"Are you sure this is what you want?" Taek-woon whispered softly as he hesitated on fixing Hak-yeon's scarf, pausing to look into the listless eyes that stared at him. Hak-yeon nodded, his shaking fingers the only indication that he was anything but calm. He sighed, knowing it was pointless to try and convince him otherwise at this point, but he wanted to try one last time. Hong-bin sat next to them, his eyes full of concentration as he attempted to mimic Taek-woon, trying his best to wrap his scarf around his neck. Taek-woon sighed as he moved over to the other, shooing his hands away and fixing the scarf on his own.

He never thought this day would come, sitting here as he helped the two get dressed to go outside. For Hak-yeon and Hong-bin to willingly leave. His own fingers trembled as he caught Hong-bin's gaze, the other earnestly staring at him. He had always wished, hoped, that the two would get better one day, would go out and face the world together. But as he watched the two of them over the years, he had grown just as fearful as they had, and now he was full of worry at the thought of them leaving. It was too soon, he thought, they weren't ready.

He wasn't ready.

He stepped back as he gave the two one last look over, noting how they nearly pouted up at him from the way the scarves hugged their necks tightly. Each wore a thick coat and a pair of gloves, a hat placed firmly over their heads. He bit his lip, knowing he was stalling. He took a deep, trembling breath and the two noticed.

"Taek-woon hyung," Hong-bin said quietly, a hint of worry in his voice.  Hak-yeon stared silently, though his gaze was fierce.

"We should get going," he finally managed to mumble out without stammering. The last thing he needed was to set them off by sounding afraid. He didn't think he would be able to gather the courage to dress them to go out a second time. He held a hand out and helped Hong-bin up, hesitating again before doing the same for Hak-yeon. The elder didn't move for the longest time, his eyes fixed solely on Taek-woon's hand, before he eventually took it, his grip tight.

He left them there as he went and grabbed his own coat, fumbling as he tried to button as slowly as possible. He could hear the two enter behind him, feel their gazes on his back, and he swallowed heavily. He turned to face them, his face emotionless, avoiding their gaze as he went to open the door. Almost immediately there was a scramble noise behind him before he felt two bodies slam into him, a pair of hands gripping either of his arms like a lifeline. He looked down to see Hak-yeon and Hong-bin pressed firmly into his sides, their nails digging into his coat.

"It'll be alright," he reassured gently, awkwardly patting their sides before opening the door. Hak-yeon let out a small gasp next to him but didn't make a move to run back inside. "It'll be alright."

Taek-woon frowned at every glance that was sent their way, hoping the two were too oblivious to notice them. He knew they probably looked ridiculous; the two of them were hunched over and glued to his side to the point they were near waddling. But it was the only way they could get anywhere. He thought about just taking a taxi instead, but quickly dismissed the thought, knowing it would probably scare them more to be enclosed in such a small space .

Luckily, or unluckily, the small cafe that he had come to recognize soon came into view, and he swallowed heavily. He was just about to let Hak-yeon know they arrived when the other suddenly let go of his arm, his eyes full of raw emotion as he started walking off on his own.

"Hyung," Hong-bin called out, wanting to go after him but too afraid to let go of Taek-woon.

They watched Hak-yeon as he walked in a daze straight to the cafe, not pausing for even a second as he wrenched open the door. Taek-woon cursed softly as grabbed Hong-bin's hand and ran after him, reaching the door in time to hear the sound of a plate shattering.

Hak-yeon stood stiffly by the door, his eyes locked on the girl trembling by the counter, her hands still in the air from where she had been holding a plate. Saet-byul, in turn, stared right back, her eyes wide in disbelief at the sight of Hak-yeon there. For a while nobody moved, even Hong-bin staying silent. Then, as if being pulled by invisible strings, Hak-yeon took a small step forward. Nobody moved.

He took another step.

Saet-byul gasped, her hands raising up to cover .

He took another step, a painful cry escaping his lips.

She started crying.

He took another step.

"N-N..." she whimpered through her fingers, and then he walked confidently towards her, pulling her into a deep embrace as he fiercely tucked her head into his shoulder. She let out a distorted sob as she wrapped her arms around him, crying his name over and over. He only shushed her gently, running a hand through her hair as he kissed the top of her head. They stayed that way for a long time, no one daring to tear them apart, until Saet-byul eventually pulled away, her eyes red and puffy as she looked up at him.

"It's really you..." she murmured, reaching up and cupping his cheeks in her hands, her fingers running over his skin, her eyes taking in every little bit of him. She sniffled. "It's really you..."

He nodded, silently placing his hands over hers, guiding them to his lips where he kissed them tenderly. She smiled, the first real smile Taek-woon had seen from her, when her eyes focused on his hands, her brow furrowing. "N...your hands-"

Taek-woon's eyes widened when he realized what she was going to say, hurrying over and placing a hand on her shoulder. They both turned to look at him, Saet-byul's face full of worry. "Taek-woon oppa, N's hands-"

"You should sit us down," he interrupted, not letting her finish. N frowned at him but Saet-byul seemed to understand, finally noticing the stares from other customers and coworkers. She coughed as she pulled her hands away from Hak-yeon, rubbing them on her front embarrassedly.

"S-sorry," she mumbled, her eyes staring down at the floor. "I-I'll show you to your seat."

Hak-yeon's eyes never left Saet-byul as she sat them down, so enraptured that he ignored Hong-bin's every attempt to get his attention, the younger eventually having to turn to Taek-woon for reassurance. “I can’t sit with you right now,” Saet-byul whispered as she sat them down, “I have to go back to work. But-” her hand shot out and grabbed Hak-yeon’s, squeezing tightly, “please don’t leave. I promise I’ll come see you the moment I’m done.” Hak-yeon didn’t say anything, only staring in his silent, unnerving way, though it did little to unnerve Saet-byul, her merely giving him a dazzling smile before breaking away and going off to clean up the plate she had broken.

They sat there silently, nobody saying or moving except for Hak-yeon’s occasional fidgeting as he followed Saet-byul around with his eyes. Still hurt that Hak-yeon wasn’t hugging him, Hong-bin pressed himself to Taek-woon’s side, eyes glancing over to Hak-yeon every once in a while.

It was hours before she finally finished, her scrambling to rip her apron off as she ran over to their table, nearly launching herself at Hak-yeon. Hak-yeon shot out of his chair as he caught her and lifted her up into his shoulder, burying his face in her hair. Hong-bin huffed angrily next to him, glaring at the two, but it was as if he and Hong-bin didn’t exist. It was strange seeing Hak-yeon so expressive, the way he looked at her as if she was his only reason for living. Knowing what he did now, it was unnerving.

Saet-byul eventually was the one to pull away, smiling brightly as he put her down. “N,” she said tenderly, reaching out and taking his hands again. “I’ve missed you.” He only grunted in response, but it didn’t seem to bother her. She nudged him to sit down and he immediately did so, pulling her onto his lap. Taek-woon cleared his throat and she finally looked over at him, sending her bright smile his way. “Oh, thank you, Taek-woon oppa. Thank you.” She broke a hand away from Hak-yeon to reach over the table and grab his hand. “Thank you.”

“Saet-byul,” Hak-yeon murmured, grabbing Saet-byul’s attention again, “I need to ask you something.”

“Anything,” she answered quickly.

“What are you doing to my doll?”

--

It felt like a dream, a dream that she never, never wanted to wake up from again. She thought he had been an illusion the moment he stepped through the door. She couldn’t believe her eyes, recognizing him despite his sickly appearance and strange eyes. She realized he was real the moment a coworker greeted him, his eyes solely on her. And his hug.

His warm, warm hug.

She had imagined what it would like to be hugged by him again, to listen to his soothing heartbeat as she pressed herself against his soft chest. It was what had kept her from going crazy. But to actually feel him, to feel his hot breath on her cheeks and his gentle voice whisper her name in her ear, none of her imaginations could compare to that. She ignored how his hands were different, trying to not think about how it was her own mother who had changed his beautiful hands to something so awful. She ignored how his eyes seemed to see right through her, as if the light that had been her beautiful N had been snuffed out. She ignored how tired he seemed to be, ignored how while he hugged and kissed her like he used to, he seemed almost a different person.

No, this was her N.

No matter what happened to him, he was always N.

“Saet-byul,” N whispered into her ear, and she had to hold back a shiver. No one could ever say her name the same why he could. She looked up at him lovingly, though he didn’t do the same. She hesitated; where was his smile? His bright smile and loud laugh? He was so quiet. “I need to ask you something.”

“Anything,” she rushed. He didn’t have to ask her, he could say whatever he wanted. She didn’t mind. One hand pulled away from her waist and slowly raised up to her head, pushing her hair from her face. It was then that she noticed his hair was the same color as hers; did Taek-woon dye it to match hers? She liked it on him.

“Why are you hurting my doll?”

The world stopped.

“I...I’m not hurting your doll.”

He didn’t even blink. “Yes you are.” He finally looked away from her as he turned to face Taek-woon and the other boy, Hong-bin. “It makes me hurt them.” Taek-woon looked away and Hong-bin fidgeted embarrassedly, only confirming what he said.

“I-it’s not me,” she said quickly, tugging on his jacket uselessly. “I promise. I would never hurt your doll.”

“Then who is?”

She hesitated, images of fists slamming her cheek and feet kicking her stomach flashed through her mind, one hand reaching up to finger a healing bruise on her face. She shook her head quickly, smiling brightly. “Don’t worry, I took care of it so you shouldn’t be in pain anymore.” She stole a glance at Taek-woon to see him staring intensely at her. They didn’t need to know about him, they didn’t need to know anything. She took care of it, he would never touch her again, would never be able to.

“Was that person hurting you too?” She jumped when he reached over and brushed her bruised cheek, his mouth pressed into a line. N didn’t know what a special doll meant, didn’t know the things she did about what kind of doll he really was. He didn’t know that his doll had never been touched, and that he had been feeling the pain she had been feeling. He didn’t know, and she wasn’t about to tell him. She pushed his hand away, swallowing.

“No. I just tripped, that’s all.” He didn’t answer as he raised his hand, his fingers ghosting over her as they brushed over every bruise on her body, the hairs on the back of her neck rising. He pressed firmly into her side and she bit back a wince, taking a deep breath as rivets of pain shot through her.

“Tripped…” he murmured.

She panicked, thinking of any way she could distract him. “N,” she said, pulling his hand away and grinning, “how have you been? I have so many things I want to show you, I’ve taken lots of pictures just for you. Would you like to see them?”

“Saet-byul,” Taek-woon started, but N cut him off.

“Let her.” She fished her phone out of her pocket, and he made a noise in the back of his throat.

“Your phone…”

“Ah, Hyukkie bought this for me.” She was suddenly embarrassed, wishing she still had the phone N had given her. She still had it, though it was locked in the box with everything else she had saved.

“Hyukkie? You still see him?” She nodded excitedly.

“Yes! We see each other all the time. He, Jae-hwan, and Won-shik helped take care of me when I moved into my new home.” She looked back to her phone, missing how his face twisted before relaxing, his lip trembling.

“New home…?”

“Yup! See?” She grinned when she found the picture she was looking for, shoving it in his face. HIs fingers laxed around her before shakily reaching out and taking the phone, staring. “This was after I was released from the hospital. This is my new family, see? There’s Ji-hyun and Sang-hoon, my parents, and that’s…” she forced a smile, “my older brother Jung-hoon.”

“A new family? What...what happened to your mother?”

“Ah...I haven’t seen her since she was arrested. But don’t worry about her. Here, let me show you a picture of Hyukkie. He’s super tall now, he might be taller than you.” She was in the middle of searching for a good picture when he suddenly crushed her into his chest, burying his face in her hair. She opened to say something when he let out a quiet sob, feeling a teardrop fall on her cheek.

“I’m so sorry Saet-byul,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have left you.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered back somberly. “I forgive you.” He didn’t respond to that, only letting out a quiet heave. They didn’t move for the longest time, and she was perfectly fine with never moving again.

Eventually, though, N shifted as he turned her around, placing his chin on her shoulder. “Your new family,” he hissed, “are they treating you well?” She shuddered, the tone in his voice chilling. He had never spoken like this to her before, and she wondered if he could see through her lies. She nodded shakily, fighting to keep her smile up, and he tightened his grip around her waist, deliberately pressing into her bruised side. “Are they really?”

“Stop it Hak-yeon,” Taek-woon said hurriedly, and N’s hands immediately loosened.

“It’s alright Taek-woon oppa,” she reassured quickly, hiding how unnerved she was. She glanced back to N to see him staring blankly at his hands, almost as if he was wondering what had just happened.

Taek-woon had told her multiple times that N had changed, that something happened to him as the years passed by. She hadn’t believed him, didn’t want to believe. In her mind she had always imagined him to be so strong, that when she finally met him again he would sweep her off her feet into his big hug and would laugh and smile just like he used to.

But this was the real N, both the man she knew and a stranger completely. She felt along one of the scars on his hand, hearing him hiss softly at the touch. She was going to help him, she decided; change him back into the happy, bright N that she loved.

Their time together was cut short, however, when the boy Hong-bin started whimpering, supposedly growing more and more restless the longer they sat there. She felt her stomach churn as she watched Taek-woon help N and Hong-bin put their coats back on, watched how N wasn’t able to do it on his own. Almost immediately after they were dressed, Hong-bin pushed her aside to latch onto N in a tight hug, pushing him farther away from her. She frowned, about to say something, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Just let it go,” Taek-woon said softly.

“But-”

“That’s just how he is. It’ll only make him angrier if you say anything.” She looked back over to see Hong-bin glare at her, shifting as if to hide N behind him.

“But I haven’t done anything.”

“To him, you’re taking Hak-yeon away from him.” He didn’t give her a chance to respond as he moved over to the two of them, whispering gently. Whatever he said was enough to get them to move, Hong-bin almost shoving N out the door. It hurt that N didn't even look back at her, acting almost as if she didn't exist, focused entirely on Hong-bin, one hand wrapped around the other's shoulders and the other raking through the younger's hair.

She felt panic course through her as she watched them leave, the possibility that Taek-woon wouldn’t allow her to see N again causing her heart to race, and she quickly ran after them. She pushed by a startled Taek-woon as she reached out to grab N’s sleeve, jumping when Hong-bin roughly shoved her back, hurriedly pushing N behind him. Flashes to that day in the hospital, when N had told her to never see him again, when Hong-bin had glared at her, N hidden behind him as he was now, standing so tall over her. The same fear she had felt that day ran through her now, and she fell back into Taek-woon’s arms; she felt his arms catch her, though they pushed her away just as quickly.

She turned to look at him in shock, and even he looked surprised by his actions.

She felt a part of her break.

Taek-woon was afraid of her.

They all were.

She turned to N desperately, wanting some sort of reassurance that not everyone feared her, that she was okay. He was staring at her, his eyes glassy and clouded, though when they met hers they quickly looked away. “N….” she whimpered, her voice barely above a whisper. A long second passed before N gently nudged past Hong-bin, ignoring the other’s horrified look as he stepped up to her. She sniffled as she looked up at him; he had always seemed so big in her memory, always seeming so tall. But, she realized, she had grown taller over the years, and he didn’t seem so big anymore.

He reached over and placed a gentle hand on her head, a tender smile on his lips. “Be good, okay Byullie? Live well.” His thumb traced a pattern on her cheek, but she paid no attention to that, focusing on his words and the goodbye behind them.

“Are you leaving again?” she asked brokenly, feeling tears clouding her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to cry, wanting to appear strong when she finally saw N again. She wanted to show that she had grown up well, wanted him to be proud of her. She hated how weak she was.

“For now. I need to take Hong-bin home.” Hong-bin whimpered behind him, a look of horror and despair on his face. Taek-woon silently went over to him, Hong-bin taking no time launching on the elder in a tight hug. N reached out with his other hand to lovingly push Hong-bin’s fringe from his eyes, and she felt a surge of jealousy rush through her.

“But,” she said, getting his attention back, “you’ll come back right?” He froze and her breath caught in .

“...yes.”

“Really?” she asked excitedly, jumping into his arms and burying her face into his shirt, ignoring his surprised shout as she breathed in his scent. He didn’t hug her back, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered except for the fact that she had N back.

She had her beautiful N back.