She let her mind go blank as she walked through the snowy streets, her eyes hard as she headed to the one place she promised herself she would never visit. She was on autopilot as she filled out her name and answered questions, only preparing herself when she was brought into a little room with a glass panel that showed into another similar-sized room. She took deep breaths as she readied herself, inwardly reminding herself to not say anything and to keep a straight face.

She couldn’t cry.

The door in the room opened and a woman with ragged long hair and bags under her eyes that went down to her cheeks stepped inside. She looked dead, though that didn’t stop her face from brightening at the sight of her.

“Saet-byul!” she cried out, pushing away the police officer as she ran to the seat at the glass panel, slapping it excitedly. There were tears in her mother’s eyes. “Saet-byullie, you came to see your Mommy!”

She took another steadying breath, reminding herself not to cry, but found that her eyes were surprisingly dry. There were no tears to cry. She felt oddly proud of herself for that. With exceptional calmness, she lifted the phone and held it to her ear. Her mother hurriedly did the same. “I didn’t come to see you,” she said icily, and her mother flinched, falling back into her chair in shock. She ignored that. “I need to ask you questions.”

“Anything, anything,” her mother reassured, scooting her chair closer. “Ask your Mommy anything.”

“What did you mean when you said N was a special doll?”

She betrayed her calm composure when her mother slammed herself against the glass, her eyes wild as she brought a finger to her lips. “You can’t talk about that here. People are listening.”

Her eyes hard, she brought the phone to her lips. “I don’t care. Answer me. What is special about N?”

“Saet-byul-”

“What is special about him?” she screamed, hurriedly choking back her sobs when the officer knocked on the door to ask if she was alright. She had to stay calm. She couldn’t leave here without her answers. “Tell me. Does he feel pain when I’m hurt?”

Her mother blubbered as she fell back into her chair, holding her head in her hands and rocking back and forth. She waited with increasing calmness for her mother to recompose herself, honing in on the small nod she finally gave. Her fingers tightened a bunch of her dress into a ball, growling. “Why? Why would you do that? Why would you do that to me?”

“He was supposed to take care of you,” her mother sobbed, still rocking as she pressed her lips to the phone’s speaker. “He was supposed to take care of you. Take all your pain away and make you feel nothing but happiness.”

“Why? I don’t want that! I don’t want him to feel my pain. I don’t want him to hurt at all! My precious doll, why would I want him in pain?”

“You weren’t supposed to love him! You were supposed to love Seok-jin! I was preparing him just for you! But you killed him!”

“I did it for N! Everything I ever did was for N! Why couldn’t you see I was happy with him? Why did you take him from me? Why?”

“He was taking you from me,” her mother whimpered, finally looking up and showing her bloodshot eyes. “He was taking my little Saet-byul away from me. If you were gone, you would take the last of him with you. I...you’re all I had left.”

“It’s all your fault! Because of you N is scared of me! Taek-woon oppa is scared of me! Everyone’s scared of me! I haven’t done anything like you, yet they’re terrified at the sight of me…”

“What?” her mother roared, slapping a hand on the glass again. She wasn’t surprised by that anymore. “He dare avoid you? How dare a mere doll-”

“It’s because of you! You tortured and hurt my doll! I loved him and would never have hurt him! But because of you, he won’t come near me. He has terrible fits now and hurts himself all because of what you did to him!” Another knock on the door, this time the officer telling her she had two minutes left. She grit her teeth. There wasn’t much time left. She looked back to her mother to see her trembling, her eyes full of tears and her chapped lips shaking. She wouldn’t get anything out of her mother if she continued like this.

“Mother,” she started formally, though her mother just shook her head.

“No Byullie,” she said gently, and she stiffened at the nickname. That nickname was N’s alone; her mother was not allowed to use it. “You used to call me Mommy, remember? Call me Mommy.”

“Mother,” she repeated more forcefully, and her mother’s face crumbled, “what can I do so N won’t feel my pain anymore?”

“There’s nothing you can do. He was born a special doll and will die a special doll.”

“So I can’t get hurt anymore? That’s the only way to protect him?”

“Why are you asking these kinds of questions? N is meant to take away your pain. Why are you trying to help him?”

“I love him,” she said simply, “and I will do whatever I can to protect him.”

Her mother’s face fell, but instead she just smiled sadly. “You look very pretty today. Were you meeting a boy?”

Her jaw clenched. She had denied her a normal childhood, nearly killed any friends she had; how could she ask her such a question? “What can I do to help N?”

“Were you meeting Hyukkie?”

She shot up from her chair, the phone slipping out of her hand, eyes glued to the serene smile on her mother’s lips.

“I would have made Hyukkie into a doll for you if you asked. I would have given anyone to you. You know that don’t you? My precious daughter.”

“Stop it...stop it!”

“I can still do it. I can do it if you ask me. Just bring me his hair and blood. Anything for you, Saet-byul.”

“Stop it!”

At that, the officers ran in on both sides, one quietly guiding her out while the other forcibly yanked her mother up. She could hear her mother fight the officer, continuing to shout for her. Her screams rang in her ears the entire walk home, the idea of making dolls still buzzing in her head when she opened the door to see a pair of hateful eyes staring down at her. 

Hello!

Quick update~ This might be the last update I do for a while, I'm going to be extremely busy for the next few months, so updates might be sparse for the time being. I'll try to update when I can, but it won't be as quick as they were recently. But I hope that it won't be too long of a wait and you'll all still want to read!

Thank you again, and as always thank you for all the wonderful comments you leave me!