Warnings: torture, mutilation, character death
I apologize for everything now in advance

Weeks passed by and N’s walls around her slowly crumbled, soon each morning greeting her with a pleasant smile and a kiss on the cheek. Every morning she would awaken to his smiling face, feel his arms pull her close, would shower her face with kisses and pleasantries. It filled her with delight to hear such things, made her so happy to wake up and see him, hear his sweet words fall on her ears. He was always holding her, always able to find a way to hold her hand or pull her onto his lap. She never argued, would spend hours sitting blissfully tucked under his chin.

There were times when she would fervently wish for time to stop.

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There were long periods of time when he would forget everything except for Saet-byul, during those times the only thing he could think of being to hold her tight and never let her go. Each time it took longer and longer before he would regain his senses, when he would remember his precious Taek-woonie and Hong-binnie. He had by now accepted that they hated him, that everyone hated him for killing his brother and destroying the trust and love they had put in him. While he remembered feeling broken and hurt initially, that feeling was almost completely replaced with his love for Saet-byul.

Saet-byul would never hate him, would never stop loving him.

She needed him, loved him, cherished him.

He would always be there for her.

But there was that small part of him, a part that shrunk day by day, that reminded him to free them, to get her to release the others from the basement. Even if they hated and abhorred him, he couldn’t leave them downstairs where they were trapped like he had been. He couldn’t leave them to that fate.

That and…he didn’t want her taking her focus off him, even for a minute.

With each day spent with her, he wanted her to go to the basement less and less.

He wanted to be the only thing she would look to for comfort, for love.

He was her doll, he had to please her.

How could he please her if she went down to the basement, if there was some way only they could satisfy her?

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She sometimes wished there was a way she could be rid of the voices that refused to leave her head, that they would leave her alone now that she had her N back. They were quiet when he was with her, when he held her and slept with her, but the moment he pulled away they came back with a vengeance. They wanted to hear screams, to hear begging and pleading as dolls withered on the ground in front of her. They goaded her, pushed and besought her to go back to the basement and tear the dolls apart. They wanted blood, wanted to see them choke on their own bile as she tore their stomachs open.

She tried to ignore them the best she could, hated seeing the distressed look N would send her when she tried to sneak out of bed. It absolutely overjoyed her that he tried his best to keep her by his side, that he never wanted to let her go. If she could, she would create a world for just the two of them, a world where there was nothing but just her and N.

But she couldn’t.

Not with these voices.

So when he was asleep, his lips parted and subconscious buried so deep at the beckoning of her call, she would sneak down into the basement.

It was then she would cut them open, leave permanent marks on them that would satisfy the voices. She made sure to leave terrible ones to sate them longer, so they would leave her alone. She didn’t care who she hurt, who she made bleed, it didn’t bother her.

They especially wanted Hong-bin’s blood, wanted her to kill and destroy him for stealing N away for as long as he did. But she wanted to wait, to wait until N no longer had even a hint of Hong-bin in his heart.

Then she would kill him.

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He awoke one morning to find her gone, his brain muddled and eyes bleary as he looked around the room, her name clumsily falling off his tongue. His heart was racing at the idea that she was missing, that something could have happened to her while he was sleeping. He scrambled out of bed, his body still heavy and lethargic, bumping into the walls as he lumbered down the hallway. He called her name repeatedly, squinting past the bright sun shining through the windows, eyes narrowing on the open door that led to the basement.

He stumbled over to the door, held onto the walls for support as he tried to see if she was down there. He couldn’t tell, the basement light dim against the sunny morning. He called her name softly, rubbing his eye as he slowly made his way down the stairs. He sniffed. What was down here that he couldn’t give her? What was he lacking that she had to come to these other dolls, that she couldn’t get from him alone?

“Saet-byul?”

----------------------

She whirled around, Chan-yeol’s doll in hand, the needle embedded into its eye. Chan-yeol lay in a collapsed heap at her feet, blood trickling between his fingers as he pressed his palms hard against his temple. N’s tired eyes stared at the doll at her feet, unmoving for the longest time before blinking up at her, his whole face scrunched adorably in confusion.

“N-”

“…you weren’t in bed,” he mumbled. Taek-woon tried saying something behind her, croaking out N’s name, but N didn’t seem to register his voice. Instead her beloved N yawned, rubbing his eyes as if trying to push away the last stubborn bits of sleep. She inwardly gushed at the sight; he was always so cute whenever he tried to wake up, always so sleepy and needy. It’s why she would force him to sleep so deeply all the time, just so she could see this side of him every morning.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, throwing Chan-yeol’s doll onto the table before walking over and taking N’s hand in hers. “I was just finishing up here. Why don’t you go upstairs and wait for me, hmm? I won’t be much longer.”

----------------------

He nodded obediently, eyes staring down at her hands holding his, her touch so warm. Of course he would go, he would do whatever she asked of him. He would do anything for her. He was her doll.

She sent him a brilliant smile, leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t budge, never reciprocated or reacted unless she made it clear she wanted him to. He thought he heard something muffled in the background, thought he could hear something other than his own thoughts as he listened to Saet-byul order him upstairs. But when she didn’t react to that foreign sound, when she only turned him around and pushed him gently, he berated himself for thinking of anything other than her.

----------------------

“Hak-yeon hyung!” Hong-bin screamed, shaking his chains as loudly as he could, reaching out to try and grab him. N paused, turned his head slightly in Hong-bin’s direction, and she panicked.

“Go upstairs, I’ll be up in a minute. Go.”

“Saet-byul…”

“Hak-yeon hyung! Bin is so sorry, Bin is so, so sorry! Please, Hak-yeon hyung!” Hong-bin clawed at the glass, tore apart his palms. She hurriedly pushed N forward, desperate, when she suddenly felt hands clasp tightly around her own, stopping her.

----------------------

“…Binnie?” he asked, blinking confusedly past the fog that clung to the corners of his mind. He held Saet-byul fast when she tried to shove him up the stairs, looked over her to see Hong-bin cutting himself on the glass, screaming. It took him a while to realize he was calling for him, and took even longer for his mind to clear enough for him to realize Hong-bin was apologizing; he shoved past Saet-byul as he ran to his baby Binnie’s side.

“Binnie, my Binnie, stop it. Stop hurting yourself.”

“I’m sorry Hak-yeon hyung,” Hong-bin bawled, disregarding his bleeding hands as he cried into Hak-yeon’s shoulder. “Bin is sorry. Bin didn’t mean to hurt Hak-yeon hyung. Bin didn’t mean to make Hak-yeon hyung cry.”

----------------------

“I thought you hated me,” N cried as he hugged Hong-bin, completely ignoring her. Her lower lip trembled as it dawned on her that the weeks she had put into caring for N, the weeks she put into erasing Hong-bin, Taek-woon, Jae-hwan, Won-shik, Sang-hyuk, and every other person other than her out of his heart, was quickly disappearing. Her blood boiled in barely concealed rage as N pressed his lips all over Hong-bin’s disgusting face, uttered Hong-bin’s unworthy name from his lips, tangled his fingers in Hong-bin’s knotted, unkempt hair.

“N-”

“You told me Hong-bin hated me,” N cried accusingly, his eyebrows pulled down in a hard glare that had the voices rising in a flurry.

‘Hurry, call him!’

‘Call him back!’

‘Kill them all!’

‘Kill them all and call him!’

‘Keep him by your side!’

‘Kill!’

‘Kill!’

“H-he does hate you! He said so himself!”

“No! B-Bin wanted to apologize, was so, so sorry! Bin always wanted to apologize! Y-you said Hak-yeon hyung was hurt, didn’t want to hear Bin-”

“Saet-byul, were you lying?” He was glaring at her; her beautiful N was glaring at her. What went wrong? Just a couple minutes ago he was sleepily calling out to her, holding her hand and waiting for her. How—how did ing Hong-bin manage to ruin everything? Again?

‘Kill him!’

‘Splatter the walls with his blood!’

‘Bathe N in his blood!’

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As he cradled Hong-bin’s head in his arms, he could only stare at Saet-byul in disbelief. She had done something to him, made him forget everything. Had she been trying to turn him into a vegetable? He trembled at the thought, could very easily remember how empty he had felt when she had been the only thing he thought of. He looked around at the others, could see how emaciated and sick the others were. Jae-hwan and Won-shik were huddled together in the corner of their cage, Sang-hyuk peeking out at him with crazed eyes, even Taek-woon looked so thin and bony.

He quivered, his whole body ice cold. “Saet-byul…you were never going to let them go…were you?”

She didn’t answer, her face pale and lips a thin line.

“When you said I had to convince you…you never had any intention to let them go, did you? You were going to keep them locked down here forever, weren’t you?” He could hear his own voice growing louder with each passing second, the bitter resentment he had held for himself all these weeks coming out strong. “You only said that to trick me, to turn me into your puppet while you tortured and hurt all the ones I love, didn’t you?”

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‘Don’t let him get away!’

‘Call him!’

‘Stop him!’

‘Kill Hong-bin!’

‘Kill them all!’

“No, you just hadn’t convinced me yet!”

N scoffed, the sound so unruly for her beautiful doll. “When were you ever going to be convinced? I did everything you asked, whenever you asked, no matter what you asked! I believed you when you said Hong-bin hated me, when you said everyone hated me! How can you say I hadn’t convinced you?”

‘Hurry, kill them!’

‘KILL THEM!’

“Because I knew there was still the chance this would happen! Where you would turn on me!”

‘HURRY!’

‘CALL HIM! CALL HIM BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!’

‘KILL THEM!’

“Goddamnit Saet-byul, why do you think I’m turning on you? It’s because you’re always lying! You lied when you said you didn’t make dolls, you lied when you said you never touched Jae-hwan, you lied when you said you would let them go!”

‘KILL THEM!’

‘KILL EVERYONE!’

‘HURRY, KILL EVERYONE AND BRING HIM BACK!’

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He pressed a quick kiss to Hong-bin’s forehead before standing up, shoving past Saet-byul and grabbing the keys off the table. She shrieked as she lunged at him, trying her best to reach the keys that he held high above her head. He slapped a hand on her shoulder and held her firmly, digging his nails into her skin until she winced, stopping.

“If you’re not going to free them, then I will. I won’t let you touch them again.”

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“No!” she shrieked, scratching pathetically at him when he went to unlock Hyuk’s cage. “Stop it N!” She was powerless against him, N so much stronger than her.

‘Stop him!’

‘Use his doll!’

‘Teach him, you’re his master!’

‘Teach him!’

‘Call him!’

‘CALL HIM!’

“Stop it N!”

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Hak-yeon ripped open Sang-hyuk’s cell door, stepping inside and unlocking the chains around his wrists. He didn’t waste any time to hear Sang-hyuk’s thanks, moving right along to Hong-bin. Hong-bin cried for him, held his hands up helpfully while Hak-yeon searched for the right key. Saet-byul all the while dug at his back.

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No! Not Hong-bin! Not Hong-bin!

“Stop it N! You’re my doll! You can’t do this!”

“I will do what I need to,” he snapped, grunting as he broke away the metal bracelets. “If you won’t free them, then I will.”

She sobbed, cried and pleaded him to stop.

‘Call him!’

‘It’s the only way to stop him!’

‘Call his name!’

‘CALL HIS NAME!’

She clung onto his hands, pulling uselessly. “Stop it! Stop N, stop C-Cha…Cha…”

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He moved to his Taek-woonie next, ignored Saet-byul behind him as he tried to find whatever key could free his Taek-woonie.

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She shoved him hard enough he stumbled back a couple steps, the annoyance in his eyes enough to push her over the edge.

‘CALL HIM’

‘CALL HIM CALL HIM CALL HIM CALL HIM CALL HIM-’

“Saet-byul-”

“Stop it Cha Hak-yeon!”

--

The rusted keys fell from N's grip, the clattering sound echoing painfully in her ears as everyone froze.   

No...no...no....   

N hands fell placidly by his side, the bright light in his eyes that she had loved so dearly fading. The frantic expression that had marred his perfect face slowly smoothed out until no emotion was discernible. She stood rooted to the spot, what she had just done still not sinking in as Taek-woon tentatively called out N's name. N didn't answer, didn’t acknowledge, didn't blink; there was nothing in his demeanor that suggested he even understood. Taek-woon tapped on the glass, N having been unable to unlock the door in time, calling out N's name louder and louder. Hong-bin, who had only managed to half-climb over the glass collapsed back inside his cage, disbelief on his face and his body frozen in shock.   

"Hak-yeon!" Taek-woon screamed, slamming the glass as hard as he could, his eyes locked on N as he tried desperately to get some reaction from him. "Hak-yeon, please look at me! Hak-yeon! Hak-yeon ah!"  

"...N?" she whimpered, jumping when N's head snapped toward her, his dull, blank eyes staring at her. She took a shaky step forward, her hand trembling as she raised it up and placed it on his chest. He didn't blink, didn't breathe, stayed absolutely still as he let her do whatever she wanted. She put both hands on his chest, her fingers roaming over the soft fabric of his shirt, twisting the cloth as she felt for his heartbeat.   

It was there, slow and deliberate, so calm like the rest of him.   

"...N, are you...are you still there? Are you still my N?"   

She could feel everyone's eyes on her, the place so deathly silent it made her want to burst into tears. The voices were gone, their absence scaring her as she was left alone with the possible husk of her beautiful N. She jumped when N suddenly moved, his eyes never leaving her face as his hands covered hers, his fingers slipping through her own.   

"S-Saet-byul..." Taek-woon whispered brokenly, "what did you do to him?"  

"I-I-I...I didn't mean...I didn't mean it..." She pulled her hands away as she desperately ran them over his face, chest, arms, waist-- she looked everywhere for something that could change him back. There had to be something! She couldn't have-- she couldn't have killed him! No! "I didn't mean it! I take it back! N! N, I take it back! I didn't mean to say it!"   

N didn't move, didn't react, his empty eyes just staring at her. Even when she started slapping him, screaming at him to change back, to go back to her N, he didn't move.   

"H-Hak-yeon hyung...?" Hong-bin finally tried. N showed no indication he heard.   

"N...do you recognize me?" she asked, and his eyes finally, finally moved to follow her hand reaching up to cup his cheek. He didn't answer, didn't lean into her touch, it took everything in her not to cry then. T-this....this wasn't what she wanted! She wanted him back, but not like this!  

"He is a special doll, it is what will essentially kill him. He’ll be a true doll; his whole entire being will cease to exist, he will no longer be anything but a doll that lives for you. Relationships, personality, love, morals—nothing will matter to him anymore."    

"I didn't mean it N! I take it back!"    

"If you say it, you are killing him." 

"N, please! Please!"  

"Don’t ever say it unless you are ready to deal with the consequences.”   

"N, it's me, Saet-byul! Say something!"    

"I'm yours," he responded immediately, though there was nothing in his voice. There was nothing that reassured her this was still N, that this was still her N. She grabbed handfuls of his shirt as she shook him frantically, screaming his name and begging him to say something. To say anything that would let her know he was still there. That he was still N. He stumbled back when she shoved him, merely straightened up and waited silently for her to hit him again.   

"Saet-byul," she heard a voice call out behind her, and she whirled around to see her mother standing by the table, the needle in her hand. She immediately panicked, her first thought being to push N behind her, hiding him. She would never let her mother touch him again, to bring him anymore suffering. When her mother smiled at her, waving excitedly, she felt a part of her snap, her vision flashing red.   

"This is all your fault," she growled, backing away until N slammed into Taek-woon's cage. "This is all your fault! If you hadn't taught me about dolls, if you hadn't made N my doll, N would still be here! It's your fault! It's all your fault!" When her mother only tilted her head in confusion, she screamed. "You're the reason I'm like this, why I hear these voices and why I kill everyone! It's all your fault! It's your fault I killed N!"   

"I didn't do any of that," she said simply, eyes so unsympathetic. "You did that all on your own."  

"N-no I didn't! I-if it wasn't for you, I would never have made dolls or heard these voices! I wouldn't have said N's name." She was crying, feeling everything crumbling around her. She looked back through her tears to see N, desperately hoping to see him smile down at her and promise everything was okay. She let out a croak at how he only continued to stare forward, his expression giving no indication he was hearing or understanding anything. “It’s all your fault! Everything's your fault!”  

Her mother laughed, so wide as if she found everything so amusing; the sound of it grating her teeth and causing goosebumps to run across her skin. “How could it be my fault? You’re the one that chose to make your brother a doll. You’re the one who killed my dolls. I haven’t touched a hair on their heads. Everything that’s happened is your fault, Saet-byul. You did all of this. You killed N.”  

“You liar!” she screamed, pushing N back even further when her mother took a step forward. “You were the one that hurt N first! You cut up my doll and tortured him when he wasn’t yours! You started it! You did!”  

She lunged forward and grabbed the knife off the table, her rising panic causing her to miss the frightened look on her mother’s face, ignored how her mother stumbled back. She was crying, every second staring at her mother’s face only reminding her of how N abandoned her at the hospital, how he told her to stay away from him, how he found her at work with his hands torn and scarred, how he glared at her as he held Hong-bin close to him—her mother ruined everything. She had been blaming Hong-bin, Taek-woon, Baek-hyun, and everyone else for what happened between her and N, when it was her mother. It was always her mother.  

“Saet-byullie,” her mother called out sweetly, opening her arms out as if to hug her, and she snapped.  

“Get away from me!” she shrieked as she leapt forward and knocked her mother to the ground, stabbing her as hard and as fast as she could. Her mother’s laughs clouded her ears, ringing so loudly that all she could think about was to shut her up. Make her stop. Make her stop stop stop stop stop stop stop— “I hate you, I hate you!” she screamed as loud as she could, desperate to stop her mother’s laugh.  

“You should be happy!” her mother roared loudly, cackling, her grin so wide despite how she dragged the knife as hard as she could across her lips. “You did it! N will be the perfect protector, will take such great care of you!”  

“Shut up! Shut up!”  

“He’s going to be great! He’s perfect! You made him perfect!”  

“Stop it stop it stop it!” She stabbed her mother’s face, chest, arms, legs—everything; did whatever she could to get her to stop. She cried horribly as she dug the knife deeper and deeper into her mother’s body, couldn’t see through her tears how her mother’s delighted face was actually one of unadulterated horror, couldn’t hear how her shrieks of laughter were actually pain-filled wails. It wasn’t until she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and pull her back, wasn’t until she had the knife wrestled out of her grip did she hear everyone else screaming. Frantic and confused, she clung onto whoever was holding her, sobbing.  

“Stop it…stop it…” she whimpered, trembling like a leaf.  

As the whole room calmed down, everyone quieting and only her small sobs audible, she managed to look up at whoever was holding her, crying out when she saw it to be Hong-bin. “H-how...how are you here? How did you-?” 

“Saet-byul…” Won-shik whispered, he and Jae-hwan pressed against the front of their cage, their eyes wide in horror, “...you...you…”  

She followed his line of sight to see the destroyed corpse of her mother, only— 

She collapsed back into Hong-bin’s arms, her chest compressing so tightly she couldn’t breathe. No. No. No no no no no no no no no no no nononononononononononononono— 

There, laying in a pool of blood with his face torn to shreds and his body riddled with holes, was Hyukkie. 

There, mutilated and cold, blood pooling from the millions of stab wounds she herself inflicted on him, was Hyukkie.  

The person she had believed to be her mother, the person she had brutally murdered, was Hyukkie.  

Her only friend, the only person who still loved her—she killed him. 

She killed him.