with me", Mingyu joked, still laughing. He clearly didn't believe me when in fact, I was completely honest. Sure, I was confused myself and didn't really know what I was talking about, but I was aware of one thing: I wanted to kiss those full lips of his.

And so I did.

Fed up with Mingyu not understanding me, I guess I thought actions would speak louder than words. And so I quickly leaned in and captured his lips with mine, experiencing the first kiss of my life. 

His lips were wet and tasted sweet, probably because of the coke he'd drunk before, which seriously drove me crazy. 

But before I could taste his sweetness any further, Mingyu put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me away from him. Instantly, I was met with reality and realized that I'd made a huge mistake. I looked at Mingyu, noticed the horrified and confused expression on his face and immediately, my stomach started to make me feel sick.

"What did you just do?", Mingyu whispered, putting his fingertips against his lips and then looking at them, confused: "Did you seriously just kiss me?"

"I- I don't know", I replied, as confused as he was. My mind didn't give me a reason for what I'd just done and my heart wouldn't stop beating. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I was breathing at that moment.

"Why did you do this?", Mingyu mumbled, his expression turning from confused to hurt, back to confused: "What the hell, Wonwoo?"

"I don't know", I repeated, this time without stuttering: "It just happened, I don't know what that was, I didn't do it on purpose."

"What do you mean you didn't do it on purpose? How do you accidentally kiss someone?", Mingyu asked, his voice suddenly trembling. I knew he was going to cry and I knew I was at fault, but somehow, I couldn't give him an answer since I honestly didn't have the slightest idea what was happening to me. 

"Don't tell me you like me, Wonwoo. You're not gay", Mingyu started to sob, clearly not taking the situation well. Suddenly, I felt like crying too, but the feeling of guild and confusion wouldn't even let me. I knew I'd ed up, I knew Mingyu was hurt because of my action, but still, I didn't know the reason for kissing him.

"I don't know", I said one more time, making Mingyu sob even louder. 

"You ing kissed me and don't know why? Wonwoo, how can you do this to me? How can you just take advantage of me like that?", he yelled and I quickly put my hands over his mouth, trying to muffle his voice: "Stop screaming, the others will hear you!"

But Mingyu didn't have it. Instantly, he pushed my hands away and stood up. Looking at me with tears in his eyes, his gaze showing an emotion I'd never seen before, he spoke up: "Get your hands off of me, no, stay away from me completely. And don't you even dare come sleep in our room today. I don't want you near me." 

His words were harsh and hurt like hell but I knew I deserved them. I was the one who'd crossed the line, who'd done something I wasn't supposed to do. And still I couldn't explain myself. So when Mingyu rushed towards our room, not even giving me a simple glance, I did nothing but stare at him, my heart still beating faster than allowed.

That night, I barely slept. Maybe it was because of the fact that I didn't have a bed to sleep in, maybe because I was too confused and freaked out to actually fall asleep. The question why exactly I'd kissed Mingyu wouldn't leave my mind and no matter what kind of excuse I came up with, it didn't feel right.

I'd always been so sure of the way I felt about Mingyu and suddenly, nothing made sense anymore. Did I like him, even love him in a romantic kind of way? And if so, was I gay? 

"Jeon Wonwoo, you're ing eighteen years old. Nobody realizes so late that they're into boys instead of girls", I told myself, trying to calm down. But then again, I asked myself the question if I'd ever been attracted to girls and as soon as I realized the answer was a clear 'no', I felt sick.

"That doesn't mean you're attracted to boys, Wonwoo", I whispered, massaging my head to get rid of the headache which had appeared a while ago. 

I was a complete mess, to be honest.

At some point, I started crying, not knowing anything anymore. Then again, I laughed, thinking I must've been tricked by my mind and actually all of this was just a dream. But as soon as I understood that I wasn't dreaming nor hallucinating, the tears fell once again. And on top of that, the sick feeling in my stomach wouldn't leave. I felt like throwing up, but my body was too weak to make me move. And so I didn't.

I was ashamed, scared and confused at the same time and didn't want to face reality anymore. I just wanted to sleep and forget whatever had happened between Mingyu and me.

But my mind wouldn't let me.

"I'll just explain it as myself being caught up in the moment, Mingyu will understand that", I tried to calm myself down, but at the same time, I knew it was a lie. And I was well aware that Mingyu would notice if I lied to him. So that option wasn't available anymore.

No matter how much I thought about the whole issue, no solution nor explanation came up. Eventually, I actually fell asleep, not dreaming about the debut and the joyful day we'd experienced, but about Mingyu, smiling at me and telling me that everything was alright. That he understood me and wouldn't distance himself from me because of a single kiss.

Sadly, that dream didn't come true.

I was woken up by Junhui. With a confused and shocked expression on his face, he kept shaking my body and shouting my name. Annoyed and exhausted, I opened my eyes, just for Junhui to let out a loud sigh: "Thank god, I thought something happened to you."

"Why?", I mumbled, my voice still groggy from sleep. Junhui laughed: "Oh, well maybe because I find you sleeping on the ing floor first thing in the morning? Not to forget that this isn't even your room? I thought you fainted or something."

Slowly, I sat up and took in my surroundings. And just like that, all the memories from the last night came back to me, making me close my eyes and let out a huge sigh. Junhui laughed again, asking if I was okay. I simply nodded, stood up and made my way to the kitchen, desperately searching for a bottle of water since my throat was as dry as the desert.

"So, do you care to explain why you slept on the living room's floor instead of your bed?", Junhui asked, following me into the kitchen. I just shrugged my shoulders, not really wanting to talk. There was another person I had to talk to, but I wasn't so sure if that person wanted to talk to me. Ever again.

"Are you sure you're okay?", Junhui pressed further, making me sigh: "Because, well, you honestly look like right now. Seriously, did you cry yesterday? Your eyes are kind of swollen and red and-"

"Just shut up already!", I yelled, annoyed by his constant babbling: "No, I'm not okay, but I really don't want to talk right now, don't you get that?"

Junhui was silent for a moment before nodding and leaving the kitchen, giving me the space I wanted. Tiredly, I opened the bottle of water I'd searched for and dunked it's content down my throat, wanting nothing more than to forget what had happened the night before.

But, just like Mingyu, I couldn't.

About forty minutes after I'd woken up, I saw him for the first time that morning. While everyone was preparing breakfast, he went to take a shower, not even sparing me a glance. Knowing that he was going to ignore me absolutely, I stayed by the other member's side, trying to compensate the feeling of loosing something very important. 

When all of us sat down in the kitchen to have breakfast, Mingyu found the chair as far away as possible, ignoring the other members' confused looks. Everyone was still cheerful and excited from the day before, except for Mingyu and me. We just sat there, silently eating our breakfast, not joining the happy conversation. At some point, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I stood up and told Mingyu to come and have a talk with me.

"I don't want to", Mingyu answered, his tone harsh and distant. Immediately, the room fell silent and the other members looked at us with perplexed faces. Normally, even if Mingyu and I had a fight, he'd never say 'no' to talking things out, but this time he did, leaving everyone in shock. Everyone, except for me.

"Come on, we've got to talk about this", I pressed, a needy look on my face. Mingyu shrugged his shoulders, looking away: "Maybe we do, but I don't want to be alone with you anymore, so no, let's not talk about it."

His words hurt like hell. I knew he wasn't going to accept my apology, heck, he wasn't even willing to talk to me, and so I just sat down again, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to escape my eyes. Mingyu clearly saw my state and I swear, I heard him whisper an angry "Pathetic" to himself.

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart break. That moment, I was 100% sure that everything was over, just like that.

"Okay, what the hell is going on here?", Seungcheol asked, clearly annoyed by our behavior: "Just yesterday you guys were best friends and now you're like this. What happened?"

"Yeah right, what happened, Wonwoo?", Mingyu asked, laughing angrily. I heard a few gasps, which showed just how unusual it was to see Mingyu act like that. Everyone's eyes fell on me and to say I felt uncomfortable was an understatement. 

"I don- don't know", I stuttered, making Mingyu laugh even louder: "Oh, he's back to not knowing! Well, maybe you should think things through for once instead of just doing them. That would be a great help to all of us."

"Okay, seriously, what's going on? This morning I found Wonwoo sleeping on the living room's floor, is this fight you guys are having right now connected to that?", Junhui questioned, clearly as annoyed and confused as the other members. Mingyu didn't answer besides shrugging his shoulders, which made everyone look at me, waiting for an answer.

"We don't- we're not fighting. This is just a misunderstanding, don't worry", I managed to explain, but for some reason, Mingyu didn't feel like making things easy for me. Not at all. He scoffed: "A misunderstanding, sure! Why don't you tell everyone what happened yesterday? I would, but I'm worried I'll have to throw up in disgust after doing so!"

"Mingyu!", I yelled, mad and confused at his sudden outburst: "You won't even let me explain, so stop being such an already! You're worrying the others!"

"You don't even have an explanation for what happened! And even if you do, I don't want to hear it because whatever your explanation could be, it would just make things even uglier than they are now! Just stay away from me!", he screamed, got up and left the kitchen, his face showing how hurt and angry he was. The others members were silent, some looking at me, some not even daring to do so.

"Wonwoo...", Jeonghan whispered, trying to get me to look at him. I didn't. I was too embarrassed to face any of the other members and honestly just wanted to leave everything, go back home and start a new life. 

I didn't deserve to be a member of Seventeen anymore. 

"Wonwoo, what happened?", Jihoon, who normally never spoke up whenever things like these happened, asked. Slowly, I looked up, tears falling down my cheeks, my eyes not even daring to look into anyone else's. 

"I just lost my best friend, that's what happened."
______

A/N: Actually, I wanted to go farther with this chapter but I realized I have to do some research before writing that stuff down. Since I'm going to relate this story to actual events, I kind of have to go back to akkinda era right now, so please give me some time to order everything so that it fits with the story~

Ah, writing this chapter was extremely painful but also satisfying at the same time. I actually enjoy making things go down-hill and since that's happening right now, I'm pretty excited. 

Once again, thanks for reading and commenting! You guys are so cute and funny, I honestly enjoy your comments so much!