That night, something about Mingyu changed.

He wouldn't explain where his tears were coming from and his mood seemed to darken even more when I tried to wipe them away. And since I didn't like how he was upset all of the sudden, I desperately tried to cheer him up, kissing his cheeks and telling him that everything was okay.

But Mingyu didn't want that.

He shook his head, not even looking at me anymore, and told me that we should go home, claiming he was tired and didn't want to worry the other members. I hated how he wanted our date to end like that, but I agreed anyways and so we made our way back to the bus stop soon after.

Just to realize that we'd missed the last bus and wouldn't be able to get back to Seoul until the next morning.

"Great", Mingyu sighed at that, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath: "That's just ing great. We're stuck here."

He was annoyed.

"Maybe we can take a taxi?", I mumbled, disliking the idea myself but not wanting to make Mingyu's mood even worse. But Mingyu shook his head at my words: "No, better not. A taxi from here to Seoul will be way too expensive."

I started biting my lip.

"We shouldn't have come here", Mingyu announced angrily: "That idea was so stupid, why didn't we think about the fact that there wouldn't be a bus to take us back at night? God, the members will be so mad."

His words hurt. It seemed like he hadn't enjoyed coming to Sokcho at all and wanted to blame me for having that idea in the first place. I felt guilty almost instantly, hating how I'd ruined everything.

"Let's find a place for sleep, then. We can't stay out here all night, it's too cold for that", I muttered, looking on the ground in shame. Mingyu sighed: "Yeah, alright, let's do that."

It didn't even take us long to find the next hotel and since it wasn't the holiday season we thankfully got a room to sleep in without having to pay a fortune. Sure, it wasn't cheap, but nothing we couldn't afford either.

"I'll call Junhui and tell him what's going on", I stated as soon as we walked into our small room to which Mingyu only nodded, saying he would go and take a shower then.

It was tense and awkward between us and since I had no clue what Mingyu's problem was, I was frustrated, trying to understand what I'd done to upset him.

But no matter how much I thought about it, I didn't find a reason for his sudden foul mood.

It just didn't make sense.

And so I tried to stop overthinking and called Junhui instead, almost instantly getting yelled at for not having contacted him sooner. Honestly, I couldn't even blame him for being furious and so I just apologized, explaining what was going on and why we wouldn't be able to come home until the next morning.

Which made Junhui even madder.

Instead of calmly thinking about the situation, he started screaming, telling me that I was behaving stupidly and selfish. I mean, he was right, but the way he reacted was way worse than I'd thought it would be.

I was shocked.

And since I was upset enough about Mingyu's weird behavior, I seriously just couldn't take Junhui's sudden outburst anymore. Which is why I hung up on him, not wanting to hear his words at all.

I didn't want to feel bad, or guilty, or sorry. I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that I was making a mistake and acting too reckless because of Mingyu. For once, I just wanted my mind to be at ease, even if I had no reason for it. God, I just wanted my life to stay as peaceful as it was.

But I guess I realized that something wasn't right and so I became uneasy and hectic, trying to get rid of every bad thought that was coming to my mind.

And just as I started to calm down, telling myself that I had nothing to worry about, that Mingyu would always love and take care of me, I heard his phone vibrating, indicating that he was receiving a call. On top of that, it was none else but Seungcheol calling him, probably wanting to talk about the whole situation with him.

I picked up the call without a second thought, saying nothing but a short "Yeah?", thinking I should rather talk to Seungcheol and tell him that everything was my fault before he'd scream at Mingyu.

But Seungcheol didn't even realize it was me who was talking to him. Hell, he would've never said those next few words if he'd known.

"Mingyu, Junhui just told me where you guys are and I know I'm not in the position to tell you what to do, but I think you're going too far right now", he started, sighing loudly due to his clear frustration: "Honestly, just what the hell is going through your mind? You can't just take Wonwoo on some fake- love trip and make him even more delusional than he already is. I know you're just trying to make him happy, but god, you can't pretend to be in love with him for your whole life, don't you get that?"

I stayed silent.

"How can you just go on a date to ing Sokcho with him when you don't even like him at all? How can you be so ing cruel?", Seungcheol started yelling: "Wonwoo is going to break if he realizes that all of this is just a lie! , Mingyu, I told you so many times to end all of this and you take him to go and gaze at the stars with you? How can you fool him like that without even feeling guilty? How?"

I didn't even dare to speak up.

"You've been telling me that this is none of my business and that you know what you're doing, but apparently you don't know anything! You're just making everything worse like this and don't even care!", Seungcheol cried out, his voice almost breaking: "Honestly, you have to tell Wonwoo the truth before it's too late! He can't just keep falling for you when you'll never be able to love him ba-"

I hung up on Seungcheol.

With my mouth opened widely and my heart racing, I simply hung op on him, just like I'd done to Junhui just minutes before. As all the happy illusions I'd slowly build up were getting crushed, showing me that Mingyu's love for me was nothing but a dream, I only hung up on Seungcheol, thinking I'd be able to forget his words like that.

I was freaked out, so ing freaked out.

But the funny thing is, no matter how hard my heart ached as I realized that I was living a lie and had been deluded all that time, I couldn't bring myself to cry. It was as if all the strong emotions I was feeling didn't even reach me at all. 

They were there, sure, but not really affecting me the way they'd always done. 

Everything was just cloudy and dull, my body not even reacting to my heart's screams, my mind not even registering what was going on. 

I was experiencing a breakdown, but not really. I guess I'd gone through too much pain to even break down properly and so I just sat on the hotel room's bed, all emotions slowly fading as I waited for Mingyu to get out of the bathroom.

I didn't even look up when I heard the door being opened and him walking inside of our room, but just closed my eyes instead, not wanting to see Mingyu in front of me.

And apparently, he didn't mind that. Not at all.

Mingyu just sat down next to me, took my hand in his and massaged it slowly, before whispering a short "I'm sorry". And I didn't even know what he was apologizing for but nodded anyways, not in the state to be able to hear explanations or words which would hurt my heart even more.

"It's okay", I mumbled back, smiling a bit as I opened my eyes and looked at him: "Everything's okay as long as you love me."

And suddenly, I did notice how Mingyu's face fell for a second before he put a smile on his lips. Suddenly, I saw how he hesitated before getting closer and crashing his lips on mine. Suddenly, I felt how little love and passion our kiss was filled with.

But I didn't mind that as much as I should have.

I just accepted his touches, his sweet lips on mine, knowing that they weren't out of love but filled with a need for something I didn't know. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know either, which is why I didn't speak up but let my heart scream and cry as Mingyu's lips moved against mine.

Just like that, I decided that pretending to buy his lie was still better than living without his faked love, knowing I wouldn't be able to live without Mingyu anyways. I didn't even have the slightest idea why he would even want to fool me like that, but as Seungcheol's harsh words echoed through my head, I was sure of one thing.

Mingyu wanted me to be happy.

For some reason, he was desperately trying to satisfy me, to make me smile and forget all the problems and heartbreaks I'd been facing because of him. Somehow, Mingyu was doing everything, even kissing and pretending to love me, just to put my mind at ease.

It was almost as if he was exchanging his happiness for mine and I couldn't help but love him for that.

And so, as he asked me if I was happy once again, I nodded my head with a small smile playing on my lips, loving how he was taking care of me, telling him I would be happy as long as he'd love me back.

I honestly just wanted him to acknowledge the fact that he'd never be able to stop acting as my lover if my happiness was all that he cared about.

I wanted him to know that he had no other choice but to stay by my side.

And apparently, he got that message.
______

We came home the next day just to be screamed at by the other members, all of them telling us to stop acting so selfish and doing risky things which would put our group in danger.

They were right and I apologized for our behavior, saying everything was my fault so that Mingyu wouldn't be blamed for our mistake. To be honest, it wasn't even like I cared about the member's anger and disappointment. 

I had other things to worry about.

"No, I'm at fault for it too. Don't blame Wonwoo for everything when I'm the one who agreed to everything", Mingyu said, taking my hand in his and smiling a bit at me before turning his head to face the members once again: "Wonwoo only wanted me to be happy, so it's actually all my doing instead of his. We went to Sokcho because of me, seriously."

I liked how Mingyu tried to protect me, saying everything was his fault when it wasn't. As he took the blame for our mistake, I felt his sincerity and almost deluded myself once again, thinking he was doing everything out of love.

When I knew he didn't.

It was shortly after that moment when I realized that fooling myself and believing Mingyu's lies was probably the only way for me to survive. I mean, I didn't want to confront him about everything, knowing that an explanation would hurt. I didn't want to remind myself over and over again that Mingyu wasn't even in love with me either and so the only solution which would bring happiness to me was to go along with his act and make myself believe his insincere words.

Honestly, I just wanted to stop myself from breaking even more.

And so, as the members started to calm down and told us not to act so reckless again, I decided that I needed to talk to someone and hear their opinion on the whole issue. I seriously just wanted someone to tell me that I was doing the right thing by going along with Mingyu's lies.

Maybe I wanted comfort as well.

But as I thought about it, I realized that I had none to talk to. Seungcheol and I weren't on good terms at all and so I didn't want to tell him about everything, even if he knew it all. Junhui and Minghao were simply too happy for me, always smiling and encouraging me, telling me that they were proud of me. I didn't want to let them know about the truth, hating how I'd have to admit that I'd been deluded once again.

I didn't want them to know about my foolish mistakes and honestly, I didn't want them to hate Mingyu for his actions either.

Because I was convinced that he was doing everything for my sake.

I came to the conclusion that I couldn't tell any of our members about my problems, knowing that it would end in a disaster anyways. And I didn't want something like that to happen.

There were only two options for me.

Either to stay quiet and go along with my plan without telling anyone about it or to find someone besides our members who I could ask for advice. 

But there was nobody I could turn to, I was well aware of that.

"What are you thinking about?", Mingyu's soft voice interrupted my thoughts as both of us sat on my bed later that day, his eyes looking at me curiously: "Are you still upset about the way I behaved yesterday? Because I'm very sorry about that."

I shook my head almost immediately.

"No, it's alright, I'm not mad at you at all. I told you that I'm happy", I replied with a smile, not even sure if I was lying or not. I wasn't even upset, that much I was sure of. 

I guess I just didn't care enough.

I wanted to be selfish for once, thinking that going along with everything was the best decision I'd ever made, but at the same time, I felt guilty, knowing that Mingyu was probably having a hard time while pretending to love me when he just wanted to make his best friend happy.

I was conflicted.

"I'm going to make a call", I announced soon after, smiling softly as Mingyu pouted, disliking the fact that I was leaving his side: "Don't worry, I'll be back soon."

I walked out of the room without looking back at Mingyu, knowing I wouldn't dare to go along with my decision if I did. But I was sure that I needed to talk to someone about it all, that I needed advice from a person which wasn't a member of our group.

I wanted to talk to someone who was experienced enough to give helpful advices. And so I went to the empty kitchen, took out my phone and hesitantly called that one person I'd always tried to stay away from.

And instead of ignoring my call, he picked it up, probably smiling as he said those next few words.

"What has Mingyu done this time for you to actually call me?"
______

A/N: I've been gone for about a week and I'm sorry for this very very very late update. This won't happen again, I promise. But things were going on and I just... didn't feel like writing. My mind was so empty, I'm sorry.

Yeah, so Wonwoo found out (half of it). Some of you guys wanted an emotionless Wonwoo and I thought it would actually fit here. Well, he's not completely emotionless, it's just that he doesn't want to let go of Mingyu and since he's convinced Mingyu wants him to be happy he's satisfied with that. The advice he wants to get is actually important for later on, that's all I'm going to say. 

Thanks for reading and again, I'm sorry for not updating earlier!