"You made it!" she cried happily as she jumped on N in a large hug, ecstatic when his hands slowly wrapped around her waist. Hong-bin made a growling noise behind him, but stayed back when Taek-woon placed a silent hand on his shoulder. She grinned excitedly as she pulled away, looking up to N's face. "The others are coming, just like I promised. It's going to be so much fun! I cooked food and..." she trailed off when she noticed the lack of concentration in N's eyes; despite appearing to be staring at her with his hands on her hips, he wasn't there. "N?" 

Taek-woon stepped forward, clearing his throat. "He hasn't been well the past few days. Be careful."  

She frowned, looking back to N to see how pale he was, his eyes sad and eyebrows furrowed slightly. She reached up and tenderly pushed his bangs from his face, her fingers lingering. "What happened?" 

Taek-woon shook his head. "I'm not sure, he won't say. Just be careful." She begrudgingly stepped back as Taek-woon went about and helped Hong-bin take off his outer clothes, N only needing slight help with the buttons of his coat. While N was talking with her more now, having met with him for almost a month now, he still preferred Taek-woon over her. She didn't like it, but if there was anyone she would trust to take care of N until he came back to her, it would be Taek-woon.  

She took their clothes and set them aside, tugging on N's arm brightly. "Come into the kitchen, I'm almost finished with dinner." She didn't like not knowing what was bothering N, didn't like that instead of coming to her for comfort, he turned to Hong-bin instead, the other boy sitting on his lap. She tried not to blatantly glare at them as she went into the kitchen, knowing N would be upset with her. He didn't like her being mean to Hong-bin.  

She didn't like Hong-bin.  

Her fingers tightened every time she looked over to see Hong-bin pressing himself against N's chest, his head resting on his shoulder. That was how N was supposed to hold her, how he cuddled her when they used to lay in bed together. N was hers; she had let him leave once and it had nearly killed her to be away from him so long. Now that he was back, willingly coming back to her, she was not about to let someone like Hong-bin take him away again.  

He was her doll. 

She glanced over to Taek-woon to see him watching them with a smile, feeling slightly betrayed that he was alright with them hanging over each other like that. She knew he wasn't comfortable with her anymore, could see it in the way he would shy away whenever she stepped too close or how he would sometimes tug N away when she spoke. He was scared of her, didn't want her to be near them because he thought she was dangerous. She wouldn't lie that it didn't hurt, she had really liked Taek-woon. But she didn't like that he would rather let N be with Hong-bin over her.  

She really didn't like Hong-bin.  

She was so busy watching them, her fingers around the knife in her hand twitching, she didn't notice Taek-woon look over at her, his eyes widening in alarm. "Saet-byul, your food-!" 

She gasped when the meat on the stove began to smoke, hurrying over and dumping the entire pan in the sink.  

By the time Jae-hwan, Hyuk, and Won-shik arrived, they had already ordered takeout to replace the food she had ruined, her head hung in shame. She had invited everyone over, per N's request to meet her friends, to cook for them, and of course she had somehow messed it up. N had given her a quick pat on the head for reassurance, though she felt just as terrible when he went back to Hong-bin. 

The atmosphere was awkward as the three stepped into the room, their eyes immediately looking to N and Hong-bin. Taek-woon looked ready to intervene if anyone said anything, when Hyuk waved slightly. "Hi Hak-yeon hyung," he said quietly, to which N smiled happily in response. She blinked in shock to see Hyuk of all people speaking so kindly to N, but it seemed she was the only one, the others all smiling and laughing as they sat down. Hyuk sat down next to her, and she smiled that at least one person wasn't afraid of her.  

"Did you guys all dye your hair the same color?" Jae-hwan asked loudly as he sat across from Taek-woon, grinning madly when Taek-woon's whole face colored. She looked up in surprise to see that, indeed, they had all recently dyed their hair the dark auburn color that N had done to match hers. She wondered how she could have missed that, looking down at her own fading hair and realizing she should recolor it soon to match. She always wanted the same color hair as N. "That's so cute!"  

"Hak-yeon wanted to color my hair," Taek-woon bit out, looking down embarrassedly when N pat his head lovingly. Jae-hwan's grin only widened as he turned to Won-shik, slapping his chest excitedly.  

"That looks like fun, we should try that Wonnie! What color would I look good in?" He squished his face in his hands in an attempt to get Won-shik to laugh, though it only ended with the other shoving him away.  

"You should just shave everything off," Won-shik grumbled, his lip upturned as he watched N, the latter ignoring him purposefully. N had never forgiven Won-shik for how he had treated her, and while Won-shik begged her to explain he wasn't that bad, she never made any attempt to reconcile them. N hating him, even if it was small, was a part of the old N- her N. She held onto that desperately. 

Jae-hwan's face twisted into one of abject horror at Won-shik's suggestion, hurriedly scooting away and sidling up to Hyuk instead. However, when he attempted to pull the other in for a sympathy hug, he ended up getting a hand in his face and a hard shove away.  

"I still haven't forgiven you for making me confess," he grumbled, missing how N's face lit up, shifting Hong-bin to the side so he could lean in.  

"Hyukkie," he said, his voice raising in a slight lilt that got everyone's attention, the room falling silent as they watched the excited smile that grew on his face. She found herself mesmerized at the sight; she loved that smile, could stare at it all day. "You confessed? Did you really?" 

Hyuk's entire face reddened as he instinctively pulled back, trying to look anywhere but at N. "I-er, maybe..." 

"I'm proud of you," he said happily, reaching over her to pat Hyuk on the head, and she stared at the touch in veiled jealousy. "I've been hoping you would get the courage to confess. What did Saet-byul say?" She broke away from staring at N's hand on Hyuk's head to see everyone looking at her and she felt her heart race, swallowing at the sight of N waiting for her answer.  

"I-I..." 

"She said no," Hyuk said simply, and everyone winced while N turned to give her an accusing glare.  

"You said no?" She saw Hyuk fidget awkwardly next to her, and she cringed when she hesitated in answering. She couldn't help her feelings, had always made it clear to N that she loved him and only wanted to love him. But that didn't mean she was okay with saying that in front of Hyukkie. She didn't want to hurt him. Her lack of response only seemed to infuriate N, his brow furrowing angrily. "I already told you many times Saet-byul, I can't and I won't. You know exactly why."  

"It's not fair," she snapped back, her patience wearing thin despite a small part of the back of her mind appalled that she was harsh with N at all. "You always say no to me. Why? Are you secretly in love with Hong-bin? Is that it?" N's eyes widened in hurt, his hold on an equally shocked Hong-bin loosening as the room went deathly silent.  

"H-hyung loves me," Hong-bin stuttered out, confused behind the subtle context of the conversation. While everyone began to awkwardly squirm, unsure what to do as she reared back in silent regret and N pulling back in pain, the doorbell rang. Taek-woon took that moment to step in, his voice firm.  

"You should go get that, Saet-byul." She glanced at N to see him turn away from her, and she opened to say she wanted to stay. He cut her off, his eyes hard. "Go, Saet-byul." Hyuk nudged her, motioning silently with his head to go. She stole one last glance at N before hurrying to the door, taking the food from the delivery man and wasting no time running back to the kitchen. She stopped briefly at the doorway to see Taek-woon holding N carefully in his arms, both him and Jae-hwan saying encouraging words to cheer him up. Even Won-shik looked concerned.  

She bit her lip; she hadn't meant to say such harsh words to him, regretted it with every fiber of her being. She wanted to make it up to him-- her eyes brightened as she quickly ran in and placed the boxes of fried chicken on the table, effectively getting everyone's attention again. N wouldn't look at her.  

"Here, you can start eating, I'll be right back."  

It was a few minutes before she returned to the kitchen with her arms locked tightly around another, excitement b as she ran inside. Everyone looked up at her, already a whole box of chicken gone. "Everyone, I want you to meet my big brother, Jung-hoon."  

-- 

Bin didn't understand. He didn't understand why Hak-yeon looked hurt when Saet-byul asked if he was in love with him. Bin loved Hak-yeon a lot; a lot a lot a lot-- Hak-yeon loved Bin too, right? And then when Taek-woon went to hug Hak-yeon to make him feel better, he moved Bin into Saet-byul's chair and out of Hak-yeon's lap. He didn't like being away from Hak-yeon, didn't like that Saet-byul had been the one to make Hak-yeon sad, but no one paid attention to him. Concerned and confused, he reached over and held Hak-yeon's hand.  

Hak-yeon's hand tightened as he gave Bin a small smile.  

No, Hak-yeon loved Bin very much. He knew. He was just hurt because it was Saet-byul...right? 

Yes. 

Hak-yeon loved him. 

He had just started eating, Taek-woon handing him a piece of chicken, when Saet-byul came back with someone else. His eyes narrowed when she said it to be her brother. Everyone was very quiet, Hak-yeon stiffening next to him, as she brought her brother to sit down across from Bin. He frowned, his fingers squeezing the chicken agitatedly.  

Something was wrong. Something about her brother felt familiar, too familiar, his chest tightening uncomfortably at the sight of him. Bin didn't recognize him, but something was very wrong. He glanced over to Hak-yeon to see if he noticed, though Hak-yeon only looked angry as he glared at her brother. He fidgeted; he didn't like this feeling, the familiarity was unsettling and reminded him terribly of the basement. He didn't like this, didn't like it at all. 

Saet-byul nudged her brother excitedly, her hands refusing to leave his arm. "This is N," she said, pointing to Hak-yeon. "You've heard me talk about N before, remember?" He nodded slightly, his eyes running over all of them before stopping on Bin. Bin stared back, wondering why his eyes seemed familiar. He scooted closer to Hak-yeon, immediately relaxing when Hak-yeon finally hugged him again. Saet-byul continued. "These are my friends, you remember me talking about them, right?"  

He nodded again, and Jae-hwan spoke first, his voice carefully low. "Hello, Saet-byul's brother. It's the first time meeting you."  

Her brother made a move to say something when Saet-byul held him back, her smile waning. "He can't speak." They looked back to him to see her brother give a small nod, though he looked very unhappy. "But he's wanted to meet you, so I brought him out. He's usually busy, so it's perfect that he's here when we all decided to meet." She reached out and grabbed a piece of chicken, her smile bright as she placed it in his hands.  

"Saet-byul," Taek-woon said slowly, "your brother...is he-?" 

"Don't worry," she reassured, "nothing's wrong. I only brought him out to meet you guys. Right?" She looked over to her brother who nodded weakly, carefully lifting the chicken to his mouth when she stared at him. She paused when she saw them all staring at her, gesturing back to the food. "Eat!"  

Everyone tried ignoring Saet-byul's brother, though Hak-yeon and Taek-woon wouldn't stop staring at him. Even when Bin tugged on Hak-yeon's arm to look at him, Hak-yeon wouldn't stop staring. He didn't understand, only understood that this man made him uncomfortable and Hak-yeon upset.  

Saet-byul kept talking about Hak-yeon to her brother, kept talking about how great Hak-yeon was and how he should try to be like him. Bin sniffed, on the chicken bone in his fingers; even if he didn't like her, she was right. Hak-yeon was amazing. Though there was no way he could be as amazing as Hak-yeon. No one could. She kept talking and talking, and Bin didn't want to listen to her. He tugged on Hak-yeon's sleeve again, wanting to see his hyung's smile to tell him everything was okay, when Hak-yeon quickly shoved him away without even looking at Bin.  

Bin felt a part of him break at being so easily shoved away, and a whimper from him was able to get Taek-woon's attention. Taek-woon glanced briefly at Hak-yeon before reaching over and petting his head, mouthing something comforting at him before turning back to Saet-byul.  

Why? Why was Hak-yeon angry at Bin? Did Bin do something wrong? Was Saet-byul right? Was Hak-yeon ashamed of Bin, was that why he was hurt when she asked? Was it because Bin always wanted hugs? Was it because Bin wasn't like Taek-woon, wasn't strong and quiet? He loved loved loved Hak-yeon, loved him so so much. But if Hak-yeon didn't love Bin...did he not like Bin's love?  

At this point he had chewed the chicken bone in half, and he jumped when it was suddenly pulled out of his mouth, looking over to see Jae-hwan wiping his fingers with a smile. "You shouldn't eat bones," he admonished gently. "There's plenty here, go ahead and eat more." He gestured something quickly, and the boy next to him, ...something Hyuk..., handed him another chicken piece. He hesitated; he wasn't sure he liked him, he remembered how he had yelled at Taek-woon that one time and said mean things about Hak-yeon. He instinctively turned to Hak-yeon, though he hesitated from saying anything. 

Hak-yeon looked over at him, smiling as he ran a hand through his hair. "Go ahead Binnie, Hyukkie won't hurt you." Bin felt weird; he didn't feel happy at Hak-yeon's touch, his stomach twisting as he watched his hyung, confused. Shying away from the other, he turned back to Hyuk to take the food, missing Hak-yeon's shocked expression.  

"You're Hong-bin, right?" Jae-hwan asked brightly, waving his hands excitedly when Bin tried looking at Hak-yeon again. He hesitated before nodding slowly, and Jae-hwan smiled.  

Bin smiled back.

He liked Jae-hwan.

"You're friends with Hak-yeon, right?" Again he nodded, though the word 'friend' made him pause. That was a word Taek-woon's mother had tried teaching him a long time ago, and he still wasn't sure he understood. From what he could understand, he didn't think Hak-yeon was his friend. "Do you want to be our friend too? I promise Wonnie here is not scary at all!" Jae-hwan grabbed the man next to him, and Bin recognized him from the movie.  

"Don't just grab me like that," Won-shik mumbled, though he made no move to break away. "I won't blame you if you find this one scary." He gestured to Jae-hwan with a finger, and the noise Jae-hwan made made Bin laugh.  

"I promise I'm not! Right Hyukkie?" Bin looked over to Hyuk to see his whole face scrunch up. 

"No, but just your face might be enough." 

"What? My face is beautiful! You're just jealous! Right Hong-binnie?" Bin flinched when Jae-hwan leaned in, cupping his face in his hands and puffing his cheeks out. When he didn't answer Jae-hwan pulled away, grinning. "See? Hong-bin agrees with me. You're just jealous. Now this one has a scary face." He slapped his hands loudly on Won-shik's cheeks, rubbing his face this way and that while making cooing noises. It made Bin laugh.  

For a second, Bin was able to forget Hak-yeon and the weird feeling in his stomach. 

Saet-byul insisted on walking home with them, ignoring Taek-woon telling her she should stay, hanging off Hak-yeon's arm and refusing to let Bin anywhere near him. Bin tried to get his attention, but Hak-yeon didn't do anything to push her off, only sending him a little smile before going back to Saet-byul. Bin didn't want Hak-yeon back with Saet-byul-- he'll become like Chun-pyeo. He didn't want Hak-yeon to become that. But Taek-woon and Hak-yeon were convinced that they had to, and now Hak-yeon was starting to only pay attention to Saet-byul again.  

He followed behind them sadly, Jae-hwan had left a while ago with Won-shik and it made Bin feel lonely; he looked up when Taek-woon silently pulled him into his side. He smiled. Taek-woon was always by Bin's side, always felt safe.  

They were almost home when they heard voices screaming their names, voices that Bin would recognize anywhere and anytime. He would never be able to forget those voices, forget the sounds of them echoing in his ears as they screamed ear-piercing screams.  

"I ing knew it!" the voice screamed shrilly, catching everyone's attention as a small blur shot out at them. "I ing knew not to trust you and your lying ! I can't believe Joon-myeon hyung actually believed you and let you go. I can't believe we trusted you-"  

"Baek-hyun hyung!" he cried happily, breaking away from a startled Taek-woon's hold as he jumped into Baek-hyun's arms, stopping the other mid-rant. Baek-hyun took a second to regain his bearings before his livid eyes looked up at him, the anger disappearing almost instantly as he grinned excitedly. He slapped his hands on Bin's arms, shaking him as he looked him up and down.  

"Is this Binnie?" he asked, turning him this way and that that made Bin feel so happy inside. He hadn't seen his hyungs in so long, he liked seeing their faces. It was still strange to see Baek-hyun's face so bright and happy when he'd only ever seen it in pain or sick. Baek-hyun laughed, slapping his chest playfully and backtracking quickly when he flinched. "Look at you, you've gotten so tall, taller than me!" 

"Baek-hyun! Goddammit, slow down!" Bin perked up at the voice, looking over to see Chan-yeol running over.  

"Chan-yeol hyung!" It didn't take Chan-yeol as long to recognize him, engulfing him in a tight hug as soon as he was in front of him. Bin was laughing; he missed his hyungs, was so happy to see them looking so good. A part of him wondered why Hak-yeon didn't look as good as them, and he wondered if it was because he only had Bin to keep him company.  

"God, it's so nice to see you Binnie," Chan-yeol said, ruffling his hair. "You've definitely grown, who would've thought little Bin would be bigger than all of you guys."  

"I'm not as big as Taek-woon hyung," he added helpfully, and Chan-yeol just laughed as he pat his shoulder. He paused, the questions inside him b at the sight of Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol. "Is Joon-myeon hyung with you? Bin wants to see Joon-myeon hyung." 

"Ah, he's inside," Baek-hyun said while pointing to a little building down the road, taking a moment before growing angry again and whirling back to Taek-woon. "Stop Bin, don't distract me! We came here because that over there ing lied-" 

"Watch your mouth Baek-hyun," Hak-yeon said dangerously, and Baek-hyun stopped for only a second before shouting again.  

"Your friend there promised us that he would keep you away from Saet-byul, and yet here you are, having that thing," he gestured disgustedly at Saet-byul who had shrunk behind Hak-yeon's back, "hanging all over you. We told him how dangerous it was and-" 

"Taek-woon knows." Both Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol froze, eyes darting to Taek-woon in a fear that Bin wished he could convince them otherwise of. Taek-woon wasn't scary, Bin knew, he was very safe and comfortable and he wanted them to know that. They shied away, and Taek-woon looked at them guiltily. Hak-yeon continued speaking, his eyes fixed on the ground, and Bin wished he would look at him, just once. He never knew how much he missed Hak-yeon's eyes. "I was sick, and the only way to get better was to see Saet-byul." 

"That's not it," Chan-yeol hissed, his hands shaking as he wiped them nervously down his face. "Hak-yeon...she's not safe. It's dangerous-" 

“Stop it," Hak-yeon interrupted quietly, sighing. "I don't like it anymore than you-" 

"N..." Saet-byul whimpered, her eyes wide as she stared at Hak-yeon in disbelief. Bin hated when Saet-byul called Hak-yeon 'N'; Hak-yeon wasn't a doll anymore, his name was beautiful. Not that he wanted Saet-byul ever saying it-- that was dangerous. Hak-yeon raised his hand up to her cheek when Baek-hyun shot out and shoved her away, using Hak-yeon's surprise to yank him away.  

"Don't you see?" he asked, Chan-yeol pulling Bin back and the two holding them tightly, "She's already made a doll. You can see it in her eyes, she's one of them now." Hak-yeon immediately stopped struggling as he looked to Saet-byul in horror, and she looked ready to cry as she shook her head.  

"Don't believe them N! I-I...I didn't!" 

"Saet-byul..." Hak-yeon whispered, his voice back to the low and tired voice he always spoke at home, "You...have you?" She shook her head but Hak-yeon stepped away, and she froze as if slapped. But when Baek-hyun made a move to take Hak-yeon away, she leapt forward and grabbed Hak-yeon's arm, her eyes hard as she tried to pull him back.

"Stop! You can't touch him; he's my doll!" Baek-hyun's eyes flashed as he roughly shoved her away again, growling out,

"Take your hands off of him. You have no right to touch him; he's not yours, nor will he ever be."

"I...I...I shouldn't have...I..." Hak-yeon choked out, and both Bin and Taek-woon realized what was happening before it happened, Bin shooting out of Chan-yeol's arms to grab a hold of Hak-yeon before he fell to the ground, Hak-yeon gasping as he grasped onto the back of Bin's coat. Hak-yeon only wanted Bin when this happened, would only go to Taek-woon after Bin hugged him.  

He was so focused on Hak-yeon and calming him down that he jumped when he felt hands on his back, hearing Chan-yeol's voice in his ear, "Let's get him inside." He wanted to slap Chan-yeol's hands away; nobody should be allowed to touch Hak-yeon, wanting to keep his hyung close and safe until he was okay again. But he could tell Hak-yeon was cold, his hands shaking as they held onto Bin, so he let Chan-yeol help him up. He could barely see Baek-hyun shouting at Taek-woon and Saet-byul on the ground crying, but he couldn't be bothered at the moment to check on them.  

Hak-yeon was more important.  

He could vaguely hear another voice ask something but he didn't look to see who it was. Hak-yeon was starting to breathe normally again, looking around curiously as he blinked sleepily at Bin. "Binnie...?" he whispered, stumbling.  

"Bin is here Hak-yeon hyung,” he reassured, and Hak-yeon nodded absentmindedly, holding Bin closer.  

"Here, lay him down here. We'll figure out what to do when he wakes up." Bin didn't say anything as he lay Hak-yeon on the bed, laying down next to him and resting his head on Hak-yeon's chest. He didn't know if Hak-yeon really loved him or not, but right now he needed him, and Bin would always be there when Hak-yeon needed him.  

-- 

He watched them, the group of boys that she had invited over sitting so close yet so far away. He felt so utterly helpless, able to see his freedom so close yet unable to even open his mouth to plead for help. He felt chained in his own body; he couldn't move his arms without being helped, couldn't even turn his head unless allowed. His eyes were the only thing that were entirely his, and he used them to look around and hope that someone would notice. 

One did, and he groaned inwardly that it was the mental kid. He probably wouldn't be able to do anything for himself, let alone for him. The one kid, 'N'; that was all he ever heard day in and day out, told every second of every hour about how he amazing he was, how he could never be like him and he should lay in regret for hurting him. He wasn't sure how hitting Saet-byul ever amounted to hurting that kid, but whatever happened, it had pissed her off. But that N kid stared at him too, his eyes never leaving him even when Saet-byul tried talking with him. 

The mental kid was staring at him again, and he hurriedly glanced over at Saet-byul to see her preoccupied with 'N'. Seeing this as his chance, he struggled to lift his hand, every second pure agony as he fought against an invisible string that seemed to hold him in place. His hand was barely over the tabletop when he felt his hand freeze suddenly, and his eyes darted over to see Saet-byul glaring at him, the doll he had come to dread seeing held firmly in her lap.  

Very slowly, he felt his hand move back down in his lap, his hands clasping together and the nails digging painfully into his palms. He snuck a glance over at her to see her eyes had never left him, the pure hatred practically radiating off her as she drug her fingers over the doll's arms and stomach.  

His skin felt like it was being ripped apart, his flesh being peeled away in increasingly painful agony. His voice had been silenced and his mouth glued shut; no matter how much he wanted to scream, to cry, to beg, he couldn't. Tears pricked his eyes at the pain, Saet-byul jabbing the doll's stomach one last time before tossing it under the table. He breathed heavily as the pain receded immediately, blinking away the tears as Saet-byul turned back to her friends without missing a beat. She smiled and laughed at something one of them said, and he realized bleakly that not one of them had seen.