No Place Like Home

In Search of Meaning
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"Who's he?" Leo asked, tilting his head to Doctor Sin who was standing behind the sofa Wonsik and Jaehwan were sitting in. Everyone's attention shifted to the man in question, and the doctor cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable with everyone's eyes focused on him.

"I'm Doctor Sin In Soo." He bowed at a ninety degree angle as he replied. "I treated the injuries on your friend- Jaehwan's-, um.... back."

As soon as the last word left Doctor Sin's mouth, Leo shot up from his seat, wolf ears twitching in alarm underneath his hat. He stood threateningly tall with fists clenched at his sides, and was glaring daggers into the doctor's wide ones. Doctor Sin instinctively took a step back in both surprise and fear from the wolf man's sudden change in behavior.

"He knows?" Leo nearly growled the question angrily, his sight never leaving the doctor's frightened orbs as Hongbin stepped in front of his hyung.

"Leo-hyung, it's okay. We can trust him." Hongbin said, trying to ease the other.

"No," Leo replied through gritted teeth. "He could be with the 'suits'. We can't trust someone like him." 

Jaehwan spoke next, hoping to die down the situation before it escalated. "He's not like 'them', Leo. Please, just sit back down, and we can talk about it." Leo ignored his friend's words, and took a predatory step to the side as he began to circumvent the coffee table that separated him and the doctor standing behind the opposite sofa.

His eyes remained locked on the white-coated man as Hongbin stepped into his path, placing a firm hand on the older's chest to prevent him from moving any further. The wolf man snarled, swatting his hand away aggressively, and then gave the cyborg a hard shove with one arm, sending him tumbling to the floor out of his way. Leo took a few long, dangerous steps before another body stepped in front of him.

Leo raised his arm in preparation to do the same thing he did with Hongbin, but he froze when he realized who it was. Jaehwan looked at him with pleading yet unyielding eyes, his jaw set in determination.

"Leo," the stern tone in Jaehwan's voice bewildered Leo, taking him off guard. "Stop."

He blinked a couple times realizing that the younger was no longer hunching over pitifully, and was now standing firm and upright as he challenged his hyung. The anger inside him died under Jaehwan's steele gaze, and he let out a huff of disapproval before sitting back down on the sofa next to Hakyeon. Jaehwan turned to do the same, but his legs were still a little weak from the anaesthesia so he ended up stumbling. Hongbin was standing up from the floor after being pushed by Leo, and was close enough to catch him by the arm. Jaehwan muttered a 'thanks' to the cyborg when he was safely seated once again.

"Um... I know I may not seem like the most trustworthy person." Doctor Sin spoke to Leo hesitantly. "But I assure you, his secret is safe with me. He is a patient under my care, and as a doctor I am bound under medical confidentiality to keep communications between us private."

Leo continued to glare at the man, but he didn't make any other threatening movements toward him. The group knew that that was the closest thing to an approval they were going to get out of him.

Doctor Sin clapped his hands together, and said, "Well... I need to go back to the restroom, and clean up our little mess before anyone finds it. I don't want it to startle any unsuspecting guests." With an awkward and forced chuckle, the doctor calmly left the room.

The second the door closed behind him, Leo crossed his arms and indignantly grumbled just loud enough for the others to hear, "I don't trust him."

"No , hyung." Hongbin said heatedly, rubbing his back that was sore from falling earlier.

Leo's ears drooped under his beanie, weighed down by guilt. "Sorry," he replied sheepishly.

Hakyeon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he asked Jaehwan, "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt? I might have been able to help."

Jaehwan explained shyly, "You didn't know about my... condition yet. I assume you know about it now, though. Otherwise you would be totally confused about why Leo reacted the way he did when Doctor Sin said he treated the wounds on my 'back'."

The vet nodded, understanding the point Jaehwan was making. "You look tired." Hakyeon said, noticing how Jaehwan's eyelids seemed heavy, and was sinking deep into the cushions behind him.

"Alright," Wonsik said as he stood up and extended a hand for his boyfriend to take. "I'm taking you home. We'll come back tomorrow to see how Hyuk's doing."

"Home?" Jaehwan questioned, pursing his lips in confusion while slowly easing his hand into Wonsik's offered one. "Do we live together?"

"Yep," Wonsik replied casually as he pulled Jaehwan up off the couch, and wrapped an arm around his waist to support the weak-kneed man. "We've been living together in an apartment for the past year." 

"Oh," Jaehwan replied, looking down in guilt for not being able to remember.

Wonsik saw his expression, and gave him a warm smile, saying, "Don't worry. It's okay that you don't remember. All I care about is that you're back, alive and breathing." He looked over at Hakyeon, taking his cellphone out of his pocket with his free hand. "Hakyeon-hyung? Can we exchange numbers so you can let us know what happens with Hyuk?"

"Sure," the older answered, also taking out his phone. While they exchanged numbers, Hakyeon suddenly asked, "Why do you keep calling me hyung? We barely know each other."

Wonsik shrugged, "I don't know, you just seem like a hyung to me. Do you not want me to call you that?"

Hakyeon shook his head quickly, "No, no. I don't have a problem with it. It's just, no one has ever called me that before, and it kinda feels a little weird."

Leo noticed the small tint of pink on the vet's cheeks, and he wanted nothing more than to place his hands over them to feel their warmth on his skin. He gripped the fabric of his sweatshirt tightly to restrain himself, hoping the others won't notice his clenched fists under his crossed arms.

"Okay," Wonsik said, guiding Jaehwan to the door. "Jaehwan and I are going to head home now. Call me when you hear about Hyuk."

"Will do." Hakyeon replied, giving a curt wave in 'good bye', and the pair disappeared through the door.

 

~  ~  ~

 

Wonsik wished he had parked on a lower level, because the elevators in the parking ramp were out of order. So, he had to practically haul Jaehwan up 6 flights of stairs to get to his car that was on the 6th level. By the time they reached level 3, Wonsik was sweating and panting like he was running a marathon. His boyfriend noticed how much work it was for the other man, and felt guilty for being such a burden.

"I'm sorry, Wonsik." At Jaehwan's words, Wonsik paused in the middle of the fourth flight of stairs.

"What for?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"You've been working so hard for me," Jaehwan replied, looking down in a pout. "And I haven't done anything, but cause trouble for you. For that, I'm sorry."

Wonsik chuckled airily, and tilted Jaehwan's head up to meet his gaze. "Do you know how long you've been missing?" When Jaehwan shook his head, he continued, "Two weeks. You disappeared from my life for two weeks, and for every second that you were gone I blamed myself for not being able to protect you. I never should have let you out of my sight, but I got used to not seeing you when you went out for job interviews. I took you for granted, and you got hurt. So if anyone should apologize, it's me for letting you down. For failing you as your boyfriend. This," he glanced around the stairwell as a gesture to their current situation, "This is me making it up to you, and I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

Jaehwan was stunned speechless by his words. His mouth opened and closed silently as he searched for something to say in return, but his mind was blank. Seeing the expression on his face, Wonsik laughed.

"Come on!" He huffed cheerfully, adjusting his grip on Jaehwan. "Only two floors left."

 

~  ~  ~

 

They had to use the GPS again to navigate back to Wonsik's apartment since the hospital was in a part of the city that was unfamiliar to Wonsik. It took them 45 minutes to get back home, and Jaehwan fell asleep along the way.

When Wonsik parked the Kia in his usual spot in the parking lot of their apartment complex, he looked down at his boyfriend who was resting his head on his shoulder. For once, he was glad to have the Kia, because the front seats were close enough to allow such contact. With a reluctant sigh, he nudged Jaehwan's shoulder to gently wake him up.

"Jaehwannie~" Wonsik whispered. "We're here."

Jaehwan scrunched his nose and nuzzled deeper into Wonsik's shoulder. "Five more minutes," he mumbled half-asleep. Wonsik chuckled, remembering the many mornings where Jaehwan has said those words to him, and he was happy to see his habits haven't been changed by the memory loss. This Jaehwan was still his Jaehwan. He just happens to have wings now.

"You can sleep inside the apartment," Wonsik nudged him again, and this time Jaehwan slowly lifted his head, keeping his eyes closed. Wonsik stepped out, and waltzed around front of the car to the passenger side door. By the time he got there, though, Jaehwan was dozing off again, already leaning against it.

"Aigoo~" Wonsik shook his head at the sight, and for the next five minutes he debated about whether he should just leave him or open the door to let him fall out. Deciding that he would catch Jaehwan when he fell, he swung open the door. Jaehwan let out a surprised yelp when the sensation of falling jerked him into full consciousness, and Wonsik laughed at the reaction as he fell into his arms.

His boyfriend looked up with a pout, "Yah, don't scare me like that." This only made the other laugh harder, and the smile stayed glued to his face as he helped Jaehwan into the apartment complex. It was late in the night, so the two of them did their best to tip-toe their way down the hall to avoid waking their neighbors.

"Is this it?" Jaehwan wondered out loud when Wonsik stopped in front of their front door.

"Yep," Wonsik answered, taking his key out. "Does it look like anything familiar to you?"

Jaehwan gave a sad shake of his head. "Sorry."

Opening the door, Wonsik helped his boyfriend inside and sat him down on the step in the entryway. "Stop apologizing. It's not your fault." Wonsik knelt in front of him, and reached out to undo Jaehwan's shoe laces. But a hand caught his wrist, preventing him from doing so.

"Wonsik." Jaehwan said with a giggle. "I'm amnesic, not five years old. I can take my own shoes off."

A blush of embarrassment burned Wonsik's cheeks, and he cleared his throat as he took off his own shoes, letting Jaehwan take care of himself. When Jaehwan pulled his sneakers off, he stretched his legs out and gave his sock covered toes a wiggle.

"I think I've got enough feeling in my legs again to walk on my own now." Jaehwan pushed himself up from the step, and stood with a slight wobble, leaning with one hand on the wall. Before he could take his first ste

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Kasou9
#1
Chapter 46: Hi i know its been a long time since you wrote this but anyway...i understand that you are no longer a starlight its sad but things like that hapoen to every fan ..... i also know that a lot of people love this story just like me and honestly i really want a happy ending for this the main reason is jonghyun because i only started reading this this week and when i first saw his name i was really sad he was in the fic then i realised you wrote this in 2015 _2016 and as the story went on i couldn't help but somehow just wish this would end happily because jonghyun is alive here and he gets to live and be happy in the end idk its weird to think that way but i felt glad he was in the fic and i was grateful to you but like
Dont remove him please it would be too sad at least like this remember him from time to time ppl will remember him while reading this fic i would really want to see the rest of the fic but its your choice after all and in case you dont finish it i still wanna thank you for the story it was lovely and thank you for sharing our love for vixx and shinee even if it ended somehow ♡
BlingBlingTiger
#2
Chapter 46: I think you need to do what you feel is best for you. We all need time to grieve and come to terms with what happened. I cried for days when I got the news and it feels like a part of me has been ripped away. I understand you not wanting to continue with him as a character in the story.
As for VIXX... Everyone has different opinions and ways of seeing things and dealing with situations...personally, when I see them exhausted and struggling, I worry about them, I want to lift some of the burden somehow. I want to tell them to rest and take care of themselves, but I also want to tell them to keep doing their best. I believe that VIXX and Starlights are a unit together and that it's our job to support and encourage each other. I love them all so, so much and their well-being (physically, mentally and emotionally) is of the utmost importance to me and so I worry a lot but I am also immensely proud of them. They always do their best and work hard to be the best that they can be while showing their appreciation for Starlights and I find that really admirable. Even exhausted, they give it their all to show their fans something amazing because they love Starlights and their passion for what they do is boundless. Seeing their determination despite the difficulties they face just makes me love them even more. To be honest, I could never abandon them like that. Leaving them because they were tired... is not a good reason. It's a shame that you couldn't grasp the immense effort they put in to show you a good performance.
Do what you want with the story and don't continue if you really can't, but please try to be more understanding of others in the future. We are all human beings and it is imperative to remember that they are humans too.
SuperShinee2pm2ne1 #3
Chapter 46: I think you should still continue writing the story. Though I understand the point about Jonghyun and with that I think you can 3 things with his character. The 1st option is to keep writing it with him in it, 2nd option is to exchange someone from another group with him and take the time to rewrite his parts to fit said new character and the 3rd option is to remove home out of the story completely. I personally would be sad if you take his character out but it's not my story to say any of the final stuff regarding the story. What ever you end up doing I'll respect it.
lunaticJTW
#4
Chapter 1: Whoa Taek calm ur
shuzyah
#5
Chapter 46: I am fine with not reading Jonghyun in the story for the time being, as it will hurt for the fans, and it will be tough for you too since you are questioning it. As for supporting VIXX.. considering what happen to Jonghyun, everyone r humans, including VIXX & yourself. If u need to stop the story, or keep it on hitaus, or continue, it is totally up to u, and i will support u & respect ur decision.
JungHyunRi
#6
Chapter 46: Hi authornim.. Finally u are back.. Or atleast have inform ur whereabouts..
1stly.. I am very agree with ChaYuume comment bellow..
Its up to u.. If u want to resume this story or not.. If u alr lost interest abt this story.. Bcz If u keep write this story.. U'll feel burden in fact.. U also can't give soul to ur story..
2nd abt ur experience in VIXX concert.. Well
I have my own experience for VIXX in SEA last July.. And truth to be told as ChaYuumee said.. We can't decide that some idols not give them all to fans (I telk this not only in name of VIXX but every idol in general)
Yepp u must be known that before VIXX have a concert at ur country, they alr had many scheduled they done.. And don't u think they stamina and energy almost zero? But they keep their scheduled over ur country.. If that not a way of their act to show Starlight Canada how they really appreciate ur invite?

Truth be told.. I alr attend Super Show concert in my countries for 5 times.. And the 2 times I attend were SS4 when they held 3 days a row in my country.. And they seriously exhausted at the 2nd day (1st day I attend the concert) And when I attended the last days (I atrended the 2nd and 3rd days).. They looked so hype and excited.. Maybe bcz that day is their last so they could rest.. And they really gave their all out energy in the final days..

Its humanly abt idol tho..

So If u seriously thinking,u couldn't be a starlight anymore just bcz of ur 1st experience,, well sorry to say.. Im a little bit disappointes with ur fell tho.. Huhu..

If u told them not give their all just bcz of ur guessing abt they weren't as excited as the fans there.. Its not wise for them too.. ㅠㅠ
Sorry..
edrylla_Dya #7
Chapter 46: I love this story. I love it's character. I hope the characters stays until the end. But if it's hard for you, I can understand. Thank you for your hard work author-nim

In the light of Jonghyun's passing and in the light of your experience to VIXX concert. Shinee is forever one of my favourite group. They're the second one after tvxq. When I love a group, that's mean no picking biases because I love them all. It tattered me very much, as a person who's much less experiencing the same mental illness. He could have a better future but maybe this is the best for him. And VIXX is, we can see from their schedule how packed it is. Entertaining people seem easy because we're watching without experiencing. Somehow, I hope you still love them the same.

-for we're neither immortal nor invincible-
verse2wo
#8
Chapter 46: While I would like for this story to continue, I understand why you would want to stop.
In light of recent events, it would be a different story without Jonghyun.
I wish you well and support whatever choices you make.
ChaYuume
#9
Hello~!☆
So, first of all...
Your story is one of the best I ever read, the suspense and all were really... Overwhelming?
Anyway thank for writing such a story.
But, if you feels like you can't continue to write it, I think we can all understand it.
It's true that only you knows what future you had reserved to the characters of this story, and with Jonghyun's passing, I understand that it's harder, knowing also what the story is about.
Whether we are fans or not, it affect us all. We all knows who Shinee are, their songs, they had a major impact on kpop.
Even if it's in different ways, even if we dont have the same way to cope with that, to mourn, or whatsoever, it'll leave an impact on all of us.
(It's still a sensible point, I'll move on...)

Secondly, concerning your experience at VIXX's concert.... Well...They are humans.
You can't expect idols to always give it their all when they are exhausted or feels down, even if they are trying it could also not works sometimes. You can't say that they dont care for their fans, not after all they do FOR their fans. Even over their exhaustion, Idols gives you a good performance, even if they're feeling down or aren't in the mood, they take over themselves.
Say, when you are exhausted, are you in a state where you can do anything else aside from resting?
So why would it be different for idols, they are not robots. They push themselves and push their problem asides for the sake of their carreer. For the sake of their own health. The recent situation is sadly the proof of that.
You don't know what is really happening in their lives, they all have their own problems, whichever idol it can be.
And, with all that we know about Korea's idol industry,...

With all of that said, if you lost your motivation over this concert experience and the loss of Jonghyun; if you don't want to continue this story, I think that it's better to just stop it there (even if, I'm sure, we would have liked a proper ending).
In the end, its your story, we are your readers; as long as you feels good with your decision, we must respect it.

Thanks for your hard work~*