”So what is the meaning behind that title?”

”It’s personal.” 

Baekhyun felt confused. ”Um, how do you want me to help you then?”

Chanyeol only shrugged and grabbed some white papers from a box and handed those to Baekhyun.

”Write anything you want here, it can be anything.”

”But I don’t really—”

”Just write please.” Chanyeol begged and Baekhyun could not reject the offer.

”Okay..I will do my best.”

”Thanks, I’ll go and fix us something to eat, if you need anything you know where I am.” With that Chanyeol left the room and Baekhyun all alone.

”I can write whatever I want…” Baekhyun mumbled to himself. He began to tap the pencil on his chin thinking of something he’s been through but nothing comes up. There hasn’t really happened anything special in his life unless it’s the feelings for Chanyeol but he won’t express them in a song. Never. So what should he write?

Suddenly an idea popped up in his head and he quickly wrote it down with excitement and with hopes that Chanyeol will like the result of it.

ㆍㅅㆍ

30 minutes later Chanyeol came back to the studio with a tray filled with yummy snacks. The taller expected Baekhyun being bored out or just sit there but to his surprise he was writing something- no a lot of words on the paper.

”You should take a rest.” He voiced out making the smaller jump a bit.

”Uh, sure.” Baekhyun put the pencil down and stared at Chanyeol and then at the tray. It sure looked tasty.

Chanyeol sat down next to him and placed a bowl of cookies and other sweets for him with a glass of milk to the side.

”Can I read what you have wrote?”

”Go ahead. But I’m not finished yet.” Baekhyun said before taking a huge bite of a cinnamon roll.

We keep behind closed doors

Every time I see you, I die a little more

Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls

It'll never be enough

As you drive me to my house

I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down

You and I both have to hide on the outside

Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine.

But I know this, we got a love that is homeless

Why can't I hold you in the street?

Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours

Why can't I say that I'm in love?

I wanna shout it from the rooftops

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours.

Chanyeol’s hands began to tremble a bit after he had read through everything. Baekhyun noticed it and looked confused at him. ”What’s wrong?”

”What’s this?” He asked, still not looking up at Baekhyun.

”It’s about two people with same gender that cannot show their feelings to the rest of the world because they are scared and they know they will be haunted by those that are against it.”

Chanyeol fell silent again and Baekhyun wondered if he did something wrong. The reason he wrote this was because he knew how much it takes for those who likes the same gender to tell their family and friends and others. He saw with his own eyes - especially in his school, how much students there was who did not approve seeing guys in a relationship with each other but when it came to girls they were all okay with it. He didn’t understand the difference.

”You don’t have to have it though, I just wrote it because it’s the truth for a lot of people out there.” Baekhyun explained as he sipped on the milk.

”It’s perfect, keep on writing.” He handed the papers back to Baekhyun without having any eye contact and with a trembling heart he got up and walked to the door.

”Where are you going?” Baekhyun asked and looked worried at him.

”I have to go to the bathroom.” He said and disappeared.

Baekhyun furrowed his brows looking back at his paper. He kept on re-reading everything and as slowly as possible to know if he had written something bad or if this was really uncomfortable for Chanyeol. How come his mood changed so fast? He shrugged and continued where he ended.

ㆍㅅㆍ

”So when you are done just call me and I’ll pick it up.” Chanyeol said once they were both in the car again, heading towards Luhan’s house.

”Alright. I might actually write something later.”

It was silent again between them two, only the radio was on with a slow music. Baekhyun kept on looking out from the window; he was thinking why Chanyeol was acting so strange.

”Chanyeol?” He called.

The other only hummed, turning the volume down a bit.

”Are you okay?”

As the lights turned red Chanyeol gazed at Baekhyun and smiled softly. ”I’m fine. And you?”

Baekhyun’s face suddenly felt warm from the intense eye contact they just had. ”Fine.” He mumbled and looked out from the window again. He didn’t know a person could be in love this much, his heart felt like exploding any second.

ㆍㅅㆍ

Baekhyun almost stumbled from feeling light-headed.

Park freaking Chanyeol just his cheek when he was about to open the passenger seat to go inside the house. He didn’t know why it happened and what was wrong with him but one thing for sure, Baekhyun loved it.

It was already 3 in the morning and he knew Luhan and Kyungsoo was sleeping soundless in the warm bed he had missed, they told him they would sleep together since it was much cozier. So to not wake them up he quietly closed the front door and tip-toed to the wardrobe to change his clothes.

But then it had to happen.

He stepped on a sharp thing making him scream and fall down on the floor with so much pain.

Luhan jolted up from the bed and looked around with wide eyes, he quickly slapped the hell out of Kyungsoo’s to wake him up.

”KYUNGSOO WAKE UP! THERE IS A THIEF IN HERE!” He exclaimed and hid under the bed.

”What the hell are you talking about?” Kyungsoo rubbed his eyes.

”I heard something right there.” Luhan pointed at the wardrobe and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at that. With no hesitation he got up from the bed and walked to the end of the bed.

There laid Baekhyun with teary eyes hugging his poor foot.

Kyungsoo shook his head and crossed his arms. ”Why so late?”

Luhan squinted his eyes and got up as well, he was shocked to see Baekhyun coming home so late.

”I was with Chanyeol. Please help me I’m dying! I just stepped on something!” He cried out and held out his arms for them which they both grabbed.

Kyungsoo bent down and took the thing up. ”Oh it’s my nail for my bat.” Kyungsoo placed it on his nightstand and went back to bed.

”Why in the hell do you have nails on a bat?! That’s ing dangerous! What if I actually stepped on the tip of the stupid thing? You are lucky it didn’t go through my foot.” Baekhyun cursed as he kept on rubbing it.

”But you didn’t die right? Good night.”

Luhan only stared at the two in amusement. ”That’s creepy.” He whispered to Baekhyun.

”I heard that Luhan.” Kyungsoo sing-sang.

”Ops.”

ㆍㅅㆍ

”Are you really going to stay here all day?” Luhan asked once again. He and Kyungsoo both decided to go out and eat or at least do something on a beautiful day but of course Baekhyun was going to be inside.

”I have things to do.”

”Like what?”

”It’s a secret.” Baekhyun smiled and continued to write something down on the paper.

One thing for sure Kyungsoo was going to know what Baekhyun is up to.

”Let’s just go. Don’t open the door for anyone unless it’s someone you are expecting.” He said and they both walked out.

Baekhyun ignored the rest of the world and just kept on thinking what more he could write down. 

It's obvious you're meant for me

Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly

Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep

But I'll never show it on my face.

But we know this, we got a love that is hopeless.

Should he write something more or just write the chorus again?

He stuck with the second option.

Why can't you hold me in the street?

Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours

Why can't I say that I'm in love?

I wanna shout it from the rooftops

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours.

Baekhyun rolled around the bed with laziness. He didn’t feel like working anymore and Luhan was right, he should’t stay here in one fine day. But it’s too late to keep up with them right now. What should he do now?

It’s not like he can just go and visit his parents or the old lady just like that, at least not this time. Compared to his two best friends he doesn’t know a lot of people which makes him lonely. He doesn’t want to feel this way because the feeling is so horrible, but sometimes…he just wants to run away from everyone, far away so that no one can find him, he wants to cry his heart out under a sky filled with water so that the ice cold rain can make him sick. He wants to stop this feeling.

Baekhyun is jealous of everyone.

He knows that he shouldn’t let that feeling eat him up but seeing his friends having no problems with their life, how they have such a big family, brothers, sisters, nieces and so so many friends makes him so outcast. He kept on wondering, is he selfish for thinking that? Is it really okay to feel jealous of his own friends that are happy?

Baekhyun…he just want to have that kind of life too.

He wants to be with Chanyeol just like Kyungsoo and Luhan can be with Jongin and Sehun.

He has the urge to kidnap Chanyeol so they can live together with no problems but that would only make him as a psycho.

Life sure isn’t easy if he keep letting all the negatives play with him.

But he’s not sure if he can handle it.

ㆍㅅㆍ

”I guess he’s been in bed ever since we left.” Kyungsoo sighed as he, Luhan and Jongin was standing by the bedroom opening. Baekhyun was sleeping peacefully or not entirely for he had tears stained on his cheeks and his two best friends knows something must have happened.

”Did he cry himself to sleep?” Jongin asked a bit confused at the scene.

”Yup, I believe that’s a normal thing for him now. I mean I haven’t seen him like this before but I’m pretty sure this have happened several times.” Luhan answered with a heavy heart.

”I should probably leave then.” Jongin was taking a step back but Luhan stopped him.

”We all three should leave, I think he needs some time when he wakes up.” He explained and the two nodded.

ㆍㅅㆍ

Jongin was confused, so freaking confused about this whole thing that is happening. Luhan and Kyungsoo told him about Baekhyun’s situation a little bit more detailed then before and he still couldn’t understand what the problem was with Chanyeol. 

He had been lying on his bed ever since he left the two best friends - thinking about why Chanyeol is backing away. If he knows Baekhyun loves him from the bottom of his heart then why is he keep calling for his name if he doesn’t love him back? Is it because Chanyeol doesn’t know Baekhyun that much? Is it because there is no love at first sight for him or that he’s scared of literally everything that has to do with love?

Jongin would like to ask his friend a lot of questions but it’s hard. Chanyeol doesn’t talk to him anymore about his love life, all he does is talking about work and other stuff; avoiding as much as possible when it comes to the subject ’ love ’.

ㆍㅅㆍ

The Exo members was already up early in the morning to go to a meeting in SM’s building. It was the time to get their new schedule for month of May and it kind of makes them a bit nervous. None of them knows whether it will be a taught month just like the others or if they will be too stressed out that maybe sickness might appear. After all, Sehun and Jongin are the two that almost fainted on stage, Chanyeol did also have those problems with having low energy when performing. 

”If someone gets hungry I took some yogurts with me.” Suho said and pointed at his bag.

Tao and Chen was fast to grab one because they didn’t felt like eating in the dorm.

ㆍㅅㆍ

”So to get things started.” Their manager grabbed the pile of papers and handed one to each of them. ”So your comeback is in less than 4 days. You haven’t really done anything else beside practicing for it but after May 6th you will all have activities together and individual. Of course the schedule can change in a second but this is how it should be unless we get offered for more jobs you can do, or wants to accept.”

Suho raised his hand up and the manager nodded. ”How about Chanyeol? He is going to have his solo album again and I believe this is too much for him.”

The manager sighed and folded his hands as he leaned forward. ”I can’t do much, I’m just your manager.” Was all he said before dismissing them.

”I’m sorry Chanyeol, you know I would do anything to make you work less than your body can contain. But I’m just someone who works for its boss.” Suho sadly said and it was true with what he said, they have no willpower unless they fill a lawsuit against SM but that’s too much for them. But if Suho sees s suffering more and more then he has no choice but to do it.

Okay so the lyrics Baekhyun wrote is from a song called

"Secret Love Song" by Little Mix and I freaking love it, it's beautiful.

I highly recommend you to listen to it.

Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmR7UenD_Gw

•••

I also made a new cover xD I thought the first one was a bit messy ><'

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