Regret and Guilt

In Search of Meaning
Please log in to read the full chapter

"Maybe I should go after him," Woohyun thought out loud as he sat in the driver's seat of the grey tacoma.

It's only been five minutes since Jonghyun went to investigate the situation around Wonsik's apartment, and the brunette was already using every fiber of his being to not jump out of the vehicle and go look for him. He couldn't help but worry while his friend runs off alone into possible danger.

"He told us to stay here, and wait for ten minutes before doing anything," Hyuk reminded the anxious mechanic.

Woohyun turned around in his seat, and replied, "But, what if he's in trouble? What if he needs our help?!"

"I doubt he'd want us getting caught trying to save him," Hongbin joined the conversation, expression still gloomy since killing the suits earlier.

"But what if we don't get caught?" Woohyun shot back.

"That's a big 'if', Woohyun." Hyuk said sadly, wanting to go after the platinum-haired man just as much as the other.

The mechanic visibly deflated in his seat with a sigh, rubbing his forehead out of stress. He turned back around to face the front, and his eyes locked on the keys resting in the ignition as he thought about the things his hyung could possibly be going through right now. After sitting for ten seconds in silence, he couldn't take it anymore.

"That's it!" Woohyun snapped, flinging open the driver's door. "I'm going-"

CREEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Before he took a single step outside the vehicle, a loud screeching sound echoed off the buildings around them. Woohyun and the others covered their ears, which dulled the sound a little, but their eardrums still throbbed painfully.

Looking through the windshield of the truck, Woohyun saw that windows were even shattering a few blocks away, the glass unable to withstand the vibrations of the horrible scream. Some people were even falling unconscious along the sidewalks, and the feeling of dread froze the blood in Woohyun's veins at the thought of Jonghyun succumbing to the sound as well.

Suddenly, the screeching stopped, leaving the three young men to look at each other in confusion.

"What the hell was that?!" Hyuk half shouted with wide eyes, clearly freaked out.

Before anyone could answer, the maknae let out a surprised (and not so manly) shriek when Key suddenly jolted up from his lap, completely conscious. The other two also jumped at the unexpected action from the cheetahman.

The blonde's head swiveled around rapidly as he took in his surroundings, and asked, "Where are we? What happened?"

"U-um," Woohyun began, recovering from the startle. "The suits chased after us, but Hongbin took them out. We're parked a couple blocks from Wonsik's place."

"Why?" Key's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, then as he glanced around the vehicle again he noticed the absence of a certain mechanic. "Where's Jjong?" He asked, fiery eyes locked on Woohyun.

"He went down the street to check out what's going on by Wonsik's," Hyuk answered before the brunette, causing Key's heated gaze to turn onto the youngest.

"Alone?!" Key barked, clearly unhappy with the idea.

When Hyuk gave him a hesitant nod, the blonde literally leaped over Hongbin to swing open the back right door.

"Wait! Key-Oompf!" Hongbin grunted when Key's foot somehow managed to hit him in the face as the latter sprung out of the grey truck. The second his feet hit the pavement, Key took off at full speed down the sidewalk.

"Key!" Woohyun yelled after the blonde as he stepped out of the driver's side, but the cheetahman was already halfway down the street and showing no signs of even hearing the mechanic. Cursing under his breath, Woohyun quickly poked his head back into the truck to say sternly to the other two, "Stay here, and don't even think about following me."

Without waiting for either of them to reply, Woohyun slammed the door shut, thoroughly cutting off any argument they had. He bolted down the sidewalk as fast as he could, and he urged his legs to move even faster when he couldn't see Key's blonde head anywhere. 

Damn that speedy little diva, Woohyun internally cussed out the cheetahman as he carefully stepped around an unconscious bystander. As much as he wanted to stop and help the people who fell victim to the mysterious noise, the need to help his friends out of danger was much greater.

Once he reached the second intersection, he paused to take in the state of his environment. The ground was littered with sleeping bodies and shattered glass, and almost all the windows up to the fifth floor of the surrounding buildings were wide open from losing the battle with sound waves.

A couple blocks away, he spotted a familiar blonde man crouching down by one of the bodies. To his horror, he also saw a few unconscious men dressed in black beginning to move only feet away from Key. Heart racing uncontrollably, Woohyun hurdled his way through the carnage towards Key. When he saw the platinum-haired head at Key's feet, he ran even faster.

"Jjong!" He cried out as he came to a skidding halt at the cheetahman's side.

"Jonghyun!" Key whisper-shouted out of fear for waking the suits nearby, while gently slapping said man's cheek in an attempt to wake him. When he saw no response, he glanced up at Woohyun, "Help me carry him."

Not needing to be told twice, Woohyun looped one arm over his shoulders as Key did the same with the other. Together, they lifted the shorter man up to his feet, and started walking back the way the came.

Jonghyun's head hung limp on his shoulders, and bobbed slightly with every step they took. The concern in Woohyun's eyes was mirrored in Key's when they both noticed the small drops of blood travelling from the mechanic's ears and down his cheeks. For a moment, Woohyun was worried about whether or not Key was affected by the sight, due to his hemophobia. However, the cheetahman looked fine, so he kept going without questioning the other.

As they neared the corner turning down the street the tacoma was parked on, a faint groan tumbled out of Jonghyun's lips. Woohyun didn't notice it, but Key's feline ears perked up right away, underneath his hat, at the sound.

"Jonghyun?" Key called out gently, leaning his face down to catch a glimpse at Jonghyun's.

The platinum-haired man's face scrunched up as he slowly regained consciousness, and even though it wasn't appropriate at the moment, Key couldn't help but think the expression was adorable. However, the thought quickly left Key's mind when as they turned the corner, they heard a shout from behind.

"Over there!"

Woohyun and Key glanced at each other with wide fearful eyes before quickening their pace to a slow jog, Jonghyun's feet dragging along the pavement. The two of them frequently twisted their heads back over their shoulders to see if the suits were in pursuit, but were filled with both relief and confusion when they saw no one. Even so, they continued to make their way down the street, back to the truck.

They had just passed the first intersection and were halfway to the truck when a gunshot rang out from the street they just crossed, followed by multiple horrified screams. Key and Woohyun froze in their tracks, and both men looked back in the direction from where the shot came. Simultaneously, Jonghyun blinked open his eyes only to see two pairs of black shoes and black pant legs, while feeling both of his arms being held onto tightly by strangers.

Instantly, his first thought was, The suits caught me!

Both Woohyun and Key were caught off guard when Jonghyun suddenly flung his entire body weight backwards in an attempt to yank his arms free, but his friends kept a good hold on him. Also, he was still drowsy from passing out, and didn't quite have his full strength back. Even so, the mechanic continued pulling and pushing at them with all his might.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Key exclaimed while Jonghyun bucked between him and Woohyun. "Jjong!"

Key loosened his right hand's hold on Jonghyun's wrist, and the latter took the opportunity to jerk his arm off of Key's shoulders. However, before he could turn to free his other arm a blonde head suddenly appeared before him, and his puppy eyes met a familiar pair of feline ones.

"K-Key?" Jonghyun stuttered out, then looked to the person supporting his weight on his left side. "Woohyun?"

He saw his two friends nod in confirmation, then inhaled a hiss through clenched teeth when he felt a sharp pain in his right ear. Curious about the sudden pain, he pressed his right hand to his ear, and when he brought it back down he became confused when he saw a streak of red on his palm. Then, he remembered the few moments before blacking out; Leo falling, the strange noise, people passing out all around him, and the figures in black.

"What happened?!" He shouted the question at Key as if he were listening to music with headphones on full volume.

"Shhh!" Key hushed the shorter man, afraid that the suits will hear and come towards them to investigate. "We'll explain later. Let's just get back to the truck."

Jonghyun's face scrunched in confusion and discomfort as they practically dragged him down the block towards his truck. As they crossed the street to approach the tacoma, he remembered the agreement he made with Woohyun before he left. Anger quickly replaced confusion.

"Why didn't you take them home?!" Jonghyun roared into the brunette's ear, causing the assistant mechanic to cringe and lean away from the scolding. "You were supposed to take them home if I didn't come back!"

"Jjong, calm down!" Key shout-whispered at the angry male just as the back door of the truck opened. A concerned Hyuk stepped out and rushed to meet them halfway across the street.

The taller man bent down slightly as he quickly looked over Jonghyun, and upon noticing the blood in his ears he asked, "Hey, are you okay? What happened?"

"Hell if I know!" Jonghyun shouted in frustration, shrugging Key's and Woohyun's hands off his arms. He stomped over to the vehicle and opened the dr

Please log in to read the full chapter
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Kasou9
#1
Chapter 46: Hi i know its been a long time since you wrote this but anyway...i understand that you are no longer a starlight its sad but things like that hapoen to every fan ..... i also know that a lot of people love this story just like me and honestly i really want a happy ending for this the main reason is jonghyun because i only started reading this this week and when i first saw his name i was really sad he was in the fic then i realised you wrote this in 2015 _2016 and as the story went on i couldn't help but somehow just wish this would end happily because jonghyun is alive here and he gets to live and be happy in the end idk its weird to think that way but i felt glad he was in the fic and i was grateful to you but like
Dont remove him please it would be too sad at least like this remember him from time to time ppl will remember him while reading this fic i would really want to see the rest of the fic but its your choice after all and in case you dont finish it i still wanna thank you for the story it was lovely and thank you for sharing our love for vixx and shinee even if it ended somehow ♡
BlingBlingTiger
#2
Chapter 46: I think you need to do what you feel is best for you. We all need time to grieve and come to terms with what happened. I cried for days when I got the news and it feels like a part of me has been ripped away. I understand you not wanting to continue with him as a character in the story.
As for VIXX... Everyone has different opinions and ways of seeing things and dealing with situations...personally, when I see them exhausted and struggling, I worry about them, I want to lift some of the burden somehow. I want to tell them to rest and take care of themselves, but I also want to tell them to keep doing their best. I believe that VIXX and Starlights are a unit together and that it's our job to support and encourage each other. I love them all so, so much and their well-being (physically, mentally and emotionally) is of the utmost importance to me and so I worry a lot but I am also immensely proud of them. They always do their best and work hard to be the best that they can be while showing their appreciation for Starlights and I find that really admirable. Even exhausted, they give it their all to show their fans something amazing because they love Starlights and their passion for what they do is boundless. Seeing their determination despite the difficulties they face just makes me love them even more. To be honest, I could never abandon them like that. Leaving them because they were tired... is not a good reason. It's a shame that you couldn't grasp the immense effort they put in to show you a good performance.
Do what you want with the story and don't continue if you really can't, but please try to be more understanding of others in the future. We are all human beings and it is imperative to remember that they are humans too.
SuperShinee2pm2ne1 #3
Chapter 46: I think you should still continue writing the story. Though I understand the point about Jonghyun and with that I think you can 3 things with his character. The 1st option is to keep writing it with him in it, 2nd option is to exchange someone from another group with him and take the time to rewrite his parts to fit said new character and the 3rd option is to remove home out of the story completely. I personally would be sad if you take his character out but it's not my story to say any of the final stuff regarding the story. What ever you end up doing I'll respect it.
lunaticJTW
#4
Chapter 1: Whoa Taek calm ur
shuzyah
#5
Chapter 46: I am fine with not reading Jonghyun in the story for the time being, as it will hurt for the fans, and it will be tough for you too since you are questioning it. As for supporting VIXX.. considering what happen to Jonghyun, everyone r humans, including VIXX & yourself. If u need to stop the story, or keep it on hitaus, or continue, it is totally up to u, and i will support u & respect ur decision.
JungHyunRi
#6
Chapter 46: Hi authornim.. Finally u are back.. Or atleast have inform ur whereabouts..
1stly.. I am very agree with ChaYuume comment bellow..
Its up to u.. If u want to resume this story or not.. If u alr lost interest abt this story.. Bcz If u keep write this story.. U'll feel burden in fact.. U also can't give soul to ur story..
2nd abt ur experience in VIXX concert.. Well
I have my own experience for VIXX in SEA last July.. And truth to be told as ChaYuumee said.. We can't decide that some idols not give them all to fans (I telk this not only in name of VIXX but every idol in general)
Yepp u must be known that before VIXX have a concert at ur country, they alr had many scheduled they done.. And don't u think they stamina and energy almost zero? But they keep their scheduled over ur country.. If that not a way of their act to show Starlight Canada how they really appreciate ur invite?

Truth be told.. I alr attend Super Show concert in my countries for 5 times.. And the 2 times I attend were SS4 when they held 3 days a row in my country.. And they seriously exhausted at the 2nd day (1st day I attend the concert) And when I attended the last days (I atrended the 2nd and 3rd days).. They looked so hype and excited.. Maybe bcz that day is their last so they could rest.. And they really gave their all out energy in the final days..

Its humanly abt idol tho..

So If u seriously thinking,u couldn't be a starlight anymore just bcz of ur 1st experience,, well sorry to say.. Im a little bit disappointes with ur fell tho.. Huhu..

If u told them not give their all just bcz of ur guessing abt they weren't as excited as the fans there.. Its not wise for them too.. ㅠㅠ
Sorry..
edrylla_Dya #7
Chapter 46: I love this story. I love it's character. I hope the characters stays until the end. But if it's hard for you, I can understand. Thank you for your hard work author-nim

In the light of Jonghyun's passing and in the light of your experience to VIXX concert. Shinee is forever one of my favourite group. They're the second one after tvxq. When I love a group, that's mean no picking biases because I love them all. It tattered me very much, as a person who's much less experiencing the same mental illness. He could have a better future but maybe this is the best for him. And VIXX is, we can see from their schedule how packed it is. Entertaining people seem easy because we're watching without experiencing. Somehow, I hope you still love them the same.

-for we're neither immortal nor invincible-
verse2wo
#8
Chapter 46: While I would like for this story to continue, I understand why you would want to stop.
In light of recent events, it would be a different story without Jonghyun.
I wish you well and support whatever choices you make.
ChaYuume
#9
Hello~!☆
So, first of all...
Your story is one of the best I ever read, the suspense and all were really... Overwhelming?
Anyway thank for writing such a story.
But, if you feels like you can't continue to write it, I think we can all understand it.
It's true that only you knows what future you had reserved to the characters of this story, and with Jonghyun's passing, I understand that it's harder, knowing also what the story is about.
Whether we are fans or not, it affect us all. We all knows who Shinee are, their songs, they had a major impact on kpop.
Even if it's in different ways, even if we dont have the same way to cope with that, to mourn, or whatsoever, it'll leave an impact on all of us.
(It's still a sensible point, I'll move on...)

Secondly, concerning your experience at VIXX's concert.... Well...They are humans.
You can't expect idols to always give it their all when they are exhausted or feels down, even if they are trying it could also not works sometimes. You can't say that they dont care for their fans, not after all they do FOR their fans. Even over their exhaustion, Idols gives you a good performance, even if they're feeling down or aren't in the mood, they take over themselves.
Say, when you are exhausted, are you in a state where you can do anything else aside from resting?
So why would it be different for idols, they are not robots. They push themselves and push their problem asides for the sake of their carreer. For the sake of their own health. The recent situation is sadly the proof of that.
You don't know what is really happening in their lives, they all have their own problems, whichever idol it can be.
And, with all that we know about Korea's idol industry,...

With all of that said, if you lost your motivation over this concert experience and the loss of Jonghyun; if you don't want to continue this story, I think that it's better to just stop it there (even if, I'm sure, we would have liked a proper ending).
In the end, its your story, we are your readers; as long as you feels good with your decision, we must respect it.

Thanks for your hard work~*