Nightmares and Pink Hair

In Search of Meaning
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Hongbin was running.

No, he was fleeing. Something- someone was chasing him. 

All around him, it was dark. Not like night, but as if the area around him was an endless void, except for the concrete beneath his feet. He recognized this road. It was the main street of Gangsan.

He looked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of his pursuer, but all he could see was the shine of polished black shoes and the white of the shirt underneath a black suit. It was only for a second that he saw him before facing forward again, but he knew that the suit was catching up. Hongbin urged his legs to move faster. 

Suddenly the scenery around him changed. Instead of running down the main street of Gangsan, he was now racing down the concrete parking ramp of the hospital. Then, it clicked.

Kyuhyun is chasing me! Hongbin thought, and he ran even faster.

"It's no use, Binnie!" Kyuhyun called merrily from behind, and Hongbin could hear the smile on his face. "You know you can't escape me!"

The exit of the parking ramp was right in front of him, and a bright light was shining through the large opening. He knew that if he could just get out there, into the light, he would be safe.

Hongbin was almost there. He was going to make it.

However, with only a few yards left to go, a black figure stepped into Hongbin's path. He charged forward as fast as he could, raising his fist to knock the person aside. But when the figure's face came into view, Hongbin skidded to a halt just feet away. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open in complete surprise.

"Hyuk?" Hongbin asked, confused.

Right in front of him, Hyuk stood wearing a black suit with black polished shoes. His expression looked sad and hurt. Tears were glistening in his eyes, and he reached out to Hongbin as he stepped forward.

"Hongbin..." Hyuk spoke his name softly with sorrow, and it cut like a knife into Hongbin's chest. 

Hongbin leaned into Hyuk's hand, allowing the younger to caress his skin from his lower jaw and down the side of his neck. 

Suddenly, the gentle gesture turned into a harsh grip around his throat, cutting off his airflow. Hongbin choked and gasped. He tried to push Hyuk's hand off, but the hand was like a vice. Even with the strength of a cyborg, Hongbin couldn't make it budge.

He looked at Hyuk in confusion and betrayal, and tears formed as he silently pleaded for him to let go. However, his tear-filled eyes met Hyuk's empty, despairing gaze.

"Why didn't you save me?" Hyuk asked, and his eyes glowed a luminescent blue.

No. Hongbin thought in disbelief. Not Hyukkie. Please, not Hyukkie.

"It hurt so much." Hyuk continued, tightening his grip around Hongbin's throat.

The skin on Hyuk's face started chipping, and falling away. Hongbin could see the metallic shine underneath.

"Now, the voices won't stop talking in my head." Hyuk's voice became electronic, almost autotuned, and it was the coldes Hongbin has ever heard him. "'They' won't stop until you, and everyone else, are dead."

"Hyukkie..." Hongbin choked out so quietly, it was hardly a whisper.

Kyuhyun suddenly appeared by Hyuk's side, smiling happily.

"See, Binnie?" Kyuhyun said, looking at Hyuk with pride, then turning back to Hongbin. "I told you we'd take good care of him." 

With a smirk, Kyuhyun withdrew his gun, put it up to Hyuk's head, and pulled the trigger.

 

~  ~  ~

 

"NO!" Hongbin screamed, jolting into an upright sitting position. 

"Whoa!" Wonsik yelped in surprise, nearly falling from his chair next to the cyborg.

Hongbin's eyes darted to his surroundings, barely registering Wonsik's presence. He was on the concrete roof of a large building, and he was sitting on a beach chair with a large umbrella overhead that was shielding his face from the sun.

"Jesus, you scared me!" Wonsik exclaimed with a hand over his racing heart, then he looked at Hongbin with concern, "Are you okay? You were out for a while."

Hongbin ignored him, and hastily stood up from the lounge chair. He felt a small tug on his left arm, and he looked down to see that there was an IV attached to a bag of clear fluid hanging from a stand on the opposite side of the chair. With a jerk of his arm, he yanked the needle out and caused the stand to simultaneously fall over. Spotting an open door with a stairwell leading down, Hongbin started marching with shaky legs to the exit.

"Hey, hey, hey," Wonsik appeared at his side, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You shouldn't move around much. How about you sit back-"

Hongbin swatted his hand away, and continued to walk with his eyes locked on the door as he asked, "Where's Hyuk?"

"H-he's downstairs." Wonsik answered, surprised by Hongbin's behavior.

He followed closely behind the cyborg, and they both began their descent down the stairwell. Hongbin stumbled, and would have fallen down the stairs if Wonsik hadn't grabbed his arm in time. 

"You should really be resting," Wonsik stated, shaking his head in disapproval. "You were out for three days."

His words didn't register in Hongbin's mind, and he continued to descend with wobbly knees.

"Aish." Wonsik hissed in frustration, and stayed close behind the younger knowing he won't be able to convince him otherwise.

When they reached their floor, Wonsik pointed it out to Hongbin since the cyborg was unfamiliar with the complex. Wonsik then guided him down the hall towards his apartment. Walking from the opposite end of the hall, Wonsik spotted Hakyeon carrying two plastic bags of groceries. The vet's eyes widened when he saw them, and he immediately dropped the bags by Wonsik's door.

"Hey, you're awake!" Hakyeon exclaimed, running up to the cyborg. "You shouldn't be walking yet, though."

"Where's Hyuk?" Hongbin asked again, pushing past the vet to make his way to the apartment with the bags.

Hakyeon followed behind, pulling out the spare key given to him by Wonsik. When they reached the door, Hakyeon unlocked it and the second he pulled the key free Hongbin plowed into the apartment.

He strode quickly down the small hall and into the living room, spotting Jaehwan standing in the kitchen holding a butter knife coated with mayonnaise.

"Hongbin?" Jaehwan said in surprise as he watched the cyborg glance over the living room, and then the kitchen. 

"Where's Hyuk?" Hongbin asked, locking eyes with Jaehwan.

Jaehwan blinked a couple times, dazed by the steely determination in Hongbin's eyes. He silently pointed to the bedroom door with the butter knife, and Hongbin immediately turned and marched to the room.

The winged man shot a questioning glance at Hakyeon and Wonsik, but the other two only shook their head with a shrug, not knowing what got into the cyborg either.

Hongbin flung the bedroom door open, and found Hyuk who jumped slightly on the bed, startled by the sudden intrusion. The younger was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, petting Leo's wolf tail. Leo was sitting at the foot of the bed facing Hyuk, and playing cards littered the covers between the two.

"Hongbin!" Hyuk cried out happily, his face immediatly lighting up.

The cyborg hurried over to the younger, and cupped his face in his hands to look him over. He was relieved to see that Hyuk looked nothing like he did in his nightmare; no glowing eyes, no chipped skin.

Releasing Hyuk's face, Hongbin asked, "Are you okay? How's your back?" Hongbin quickly turned Hyuk by the shoulders so he could get a clear view of his back, and he lifted up his shirt to reveal the clean bandage.

"H-Hongbin!" Hyuk shouted in surprise, trying to pull his shirt back down. "I'm fine, I'm fine! I should be the one asking you if you're okay." 

Leo swatted Hongbin's hands away, and the wolf man tugged the shirt back down into place. Hongbin sighed in relief, and his body suddenly felt heavy so he sat down on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his hands over his face, remembering the last moments before he passed out in the truck.

"How long was I asleep?" Hongbin asked, having no memory of Wonsik telling him on the roof.

"Three days." Hyuk answered, concern in his eyes. "We were all worried. Not even Dr. Sin knew when you were going to wake up."

"Dr. Sin?" Hongbin looked up at Hyuk, eyebrows furrowed.

Hyuk nodded, "When you didn't wake up for the first few hours, Hakyeon called him over. He examined you, and said all your vitals were normal. You just needed to sleep. While you slept, he took care of you; keeping you hydrated, and feeding you through an IV."

"Ah, I see. I should thank him later." Hongbin whispered to himself in understanding, and he groggily leaned his head down on his hand.

"You should go lie down." Hyuk said worriedly, rubbing soothing circles on Hongbin's back. "Dr. Sin said you might be a little weak from sleeping for so long, so you shouldn't move around too much after waking up."

"I'm staying right here." Hongbin stated, laying himself down next to Hyuk on the bed. The bedframe creaked from the heavy weight, and Leo stood up to ease its burden.

Hyuk scooched over to give the cyborg more room, and he looked down at the man with a small grin, "You worry too much, you know."

Hongbin shrugged and chuckled, "It's part of my charm. Besides, it's what friends do, right?"

Hyuk laughed, and watched Leo pick up the playing cards as he replied, "Yeah, I guess so. Oh, Leo-hyung, you missed one down there." Hyuk pointed down at the floor where a stray card fell, and Leo glared at him a little while he leaned over to pick it up. "Thanks for playing with me, hyung."

Leo nodded silently in response, and took the deck of cards with him as he left the room. The wolf man had to push his way past the vet, the musician, and the bird man on his way out. The three of them had been watching from the doorway to make sure everything was alright, and when Leo left Hakyeon stepped in.

"Hongbin, how are you feeling?" Hakyeon asked, standing by the bedside with his arms crossed over his chest. "Are you all charged?"

Hongbin took a moment to scan himself internally, and he checked his power by looking in the lower left corner of his vision. 85%.

"I have 85% power, and I'm feeling pretty good. Just a little sleepy." Hongbin answered, closing his eyes as he snuggled into the mattress, and maybe a little closer to Hyuk.

"Good." Hakyeon said in relief, then he gave a light smack to Hongbin's arm. "Aigoo, don't scare us like that again! I swear, if you ever let your power get that low again, I'm going to leave you out in the sun without the umbrella. You'll be as red as a tomato for a week!"

Hongbin laughed, putting his hands up in surrender, "Araso, araso! I'll be careful, I promise."

"As long as you understand." Hakyeon huffed, and turned to leave the room but Hongbin stopped him by grabbing his wrist. The elder looked down at him with a softer expression, and questioned in a polite and concerned tone, "What is it? Do you need something?"

"I need to talk to you about something." Hongbin said, becoming more serious.

Hakyeon patted Hongbin's hand, and smiled kindly as he replied, "Okay. But, how about we talk after you've rested for a bit?"

Hongbin seemed hesitant about the suggestion, but exhaled through his nose as he nodded in agreement. Hakyeon removed his hand from his wrist, and set it down on the mattress.

"Jaehwan is making sandwiches. Hyuk, you've already had four, so you're not getting any more. Hongbin, do you want any?" Hakyeon asked.

Hongbin shook his head, "I'm not very hungry yet. I probably will later, though."

"Araso. Rest up, then, you two." Hakyeon said, directing it at Hyuk as well, and left the room to take care of the groceries, closing the door behind him.

After the elder left, Hongbin looked up at Hyuk, "So, what did I miss while I was napping?"

Hyuk shrugged, "Not much. We haven't seen any sign of the suits for a couple days, so Hakyeon finally let Leo leave his place to come over to Wonsik's and hang out with me. Which is good, because I was getting pretty bored laying here all day with nothing to do, except listen to music and read comics. Also, I heard Leo was starting to get pretty antsy as well, being locked up at his place all day. Oh, and Key is staying with Jonghyun and Woohyun at their apartment."

"Who?" Hongbin asked, not quite reconizing their names.

"Oh yeah," Hyuk smiled sheepishly. "You haven't been properly introduced to them yet, have you? Do you remember the guys that helped us out at the hospital?" Hongbin nodded, and Hyuk continued, "Well, the dude with the shotgun was Woohyun, and the guy with the really light hair was Jonghyun. The blonde, speedy guy was-"

"Key." Hongbin finished for him.

Hyuk nodded.

"I've actually seen him a couple of times in the lab." Hongbin

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Kasou9
#1
Chapter 46: Hi i know its been a long time since you wrote this but anyway...i understand that you are no longer a starlight its sad but things like that hapoen to every fan ..... i also know that a lot of people love this story just like me and honestly i really want a happy ending for this the main reason is jonghyun because i only started reading this this week and when i first saw his name i was really sad he was in the fic then i realised you wrote this in 2015 _2016 and as the story went on i couldn't help but somehow just wish this would end happily because jonghyun is alive here and he gets to live and be happy in the end idk its weird to think that way but i felt glad he was in the fic and i was grateful to you but like
Dont remove him please it would be too sad at least like this remember him from time to time ppl will remember him while reading this fic i would really want to see the rest of the fic but its your choice after all and in case you dont finish it i still wanna thank you for the story it was lovely and thank you for sharing our love for vixx and shinee even if it ended somehow ♡
BlingBlingTiger
#2
Chapter 46: I think you need to do what you feel is best for you. We all need time to grieve and come to terms with what happened. I cried for days when I got the news and it feels like a part of me has been ripped away. I understand you not wanting to continue with him as a character in the story.
As for VIXX... Everyone has different opinions and ways of seeing things and dealing with situations...personally, when I see them exhausted and struggling, I worry about them, I want to lift some of the burden somehow. I want to tell them to rest and take care of themselves, but I also want to tell them to keep doing their best. I believe that VIXX and Starlights are a unit together and that it's our job to support and encourage each other. I love them all so, so much and their well-being (physically, mentally and emotionally) is of the utmost importance to me and so I worry a lot but I am also immensely proud of them. They always do their best and work hard to be the best that they can be while showing their appreciation for Starlights and I find that really admirable. Even exhausted, they give it their all to show their fans something amazing because they love Starlights and their passion for what they do is boundless. Seeing their determination despite the difficulties they face just makes me love them even more. To be honest, I could never abandon them like that. Leaving them because they were tired... is not a good reason. It's a shame that you couldn't grasp the immense effort they put in to show you a good performance.
Do what you want with the story and don't continue if you really can't, but please try to be more understanding of others in the future. We are all human beings and it is imperative to remember that they are humans too.
SuperShinee2pm2ne1 #3
Chapter 46: I think you should still continue writing the story. Though I understand the point about Jonghyun and with that I think you can 3 things with his character. The 1st option is to keep writing it with him in it, 2nd option is to exchange someone from another group with him and take the time to rewrite his parts to fit said new character and the 3rd option is to remove home out of the story completely. I personally would be sad if you take his character out but it's not my story to say any of the final stuff regarding the story. What ever you end up doing I'll respect it.
lunaticJTW
#4
Chapter 1: Whoa Taek calm ur
shuzyah
#5
Chapter 46: I am fine with not reading Jonghyun in the story for the time being, as it will hurt for the fans, and it will be tough for you too since you are questioning it. As for supporting VIXX.. considering what happen to Jonghyun, everyone r humans, including VIXX & yourself. If u need to stop the story, or keep it on hitaus, or continue, it is totally up to u, and i will support u & respect ur decision.
JungHyunRi
#6
Chapter 46: Hi authornim.. Finally u are back.. Or atleast have inform ur whereabouts..
1stly.. I am very agree with ChaYuume comment bellow..
Its up to u.. If u want to resume this story or not.. If u alr lost interest abt this story.. Bcz If u keep write this story.. U'll feel burden in fact.. U also can't give soul to ur story..
2nd abt ur experience in VIXX concert.. Well
I have my own experience for VIXX in SEA last July.. And truth to be told as ChaYuumee said.. We can't decide that some idols not give them all to fans (I telk this not only in name of VIXX but every idol in general)
Yepp u must be known that before VIXX have a concert at ur country, they alr had many scheduled they done.. And don't u think they stamina and energy almost zero? But they keep their scheduled over ur country.. If that not a way of their act to show Starlight Canada how they really appreciate ur invite?

Truth be told.. I alr attend Super Show concert in my countries for 5 times.. And the 2 times I attend were SS4 when they held 3 days a row in my country.. And they seriously exhausted at the 2nd day (1st day I attend the concert) And when I attended the last days (I atrended the 2nd and 3rd days).. They looked so hype and excited.. Maybe bcz that day is their last so they could rest.. And they really gave their all out energy in the final days..

Its humanly abt idol tho..

So If u seriously thinking,u couldn't be a starlight anymore just bcz of ur 1st experience,, well sorry to say.. Im a little bit disappointes with ur fell tho.. Huhu..

If u told them not give their all just bcz of ur guessing abt they weren't as excited as the fans there.. Its not wise for them too.. ㅠㅠ
Sorry..
edrylla_Dya #7
Chapter 46: I love this story. I love it's character. I hope the characters stays until the end. But if it's hard for you, I can understand. Thank you for your hard work author-nim

In the light of Jonghyun's passing and in the light of your experience to VIXX concert. Shinee is forever one of my favourite group. They're the second one after tvxq. When I love a group, that's mean no picking biases because I love them all. It tattered me very much, as a person who's much less experiencing the same mental illness. He could have a better future but maybe this is the best for him. And VIXX is, we can see from their schedule how packed it is. Entertaining people seem easy because we're watching without experiencing. Somehow, I hope you still love them the same.

-for we're neither immortal nor invincible-
verse2wo
#8
Chapter 46: While I would like for this story to continue, I understand why you would want to stop.
In light of recent events, it would be a different story without Jonghyun.
I wish you well and support whatever choices you make.
ChaYuume
#9
Hello~!☆
So, first of all...
Your story is one of the best I ever read, the suspense and all were really... Overwhelming?
Anyway thank for writing such a story.
But, if you feels like you can't continue to write it, I think we can all understand it.
It's true that only you knows what future you had reserved to the characters of this story, and with Jonghyun's passing, I understand that it's harder, knowing also what the story is about.
Whether we are fans or not, it affect us all. We all knows who Shinee are, their songs, they had a major impact on kpop.
Even if it's in different ways, even if we dont have the same way to cope with that, to mourn, or whatsoever, it'll leave an impact on all of us.
(It's still a sensible point, I'll move on...)

Secondly, concerning your experience at VIXX's concert.... Well...They are humans.
You can't expect idols to always give it their all when they are exhausted or feels down, even if they are trying it could also not works sometimes. You can't say that they dont care for their fans, not after all they do FOR their fans. Even over their exhaustion, Idols gives you a good performance, even if they're feeling down or aren't in the mood, they take over themselves.
Say, when you are exhausted, are you in a state where you can do anything else aside from resting?
So why would it be different for idols, they are not robots. They push themselves and push their problem asides for the sake of their carreer. For the sake of their own health. The recent situation is sadly the proof of that.
You don't know what is really happening in their lives, they all have their own problems, whichever idol it can be.
And, with all that we know about Korea's idol industry,...

With all of that said, if you lost your motivation over this concert experience and the loss of Jonghyun; if you don't want to continue this story, I think that it's better to just stop it there (even if, I'm sure, we would have liked a proper ending).
In the end, its your story, we are your readers; as long as you feels good with your decision, we must respect it.

Thanks for your hard work~*