I looked up to see a terrified expression on Mingyu's face, all color having drained from his cheeks. His eyes weren't focused on me anymore either. Instead, he seemed to be spaced out, the shock he was experiencing clearly visible.

"So you do know?", he only muttered, putting his hand against the wall to find stability: "You actually listened to Seungcheol that day, didn't you?"

I only nodded my head, nibbling on my lip as I tried to keep calm.

"And you believe what he said?", Mingyu questioned, finally looking at me again, his eyes showing nothing but fear: "You think I'm just pretending to love you, don't you?"

I looked on the ground: "Well, it's the truth, right? You don't love me and you never will. You even told me so yourself, I should've listened to your words back then."

Mingyu didn't answer me.

"It's okay, though", I said, my voice weaker than I wanted it to be: "I'm happy that you actually had the heart to do something like this just to satisfy my needs, but you can stop it now, really. I'm not comfortable with dating you when you can't love me back. It actually hurts, you know?"

Mingyu sighed at that, slowly making his way back to the bed and sitting down next to me: "But what if I do love you back? Will you be better then?"

I didn't even dare to look at him.

"That option isn't even available, so let's not talk about that", I whispered, feeling myself tear up: "You can't love me, no matter how hard I want you to. So let's just stop it here. I don't know, maybe we should distance ourselves from each other as well, I think that's the only way for me to fall out of love with you."

Mingyu gasped at my words, instantly shaking his head.

"No, Wonwoo, we can't be distanced. I need you!", he cried out, not even hesitating before saying those next few lines: "And you don't have to believe Seungcheol's words because they're not the truth! That's what he thinks, but I'm not like that, okay? I'm not faking anything! I love you so much, why can't you see that?"

I felt like laughing at that, but couldn't even do so. 

"Mingyu, you can stop lying already, really", I told him, feeling the tears I'd been holding in escape my eyes: "I know you're just doing this for my sake but it's enough now, I don't need you to pretend to be my boyfriend. I just have to get away from you so that I'll be able to get over you. It's the only solution to our problem."

But Mingyu thought otherwise.

"No, it's not! You just have to believe me and stop being convinced that I don't love you because that's bull!", he insisted, reaching for my hands in a hurry: "Look, I know I've put you through a lot and that's why you can't believe me now, but think about the last few months and tell me that I haven't been sincere during our relationship!"

I stayed silent, letting the tears fall down my cheeks.

"See, you can't! Because in fact, I've been nothing but sincere all this time! I don't need to fake anything because my feelings for you are real!", he claimed, his hands letting go of mine so that he could wipe my tears away, his face showing nothing but concern and pain. 

And I was confused.

Ever since I'd heard Seungcheol's words, I'd been so convinced that Mingyu was just pretending to love me that his sudden confession threw me off-guard. I hadn't expected him to insist that he was in love me at all and so I didn't know what to think about his behavior, not so sure of what was the truth anymore.

"Wonwoo, please believe me", Mingyu muttered, my face still in his hands as his fingers were gliding over my cheeks: "I need you by my side, so please don't leave me. Please, just let me show you my sincerity instead of letting Seungcheol's beliefs ruin our relationship. He's just mistaken, Wonwoo, he's been thinking that my feelings aren't real all this time because he doesn't know what we are like. So just trust me instead of him."

I didn't know what to say.

"I'll prove it to you. Wonwoo, I'll show you how much I love you, okay?", Mingyu mumbled, trying to make me believe him: "Just don't leave me, please. You have to stay by my side."

He looked so sincere and desperate that I couldn't even point out if what he said made sense. All I knew was that Mingyu could not be lying when fighting for me like that and so I nodded slowly, trying to understand him: "Okay, I won't leave you."

Mingyu's arms instantly wrapped themselves around my upper body, his head resting on my shoulder as he hugged me tightly, whispering "Thank you" over and over again. 

I was shocked and scared as he held me like that, thinking I'd made a mistake when having accepted his words without a second thought. I didn't even want to believe Mingyu anymore but his desperate try to convince me of his feelings made me confused and so I accepted his words, actually not even liking what I was doing.

I wasn't even convinced.
______

Mingyu didn't address the topic anymore, probably thinking I would change my mind then, and so both of us pretended like that conversation had never happened. Even though both of us knew that there was a problem, neither of us talked about it, holding on to a relationship which didn't even make sense. I knew his feelings for me weren't real but yet I couldn't tell him that once again, not wanting to hurt his feelings. 

What I'd realized when telling Mingyu that I was aware of the truth was that he didn't want to stop faking his love for me and even if I didn't know the reason for that, I accepted his decision, thinking I wouldn't have to feel guilty when being with him since it was his will after all.

It's not even like I enjoyed pain, really. You might think I did since I kept trusting Mingyu when there wasn't even a single reason to do so, but my mind was weak and searched for the easiest solution at all times. Staying with Mingyu was that solution, I guess.

It should've made me happy since that was what I wanted to accomplish, but somehow, it didn't.

Mingyu, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy our relationship a lot more after having talked to me about that issue. Suddenly, his actions didn't feel forced anymore and the way he treated me was a lot more comfortable. Instead of asking me if I was happy, he told me that he was the blessed one every night, saying I made his life brighter.

I didn't know if he was saying the truth.

But what I did know was that Mingyu's feelings seemed to be changing as time went by. His smile seemed more sincere, his kisses were more spontaneous and filled with a passion he hadn't shown before. It almost felt like he was falling for me for real and I'm not going to lie here, I actually liked to think that that was the case.

I liked to see him smile, telling myself he wasn't lying to me but actually growing real feelings for me. To be honest, I became a lot more confident about my feelings as well, thinking I wouldn't be disappointed again, that I would be okay since Mingyu always had good intentions when kissing me and telling me how much I meant to him. 

I even told Seokjin about the change Mingyu was having, but he wasn't as excited about it as I was, not trusting Mingyu the way I did. 

"Are you sure he's falling for you and not just acting more naturally than before?", he once asked me over the phone, telling me he didn't want me to have another breakdown when finding out the truth. But I was sure of Mingyu's sincerity and told Seokjin so. He left the topic at that, saying he didn't want to start fighting with me again.

He also said that he'd never believe Mingyu, but I didn't care.

I soon didn't have much time to talk to Seokjin anyways since both of us were too busy preparing for our comebacks. Practice was hard and all the energy out of my body, so there wasn't even a desire to call Seokjin anymore, my mind concentrating on our career and Mingyu instead.

I became stupid again. Stupid and hopeful, but satisfied.

As soon as our comeback came, Mingyu started to act even sweeter, always taking care of me and making sure that I wouldn't be exhausted, massaging my tense shoulders, giving food and water to me and helping me when I had to change. It felt nice to know that he was there to help me out whenever I was tired and stressed, but for some reason, it felt strange. 

It was as if he'd made taking care of me to his new job and I didn't like it, thinking he was doing too much when he didn't have to. 

I even told him so but Mingyu just shook his head at my words, answering that he was concerned about me and just wanted to make sure that I'm fine. It was sweet, really, but something about it didn't feel right and so I didn't like it. 

I also didn't like how Mingyu kept pushing the fanservice thing, saying we should interact more, act cuter together, touch each other more and do all sorts of things I didn't want to do. He said it should come naturally since we were in love anyways, but I tried to hold back instead, not wanting to let the fans know about our relationship.

Mingyu got mad at me because of that, insisting that it shouldn't be a problem for me to be close to him in front of the cameras when I was doing way more things with him as soon as the cameras were off. He didn't even understand my fear of being too obvious and so I got upset with him, hating how he was forcing me to do more fanservice with him when it was already more than enough. 

"We're together, so you can at least show that we like each other", seemed to be his only answer to everything and no matter how hard I tried to tell him that I didn't like it, Mingyu got furious when I wouldn't agree to doing more.

And so it was tense between us, making me hate his sweet gestures and the way he took care of me even more. Everything just seemed wrong yet I couldn't even talk to Mingyu about that.

I didn't know why.
______

Thankfully, Seokjin started promoting soon and so I actually met him at some music shows, instantly feeling myself smile when looking at his happy and carefree self. 

I was glad to see him again.

We didn't get to talk much since both of us were quite busy, but just greeting him and knowing he was there was comforting enough for me. I guess I was uneasy with everything that was happening between Mingyu and me when realizing how strange his behavior was and so I liked to have Seokjin around me even if we didn't have much time to spend together.

His presence calmed me down and that was all I needed, really. To be at ease.

Mingyu, on the other hand, wasn't so happy to see Seokjin around me. He didn't even greet him properly like he should've but just nodded his head at him whenever they crossed their paths, his eyes glaring at Seokjin like he was the devil in person. 

And I tried to talk to him about Seokjin countless times, but it was no use. Mingyu insisted that he wasn't good for me and had to stay away even if I told him not to worry. He was convinced Seokjin wasn't approaching me with pure thoughts and so I had to be cautious around him.

Mingyu's mistrust annoyed me, but I didn't tell him so.

It was around the end of our promotions when I actually saw Mingyu and Seokjin talking for the first time in a while. And let me just tell you, whatever both of them were saying, it didn't seem to be a nice conversation. They glared at each other, the atmosphere around them tense and heavy as they mumbled angry words at each other which I couldn't understand. After all, they'd made sure to get some distance from others so that none could listen to their conversation. 

But I'd noticed that something was going on and honestly, I was too curious and concerned to just let it slide when I saw both of them walking away to be able to talk privately.

And as I stood there and tried to listen to whatever they were saying, I noticed that both were completely furious, clearly arguing about something. Actually, I still don't know what exactly they were fighting about but it doesn't matter anyways since I got to know soon enough what the main problem was.

That's right, I soon knew about it all.

In the beginning of June I finally found out everything, thanks to Seokjin and his mistrust when it came to Mingyu's innocence. And let me just tell you, I didn't even want to find out but just happened to be there, at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or to be more detailed, on the second June in our dorm. 

It was a stressful day, our members agreeing to practice at the company for a new choreography, some going to radio shows to appear as hosts. I don't even remember what exactly was going on that day since everyone was stressed out and everything was hectic, but it doesn't even matter. 

All that matters is that I was at the dorm and drinking some water in the kitchen when I should've been at the company already. I was there, waiting for Mingyu to get ready when I heard the door bell ring, indicating that someone was visiting us. 

And since I never liked to open the door just to greet strangers, I decided to stay in the kitchen, thinking Mingyu would open the door for our visitor. 

Which he did. 

"Is Wonwoo home?", I heard a rather familiar voice ask, soon realizing that it was none other than Seokjin who was visiting. Instantly, I smiled, happy about the fact that he was coming to see me. I already made my way to the corridor when I heard Mingyu's answer, making me stop immediately.

"No, he's at the company. What the do you want here anyways? You know I told you to stay away", he snapped at Seokjin, making me gasp. I mean, I knew Mingyu didn't like Seokjin, but as he talked so disrespectfully, I was shocked. 

I hadn't expected him to be so rude.

"Well, I guess someone should tell him the whole truth before it's too late. I'm here to do that", Seokjin laughed back, his voice filled with hatred. I took a step back, soon realizing that both shouldn't notice that I was still home and listening to their words. 

"It's not your business, so stay out of it!", Mingyu hissed at Seokjin, probably wanting him to leave. But apparently, Seokjin didn't think so.

"It's not my business? Are you serious right now? Because maybe you haven't noticed so yet, but I'm Wonwoo's friend and I think it's my job to let my friend know when he's just being used by the guy he loves!", Seokjin started yelling, making Mingyu start chuckling. I bit on my lip as I let Seokjin's words sink in, hoping for Mingyu to deny it all, to tell Seokjin that he was wrong. 

But he didn't. 

"Look, if I use Wonwoo or not, that's my own decision and not yours. He's happy right now, so just let him be. He's the one who's too stupid to realize that I'm not in love with him and well, why should I burst his bubble of happiness when it helps me accomplish what I want?", Mingyu chuckled instead, making my heart stop as I realized what he was saying. 

He wasn't denying anything. 

"Because what you're doing is disgusting! You're deluding him for what? A little moment of fame? Doesn't that make you feel the least bit guilty?", Seokjin cried out, clearly frustrated because of Mingyu's words. He was probably worried as hell, knowing I wouldn't be able to handle the truth.

"Guilty? You're saying I should feel guilty? Look, Wonwoo wanted to be with me from the start, so why should I feel guilty when I'm giving him what he needs?", Mingyu chuckled at him, apparently not even realizing his wrongdoings: "Besides, you're from a group that has seven members, so I don't think you can even understand how hard it is to stand out when there's twelve other members around you. You have no idea how much this !"

I didn't even understand what they were talking about anymore. Fame? Was Mingyu using me for fame? But how? And why? All those questions were clouding my mind, my body tense as I tried to keep listening to their conversation.

"So what? Even if it it doesn't give you the right to delude Wonwoo and use him like that just for a bit of fanservice! That's just wrong and doesn't make sense anyways!", Seokjin started screaming and as I heard his voice cracking, I soon realized that he was probably crying: "He gave you enough fanservice before, so why the hell did you turn everything around and announce that you're in love with him when you could've simply let everything stay the way it used to be! At least Wonwoo knew that you didn't give a about him back then!"

Mingyu only laughed at that.

"Because that plan didn't work out, alright? Wonwoo started fighting back, saying he didn't want to do the fanservice anymore and it was annoying as hell", he explained, making me gasp for air: "Maybe I enjoyed kissing him as well, I don't know, I guess it helped me to let go of my frustrations. Yeah, it actually helped a lot."

I sunk to the ground, my legs too weak to let me stand anymore.

"And suddenly, when I noticed that kissing him is actually not so bad and treating him like makes things too complicated, I got that idea", Mingyu said, chuckling a bit before continuing: "I realized that I should just date him to make things easier and you know what? It did. Wonwoo was happily doing the fanservice and not even complaining about it anymore, the other members stopped asking questions as well and from time to time I could even enjoy a nice make-out session. Everything was great until you came around and started questioning everything."

Seokjin was quiet for a moment, probably as shocked as I was.

"You're even more disgusting than I always imagined", he spoke up after having thought about it all: "You don't even know how to think about anyone but yourself, do you? You're so ing selfish, it's actually shocking to me that no other member ever realized how ugly you really are. Wonwoo is not an object to be used for fame or pleasure and I sure as hell won't let you use him like that anymore! I'll-"

"You what? You'll tell him about it all and make him miserable? Well, if you want to put him through depression once again, then go ahead!", Mingyu cut Seokjin off, completely furious as he spoke those next few words: "Wonwoo doesn't even know how to smile without me and yet you want to let him know the truth? Are you sure you're his friend? Think about it! Wonwoo is nothing without me and he'll never be anything if I'm not by his side! He needs me just as much as I need him, don't you realize that? Wonwoo will break completely if he knows about it all and yet you feel like telling him?"

Seokjin was silent, just like I was.

"Are you sure you want to tell him for his sake? Or is it for yourself? Because you want Wonwoo to acknowledge that you've been right all along?", Mingyu laughed: "Well, if that's what you want, then go ahead and let him know about it all. But if Wonwoo breaks down again, that won't be my fault. It'll be yours, because you're the one who wants to break his happiness. So don't even blame me if he tries anything stupid after knowing everything."

Honestly, I wasn't even able to breath anymore, my body trembling as I let Mingyu's words sink in. I tried to keep calm, really, but it was no use. Everything was just too scary and sickening to handle. Minguy's words were so repulsive, they actually made me sick to my stomach.

Yet I couldn't even throw up.

Hell, I couldn't do anything. I wasn't even able to catch Seokjin's last words before he left the dorm, or whatever Mingyu screamed after him. I didn't even realize that Mingyu left the dorm soon after that as well, because I honestly just couldn't concentrate on anything that was going on around me anymore.

I just sat there, on the kitchen floor, realizing that all I'd hoped for and desperately protected had been nothing but lies all along, acknowledging that Mingyu hadn't been innocent, that his ulterior motive hadn't been my happiness. It was a truth so raw that I didn't want to accept any of it.

And I knew too well that Mingyu's words had been right, that I wasn't able to smile and be happy without him. Scratch that, I wasn't even able to live and breath without him. Which is why my whole world fell apart as I realized that Mingyu had never been sincere at all, that I'd just been used and manipulated the whole time.

I couldn't even cry as I acknowledged that my life had become pointless.
______

A/N: I'm back home!!! Sorry for the long wait but here we go!!!

I bet you're all hating me right now and thinking "what the hell, it's only been fanservice all this time?" but!!! Yeah??? It has! You'll get more explanations in the next few chapters but that's all for now. Shocking, right? Everyone has been thinking and thinking and it's just been.... fanservice. Yeah. Fanservice. Actually, the key chapters for Mingyu's motives are chapter two and three so you probably didn't think about this because it's been a hell of a ride since then. But I've told you, Mingyu only has one main motive. It's that, it's fame, even if it sounds weak. 

Thanks for reading this chapter and waiting patiently for it!! OH AND LISTEN TO YOONGI'S MIXTAPE EVERYONE. IT'S LIT AS HELL AND THE LYRICS ARE JUST RIGHT TO BREAK YOUR HEART INTO PIECES I'M SERIOUS THAT MIXTAPE IS A MASTERPIECE!!!