"Its okay.. I wont forced you to answer to my question" I said, looking down as I played with my fingers.

"..do you know where she is ?" he asked and I secretly frowned, he is care for that girl. Is that mean he has a thing on that girl ? I was told that the girl has been missing for weeks and they have searched for her around the town, just to find her in Kai's house. 

Bleeding and full of bruises.

"You should know where she is, right now" I said, looking back at him but just like me, he is trying to avoid our eye contact as long as possible. Maybe because of his guilty, my guilty. Our mistakes that bring our life apart. We couldnt help it but to avoid each other's eyes. Its painful when I see the way his eyes is looking at me, seeing hope written in it. I am scared I might hurt him again. Leaving a scar that will be deeper than it is right now.

"Her body is full with bruise.. she has been afraid of everything around her. That girl is in a very serious trauma, Kai. Where do you think she can go to, right now ?"

His eyes trembled. "I told you that was not me" he said, his eyes locked on something I didnt even know. I try to read him, and Im sure he feels guilty over everything that happened. "I know that was not you" I said in order to comfort him from his mistakes. He changes his gaze to me, making me feels electric current running down to my spine. 

"Im sure you do" he slightly smiles, probably the forced one. "But why.. why dont you leave when I was.. I.." his mouth remained opened, no words come out and I know what he is trying to say next. 

"I promised to safe you"

"But you was in danger"

"You was in danger too, Jongin" I said and he turned numb. "Do you really think that Im going to leave ? Yes- at some point I wanted to run to save my life but.. I dont have a heart to leaves you like this, Im going to be hurt for the rest of my life.. just like how I decided to leaves you before"

His body frozen, so is his eyes. I hope his breath and lungs didnt frozen too, because he looks so still right now.

"I regret it" I said and his eyes widened, probably didnt see it coming. "I though Im going to be happy with Baekhyun and I am but- it just- it feels not right ! Something was missing and I realised that is you.. the missing pieces in my life" I confessed, biting my lips as my hand grip tightly to the hem of my shirt.

"So.. I just want you to know that I am the old me.. your Jung Haeree, your friend, your soulmate, your wife, your life, your-" "bright ocean" he cut off my words.

"Im glad you realised it" he said and my eyes trembled. "I just did something horrible and you are not mad at me ?" I asked.

"I do, dont you see on how I changed into the 'not me' ?" he said and I raised my eyebrows. Trying to hold onto my tears at the same time.

"Can I say the truth ?" he asked softly and I nod, "I am here for being honest to you" I said and he gulped, avoiding our eye contact again.

"I was hurt" he said and he succeed in making my heart shattered into pieces. Three word, and he kills me in the inside, so damn badly.

"I cant accept the truth because it was so sudden and- I keep saying it was just my illusion when I saw you going out with him until-.. until you said it yourself"

"Kai.." "I didnt finished yet, sweetheart"

"I was mad ofcourse, like crazily mad that I could killed someone a the moment but I braced myself. I forced myself to calm down and let you go but I cant- the feelings eating me up. I cant controlled my own mind and body since that day. Which is a few days after you left me..to him. I have gone to counselling and go home, even meeting your mother to seek for help but it didnt work. It getting worser and worser until that girl came to me"

"Who exactly that girl is ?" I asked and he smirked. "Why ? Jealous that I might have a feeling on her ?" he said and I gulped, remain silent until he continued on his story.

"She is just an acquaintance, no more no less" he explained and I nod, feeling relief. "At first, I used her to make you jealous.. because I was desperately want you back but it didnt work either. I ended up abusing her because ..I cant take it anymore. I dont know why but I love it when I hear her screaming in pain" he laughed but it is slowly faded. 

"But when I think about it again, it is not fun at all to hear someone in pain."

"Because I know exactly how hurt the pain was"

"And to be honest ? When the first time I hit her, I am myself" he said and cupped his face. "But it getting worser when he called after my name, my real name and it was always you who can call me by that name- I mean- it was always Kai this and Kai that"

"Jongin ?" I said and he lit up, looking at me. His eyes are slightly teary, Im sure he have a hard time to confessed everything to me, expecially when he is in this kind of condition. 

"No one are going to call you by your real name ever again, except for me" I smiles and I could feel my heart flutters when I see him smiling back at me.

"I was sorry for keep holding onto you" he said softly, "I was scared I might ruined your happy life with your love ones .. but its worth it"

"Isnt it ?" he continued.

"Its worth it, Jongin" I tilted my head and smiles a bit more wider. 

We look into each other's eyes until the door behind him is opened and the police in charged said "Time's up !" I could feel my heart literally fall. I want to talk more, I want to see him more. I want to feel him more but I cant.

My smile faded in a second, and so is he.

The reality hit me hard. On how I cant live with him for the next few years. It is not sure yet on how long he is going to live behind those bars, maybe it will be a year or two. Maybe ten or more if the case