"If only I didnt come into your life.."

I fluttered my eyes open when I hear Baekhyun's voice. I feel his hand gently holding my hand, he played around with my hand with his eyes locked on it. He keep on saying things that he regret doing it and I feels really bad for it. It is not his only fault, I am at the fault too.

If only I didnt listen to my heart and keep on living with Kai. None of this are going to happen.

I keep looking at him as he talked to himself. I loves to look at him by this angle, the way his bang slightly hide his face making he looks mysterious. I like the way his hair fall to the gravity and moving delicately following the wind. It looks so soft and fluffy. Making him looks adorable at the same time. But seeing he keep blaming himself make me feels hurt terribly.

"We wont regret our meeting, would we ?"

I frowned when he said that words. My hand slightly move and he turned to faced me. "Ouh- you're awake" he stated and I positioned myself sitting on the bed. He slowly let my hand go and I slightly smiles. "What are you doing here ?" I take a glance to the clock "Its past midnight.. you should get some sleep"

"I cant sleep"

"Nonsense, you have been helping mum for the whole day"

"I still cant"

"Dont you feels tired right now ? I didnt do much but its tiring me up.. plus, your waist still didnt fully healed yet" I said in concern, he frowned a bit and rest his head on his palm. "Tell me what is bothering you right now" I grab his hand but he didnt moved an inch.

"Baekhyun, please"

"Its you" he said softly and faced me again. "I regret everything that I have done but I can do nothing to bring it back to normal"

"This is normal, Baek"

"No-" "It is" I cut off his words. "Everyone faced many kinds of problems in their life.. so please, I beg you,Baekhyun.. please stop blaming yourself over things that happened betwen us, between me and Kai, alright ?"

"But you blamed yourself too"

"I do.. but I changed my mind. I may hate myself for what happened, but I never regret our meeting, Baek" I forced on a smile, hoping he will stop giving me that frown and that straight face. He didnt look like himself.

"You heard me ?" he asked and I nod yes. "I shouldnt have listened" I grinned "Im saying this, just in case you're curious about my feelings toward you"

"I never regret it too, Im just worried of what you have been thinking about me" He extend his hand to my cheek and caressed it with his thumb. "Go back to sleep, Im sorry for ruining your beautiful dream"

"What about you ?"

"After you drift to your dreamland again, I will go to sleep" he said as he positioned my pillow in a better position for me. "I didnt know whether you are lying or not though." I said.

"I promised, alright ?"

"Can you atleast smile for once tonight ?"

"I dont have the mood to do so" "For me ? Please ?" I said and pouted. Then he smiles, eventhough it is obvious that he is forcing himself to put on a smile. "Can you feel the positive vibe ?"

"Huh ?" he look at me in bewildered. "Positive.. what ?"

"Kai used to taught me to smile when things are hard because you can feel the positive vibe when you do it... can you feel it ?"

"I think I do, but I dont know whether the smiles or its you who gives me the positive vibe, though ?" he smirked.

"You are not in your right mind due to the lacked of sleep" I joked "It is better for you to sleep now" I chuckled and he ruffles my hair.

"After seeing you sleep, I will"

"OMG you're sweating" my mum said as she run for a tissue and wipe my sweating forehead. "I am just nervous" I faked a chuckled and look around for Baekhyun.

"Where's Baekhyun ?"

"And all you think about is Baekhyun" she grinned "He went home, but no worries he will come back as fast as possible- is what he said to me last night"

"Last night ? As in midnight ?"

"Uhm, I think he should sleepover but I guess he need a better rest at his house"

"But what are you doing in the midnight, mum ?" I asked as I wipe my sweating neck and forehead.  "I was about to finished cleaning the kitchen when I saw him get out from your room"

"Ah.." I nod and take out my phone. "I hope he sleep well because today is the day right ?" she asked and I nod. "That is the reason on why I am sweating right now, I am that nervous"

"Are you scared ? Of meeting him ?"

"I dont" my voice cracked. "I mean- I really dont but I dont know how my mind and body will reacted when I see him infront of me" 

Just like what happened on the last time I met him.

"Everything will be fine, Hae" my mum run her hand on my head. "I will be making breakfast, ask Baekhyun to come over for breakfast too, alright ?"

"Okay" I said as I typed a long message to Baekhyun, asking for his condition, whether he get a good night sleep and if he ready to meet him today.

I throw my phone on my bed after hitting send. I leaned my hand on my forehead as I leaned on the bed, I am still sweating like crazy. Is this one of the effect of the trauma thingy ? Because I can feel it, but I tried to prevent it from taking over my mind. I slowly closed my eyes and let the feel take over my body.

At the moment, I could feel how my heartbeat speeding up, it is so loud and clear. I could feel the beating with my whole body. How the blood rushing to my whole body making me feels tense and hard to move. My mouth gaped open for oxygen, it is hard for me to breath. Its like Im drowning, drowning into the sea of sadness.

I need someone to take me out of here, before I am out of oxygen ..and died.

But I am on my bed right now. Why is it so hard to breath and suffocating ? My body betrayed my own mind, they reacted on its own. They turned to be like this against my own will.

I am somehow forgot on how to breath. 

My hand gripped on the bed sheet as I searched for oxygen and my heart clenched. I need air- I need air so damn desperately right now.

"Hae.."

It is blurried all over.

"Hae.. please" I hear a voice.

"Haeree, come to your sense !" A hand shook my body violently and I open my eyes before gasping for air. 

I am finally alive.

"Dont do that ! You scared me to death !" he screamed to my face as I still gasping for air. Its hurt around my chest, I have been holding