"I can't believe this." I said.

"Can't believe what?"

"That you're doing these."

"I said because you need a help."

"It's not the same."

"What do you mean?"

I explained to her the real story. That it was like a dream. She was not responding. She is continuing on washing a towel. Then she put it on my forehead. And get a medicine and support my back for sitting and to take the medicine.

"Here, you have to eat some porridge."

"You cooked this?"

"Of course. Who else will?"

Looking at the porridge, it was good. But I don't think if it is good as it taste as well. Looking back at the time she cooked breakfast for me, traumatic maybe, and this is my karma on acting so bad about that. And now she cooked for me again.

"I'm still full. I'll eat it later."

"You should eat this now as long as this is still hot. It will lessen your fever."

"No I'm ok. Are you not going home now? It's late."

"After I finished washing those dishes you left."

"No, it's ok, I'll do it when I feel well already."

She is scooping a spoon of porridge she cooked and forcing me to say "Aaah.." and put that in my mouth. I was struggling to eat it, moving my head away from the spoon and asked her to go. But she won't stop on forcing me.

"Ok, I'll go when you put one spoon of porridge in your mouth."

"Really?"

"Really. Just one sip."

And the moment I am afraid of came. I slowly opened my mouth and the spoon. It was warm and the porridge's slidy, and soft texture was touching my tounge. I was stopping my face to be looked like a man who drank a bitter vegetable. It doesn't tastes good as what I was expecting.

"Hmmm! Good. Now you may go. Go!"

"Ok. Good. Eat that ok! I'll be back tomorrow with Tiffany to help cleaning the house."

"OK. Go!" I said.

She looks curioused that time. Asking herself "Why did he want me to go now?", maybe. But its for our sake. For me not to eat her porridge and for her not to hurt about it. And then I was like to blown up. I waited for her to stepped outside the apartment the I ran to the bathroom and blow the porridge out of my mouth.

"Haays!! I might die of it."

But it made me smile. I treated that moment as a good time. My fever still on 43 degrees. So I tried to cooked noodles and eat it. I put the porridge at a plastic bag and put it into the trash. Again, I felt guilty. But I don't like her to see it still on the bowl tomorrow. Then I go back to bed. Self-supporting.

The next morning, I heard Tiffany asking EunTae to remove all the curtains. They were already cleaning the apartment. Awkward, they are not my maids to do that, and they weren't asking for any payment. I found myself with new towel, still cold. EunTae is entering to my room to remove the curtains. I pretended I was still sleeping. I could hear her saying..

"It's dusty. I wonder when this was washed."

I was smiling but not obvious. She might find out I'm already awake. And suddenly, Tiffany shouted..

"Eunie! I forgot to put the trash outside! Can you do it?!"

"Ok! I'm coming!" EunTae replied.

I got nervous that moment I heard it. I stand up on bed quickly and said..

"I'll do it.."

"Hey? Don't stand up! Your fever still don't lessened."

"No, I can do it, I'm ok."

"What are you saying? Let me pass. Stay here." She said.

I was blocking her to pass my room. She is trying to push me back to bed but I won't.

"I'll do it." Then I opened the door and ran into the trash.

I hold it and carry it.

"Hey! What are you doing? Eunie? Why did you asked him to do that?" Tiffany said.

"No I didn't! He is stopping me to do it and do it himself instead. I said he must go back to bed but he won't!" EunTae replied.

"I'm ok! I'll do this. Don't worry, I'll be back quickly."

The two girls are worrying about me. I go out from the apartment and put the trash beside my neighbor's. 4 houses before my apartment. So that EunTae couldn't see the plastic bag with the porridge she cooked. Then I ran quickly again to go back so that they will not doubt of the time I spent outside.

When I entered the apartment, EunTae was preparing for breakfast. Of course, I was again scared. I know the taste of the food already.

"I'm glad you ate all the porridge I cooked for you. Though I want to cook again...."

EunTae was still finishing her thoughts but Tiffany suddenly spoke.

"We just dropped-by on a fastfood and  BOUGHT food for us, also with yours." She said.

Tiffany was looking at me with her eyebrows moving up and down. Like teasing me about EunTae's food. But at last, I can eat real food now.

"Go back to your bed, I'll serve you there." Tiffany added.

I followed her. I'm even felt weaker now. Because of the climate outside. When I laid on the bed, my body seems heavier, I can't move. It took me a minute to put myself in proper. The Tiffany entered to my room with a tray.

"Where's EunTae?"

"..Eating there."

"I'm hungry."

"Here. I know you haven't eaten real food since last night. So that's why I chose to buy into a fastfood."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your message last night."

"It's ok, EunTae came."

"I know. Anyway, why did you ran to the trash?"

"Her porridge was there. I don't like her to see that. She may hurt. That's why." I whispered.

That's the time I and Tiffany started to whisper to each other. She also don't want EunTae to be hurt.

"Really?"

"I'm guilty."

"I understand. I also sometimes like that."

Tiffany's phone suddenly rang. She said she'll having an interview for her new job, then she go. Again, it was EunTae and I left. I finished eating the food and call EunTae to give me my medicine.

"I'll wash the dishes. Just call me when you needed, ok?"

"Sure."

She gave me 2 tablets of the same medicine and took the tray. I put the thermometer on my mouth to check my condition. Still 43 degrees.

"Medicines are not effective maybe." I said.

After 5 minutes, EunTae went out to buy sugar.

"I'll be quick."

"Take your time." I replied.

During she was outside, I planned to give her diary back. I'm worried now 'cause its already 10 minutes but EunTae still outside. She came after 3 minutes. She is walking too slow.

"What happened?"

She put the bag of sugar on the floor and medicine on the table beside my bed and walked towards the door again. She was sad. I stopped her before she stepped out of the room.

"EunTae-yah!"

She faced me, and say.. "It hurts me. I thought it was ok. I'm embarassed."

"W-What do you mean?"

"You don't know what I mean?"

"What is it?"

"You really don't know?"

"I don't know!"

"YOU LIED!"

I was shocked. She just shouted on a sicked person. Scary. My heart beats faster and I can't speak.

"I admit. COOKING really isn't my talent! You said it's good!"

"It was...."

"...SO WHY DID YOU THROW IT! YOU WASTED IT!"

I'm ashamed. EunTae was mad. She started to sob. Her eyes are so teary.

"I'm sorry.."

"I couldn't do this anymore. I really was embarassed."

She started to walk again. I can't open my mouth and stop her. I am guilty. My body gets warmer. I was shaking. I heard she closed the door, EunTae left me, alone.

I was trying to stand up, walk. I've made 3 steps, but suddenly, my sight is bluring. And I fell on the floor, fainted.

When I woke up. I'm not on our apartment. I saw Tiffany, sitting and reading magazine beside me. I asked her "Where am I?". She stopped on reading and replied..

"You're here in the hospital, you've fainted."

"Where's EunTae?"

"She's at home. Resting. She found you on the floor."

"Yeah. I remembered. But I know she's not there anymore?"

"She told me the real story. Actually, she was still there. She is just sitting infront of your door and cry there. She couldn't left you alone because of your condition. When she feels calm, she went back, then sa saw you lying on the floor. She called me, crying. And I decided to bring you here, and asked her to go home for rest."

"Is she ok?" I asked.

"I don't know. But there's one thing I am sure about her.... Blaming herself of what happened."

My mind isn't functioning well so I couldn't understand some parts of Tiffany's story. If I could talk to EunTae, I want to explain, appologize. I asked Tiffany about my condition..

"Better." She replied.

"Please tell her that I want to talk with her."

"Don't worry. I know she feels the same as you do." She added.

Tiffany says goodbye again. She left me with my cellphone and  a book, for boredom.

As I was looking around me. I saw a woman crying, for her daughter's death. It was sad. I remembered my parents. I didn't cry as that woman did. Emotional. All I did is to close my eyes. And imagine that they are still with me. That moment, my mind is thinking of my parents, only. And promised to visit them when I'm ok.

I saw a text message from Yoona. Saying..

"I heard you're sicked, and in the hospital. I'll visit you after the meeting."

I worried. Hoping that Yoona and EunTae will not see each other in the hospital. For a personal reason. It will be a problem, for me and for them.