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In Search of Meaning
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It was a bright sunny day as Hakyeon walked down the main street of Gangsan. Hyuk was watching the clinic for him while he was out on his day off, and he was enjoying it immensely. He was appreciating the cool breeze on his skin, and nodded his head as a friendly greeting to people passing him by on the sidewalk. The grin on his face never wavered as he made his way down the street to explore more of the town now that he had the time.

Turning the corner, he paused in front of a large window with small cages lined up along the inside. They were filled with kittens, birds, and puppies, and Hakyeon couldn't resist going into the pet store for a closer look at the adorable creatures.

There was a jingle of a bell as he opened the door, and his smile grew even larger when he stepped inside to hear the animals barking, chirping, and mewing. He walked along the cages, sticking his fingers between the bars to touch the soft fur of the kittens and puppies he could reach. One of the kittens he pet pawed at his finger playfully, and he chuckled as he played along by poking his finger into the cage at different heights to provide more of a challenge to the kitten.

However, the kitten quickly grew tired of the game, and curled up in the corner to take a well needed nap. Taking the hint, Hakyeon moved to the next cage and his smile was replaced by a curious pout when he saw grey fluffy pup within. He could tell right away that it was not an ordinary pup, but a wolf pup. Cautiously, he poked his finger through the bars like he did with the others, hoping the wolf pup would be just as friendly. Thankfully, the animal his finger happily, and wagged its tail at a ridiculously fast rate.

"Here you go, sir," a woman's voice said from next to him. He turned to find a young lady holding out to him a clipboard with forms that were already filled out, except for the blank line at the bottom. "Just sign there, and he's all yours."

"Oh no, I was just looking." Hakyeon replied with a wave of his hand. "Besides, I don't have any money on me at the moment."

The woman only smiled and said reassuringly, "Don't worry, sir. There's no adoption fee since you're the new vet in town. All you have to do is sign and you can take him home."

Hakyeon looked down at the wolf pup, and pondered over whether he should go through with it or not. Deciding that maybe it might be good to have company in his new house, he grabbed the pen in the woman's other hand and signed his name on the last line.

Suddenly, he was in the living room of his new home playing tug of war with the wolf pup, and he laughed when the canine shook his head violently to try to rip the toy from his grip. No matter how hard he tried, though, he was never able to beat Hakyeon at the game.

Next, Hakyeon was walking down the street again with the wolf pup walking by his side, now twice the size it used to be when he adopted him. Just as he was about to turn the same corner by the pet store, a pomeranian bolted from around the curb and charged down the sidewalk passing Hakyeon. Shortly afterwards, a panting Hyuk came sprinting by.

"Amber!" The young man yelled after the small dog. "Come back here!"

When Hyuk disappeared behind another corner to chase after the animal, Hakyeon looked down at the wolf pup with wide eyes.

"Omo!" Hakyeon exclaimed. "I haven't given you a name yet, have I?"

As if the wolf pup knew what he was saying, he shook his head no. The vet's gaze wandered up to the sky, and he rubbed his chin as names started running through his head. However, none of them seemed right until a cloud in the shape of a lion formed in clear blue sky. It kind of reminded him of...

"Leo?" Hakyeon wondered out loud, then looked back at his wolf pup. 

He was shocked to find that the wolf pup was replaced by a man with wolf ears and a tail. The man gazed at him with dark brown eyes that seemed to pierce his soul, and he felt himself growing weak under their intensity.

That's right, Hakyeon thought to himself, this is Leo.

The scene shifted again to the bedroom of his new house. Leo was sitting on the bed while Hakyeon was kneeling in front of him tying his shoes. The vet had to buy him a new pair since the old ones were worn out and full of holes.

Hakyeon sighed, looking at the mess of laces before him that refused to remain tied. Over and over, he tied the laces again and again. Everytime, they would loosen and come undone even though Leo wasn't moving.

"Aish, my knees hurt." Hakyeon complained, rubbing his sore legs that had been kneeling on the floor for who knows how long. He closed his eyes as he massaged the sore muscles, and he felt a gentle hand rest on the top of his head. It felt so warm, and with the warmth came a scent. It smelled like dog, but it also smelled like pine. This was Leo's scent, and Leo was close. So, so close. Close enough to feel his body heat radiating from his skin, and Hakyeon could drown himself in the smell and the warmth. If only his knees didn't hurt so much...

Groggily, Hakyeon blinked open one of his eyes. His vision was blurry, so he rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. As he rubbed the sleep from his eye, he kept his cheek resting on the soft surface he found himself on. When he finished rubbing, he opened it back up again, and what he saw before him surprised him enough to open both eyes wide with shock.

Only a few inches away, half buried in the blankets of the bed he was kneeling by, was Leo's face.

Hakyeon gulped, and took a deep breath through his nose to try to calm his racing heart. He was surprised that he felt butterflies in his stomach from having Leo in such close proximity, but he was even more surprised when he realized that he didn't mind them all that much. What confused him, though, was how the warmth of Leo's hand, which was lying on his head, seemed to seep into his veins, and travel through the rest of his body like a drug. It even felt like it was dulling the ache in his knees from kneeling on the floor for god-knows-how-long.

Glancing up and down Leo's body as much as he could without moving, not wanting to disturb the sleeping wolf man, Hakyeon saw how Leo was curled up near the edge of the bed where the vet was resting his head on his arms. It was like Leo was trying to get as close to Hakyeon as possible without actually touching him too much.

Hakyeon flinched a little when Leo lifted his hand off his head, and wrapped his arm around the vet's shoulders to pull him closer. The wolf man pulled Hakyeon so close the tips of their noses briefly brushed against each other. Then, Leo's hand traveled from his shoulder to his head again, except this time he cupped it under Hakyeon jaw. With a gentle push, he moved Hakyeon's head until it was resting by his chest. In the process, Leo also tilted his chin down and caused his forehead to bump into Hakyeon's nose.

Leo's eyebrows furrowed at the small impact, and slowly his eyes fluttered open. When his eyes finally focused, they immediately came into contact with Hakyeon's dark orbs, and both of them stopped breathing as time seemed to freeze in that moment. The silence in the guest room might have seemed loud to an onlooker, but to Leo and Hakyeon nothing was louder than the blood pulsing in their ears as both their hearts beat wildly in their chests.

Hakyeon was barely audible when he finally broke the silence by whispering, "Hi." 

"Hi." Leo responded just as quietly, neither one of them breaking eye contact nor moving from their current position. For a few heartbeats the vet and the wolf man stared at each other, unsure of what they should do.

Why can't I move? Hakyeon wondered to himself. Maybe... Is it that I don't want to move?

At the same time, Leo was thinking, He smells so sweet, almost as sweet as sugar. Why does he have such a nice scent, unlike anyone else?

The throbbing ache in his knees brought Hakyeon back to reality, and he cleared his throat as he lifted his head, breaking eye contact with Leo. He moved his legs so they were crossed instead of folded beneath him, relieving the pressure on his knees. Even though he was nervous about being so close to Leo, it somehow didn't feel right to move away from him. So, Hakyeon remained sitting at the bedside, keeping his arms resting on the mattress.

"How are you feeling?" Hakyeon asked, lowering his gaze to his hands, which were fiddling with the blanket out of nervousness. 

Slowly, Leo pushed himself up into a sitting position on the bed, wincing a bit at the pain in his right shoulder. 

"Better," the wolf man answered, rubbing his sore shoulder.

"Let me see," Hakyeon said, pushing himself up off the floor to sit on the edge of the bed next to Leo. Without thinking much of it, the vet placed his hand over Leo's forehead to check his temperature. As he did this, he absent-mindedly leaned forward, causing his own scent to waft over Leo's face and body.

Just like in the cab, the scent seemed to be overwhelming all of Leo's senses. The tingling sensation was back in his fingertips, itching to touch Hakyeon's soft, tanned skin. Worse than the tingling, it felt like hot needles were prickling his skin where the man's hand was touching his forehead. His breath quickened slightly, but not enough to draw the vet's attention. Although his heart rate had just come down, it was skyrocketing once again, pumping heat into his veins.

"Hm, you still feel a little warm." Hakyeon said, pulling his hand back.

Yes, I do feel warm, but not for the reason you're thinking! Leo shouted in his head, trying to keep his composure in front of the vet by gripping onto the blanket tight.

"I'm going to check your bandage," said Hakyeon, who leaned over Leo

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Kasou9
#1
Chapter 46: Hi i know its been a long time since you wrote this but anyway...i understand that you are no longer a starlight its sad but things like that hapoen to every fan ..... i also know that a lot of people love this story just like me and honestly i really want a happy ending for this the main reason is jonghyun because i only started reading this this week and when i first saw his name i was really sad he was in the fic then i realised you wrote this in 2015 _2016 and as the story went on i couldn't help but somehow just wish this would end happily because jonghyun is alive here and he gets to live and be happy in the end idk its weird to think that way but i felt glad he was in the fic and i was grateful to you but like
Dont remove him please it would be too sad at least like this remember him from time to time ppl will remember him while reading this fic i would really want to see the rest of the fic but its your choice after all and in case you dont finish it i still wanna thank you for the story it was lovely and thank you for sharing our love for vixx and shinee even if it ended somehow ♡
BlingBlingTiger
#2
Chapter 46: I think you need to do what you feel is best for you. We all need time to grieve and come to terms with what happened. I cried for days when I got the news and it feels like a part of me has been ripped away. I understand you not wanting to continue with him as a character in the story.
As for VIXX... Everyone has different opinions and ways of seeing things and dealing with situations...personally, when I see them exhausted and struggling, I worry about them, I want to lift some of the burden somehow. I want to tell them to rest and take care of themselves, but I also want to tell them to keep doing their best. I believe that VIXX and Starlights are a unit together and that it's our job to support and encourage each other. I love them all so, so much and their well-being (physically, mentally and emotionally) is of the utmost importance to me and so I worry a lot but I am also immensely proud of them. They always do their best and work hard to be the best that they can be while showing their appreciation for Starlights and I find that really admirable. Even exhausted, they give it their all to show their fans something amazing because they love Starlights and their passion for what they do is boundless. Seeing their determination despite the difficulties they face just makes me love them even more. To be honest, I could never abandon them like that. Leaving them because they were tired... is not a good reason. It's a shame that you couldn't grasp the immense effort they put in to show you a good performance.
Do what you want with the story and don't continue if you really can't, but please try to be more understanding of others in the future. We are all human beings and it is imperative to remember that they are humans too.
SuperShinee2pm2ne1 #3
Chapter 46: I think you should still continue writing the story. Though I understand the point about Jonghyun and with that I think you can 3 things with his character. The 1st option is to keep writing it with him in it, 2nd option is to exchange someone from another group with him and take the time to rewrite his parts to fit said new character and the 3rd option is to remove home out of the story completely. I personally would be sad if you take his character out but it's not my story to say any of the final stuff regarding the story. What ever you end up doing I'll respect it.
lunaticJTW
#4
Chapter 1: Whoa Taek calm ur
shuzyah
#5
Chapter 46: I am fine with not reading Jonghyun in the story for the time being, as it will hurt for the fans, and it will be tough for you too since you are questioning it. As for supporting VIXX.. considering what happen to Jonghyun, everyone r humans, including VIXX & yourself. If u need to stop the story, or keep it on hitaus, or continue, it is totally up to u, and i will support u & respect ur decision.
JungHyunRi
#6
Chapter 46: Hi authornim.. Finally u are back.. Or atleast have inform ur whereabouts..
1stly.. I am very agree with ChaYuume comment bellow..
Its up to u.. If u want to resume this story or not.. If u alr lost interest abt this story.. Bcz If u keep write this story.. U'll feel burden in fact.. U also can't give soul to ur story..
2nd abt ur experience in VIXX concert.. Well
I have my own experience for VIXX in SEA last July.. And truth to be told as ChaYuumee said.. We can't decide that some idols not give them all to fans (I telk this not only in name of VIXX but every idol in general)
Yepp u must be known that before VIXX have a concert at ur country, they alr had many scheduled they done.. And don't u think they stamina and energy almost zero? But they keep their scheduled over ur country.. If that not a way of their act to show Starlight Canada how they really appreciate ur invite?

Truth be told.. I alr attend Super Show concert in my countries for 5 times.. And the 2 times I attend were SS4 when they held 3 days a row in my country.. And they seriously exhausted at the 2nd day (1st day I attend the concert) And when I attended the last days (I atrended the 2nd and 3rd days).. They looked so hype and excited.. Maybe bcz that day is their last so they could rest.. And they really gave their all out energy in the final days..

Its humanly abt idol tho..

So If u seriously thinking,u couldn't be a starlight anymore just bcz of ur 1st experience,, well sorry to say.. Im a little bit disappointes with ur fell tho.. Huhu..

If u told them not give their all just bcz of ur guessing abt they weren't as excited as the fans there.. Its not wise for them too.. ㅠㅠ
Sorry..
edrylla_Dya #7
Chapter 46: I love this story. I love it's character. I hope the characters stays until the end. But if it's hard for you, I can understand. Thank you for your hard work author-nim

In the light of Jonghyun's passing and in the light of your experience to VIXX concert. Shinee is forever one of my favourite group. They're the second one after tvxq. When I love a group, that's mean no picking biases because I love them all. It tattered me very much, as a person who's much less experiencing the same mental illness. He could have a better future but maybe this is the best for him. And VIXX is, we can see from their schedule how packed it is. Entertaining people seem easy because we're watching without experiencing. Somehow, I hope you still love them the same.

-for we're neither immortal nor invincible-
verse2wo
#8
Chapter 46: While I would like for this story to continue, I understand why you would want to stop.
In light of recent events, it would be a different story without Jonghyun.
I wish you well and support whatever choices you make.
ChaYuume
#9
Hello~!☆
So, first of all...
Your story is one of the best I ever read, the suspense and all were really... Overwhelming?
Anyway thank for writing such a story.
But, if you feels like you can't continue to write it, I think we can all understand it.
It's true that only you knows what future you had reserved to the characters of this story, and with Jonghyun's passing, I understand that it's harder, knowing also what the story is about.
Whether we are fans or not, it affect us all. We all knows who Shinee are, their songs, they had a major impact on kpop.
Even if it's in different ways, even if we dont have the same way to cope with that, to mourn, or whatsoever, it'll leave an impact on all of us.
(It's still a sensible point, I'll move on...)

Secondly, concerning your experience at VIXX's concert.... Well...They are humans.
You can't expect idols to always give it their all when they are exhausted or feels down, even if they are trying it could also not works sometimes. You can't say that they dont care for their fans, not after all they do FOR their fans. Even over their exhaustion, Idols gives you a good performance, even if they're feeling down or aren't in the mood, they take over themselves.
Say, when you are exhausted, are you in a state where you can do anything else aside from resting?
So why would it be different for idols, they are not robots. They push themselves and push their problem asides for the sake of their carreer. For the sake of their own health. The recent situation is sadly the proof of that.
You don't know what is really happening in their lives, they all have their own problems, whichever idol it can be.
And, with all that we know about Korea's idol industry,...

With all of that said, if you lost your motivation over this concert experience and the loss of Jonghyun; if you don't want to continue this story, I think that it's better to just stop it there (even if, I'm sure, we would have liked a proper ending).
In the end, its your story, we are your readers; as long as you feels good with your decision, we must respect it.

Thanks for your hard work~*