Jae-hwan hadn’t initially planned to get as involved with Saet-byul as he did. He was originally interested only because he had listened to Won-shik complain on end about his tutoring student, how she was weird and he wished he didn’t have to work as a tutor. Jae-hwan had initially needled him, pointing out he shouldn’t have broken that window, though eventually it turned into actual curiosity. He followed Won-shik to his tutoring session, and that was the first time he’d met her.

He only managed to see her once before “it” happened, and then she was gone. Despite pretending he didn’t care, he knew Won-shik was worried when she stopped showing up altogether, the school just as confused at her disappearance.

It wasn’t until months later that he learned from Won-shik that Saet-byul had been hospitalized after her mother beat her, her mother having been arrested soon after. A boy named Sang-hyuk had been the one to tell them.

“Wonnie!” Jae-hwan called out excitedly the moment he saw his friend step out from the terminal, his friend’s face still recognizable even when hidden behind a pair of overly large sunglasses. Won-shik scowled at the sight of him, more than embarrassed at the display Jae-hwan was putting on in front of the others waiting next to him. He laughed loudly when Won-shik walked right by him, using a newspaper to block his face, and he hurriedly ran over to tackle him in a hug, making sure to squeal his name even louder.

“How is my little dongsaeng?” he called out, yanking the obnoxious sunglasses away. “What are you wearing these for? It’s the middle of the winter!”

“Give those back hyung!” Won-shik growled, snatching the sunglasses back and placing them back on his face. “And could you be any louder?”

“I can if you want, “ he grinned, giggling at the incredulous look on his friend’s face.

“Don’t you dare.”

He held up his hands in surrender as he helped Won-shik grab his luggage, leading him to his car parked outside. He talked about nonsensical things as the other listened, this being the usual dynamic in their relationship, until they sat in the car, taking a second to just sit in silence. Won-shik turned to him, his lips a thin line. “Hyung,” he said seriously.

Jae-hwan turned to look back at him, just as serious. “Yes?”

Won-shik didn’t say anything for the longest time, staying silent and looking so conflicted that Jae-hwan was actually starting to worry, when, “Do you have a place you’re staying at?”

“...yeah...why?”

“Do you have an extra bed-?” He cut him off with a loud cry, knowing exactly what the other was hinting at, and Won-shik quickly backtracked.

“Really hyung! It won’t be for very long! My study abroad literally drained my bank account dry! Once I make enough money I’ll move out-”

He didn’t let the other finish as he reached over to grab the younger boy in a bear hug, shoving his face into his shoulder and ruffling his hair playfully. Won-shik attempted to push him off as he cried out muffled shouts, his face smushed against Jae-hwan’s side, but Jae-hwan ignored that. “Of course my little Wonnie can live with me! You can live with me forever! Don’t worry about moving out-”

“Oh my god, stop,” Won-shik hissed, finally prying him off and leaning as far away as possible, sending him a disgusted look. “Actually, maybe Sang-hyuk would be better-”

“Too late!” he cried out happily as he started the car, sending the other an overly sweet smile as he quickly drove off before Won-shik would have a chance to bolt.

The drive back was mostly in silence, Won-shik pretending to be upset with his face nearly pressed against the window, lower lip stuck out childishly. But Jae-hwan knew him well, knew him probably better than anyone else, and knew that he was actually very happy. He knew the real reason his friend went to him first for a place to stay over his own family, knew that he probably hadn’t even told them he was coming back to Korea, let alone already arrived. Regardless, Jae-hwan was happy just to have Won-shik back in Korea, but that wasn’t important.

“I’m sorry it’s such a mess,” he called out as he drug Won-shik’s suitcase inside, flicking off his shoes and joining Won-shik in the living room. He followed his friend’s eyes to see him staring at a pile of clothes on the floor and his cheeks flushed. He flew over and hurriedly gathered all the clothes in his arms, running to his room and quickly throwing them inside. “I would have cleaned if I knew you were going to move in.”

“Hyung,” Won-shik said slowly, staring at him strangely. “I don’t care if your place is a mess. I’ve never cared.”

“I know,” he said hurriedly, kicking an empty bag of leftovers to the side with his foot, “but you weren’t living with me then.”

“Whatever,” he laughed back, throwing his backpack onto the couch. “But really, thanks for letting me stay here.”

“It’s no problem. But whenever you’re hungry just let me know and I’ll cook us something.”

“You cook?” Won-shik asked in mock surprise, and he glared.

“I do, thank you very much.” He reached over and knocked playfully on the other’s forehead. “I cook very well.”

“Yes, that’s why there’re so many bags of takeout on the floor.”

“Hey! You shouldn’t speak like that to a hyung!”

“Then you should act like a hyung!”

“Whatever,” Jae-hwan sniffed, shooting to his feet and turning his nose up to the ceiling. “I’m not going to sit here and let you insult me. I’m going to go make dinner, and I’m not going to make any for you.” He his heel and headed into the kitchen, faintly hearing Won-shik’s blaring laugh behind him.

He was in the middle of cleaning a cracked egg off the counter, something he definitely meant to do on purpose, when Won-shik came into the room, a bag in hand. “Hey hyung, what is- oh wow, you really can’t cook can you?”

“I meant to do this!” he cried out defensively, quickly wiping away the last of the egg.

“Right…” he trailed off before shoving the small bag in his face, shaking it for good measure. “I found this in the guest bedroom. Do you have a girlfriend I should know about? Or-”

“Girlfriend?” he asked, laughing at the notion as he peeked into the bag, his flour covered hands raised high in the air so as not to dirty whatever was inside. He snorted as he shook his head. “No, that’s make-up for Saet-byul. She got a job recently and I’ve been meaning to give that to her. Keep forgetting.”

“Saet-byul?” he asked, a look of surprise on his face. “You still talk to her?”

“Yeah. You should go see her. She’s gotten better recently. Finished high school and got a job.” He went back to cooking, dumping another heap of flour into the bowl. He was sure this was how you made onion pancakes. Won-shik raised an eyebrow at the bowl, taking a step back.

“Really...does Sang-hyuk still hang all over her?”

“Oh my god, he’s so in love it hurts. He won’t confess though. She’s still too hung up on that N guy.”

Won-shik grimaced at that, his shoulders slumping as he sighed.

“I was hoping she’d have gotten over that by now. It’s been how many years now?”

“Five. I keep telling him to confess before someone else does, but he’s determined to wait until she comes to him. He’s so hopeless.”

Won-shik set the bag on the floor as he took a seat at the table, his chin leaning on his palm as he watched Jae-hwan struggle. “Well, they were attached at the hip and she was almost weirdly obsessed with him. I honestly don’t think she knows how to love anyone else.”

Jae-hwan nodded his head sadly, running a hand through his hair and immediately regretting it when he remembered his hands were covered in flour. Won-shik broke out laughing as Jae-hwan ran to the sink to rinse out his hair, a string of censored curses flying out of his mouth. He glared at how loudly the other laughed, his hair dripping wet as it stuck to his face.

“Stop laughing!”

He waited anxiously as Won-shik took the first bite, the other purposefully keeping his face straight as he chewed slowly, his face betraying no expression as he carefully took a sip of water. Jae-hwan painstakingly followed each of his movements, leaning closer and closer until Won-shik burst out laughing.

“It’s good hyung, calm down.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” he wailed, pouting as he fell back in his chair, making sure the other could see just how upset he was as he shoved a whole piece of the pancake in his mouth. Won-shik stifled his laughter when he saw that he was genuinely upset, reaching across the table as he pat his hand.

“It really is good hyung. Your cooking improved.”

“Really?” he asked excitedly, his face brightening-

“Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t burn the house down this time.”

“That was one time!”

Won-shik was laughing again, and while Jae-hwan hated that his dongsaeng was so easily teasing him, he couldn’t help but be proud. It had taken a long time for Won-shik to get to this point, remembering how broody and upset the younger had been during school, the other coming so close to dropping out. He had been the only one that managed to get underneath the prickly walls that he had put up around himself, and in return he was the only one that was able to see the real Kim Won-shik.

“Are you going to call home?” he asked after a bout of silence, the other immediately stiffening.

“No,” he said after a long minute, his face suddenly tighter as he kept his eyes firmly on his plate.

“You should at least call, let them know you’re back in Korea. They’d be worried-”

“You know they’re not worried,” Won-shik cut him off, no trace of the playfulness from earlier on his face. “None of them give a if I’m here or over in America. They wouldn’t even give a if I died-”

“You know they damn well would.“ He couldn’t help but get just as worked up when Won-shik started talking like this, talking as if no one would care if he died. It was talk like this that infuriated him; his hand around his chopsticks tightening. “They are your family, and while you might not get along now, you know they would be grieved if you died, just like you would be grieved if any of them did. You have a family, they love you, you shouldn’t throw something like that away so easily.”

He could tell Won-shik wasn’t happy, though he hesitated from retorting. “You wouldn’t understand,” he muttered, and that was the breaking point. He slammed his chopsticks on the table as he stood up, Won-shik immediately looking guilty. “Hyung, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about cleaning up,” Jae-hwan said evenly, fighting to keep his lower lip from trembling, “I’ll get to it later.”

“Hyung-”

He had to get out of there, he couldn’t let his dongsaeng see him. He hurried to his room, slamming the door shut as he buried himself in his blankets. Feeling secure with a wall against the world, Jae-hwan dropped his sunny facade as he broke down in deeply suppressed tears.

He must have fallen asleep, the room pitch dark when the sound of a small “hyung?” echoed in the room as the door squeaked open. He shifted, rolling over to see Won-shik sheepishly peek his head in the room, wincing when he saw Jae-hwan was awake. The younger boy awkwardly shut the door behind him, the moon peeking throwing the window to illuminate Won-shik’s guilty face. “Hyung….” he muttered, his head bowed.

Jae-hwan was never able to stay mad for long.

Without saying a word, he lifted up the blanket invitingly, and a large grin grew on Won-shik’s lips as he crawled in bed with him, the two of them giggling as they wrapped the blanket around them tightly. As they shifted to get comfortable, they remembered the numerous times they had done this back at the orphanage, Jae-hwan secretly sneaking his dongsaeng in the room he shared with others. It had been the time they had been most free, the happiest, and those feelings weren’t lost as they huddled close together now. It was times like these where they could forget Won-shik’s family problems, Jae-hwan’s loneliness -everything.

Won-shik rolled over until his face was only inches from his own, the guilty look still on his face. “I’m sorry hyung,” he said quietly, eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean it.”

“You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean,” he teased, though reached out and ruffled his hair when he saw how upset the other was. “And you know I don’t mind.”

“I just really hate them hyung. I don’t want to go back. I would rather stay with you.”

He smiled, touched. “While I would love to live with my Wonnie forever and ever, you shouldn’t give up on your family. Even if it’s only every once and a while, you should go back and see them. At least let them know you’re back.”

“If I at least call, will that make you feel better?”

Yes, yes it would. It would make him even happier if he went home, even if that broke his heart and left him alone. “Yes,” he said simply.

But please don’t leave. Don’t leave me alone.

“Then I’ll call. Just to tell them I’m back. I’m still going to stay here.”

Jae-hwan made a big show about how much work it’d be to take care of him along with himself, how his dongsaeng should be so very grateful that he had such a kind and caring hyung like himself. But Won-shik knew Jae-hwan as well as Jae-hwan knew Won-shik, and knew that he was the one who was extremely grateful.

Thank you, for staying by my side.

Thank you, for not leaving me alone.

--

"Did you make sure to eat? What about coffee? It's cold out, you should drink something warm." Sang-hyuk chuckled at Saet-byul's rattling as they walked down the street, the constant lull of the city a warming background. It wasn't a particularly cold day, the air crisp as a light snow fell, the snowflakes catching in their hair and glistening through the overcast sun. He glanced over to see Saet-byul pouting at him supposedly ignoring her, the morning sun softly lighting her features, her cheeks flushed a soft red from the cold and eyes bright from the sun. She noticed him staring and grinned, holding out the coffee cup in her hand.

"I knew you would forget, so I got you this." He hesitated taking it and her nose wrinkled, tsking him playfully before reaching over and taking his hands, forcibly opening his fingers and placing the cup in them. "I bought this, so it won't taste as bad as mine."

His own cheeks flushed at being found out, hurriedly trying to make up excuses. "No, I-"

"Taek-woon oppa told me. He said it tastes gross, so I have to work on it." She glared at him for a short second before laughing. "You should have just told me. I thought I was doing so well."

He hung his head in shame. "Sorry."

She snickered but didn't say anything, and they walked in comfortable silence before she sighed happily. "I'm proud of you Hyukkie. You are amazing, getting into university."

He beamed under her praise, scratching the back of his head embarrassedly while smiling goofily. "Thanks. I just wish you could go too."

At that, her smile fell slightly, her eyes going downcast as she fought to keep her cherry demeanor. His lips pursed at this, knowing there was something she was keeping from him, always growing quiet and upset whenever university or home was mentioned. He knew she tried to keep things about herself a secret, and he wished that she would trust him more to be more open. "You know we don't have enough money to afford university, and I'm not as smart as you to get scholarships."

"Don't think like that," he said gently, poking her in the forehead with a laugh. "Remember when we first met and you didn't take notes because you couldn't read the board? You've gotten a lot smarter and you graduated high school all on your own. You could definitely make it into university." She stopped to stare at him with a pout at the mention, and he chuckled as he reached out to ruffle her hair. He stopped last second, remembering how she didn't like to be touched, awkwardly stuffing his hand back in his pocket and taking a quick sip of his coffee.

He flinched when she reached out and pulled his hand out of his pocket, biting her lip before shakily setting it on top of her head. He stared in muted shock as she went through the motion of patting her head, after a couple seconds letting go as if burned.

He held his hand out right where she left it, still trying to wrap his head around what just happened, when she buried her face in her scarf in mortification. "S-Saet-byul-"

"You always stop," she said quietly, her voice muffled by her scarf. "I know I shouldn't be afraid to touch people, and wanted to try with you because you're Hyukkie and....and..." her voice trailed off as she quickly looked away from him, blowing on her hands and trying to distract herself from the way he was staring at her. He eventually snapped out of his stupor, his mouth shaking as he tried to figure out what to say.

"You want to try...touching people?" he asked, and she nodded shyly. He felt his stomach flip in a sudden burst of nervousness, gasping and biting his lip from shouting out. "W-what about with Jae-hwan hyung? He's always trying to help."

"Jae-hwan is Jae-hwan. I want to try with you first."

He was suddenly thankful that the crisp wind had already reddened his face, effectively hiding how his cheeks must be burning at the moment. He coughed to try and cover how happy he was, the words try with you first ringing over and over in his head. He could see how she was watching him, waiting for him to say something, and he cleared his throat, standing a bit straighter and looking down at her over his nose.

"I-I will gladly help."

Her whole face brightened. "Really? Thank you! Ji-hyun told me that friends hold hands in the winter, let's try!" Before he had a chance to protest, she yanked his glove off and pressed her bare hand into his. He was acutely aware of the feeling of her fingers clenching onto his own, and he couldn't stop from staring at their interlocked hands.

She noticed him staring and misunderstood, yanking her hand away as if burned. "I'm sorry! Ji-hyun likes to play tricks on me sometimes, I'm sorry if I offended you or-"

"No!" he shouted hurriedly, taking her hand back and intertwining their fingers. "It's fine! I was just surprised."

She hesitated before nodding, glancing at their hands one last time before a wave of alarm rushed over her face. "We should hurry or you'll be late to your first class!"

She insisted on running the rest of the way to his class, afraid that she had made him late to his first day of classes. It wasn't until they passed through the school gates and stood in front of the university doors that she realized they still had plenty of time, her sighing in relief. She was still holding his hand. He laughed at how cute she was, this time ruffling her hair without hesitation. He noticed she flinched slightly before standing resolutely and letting him.

She'll get better at it.

"Sang-hyuk," she said tentatively, and he immediately tensed when she used his full name. She never did that. "N...N came back."

He felt his whole world crash down, watching as a sweet smile grew on her lips and her eyes held a faraway look. She didn't seem to notice his horrified expression, continuing on happily. "He came to see me at work, to surprise me. He told me he's going to come back, he won't leave again!" She laughed excitedly, looking to see him match her excitement and pausing when he didn't. "Hyukkie?"

"I...why? Why did he come back now?"

She paused in thought. "I'm not sure. Taek-woon oppa brought him so there might have been some reason why he couldn't on his own. He told me he was sorry he left, and that he would never do it again!" Her fingers in his hand twitched, and he swallowed heavily. "He was very proud of how well I was doing, so I want to become even better for him! That's why I want to practice touching people, to show N how much better I-"

She stopped when he abruptly jerked his hand away, stumbling back a few steps from her with hurt clear in his eyes. "Hyukkie?"

"You mean...you held my hand and told me you want to practice with me first...that was all for him?"

She stuttered as she tried to think of an answer, confusion in her eyes. Of course she would be confused. She never thought of anything when holding hands or locking their fingers together except for that bastard. Everything she did was for him. She took a step towards him and he moved back, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to collect himself.

He shouldn't have gotten ahead of himself, shouldn't have assumed anything when dense Saet-byul suddenly offered to do skinship.

He ignored her shouting his name as he gave her a small goodbye before running to class, not caring that he was over half an hour early. He wished that he could just forget about his feelings for her, to just be the friend she wanted and nothing more. Maybe one day he would, but it would probably only be after she destroyed his heart.

Hello!

I'm sorry that my updating has been so inconsistent, work is terrible in taking all my time. But don't worry, I've found time to write, so updates shouldn't be so far in between from now on~