Double update!~ Make sure to read the previous chapter first

"Saet-byul?" he asked, knocking on the door of the apartment Taek-woon had told him to be Saet-byul's family's. He had never met the family that adopted her, that in part due to how he only recently had started to get better, though he wasn't sure if he was very keen on meeting them. Their son had very obviously been the one hurting her, causing Saet-byul undeserved pain, and they had done nothing about it. Hopefully they weren't home, he couldn't guarantee he could control himself if he came in to see them and found his Byullie in pain.

"Saet-byul?" he called out again, knocking louder. He frowned when she didn't answer, and was suddenly overcome with near-crippling anxiety that something could have happened to her. He gasped as he went for the doorknob, not even noticing that the door was unlocked, and stumbled inside to see Saet-byul hurriedly running out of a room and slamming the door closed. A flash of guilt passed over her face before she grinned brilliantly, running straight into his arms.

"N!" she trilled, trying to rub her face in his chest, but he quickly tore her away, holding her shoulders fiercely as he stared down at her in horror.

"Saet-byul...what happened to you?" The girl in front of him wasn't the same little Byullie he'd seen only a few weeks ago. This wasn't Saet-byul at all-- she looked horribly malnourished, her skin extremely pale. She had lost a considerable amount of weight, her body looking thin and weak, her cheeks sunken and eyes ringed with dark circles. Her hair was tangled and limp, and he couldn't help a small whimper at the sight of what his Byullie had become. She wriggled in his grasp, whimpering at how he was hurting her, and he immediately let go.

"S-Saet-byul-"

"You came back N!" she cried out, ignoring his attempts to say anything as she clung onto his arm. "I knew you would come back to me. Everyone else was wrong, I knew you wouldn't leave me like that."

"Saet-byul!" he snapped, shifting so he could look at her properly. "What happened? Are you sick? Where are your parents? Your brother? Why are they letting you go around like this?"

"They're...busy," she said slowly, refusing to look him in the eye.  

"Busy?" He wanted to grab her again and shake her until she stopped defending them. "Saet-byul, look at yourself-- you look terrible. If they've been doing this to you-"  

"I told you," she interrupted, smiling again as she started to tug him inside, his body all but complacent to her wishes, "you don't have to worry about that anymore. I took care of it, so everything's okay now." He stiffened at her choice of words, pulling on her hand to stop her. She looked up at him confusedly, her whole face so innocent, and for a second he felt the words he wanted to ask her slip away. It couldn't be his Saet-byul, she was too sweet, too good, she couldn't hurt a fly, but- 

"Byullie," he started, frowning when he saw how happy she grew at just the nickname, "I...I need to ask you something." 

Her whole face was glowing as she nodded her head. "Of course N, you can ask me anything!"  

He took a deep breath, careful, a thumb reaching out and the dark circle around her right eye, "Are you doing anything with the other dolls?" He blinked when she immediately pulled back, her eyes full of betrayal as she closed in on herself. Her eyes darted over to the door she had closed when he came in, and when he made a move to open it she held his arm fast.  

"Don't go in there," she warned, the first time she had gone anywhere near threatening him, and warning bells went off in his head.

"What is in there, Saet-byul?" When she didn't answer, he faced her completely, his eyes hard as all the things Baek-hyun had spewed at him rang in his ears. He wanted to ignore them, to pull her into a large hug and bury his face in her hair and let her know that he didn't believe anything the others said. He wanted to tell her that she was his Byullie, to not listen to the others, to know she was special and he did love her, even if he knew it was not wise to live with her. He really wanted to, but when he saw her gaunt face staring at him, holding his arm tight and sternly preventing him from going in that room, a small part of him started to wonder if what he had believed this whole time was wrong.

"Saet-byul...let go of me."

"You can't go in there N," she said firmly, tugging on his arm for emphasis. When he glared down at her, waiting, her hard stance faltered, her eyes trailing down to her hands. "I...everyone's been telling me for so long how I am a terrible person and I'll be just like my mother. I...I didn't want to believe them, I knew I wasn't anything like her, and I wanted to be a good person. For you N...so even when everyone yelled at me and called me names, I was able to endure it if I knew you still believed me, if you still loved me." She looked up at him, her eyes watering.

"But you don't believe me. Even you...even you don't believe me."

"Saet-byul," he said tenderly, pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head. She clung to him desperately, holding him so tight as if she would never let go again. "I do believe you, I always will believe you." She started hiccupping, rubbing her face into his chest. "But..." she stiffened, "something is happening to the others, and you're the only one who knows about the dolls."

She pushed him away, disbelief and pain clear in her eyes. "You...do you think I did it?"

"Please Saet-byul, please tell me it's not you. Tell me you're not the one kidnapping the others. It's not you, right?" She hesitated and he grew desperate. "Please say it's not you! Saet-byul, I know you and I know you would never do something like this. I know how sweet you are." She started to cry, her face full of guilt, and he tried his best to look over that. "But something's going on and I need to know what's happening. Please tell me it's not you and it's someone else."

"I...I-- N, it's not like that!"

"Then what is it?" When she didn't answer him, refusing to look him in the eye, he felt a part of him break. His Byullie, he couldn't believe...she couldn't have...not his Byullie. Not his Byullie. "Saet-byul...did you do anything to the dolls?" Tears ran down her face, and he swallowed heavily, his voice dropping.

"Did you hurt them?"

"I did it for you N!" she blurted out, hugging herself and shaking her head as she backed away. He froze, a cold shudder running down his spine. Did that mean...she really did kidnap the others? For him? For him? She kidnapped and hurt the others for him? "I only did it for you! I've been trying to figure out how to free you so you can love me again. I just want you to come back N!"

"For me?” he cried, both horrified and beyond disappointed. He had believed in her, had always believed in her, had never wanted her to succumb to the dolls-- but here she was. He looked at her, tried to find any hint of the little Byullie he knew, and whimpered when he couldn't find anything. There was nothing. This girl in front of him wasn't his Byullie. It wasn't her anymore. "You did all this...for me?"

"I didn't want to hurt them," she pleaded, still afraid to go near him even when it was clearly evident that she wanted to run back to him. "But I couldn't use your doll to figure it out, I could never hurt you like that N."

"But you would hurt the others instead." He didn't mean to sound so accusing, but all he could think of was Kyung-soo crying all day, Chan-yeol cutting up his hands as he threw things searching for Baek-hyun. He thought of Joon-myeon, the selfless Joon-myeon who worked himself ragged just to keep everyone safe. He struggled to keep his voice level, his lips as he took a slow breath. "Do you even realize how much pain you're causing? Not just to the dolls, but to everyone else?"

"How else can I figure out how to free you? I can't touch you, I couldn't bear to touch your doll N."

"That doesn't matter! How could you even think of doing this? You know what it would do! You saw what--" his voice cut off, and he had to take a moment to collect himself, already feeling himself start to cry, "you saw what it did to Seok-jin."

She stiffened at the mention of Seok-jin's name, and he was sure it caused her just as much pain as it did for him.

"I...but it's the only way...N..."

"You were there, Saet-byul. You saw Seok-jin die, saw him burn to death right in front of us. Do you know how much it hurts every time I think of my baby brother? That I was the one that said it was okay? Every day I think of how I was the one that allowed that to happen, all because we were trying to figure out how to free me. My brother died because of me. Because we were too scared to use my doll. How...how could you even think of doing this again?"

"N..." She stared at him in horror, hanging open and her eyes wide. She was shaking, her whole body shivering terribly, staggering backwards when he reached out towards her. "That...that wasn't-" She winced, grabbing her head, and he moved towards her concernedly to help. She gasped, shoving him back.

"Saet-byul-"

"Seok-jin was different," she cut him off, her voice suddenly hard. "I'm sorry about Seok-jin, and I wish I could go back and stop myself from killing him. But these dolls, they aren't you or Seok-jin."

"You think that matters?" he asked, unable to hide the astonishment from his voice. "These people you're killing, they are human beings just like Seok-jin and I. They have people that care about them, people that are waiting for them right now to come home. Just because it's not Seok-jin or I doesn't give you any more right to hurt them." As Saet-byul stared at him in a mixture of confusion and guilt, he felt a sudden chill overcome him, and he shivered.

"I'll do whatever I can to free you N," she insisted stubbornly. "If I free you, you'll come back to me, and you'll be able to love me-"

He cut her off with a sharp laugh, the sound high and piercing. "Yoon Saet-byul, how many times do I have to tell you for you to finally understand? I will care for you, watch over you-- but that is all I will do. I do love you, but I will never love you the way you want."

"Why not?" she screamed, backing up again and jumping when she hit the wall. "Once you're not a doll anymore, you can love me! You said it yourself, you couldn't kiss me because you were a doll and dolls can't kiss their owners. But if I free you-"

"Saet-byul! I told you, your mother's not here anymore! I am not under any obligation to take care of you-"

"You're my doll!" she screamed, her whole body shaking with rage as her once teary eyes were filled with anger. "You're mine mine mine! My mother never owned you, you're my doll and mine alone!" He blinked, stunned speechless at the words that were flowing so easily out of his Byullie's mouth. He knew she had always been possessive of him, but he had always thought it was just because he had been her first everything, and had hoped she would eventually grow out of it.

He had desperately hoped she would grow out of it.

He didn't think...he never thought it would grow to be such an obsession.

"Saet-byul..."

She slapped her hands over in shock, eyes wide in regret. "I-I'm so sorry N, I didn't mean to yell at you...I-I just-- I just..."

"Saet-byul," he said softly, determinedly, "I love you and care for you, but I'm going to say this now, so you will never misunderstand or be confused again." She had always misunderstood, was always so confused because he was always so hesitant to be strict with her. He had pitied her, the tiny girl that was beaten and raised by her crazy mother, the girl who had never interacted with another human being until him. He had always been too indulgent with her, and he had allowed her to become this.

"You are not your mother, you are Yoon Saet-byul and are a good girl. You don't have to use dolls, you don't have to do anything with them. That being said, I am not yours. I am another human being, an independent human being. Human beings aren't owned. I do love you and care for you like a sister, but I don't love you romantically. I never will.

"I will always be there for you if you need help. One day, you'll find a nice boy who will love you the way you want. He will hug and kiss you, will hold you and love you in a way I can't. This boy, you'll learn to love him with all your heart. If you break up with him, I will be there for you to cry on, to comfort and support you. This, I will always be there for you." She was completely still, staring at him as her nails dug into her skin. He swallowed as he slowly walked up to her, gently putting his hands on hers and prying them away. Her head jerked up to stare at him, her face expressionless.

"Yoon Saet-byul, one day you will find your happiness. I can never bring that for you, no matter if you manage to free me or not." He tenderly pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, and her eyes jerkily followed his movements. "My little Byullie, I believe in you."

It was silent for a long time, her completely still and him holding onto her and waiting desperately for her to say something. He hoped he had gotten through to her, that the words that were long overdue would finally make sense for her. Then, suddenly, her hands shook, started to move-

He yelped when her hands grabbed his own in a vice-like grip, her fingers nearly crushing his as her eyes stared at him in a way that terrifyingly reminded him of her mother. "I did not do all of this just to find someone else. I didn't kill Joon-myeon oppa just so I could find another man and forget about you. I didn't change Jae— Ken just so you could leave. No." Her hands clenched even tighter, and he tried to pull away.

"Saet-byul-- that hurts-"

"You are mine N. When I free you, you'll understand. You'll love me once that happens. The doll is stopping you, but once that's gone you will."

"Saet-byul, let go of me," he roared, finally wrenching his hands away, gasping in disbelief. As he watched her slowly stand up, her chest heaving as she glared at him, he could only see her mother in her. He felt a chill run down his spine, his body trembling at the mere thought of that woman and what she had done to him.

"You are mine," she said haltingly, her eyes never leaving him. "You will always be mine."

"I am not yours," he said back, his voice barely above a whisper, his insides crying at the thought that the Saet-byul he knew was disappearing. "I am not yours, and never will be."

Her eyes widened at those words, her lips pulling back in a snarl. "I will kill every last doll I have if it means I can free you. I will not let you leave me, ever. Those dolls that took you away, I will kill every one of them for taking you from me." He started to back away, glancing at the door behind him. He thought of the others back at the shop, waiting for him to come back. He thought of Taek-woon and Hong-bin waiting at home for him, every single one of them oblivious and waiting. Saet-byul moved over to a chest that had been sitting by the table, opening it and grabbing a doll.

"I will kill everyone that kept you away from me." She winced, a hand going to her head again, and despite how scared he was he felt a twinge of worry shoot through him. "I will bring you back. I won't let anyone ever take you from me again." She grabbed a knife that had been sitting on table and stabbed it through the doll, grinning widely at his horrified expression.

He didn't wait as he turned and ran straight out the door, hoping to reach the shop and save whoever it was that she had stabbed. He had to do something, had to save them. He had made a terrible mistake, had possibly just written their death sentence with this one visit.

The last thing he heard before the door slammed behind him was Saet-byul's screams ringing loudly.

-- 

He was gone. 

He was really, truly gone. 

Her beautiful N that she would live and die for had left her. He had pushed her away, told her to find someone else, that no matter what she did, he would never love her. She had always believed he would come back, that it was only the doll keeping him away. His love for her was real, just like hers was; he had willingly held and slept with her back then, the smiles he sent her genuine and the way he held her hand special. She couldn't...she couldn't have been the only one that felt that way. N had to have loved her. He had even looked sad when he said he couldn't kiss her because of the doll.  

He had loved her. 

But then he pushed her away. 

"I will never love you the way you want." 

"I do love you and care for you like a sister, but I don't love you romantically." 

"I am not yours, and never will be." 

"You have no right to touch him; he's not yours, nor will he ever be." 

She felt overwhelming pain and betrayal crushing her, grasping her head as she crumpled to the floor. He was supposed to take care of her, had promised he would take care of her. How was this taking care of her? How was breaking her heart taking care of her? How was leaving her taking care of her? She sobbed, looking down at the doll with the knife still embedded in its neck.  

She knew, she knew he would hate her. She was just like her mother, just like her. She stabbed and killed dolls, made dolls, she tortured them, tortured Baek-hyun-- Baek-hyun had made her so happy. She shivered in disgust at herself. The sounds of Baek-hyun's screams had filled her with delight, made her so excited and shake with thrill, it was disgusting. She was just like her mother, and N saw that. He saw her and could only see her mother, it was no wonder he ran away.  

'They're confusing him.' 

'They're keeping him away from you.' 

She clasped her hands over her ears, their voices louder than ever. They had been getting louder and louder, nearly screaming in her head when N was trying to talk to her.  

'They're brainwashing him!' 

'They keep telling him how dangerous you are!' 

'You have to get rid of them.' 

'Get rid of them and free him from their hold.' 

'Tainting, tainting him!' 

The voices had screamed through her to kill everyone that kept N away from her, that they were convincing N to stay away from her. N wouldn't have avoided her on his own, he loved her and would have come back right away. It was the others-- they were keeping him away.  

'Kill them all!' 

'Kill them for taking him away!' 

'Kill kill kill kill kill kill!' 

She didn't want to kill, it would only make N run away farther. N couldn't stomach death, couldn't stand the blood that coated her hands. But if she didn't kill, they would take him farther and farther away until she would never be able to find him again. If that happened, what could she do? She grabbed clumps of her hair, pulling and twisting and wishing it would hurt.  

'Take them away!' 

'Kill them all and bring him back!' 

'Once you kill them all, he will come back to you.' 

'He will realize he loves you.' 

'He will.' 

'Kill them!' 

'Kill kill kill!' 

Yes...if she killed them, took them all away, no one would be able to confuse N anymore. He would realize she wasn't dangerous, would realize he can and will love her. She stood up, ripping the knife out of the doll on the floor. He would see that she only wants his love, that once he loves her again, she will throw all the dolls away and never look at them again. They would run away, live together happily and blissfully, together forever.  

'Don't do it Saet-byul. This won't bring him back!' 

She pushed back the one voice that always stopped her, but today it was louder than normal. Even the other voices couldn't yell over it.  

'Stay away from him!' 

'He will hate you forever if you do this!' 

No he won't. He will love her.  

'Yes he will.'

'Of course he will love you.'

She will make sure of it.  

She just had to get rid of everyone else first.