Bad News, and A Tender Moment

In Search of Meaning
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Wonsik groaned as consciousness returned to him, and he was vaguely aware of straps tightened over his body, pinning him to some kind of bed. One stretched across his chest, another over his belly, and a third on his ankles. He instinctively moved his hands to free himself of the uncomfortable restraints, but found that his wrists also had straps around them. When he heard the clinking of small chains as he pulled on the bonds, he finally cracked open his eyes.

Above him, he saw rectangular ceiling lights slowly passing over him, and that was when he realized there were people pushing the bed. Even though his head was throbbing like crazy, he lifted it slightly to look at the two strangers, and recognized them as nurses for they wore light blue scrubs. A particularly painful throb shot through his cranium, and he winced as he let his head fall back onto the small pillow. 

He took a moment to slowly recall what happened before he was rendered unconscious.

I was back in the game room, on the first floor, he remembered first. 

Then, I made it out to the ground maze when I heard someone call out to me.

Who was it...?

His eyes shot back open when the name finally came to him.

Jonghyun! Jonghyun was there!

In an instant, everything else came rushing back to him. Their scuffle with Chanyeol in the stairway, running through the maze on the third floor, and making it into the vents. 

Then, we ran into Sehun, and...

The image of Jonghyun lying helpless as Chanyeol choked the life out of him, blood streaming from his mouth to pool on the floor, flashed before his eyes.

Oh God, no.... Jonghyun!

Is he okay?! What happened after Sehun captured me?

God, please let him be okay! Please...

He was pulled out of his worries when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the white wall on his left gave way to transparency. He lolled his head to the side, and looked through the floor-to-ceiling window out of curiosity.

As his drowsy eyes struggled to focus, he was able to make out four dark grey spherical objects lying in the middle of the room. A couple of them were the size of footballs, while the other pair were about as large as basketballs. His vision cleared as he focused more, and realized there were numbers etched into the metal objects. The smaller ones were labelled 10, and the larger ones 20. He also noticed that all of them had loops attached at the top, almost like handles.

Suddenly, there was a blur of black as a figure fell hard onto the floor, falling next to the grey objects with a loud thud that was muffled by the glass. Wonsik's gaze focused on the pale hand holding onto the handle of another object that was a little larger than the basketball-sized ones, and was labelled 30. Then, his focus shifted to the person's back as he struggled to push himself off the floor, and onto his knees. When he saw black wings come into view, Wonsik's heart clenched painfully, and he suddenly wasn't feeling drowsy anymore.

Finally, the man's head came into view, coming up to rest on top of the hand still holding onto the heavy object. 

Jaehwan...

It's Jaehwan!

Jaehwan was panting heavily, eyes squeezed shut in both pain and exhaustion as sweat dripped down his beautiful face. Seeing the birdman's distressed expression, Wonsik lurched against his restraints. The nurses halted in surprise, before moving quickly to hold him down by his arms and legs.

Wonsik didn't care that the leather straps were digging into his skin, he didn't care about the burning friction on his wrists. He could only see Jaehwan, his Jaehwan, his beloved boyfriend whom he hasn't seen for days in this hellhole; until one of the nurses blocked his view, holding a syringe full of clear liquid and fitted with a needle. 

His eyes widened at the sight of it, and with an adrenaline powered yank accompanied by the sound of leather snapping, his left arm was free. Luckily, at that moment the needle was nearing his arm, and the nurse paused in shock at the musician's strength. So, all he had to do was reach up a couple inches to grab the nurse's wrist, and without hesitation, he pulled it over his abdomen to redirect the needle into the second nurse's forearm.

The other man screamed, and pulled away from Wonsik's right side. He only managed to remove the needle from his arm before slumping to the floor, fast asleep. Wonsik let go of the first nurse, and swiftly brought his fist up to collide with his chin, sending him reeling back to collide with the window. While the man scrambled to recover, Wonsik made use of his free hand to unstrap the other. Although, it was difficult, because the strap stretched across his chest was also holding down his upper arm. He had to use all of his strength just to reach his other hand, and could even feel the strap begin to cut off circulation.

Just when he got his other hand free, the nurse was back on his feet, and tried to hold down both of Wonsik's arms.

"Let go of me!" Wonsik grunted angrily as he struggled, "You ing !"

He wriggled one of his arms out of the nurse's grip, and landed a second punch on his cheek. The blow caused him to loosen his hold on Wonsik's other arm, and the musician had no trouble jerking it away. Out of sheer desperation and panic, Wonsik grabbed both sides of the man's head, and yanked it down to collide with his own.

Even though it effectively stunned the nurse, it also didn't help with Wonsik's own headache. His face scrunched up as he groaned at the intense throbbing in his forehead, but the pain was immediately forgotten when he heard a thud against the window.

Wonsik opened his eyes, and saw Jaehwan with his hands pressed against the glass, a worried look plastered on his face. The musician quickly, and clumsily, undid the straps across his chest, followed by the other two across his belly and ankles. 

The instant he was completely rid of his restraints, Wonsik scrambled off of the stretcher, and placed his own hands against the glass where Jaehwan's were. He rested his forehead against the cool, smooth surface as he gazed into his lover's eyes, which were b with tears.

"Are you okay?" Wonsik asked, even though he was sure the other could not hear him. But it seemed he could read his lips just fine, for Jaehwan nodded with a side smile tugging at his lips.

'Are you?' Jaehwan mouthed, and Wonsik nodded his head in return. The older grinned at that, showing his perfect teeth briefly, before his head snapped to a person in a white coat approaching him from behind. 

The middle-aged doctor was pointing at the objects on the floor, and seemed to be telling him something. To which, Jaehwan shook his head in obvious refusal. Frowning, the doctor turned around, and gave a curt nod to the two suits standing on the opposite side of the room. Both the men instantly withdrew black batons from their sleeves, and began to approach the birdman with cold expressions.

Wonsik's eyes widened in alarm, "What are they doing?"

Jaehwan turned back to Wonsik with wet cheeks, 'I love you.'

"Jaehwan, what are you doing?!" Wonsik slapped his hand on the glass anxiously, watching the men in black coming closer. "Get away from them! Run-"

The closest suit extended his arm, and the baton came into contact with Jaehwan's side. Immediately, Jaehwan let out a silent cry as his body convulsed, and he collapsed to the floor, face contorted with pain.

"Oh my God, Jaehwan!" Wonsik shouted, crouching down to remain as close to his boyfriend as possible. The other suit copied the actions of the first, and Jaehwan's body spasmed as the stun baton poked him in the back.

"Stop it!" Wonsik screamed at the suits, but they couldn't hear him. "You're hurting him! Stop!"

They continued to shock Jaehwan repeatedly, and Wonsik pounded on the glass that separated him from his lover. He began to sob as he watched Jaehwan cry out over and over again, writhing on the floor in misery. Wonsik cried at his inability to help the person he loved the most in this world.

"J-Jaehwan...." Wonsik whispered, voice broken.

Like he heard him, Jaehwan opened his eyes to meet his gaze, and Wonsik's heart shattered when he tried to smile again. It wasn't a smile out of joy or happiness; it was meant to reassure the younger, to let him know that he was okay. But, the simple gesture didn't reassure Wonsi

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Kasou9
#1
Chapter 46: Hi i know its been a long time since you wrote this but anyway...i understand that you are no longer a starlight its sad but things like that hapoen to every fan ..... i also know that a lot of people love this story just like me and honestly i really want a happy ending for this the main reason is jonghyun because i only started reading this this week and when i first saw his name i was really sad he was in the fic then i realised you wrote this in 2015 _2016 and as the story went on i couldn't help but somehow just wish this would end happily because jonghyun is alive here and he gets to live and be happy in the end idk its weird to think that way but i felt glad he was in the fic and i was grateful to you but like
Dont remove him please it would be too sad at least like this remember him from time to time ppl will remember him while reading this fic i would really want to see the rest of the fic but its your choice after all and in case you dont finish it i still wanna thank you for the story it was lovely and thank you for sharing our love for vixx and shinee even if it ended somehow ♡
BlingBlingTiger
#2
Chapter 46: I think you need to do what you feel is best for you. We all need time to grieve and come to terms with what happened. I cried for days when I got the news and it feels like a part of me has been ripped away. I understand you not wanting to continue with him as a character in the story.
As for VIXX... Everyone has different opinions and ways of seeing things and dealing with situations...personally, when I see them exhausted and struggling, I worry about them, I want to lift some of the burden somehow. I want to tell them to rest and take care of themselves, but I also want to tell them to keep doing their best. I believe that VIXX and Starlights are a unit together and that it's our job to support and encourage each other. I love them all so, so much and their well-being (physically, mentally and emotionally) is of the utmost importance to me and so I worry a lot but I am also immensely proud of them. They always do their best and work hard to be the best that they can be while showing their appreciation for Starlights and I find that really admirable. Even exhausted, they give it their all to show their fans something amazing because they love Starlights and their passion for what they do is boundless. Seeing their determination despite the difficulties they face just makes me love them even more. To be honest, I could never abandon them like that. Leaving them because they were tired... is not a good reason. It's a shame that you couldn't grasp the immense effort they put in to show you a good performance.
Do what you want with the story and don't continue if you really can't, but please try to be more understanding of others in the future. We are all human beings and it is imperative to remember that they are humans too.
SuperShinee2pm2ne1 #3
Chapter 46: I think you should still continue writing the story. Though I understand the point about Jonghyun and with that I think you can 3 things with his character. The 1st option is to keep writing it with him in it, 2nd option is to exchange someone from another group with him and take the time to rewrite his parts to fit said new character and the 3rd option is to remove home out of the story completely. I personally would be sad if you take his character out but it's not my story to say any of the final stuff regarding the story. What ever you end up doing I'll respect it.
lunaticJTW
#4
Chapter 1: Whoa Taek calm ur
shuzyah
#5
Chapter 46: I am fine with not reading Jonghyun in the story for the time being, as it will hurt for the fans, and it will be tough for you too since you are questioning it. As for supporting VIXX.. considering what happen to Jonghyun, everyone r humans, including VIXX & yourself. If u need to stop the story, or keep it on hitaus, or continue, it is totally up to u, and i will support u & respect ur decision.
JungHyunRi
#6
Chapter 46: Hi authornim.. Finally u are back.. Or atleast have inform ur whereabouts..
1stly.. I am very agree with ChaYuume comment bellow..
Its up to u.. If u want to resume this story or not.. If u alr lost interest abt this story.. Bcz If u keep write this story.. U'll feel burden in fact.. U also can't give soul to ur story..
2nd abt ur experience in VIXX concert.. Well
I have my own experience for VIXX in SEA last July.. And truth to be told as ChaYuumee said.. We can't decide that some idols not give them all to fans (I telk this not only in name of VIXX but every idol in general)
Yepp u must be known that before VIXX have a concert at ur country, they alr had many scheduled they done.. And don't u think they stamina and energy almost zero? But they keep their scheduled over ur country.. If that not a way of their act to show Starlight Canada how they really appreciate ur invite?

Truth be told.. I alr attend Super Show concert in my countries for 5 times.. And the 2 times I attend were SS4 when they held 3 days a row in my country.. And they seriously exhausted at the 2nd day (1st day I attend the concert) And when I attended the last days (I atrended the 2nd and 3rd days).. They looked so hype and excited.. Maybe bcz that day is their last so they could rest.. And they really gave their all out energy in the final days..

Its humanly abt idol tho..

So If u seriously thinking,u couldn't be a starlight anymore just bcz of ur 1st experience,, well sorry to say.. Im a little bit disappointes with ur fell tho.. Huhu..

If u told them not give their all just bcz of ur guessing abt they weren't as excited as the fans there.. Its not wise for them too.. ㅠㅠ
Sorry..
edrylla_Dya #7
Chapter 46: I love this story. I love it's character. I hope the characters stays until the end. But if it's hard for you, I can understand. Thank you for your hard work author-nim

In the light of Jonghyun's passing and in the light of your experience to VIXX concert. Shinee is forever one of my favourite group. They're the second one after tvxq. When I love a group, that's mean no picking biases because I love them all. It tattered me very much, as a person who's much less experiencing the same mental illness. He could have a better future but maybe this is the best for him. And VIXX is, we can see from their schedule how packed it is. Entertaining people seem easy because we're watching without experiencing. Somehow, I hope you still love them the same.

-for we're neither immortal nor invincible-
verse2wo
#8
Chapter 46: While I would like for this story to continue, I understand why you would want to stop.
In light of recent events, it would be a different story without Jonghyun.
I wish you well and support whatever choices you make.
ChaYuume
#9
Hello~!☆
So, first of all...
Your story is one of the best I ever read, the suspense and all were really... Overwhelming?
Anyway thank for writing such a story.
But, if you feels like you can't continue to write it, I think we can all understand it.
It's true that only you knows what future you had reserved to the characters of this story, and with Jonghyun's passing, I understand that it's harder, knowing also what the story is about.
Whether we are fans or not, it affect us all. We all knows who Shinee are, their songs, they had a major impact on kpop.
Even if it's in different ways, even if we dont have the same way to cope with that, to mourn, or whatsoever, it'll leave an impact on all of us.
(It's still a sensible point, I'll move on...)

Secondly, concerning your experience at VIXX's concert.... Well...They are humans.
You can't expect idols to always give it their all when they are exhausted or feels down, even if they are trying it could also not works sometimes. You can't say that they dont care for their fans, not after all they do FOR their fans. Even over their exhaustion, Idols gives you a good performance, even if they're feeling down or aren't in the mood, they take over themselves.
Say, when you are exhausted, are you in a state where you can do anything else aside from resting?
So why would it be different for idols, they are not robots. They push themselves and push their problem asides for the sake of their carreer. For the sake of their own health. The recent situation is sadly the proof of that.
You don't know what is really happening in their lives, they all have their own problems, whichever idol it can be.
And, with all that we know about Korea's idol industry,...

With all of that said, if you lost your motivation over this concert experience and the loss of Jonghyun; if you don't want to continue this story, I think that it's better to just stop it there (even if, I'm sure, we would have liked a proper ending).
In the end, its your story, we are your readers; as long as you feels good with your decision, we must respect it.

Thanks for your hard work~*