Forever By My Side

In Search of Meaning
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After the incident with the suits at Shinee World Restaurant, Hakyeon was adamantly against letting Leo outside of his apartment again. They were able to escape the suits that night, thanks to Onew's generous offer to call a cab for them. However, Hakyeon knew they were not always going to be so lucky. So, for a few days after that night, the vet had to fight off the bored wolf man every time he left to check on the others over at Wonsik's place.

It was a Tuesday morning when Hakyeon was pulling on his jacket at the front entrance of his apartment, preparing for his daily visit to Wonsik's. From the guest bedroom Leo heard the rustling of the fabric, and he sprung off the bed where he was quietly reading a novel Hakyeon bought for him.

Abandoning the book, he sped down the hall, through the kitchen, and straight to the front door. While Hakyeon was crouching down to tie his shoes, Leo stepped around the shorter man to stand in front of the door. The vet let out a heavy sigh as he straightened up to face the wolf man.

"Leo, you know what I'm going to say." Hakyeon said tiredly, all too familiar with this scene.

"Just hear me out this time," Leo replied with a determined glare, and wolf ears pointed down in challenge. When the vet crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, he took it as silent permission to continue, "I've been locked up in here for three days with nothing to do but watch TV or read. If I don't get out soon, I'm going to go insane."

"I can't let you walk out in the open," Hakyeon interrupted. "The suits are probably still hanging around the area, especially after spotting you."

"But I won't be out in the open." Leo argued. "The suits can't get to me if I'm already in a cab. So, here's my suggestion," the wolf man put his hands together as if he were praying, or in this case, begging. "Let me out of the apartment just to visit Wonsik's with you, and we'll only travel by taxi. No walking, no buses, and no subways."

Hakyeon tapped his index finger against his bottom lip, thinking over the idea. He had to admit, the wolf man was making sense.

He's been talking a lot more, lately. Hakyeon thought, looking Leo up and down. Is it because he's been cooped up for too long? Also, when he says he's going to go 'insane', does that mean he's going to tear my place up if I don't let him out? He wouldn't chew the stuffing out of the cushions of my couch, would he? 

As he continued to think further on that scenario, his eyes widened slightly when he realized there was a very real chance of it happening. After all, he has seen Leo growl from the couch at a plumber who knocked on his door by mistake when it was Hakyeon's neighbor that called for the service.

"Fine," Hakyeon reluctantly agreed. "Get ready to go, we're leaving in five minutes."

Leo flashed that rare smile that sent the butterflies in Hakyeon's stomach fluttering, and he took off back to the guest room with his tail wagging excitedly behind him.

 

~  ~  ~

 

Meanwhile, at Wonsik's apartment, Jaehwan and Wonsik were in the kitchen putting breakfast together. Wonsik was standing at the stove working with two pans, one with bacon and the other with scrambled eggs. Jaehwan stood next to him at the counter, placing cool bagels into the toaster before turning to the already toasted ones lying on a plate. The winged man took a butterknife into his hand, and stabbed it into the plastic jar of peanut butter. He smiled as he pulled out a large glob of the caramel colored substance, and spread it in a thick coat over one of the bagel halves.

Wonsik chuckled at the sight, "You know, you always do that, and then when you eat it you complain that there's too much."

"Maybe that's just how I like it," Jaehwan replied with a small smirk. "This way I can enjoy a 'healthy' amount of peanut butter, and then I have an excuse to talk to the man I love."

The musician paused in the middle of flipping a strip of bacon, and looked at Jaehwan with hope in his eyes as he asked, "You love me? Do you remember anything about us, then?"

Jaehwan's smirk faded into a frown, and he cast his eyes down in shame as he shook his head sadly, "Not yet. I don't really remember anything other than small things; like where the stairs are, or where we keep the plates." A grin came back to his face when he turned back to Wonsik excitedly, "But the feeling is still there. That, I'm sure of. I know it, because I feel most at ease when you're in the room. And, whenever we touch, I feel....I feel....." he pressed his lips together in a line, trying to find the right words. He snapped his fingers when he found them, "Sparks! My skin feels tingly and warm wherever you touch me, and my heart speeds up like it wants to commit suicide by jumping out of my chest. That's love, right?"

Wonsik smiled at his adorable boyfriend, who miraculously said all those things without his face turning any shade of pink. He couldn't help but sneak his arm around Jaehwan's waist, and pull him closer to give him a peck on the forehead.

"Yep." Wonsik responded, leaning his forehead against Jaehwan's. "That sounds like love to me." It was only after Wonsik's actions that Jaehwan's cheeks showed a hint of color, and the musician gave him a pat on his lower back since he couldn't reach the space between his wings. "Now, you go munch on your bagels while I finish up here," Wonsik said as he turned back to the hot pans on the stove.

Jaehwan hummed in agreement, and returned to the bagels that popped up from the toaster. While the winged man prepared his breakfast, Wonsik continued to watch him through the corner of his eye. The grin never left his face when he saw the blush that remained on Jaehwan's cheeks.

Then, his eyes wandered from Jaehwan's beautiful face to the black-feathered appendages on his back. He was actually surprised with himself at how quickly he has gotten used to seeing them on his boyfriend's back. Also, for the past week he had been watching the wounds at the base of the wings heal, and now the cuts were little more than bright pink scars. Wonsik's gaze traveled from the scars to the wings themselves, and he noticed that the bald patches were completely replaced by fuzzy short feathers. In a couple weeks, they should be completely grown in, and he wondered if Jaehwan would actually be able to fly.

Suddenly, Wonsik was overwhelmed by the prospect of him chasing after his boyfriend out in an open field, where Jaehwan would fly just out of his reach while he would desperately try to hold onto him. Then, the idea of Jaehwan flying away and leaving him behind crossed his mind, causing a cold wave of sadness to wash through him. Wonsik shook his head to banish the thought, and he forced himself to focus back on the food he was now close to burning.

Jaehwan finished coating his bagel halves with a ridiculous amount of peanut butter, and he the butterknife clean before stepping behind Wonsik to place it into the sink on the other side of the stove. He shuffled back to the counter, and just as he put his fingertips beneath the edge of his plate to lift it, he yelped and let the plate clatter back down. His hands gripped the edges of the countertop, and he grimaced in pain.

"Hey," Wonsik said in alarm, setting the pans down on the cold burners before turning to Jaehwan in concern. "You okay?" He noticed the small twitch in Jaehwan's wings, and he assumed it must have been the nerves connecting again.

Jaehwan inhaled through clenched teeth, and gave him a curt nod, "I'm good. It'll pass in a second."

He held his breath as he leaned forward and dropped his head between his arms, waiting for it to end. When his wings stopped twitching and he let out the breath he had been holding in a loud exhale, Wonsik knew it was over.

Rubbing small circles in the space between Jaehwan's shoulder blades, Wonsik asked, "Better?"

Jaehwan lifted his head up, and with closed eyes he answered, "Better." He opened his eyes and let his gaze settle on the plate of bagels, which he successfully took into his hand.

The two of them shared a smile, and Jaehwan walked into the living room with his breakfast while Wonsik turned around to evenly divide the bacon and scrambled eggs onto three plates. One plate was for the musician, and the other two for Hongbin and Hyuk, who were both hanging out in the bedroom as they have been for the last few days. However, just as Wonsik lifted the pan with the scrambled eggs, he dropped it when he was startled by a loud cry.

"AAAAGHH!" He heard Jaehwan scream, followed by a loud thud and shattering of a plate.

Wonsik whipped around, and spotted Jaehwan writhing on the floor with his left wing completely extended. At least, it was trying to extend, but the couch prevented it from doing so.

Within seconds, the musician was at Jaehwan's side. Now that he was taking a closer look, the wing was pushing into the side of the couch in almost painfully. Then, the appendage jerked, pressing even harder into the furniture.

"AAAHHH!" Jaehwan cried out at the strain.

Almost angrily, Wonsik stepped over Jaehwan's body, and with one hard adrenaline-filled shove the couch was moved aside to allow the wing to fully extend. He stepped back over, and knelt down in front of his boyfriend. At the same time, Hyuk and Hongbin came bursting out of the bedroom, and immediately rushed to Jaehwan's side as well.

"What's wrong?" Hyuk asked as he looked Jaehwan over with wide scared eyes. Hongbin stood behind Hyuk, not knowing what to do and looking just as horrified.

Wonsik answered with a wavering voice, trying to keep his calm, "He says it's nerves connecting, and I've seen it happen before. But it's never been this-"

"AAAAAAAGHHH!" Jaehwan let out another blood curdling scream as his other wing suddenly extended, hitting Hyuk hard enough to knock him to the floor and have him seeing stars.

Hongbin crouched down next to him, checking to make sure he was alright. Even though the younger's back was mostly healed, he still was not comfortable seeing him be treated so roughly.

"W-Wonsik," Jaehwan whimpered, clawing at the floor with his fingernails as he tried to crawl into the musician's lap. However, the pain shooting through his body made it extremely difficult to do so, causing him to move at a snail's pace.

Wonsik immediately scooched closer, and he carefully lifted Jaehwan's head and shoulders onto his lap. The second his boyfriend rested his head on his thighs, Jaehwan wrapped his arms around his waist and clutched the back of his sweatshirt hard enough to scratch the skin underneath. 

"Shh, sh," Wonsik tried to soothe the other, petting his hair as he buried his face into the front of Wonsik's sweatshirt.

"Hyung, what should we do?" Hongbin asked as he rubbed circles into Hyuk's aching back.

Wonsik briefly glanced at the cyborg before looking down at Jaehwan again. The winged man was visibly shaking, and a thin layer of sweat had already accumulated on his skin. Seeing him like this made Wonsik's stomach knot and turn, and he almost felt like he was going to be sick.

He looked at the wings that were causing his boyfriend so much pain, and was shocked by how large they really were. Wonsik had only seen them folded against Jaehwan's back, and maybe extend about a quarter of the way whenever they were relaxed. Now that they're fully extended, he fig

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Kasou9
#1
Chapter 46: Hi i know its been a long time since you wrote this but anyway...i understand that you are no longer a starlight its sad but things like that hapoen to every fan ..... i also know that a lot of people love this story just like me and honestly i really want a happy ending for this the main reason is jonghyun because i only started reading this this week and when i first saw his name i was really sad he was in the fic then i realised you wrote this in 2015 _2016 and as the story went on i couldn't help but somehow just wish this would end happily because jonghyun is alive here and he gets to live and be happy in the end idk its weird to think that way but i felt glad he was in the fic and i was grateful to you but like
Dont remove him please it would be too sad at least like this remember him from time to time ppl will remember him while reading this fic i would really want to see the rest of the fic but its your choice after all and in case you dont finish it i still wanna thank you for the story it was lovely and thank you for sharing our love for vixx and shinee even if it ended somehow ♡
BlingBlingTiger
#2
Chapter 46: I think you need to do what you feel is best for you. We all need time to grieve and come to terms with what happened. I cried for days when I got the news and it feels like a part of me has been ripped away. I understand you not wanting to continue with him as a character in the story.
As for VIXX... Everyone has different opinions and ways of seeing things and dealing with situations...personally, when I see them exhausted and struggling, I worry about them, I want to lift some of the burden somehow. I want to tell them to rest and take care of themselves, but I also want to tell them to keep doing their best. I believe that VIXX and Starlights are a unit together and that it's our job to support and encourage each other. I love them all so, so much and their well-being (physically, mentally and emotionally) is of the utmost importance to me and so I worry a lot but I am also immensely proud of them. They always do their best and work hard to be the best that they can be while showing their appreciation for Starlights and I find that really admirable. Even exhausted, they give it their all to show their fans something amazing because they love Starlights and their passion for what they do is boundless. Seeing their determination despite the difficulties they face just makes me love them even more. To be honest, I could never abandon them like that. Leaving them because they were tired... is not a good reason. It's a shame that you couldn't grasp the immense effort they put in to show you a good performance.
Do what you want with the story and don't continue if you really can't, but please try to be more understanding of others in the future. We are all human beings and it is imperative to remember that they are humans too.
SuperShinee2pm2ne1 #3
Chapter 46: I think you should still continue writing the story. Though I understand the point about Jonghyun and with that I think you can 3 things with his character. The 1st option is to keep writing it with him in it, 2nd option is to exchange someone from another group with him and take the time to rewrite his parts to fit said new character and the 3rd option is to remove home out of the story completely. I personally would be sad if you take his character out but it's not my story to say any of the final stuff regarding the story. What ever you end up doing I'll respect it.
lunaticJTW
#4
Chapter 1: Whoa Taek calm ur
shuzyah
#5
Chapter 46: I am fine with not reading Jonghyun in the story for the time being, as it will hurt for the fans, and it will be tough for you too since you are questioning it. As for supporting VIXX.. considering what happen to Jonghyun, everyone r humans, including VIXX & yourself. If u need to stop the story, or keep it on hitaus, or continue, it is totally up to u, and i will support u & respect ur decision.
JungHyunRi
#6
Chapter 46: Hi authornim.. Finally u are back.. Or atleast have inform ur whereabouts..
1stly.. I am very agree with ChaYuume comment bellow..
Its up to u.. If u want to resume this story or not.. If u alr lost interest abt this story.. Bcz If u keep write this story.. U'll feel burden in fact.. U also can't give soul to ur story..
2nd abt ur experience in VIXX concert.. Well
I have my own experience for VIXX in SEA last July.. And truth to be told as ChaYuumee said.. We can't decide that some idols not give them all to fans (I telk this not only in name of VIXX but every idol in general)
Yepp u must be known that before VIXX have a concert at ur country, they alr had many scheduled they done.. And don't u think they stamina and energy almost zero? But they keep their scheduled over ur country.. If that not a way of their act to show Starlight Canada how they really appreciate ur invite?

Truth be told.. I alr attend Super Show concert in my countries for 5 times.. And the 2 times I attend were SS4 when they held 3 days a row in my country.. And they seriously exhausted at the 2nd day (1st day I attend the concert) And when I attended the last days (I atrended the 2nd and 3rd days).. They looked so hype and excited.. Maybe bcz that day is their last so they could rest.. And they really gave their all out energy in the final days..

Its humanly abt idol tho..

So If u seriously thinking,u couldn't be a starlight anymore just bcz of ur 1st experience,, well sorry to say.. Im a little bit disappointes with ur fell tho.. Huhu..

If u told them not give their all just bcz of ur guessing abt they weren't as excited as the fans there.. Its not wise for them too.. ㅠㅠ
Sorry..
edrylla_Dya #7
Chapter 46: I love this story. I love it's character. I hope the characters stays until the end. But if it's hard for you, I can understand. Thank you for your hard work author-nim

In the light of Jonghyun's passing and in the light of your experience to VIXX concert. Shinee is forever one of my favourite group. They're the second one after tvxq. When I love a group, that's mean no picking biases because I love them all. It tattered me very much, as a person who's much less experiencing the same mental illness. He could have a better future but maybe this is the best for him. And VIXX is, we can see from their schedule how packed it is. Entertaining people seem easy because we're watching without experiencing. Somehow, I hope you still love them the same.

-for we're neither immortal nor invincible-
verse2wo
#8
Chapter 46: While I would like for this story to continue, I understand why you would want to stop.
In light of recent events, it would be a different story without Jonghyun.
I wish you well and support whatever choices you make.
ChaYuume
#9
Hello~!☆
So, first of all...
Your story is one of the best I ever read, the suspense and all were really... Overwhelming?
Anyway thank for writing such a story.
But, if you feels like you can't continue to write it, I think we can all understand it.
It's true that only you knows what future you had reserved to the characters of this story, and with Jonghyun's passing, I understand that it's harder, knowing also what the story is about.
Whether we are fans or not, it affect us all. We all knows who Shinee are, their songs, they had a major impact on kpop.
Even if it's in different ways, even if we dont have the same way to cope with that, to mourn, or whatsoever, it'll leave an impact on all of us.
(It's still a sensible point, I'll move on...)

Secondly, concerning your experience at VIXX's concert.... Well...They are humans.
You can't expect idols to always give it their all when they are exhausted or feels down, even if they are trying it could also not works sometimes. You can't say that they dont care for their fans, not after all they do FOR their fans. Even over their exhaustion, Idols gives you a good performance, even if they're feeling down or aren't in the mood, they take over themselves.
Say, when you are exhausted, are you in a state where you can do anything else aside from resting?
So why would it be different for idols, they are not robots. They push themselves and push their problem asides for the sake of their carreer. For the sake of their own health. The recent situation is sadly the proof of that.
You don't know what is really happening in their lives, they all have their own problems, whichever idol it can be.
And, with all that we know about Korea's idol industry,...

With all of that said, if you lost your motivation over this concert experience and the loss of Jonghyun; if you don't want to continue this story, I think that it's better to just stop it there (even if, I'm sure, we would have liked a proper ending).
In the end, its your story, we are your readers; as long as you feels good with your decision, we must respect it.

Thanks for your hard work~*