Seungcheol obviously started avoiding me.

As soon as Mingyu had talked to him and probably given him a good reason to shut up, he didn't even dare to glance in my direction anymore. Working together became a problem because of that, both of us not wanting to talk or even look at each other, hating to be in the same unit more than anything else.

I tried my best, though. 

Seriously, I did everything to make things work, not liking to be unprofessional. And Seungcheol apparently managed to let his personal feelings slide after a while as well, even if it was awkward and tense for us to be around each other. It was a relief for me that at least Mingyu was with me, his hand often patting my shoulder or back in an encouraging way. 

For a reason I couldn't comprehend, he didn't seem to have a problem with Seungcheol at all. It was more as if Seungcheol had started to respect him way more than he had before which was shocking since Mingyu was not only younger than him but also in no position to order our leader around.

Something was weird, but I tried to let it go, not even wanting to think about it.

I rather stayed with Junhui and Minghao, proudly telling them how great my relationship with Mingyu was processing. Both of them were happy for me and so I liked to be around them. It was easier to be with them than with the other members, to be honest. Since Seokmin, Soonyoung and Jeonghan clearly had noticed that something was up, I often found myself being teased by them, which made the others confused, asking what everyone was talking about.

It made me feel bad for the members and at some point I even hated myself for lying to them all the time.

I didn't even want to hide anymore, I'm
serious. Maybe the secret kisses and touches with Mingyu had made everything more exciting in the beginning, but I slowly grew tired of having to find excuses for always leaving everyone when wanting to have more skin contact with Mingyu than allowed.

Honestly, I just wanted to proudly tell all of our members about Mingyu being my boyfriend and me actually being gay, but Mingyu didn't want me to. Since he didn't even know why he was in love with me, stating that he was actually pretty sure that he was straight, he kept telling me that he needed to sort out his feelings before letting the members know about our relationship.

It was a lie, but of course I believed him without a single doubt.

And so a month of complete obliviousness was over quite soon, my mind and heart growing accustomed to the fact that Kim Mingyu was in love with me, taking care of me and kissing my worries away easily. 

I came to the point of forgetting what actual sadness even felt like, only knowing how to be upset about little things before getting my heart soothed by a smiling Mingyu, telling me he was there for me, kissing my forehead for comfort.

He was too sweet to be true, seriously.

And I probably kept falling even harder for him with every day that passed by when I should've done the complete opposite. But I didn't know so, not at all.

"Are you happy?", was a question Mingyu would ask me almost every night before we went to bed, looking at me with a curious stare which wanted honest answers. It felt like he was checking on me and I loved it, thinking he cared just that much about me.

I didn't know he was simply clarifying if his plan was working well.

"Of course I am", I answered every time, smiling brightly and kissing the tip of his nose if nobody was around to see us. But it wasn't even hard to get away from the other members anymore since we'd done it so often, we'd probably become professionals at hiding without making the others notice we were gone.

Or maybe we just thought they didn't.

"Remember how you used to say you'd never fall in love with me?", I once asked Mingyu during one of many cuddling sessions we had in his bed, earning a nervous look on his face. I found it almost amusing to talk about the past with him, liking how it sometimes threw him out of his concept: "Because I think it's funny how it happened anyways."

Mingyu forced a smile on his lips at that: "Yeah, right. But that was a lie anyways, so it doesn't even count as me going against my words."

It's kind of ironic how him having fallen for me was the lie and not the fact that he'd never fall for me. 

But it's something I realized way too late.

The first time I actually noticed that something wasn't right about Mingyu's actions was when I asked him about us telling the other members of our relationship once again, not getting the usual excuse about him not being ready as an answer but actually making him sigh in annoyance, telling me I should let it go already.

"What's so wrong about us telling them?", I questioned him, not liking how he didn't even give me the chance to be honest with the others. I seriously wanted to come out already since hiding everything had become a burden, making me feel guilty for lying all the time.

"It's because I'm not gay and if you tell them you are then they'll assume that I'm like that too", Mingyu explained to me, throwing me off-guard: "And I don't want them to think of me like that. I want to be respected."

I hated his answer.

"What does being respected have anything to do with your uality? Being into boys isn't a bad thing and certainly doesn't make you into a pathetic person, Mingyu", I tried to convince him, using the words Junhui had told me once before: "It's not like the whole world is going to know about it. Just the other members, you know, our family."

Mingyu only laughed at that.

"But I'm not gay", he insisted, chuckling a bit: "I'm not into boys, alright?"

He didn't make sense.

"But you're into me?", I argued, furrowing my eyebrows at him: "Or are you telling me you're not into me at all, just like Seungcheol said a few weeks ago? Is that it? You're actually just fooling me?"

I was exaggerating and didn't even mean the words I said. But I wanted Mingyu to realize that I was mad, wanted him to notice how aggravating his statements were.

He sighed.

"Wonwoo, I didn't mean it like that, okay?", he replied, taking my hand in his: "I'm just not ready yet, that's all. I don't know what exactly I'm feeling, so just give me more time to get comfortable with all of this. You've already taken some time to accept yourself, that's why you're rushing right now. But I can't tell the others just yet, I'm not confident enough to do it."

I felt guilty for doubting Mingyu almost instantly, looking at his stressed expression which seemed to be caused by my request to let the other members in on our secret. 

"Sorry", I mumbled, looking down in shame: "I keep forgetting about your feelings and only focus on mine all the time. You're probably sick of it."

Mingyu chuckled at that and I felt his lips on my forehead soon after, kissing it lightly before he answered me: "Don't worry about it, you're probably just feeling guilty. I can't blame you for wanting to tell the others, but just give me some time, okay?"

And just like that, I let the thought of something not being right go, looking up at Mingyu to be met with a soft smile, promising him I would wait until he was ready to tell everyone.

His lips found mine soon after, kissing me sweetly. I thought it was because he wanted to say 'thanks' with that when he probably just wanted to shut me up or to make me forget about the whole topic.

And I did, his touches clouding my mind as always.
______

"What do you want me to get you for your birthday?"

It was a question I asked shortly before April came, knowing it would probably take me some time to get what exactly Mingyu wanted. But he just shrugged his shoulders at me, smiling happily: "I don't need much. Let's just go on a date or something, I think I'd like that."

It was a reply which surprised me.

Mingyu and I hadn't gone on a real date before, either because we were too busy while working on our new album or because we didn't want to make our relationship too obvious to the other members by going out by ourselves.

"Don't you think the other members would notice that something is up when we have a date on your birthday?", I asked, worried, instantly making him shake his head: "No, I'm not saying we should go on the date on my birthday. Just that I want to go on one and I'll see it as your birthday present for me."

I smiled at that.

"Is a date seriously everything you want?", I questioned, blushing a bit at the thought of him only wanting to spend some time with me instead of craving for a materialistic gift. It made me feel important and most of all, it made me think he loved me.

Which is probably the reason why he even said that.

"Yeah, let's go to that planetarium you used to tell me about. I've been wanting to go there ever since you first mentioned it", he explained to me, his eyes sparkling a bit at that thought. 

I laughed. 

"But I was there in middle school, of course I was fascinated back then. I don't think it'll be interesting to go there now", I told him, chuckling, but Mingyu just shook his head at me: "I don't care about that. You promised me back in our trainee days that you would take me there someday and now I think it's time for you to fulfill that promise."

I sighed playfully at him: "Alright, let's go there, then. If that's what you want."

Mingyu grinned at me, giving my lips a short peck out of happiness: "Thanks and yeah, it's exactly what I want."

It was decided just like that and so I soon found myself taking Mingyu to the planetarium I'd visited back when I was still a middle school student. It had taken some time to convince our manager for him to let us go out by ourselves, but after having agreed to wearing at least light disguises and promising not to be too obvious about our real identities, he'd finally accepted our request, telling us not to stay out in public for too long.

We didn't even plan on going against his words, but it somehow happened anyways.

The first thing that went wrong was that we actually made our way to the planetarium just to notice that it was closed due to constructions. It disappointed Mingyu deeply, his face which was hidden behind big sunglasses falling visibly.

"Let's just come here when they're finished with constructions, alright?", I tried to cheer him up: "We can do something else today, we'll surely find something that's as much fun as the planetarium."

But Mingyu didn't want to do that.

"I've been wanting to see the stars for a long time now, I don't want to go anywhere else", he pouted, sighing afterwards. 

"Well, but I don't think there is a way for us to go to a planetarium today", I told him honestly: "Come on, let's just go and see a movie. We can go to the karaoke bar afterwards, how about that?"

Mingyu shook his head at me.

"We can do that everyday. But today I wanted to see the stars, you know? I've always imagined my first date to include star-gazing and since the sky in Seoul isn't clear enough for that I thought a planetarium would at least be a good substitution for real stars", he explained to me, looking on the ground: "But now we can't even do that because they're not opened."

I thought his reasons were cute, loving how he wanted to fulfill that wish of his with me. And so I didn't even think it all through before speaking up, announcing the solution to our problem.

"Let's leave Seoul then."

It was a stupid idea and I was well aware that it would surely get us into trouble, but I wanted to see Mingyu smile, not liking how his imagination of his first date was getting ruined just like that.

"I mean, I heard that in Gangwando the skies are much clearer than here, so we can just take a bus there, see some stars and come back at night", I explained, not even thinking the whole plan through. Mingyu's eyes widened at my words, his lips curving into a smile soon after: "You'd do that with me?"

I nodded my head almost instantly.

And so we made the huge mistake to just get onto the next bus to Sokcho, leaving Seoul behind and not even thinking about the fact that there wouldn't be a way to get back later that night.
______

It was worth it, though.

Standing at the beach in Sokcho, holding Mingyu's hand tightly and looking at the countless stars filling up the skies, it was such a beautiful sight that I didn't even care about the mistake we were making.

I still don't regret it, honestly.

Not only was the sight above us breathtaking, but also Mingyu was shining, his lips wearing a huge smile, his eyes sparkling out of happiness. 

Real happiness.

"Thank you so much for taking me here", he kept muttering, beaming at the stars and soon after, turning his head to look at me, kissing my lips in pure bliss, the waves crashing against the shore being the only sound accompanying us.

Sure, it was cold and windy and I knew that we had to get back soon since it was almost midnight and the bus back to Seoul would take about three hours, but I couldn't bring myself to ruin the beautiful moment, not wanting to let go of Mingyu's sweet lips.

At some point we made ourselves comfortable on the cold sand, Mingyu's head resting on my arm as we looked up at the stars and talked about unimportant things. 

We didn't mention anything related to our work, not even once, and it made everything even more peaceful.

"You know, I think I could get used to this", Mingyu whispered then, turning his head to look at me, his eyes showing sincerity: "It's not even that bad to have you as a boyfriend."

I chuckled at that, not really knowing what he was getting at, leaning towards him to plant a short peck on Mingyu's lips instead of answering him.

He smiled and was silent for a few minutes, looking deep in thought about something.

"Are you okay?", I asked him when he suddenly seemed to be upset about something, his eyes focusing on me.

Mingyu nodded his head slowly.

"Yeah", he muttered, biting his lip in hesitation before continuing: "Yeah, I'm fine, just happy. I can't believe you took me here just so that my stupid and childish wish could be fulfilled."

He chuckled a bit after saying that, his eyes still wearing that sad look.

"Of course I did. If this is what makes you happy then I'd do it countless times just to see you smile. I love you, you know that", I explained to him, leaning in to kiss his lips soon after.

But Mingyu didn't kiss back.

"What's wrong?", I muttered, my eyebrows furrowing at the pained expression on his face: "Are you sure you're alright?"

He didn't answer me, but just looked deeply into my eyes, shaking his head soon after, tearing up when realizing how concerned I looked.

"You're too good for this world, Jeon Wonwoo", he whispered, meaning every word he said, before taking my face in his hands, dragging it down and crashing his lips on mine.

And for the first time, he didn't kiss me for the sake of deluding me, but because he felt guilty, tears escaping his eyes as his lips moved against mine.

I thought he was crying out of happiness.
______

A/N: Everyone's waiting for the breakdown to come but nah, it's too soon. So enjoy this beautiful and happy chapter! It's actually an important one (if you noticed things then you might know what I'm talking about) 

Actually, I've been thinking about putting this story into the M rated section because of the emotional abuse that has happened until now and will surely happen in the future. I honestly think this needs a Trigger Warning at some point, so yeah, are you guys okay with that?

OH AND WONWOO IS BACK GUYS!! I ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE UPLOADED YESTERDAY BUT THEN HE TWEETED AND DAMN I WAS AN EMOTIONAL MESS AND COULDN'T FINISH THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE HOLY- OUR BABY IS BACK!!!! 

Thanks for reading and everything, I love you guys!