The house looks cleaner than usual. I though it would be messy like the last time I was here. 

Jongin lead me into the house and leaves me in the living room as he go straight to his room. He leaves me dumbfounded because I have been thinking of many things about what are going to happen next, but all that thought was wrong. There is nothing happened and all he do is locked himself in his room. He didnt talked to me since then. 

I stare at the thin air as I play with my hand nervously. Im worried if he do something that would harmed himself right now. Because there is once, my mum told me that he is playing around with a knife by putting it on his wrist and chuckling while helping her with the restaurant. That thing happened not once, but many times. My mum said.. he's playing with it as if he trying to kill himself. Thankfully my mum is always next to him when he worked in the kitchen.

Many weird things wander around my mind, but I tried my best to think in the positive way.

Still, I cant help it but to feel deadly worried about his changes. I realized that he get thinner and there is eye-bag under his eyes. That means he have lack of sleep and didnt eat properly..

Is it.. is it my fault ?

Scratch it.

It is my fault.

I sighed and buried my face on my palmed. At the moment, my eyes falls on a torned picture on the floor, it is sligthly hidden under the couch. I grab it and my eyes slightly widened when I find out.  

Its a picture of us.

They are torned into two, separating me from him. My heart clenched at the view and there is only one thing that I can think of, did he hate me now ?

I feels my heart drop and broken into pieces. Why is he doing this ?

"What are you doing ?" I flinched when he grab the torned picturs from my hand. Fear fills in me when I see his eyes gazing at me sharply. "K-Kai.." 

His eyes slowly soften when he find that he scares me. He landed next to me and leaned on the couch. His hand extend to the air with the torned pictures. "Im sorry.. should I taped it together ?" he asked.

I am still recovered with the shock because it is too sudden when he appeared.

"..Have you eat your lunch, Kai ?"

He shook his head "I havent eat since I come back from Jeju" My eyes widened at his statement. "Yah, Kim Jongin !" I screamed and he slightly laughed. "What ?"

"Are you trying to kill yourself by letting yourself starving to death ?!"

He nod with an 'uhm' that left me shock. I guess he really did want to commit suicide. I turned speechless a second after. The next thing that I did is head to the kitchen, decided to cook anything that can fill the two of us.

"Kai, come on !" I grab his hand but he wont move from the couch. I think 30 minutes has passed since I begging for him to move to the table. "You need to eat Kim Jongin !"

He turned his head to me and pulled my hand, making me fall next to him. I gasped as our eyes met, we are so close, so, so closed to each other. My body started to tensed when he s his hand around me. I feels slightly uncomfortable, maybe because its been a long time since he do this to me. His eyes never leaves mine, the corner of his lips curved as he slowly smiles.

"Gives me a moment" he whispered. I changed my gaze to something else but he gently carresed my cheek "Look at me, sweetheart"  and I cant help it but to look at him, I can feel myself slowly melt under his gaze. "Dont you miss me ?" My eyes trembled at the second, because the way he said it.. it makes me realized that he is really here, next to me.

"This is too good to be real" he mumbled.

Its like I just wake up from a dream. 

"Dont you miss me ?.. sweetheart ?" he raised his eyebrows. "Hey, dont cry" he said as he cupped my cheeks. I..m crying ? He suddenly grinned "Nah, Im joking..lets eat" he said and head to the table. 

He is so.. weird.

"Is it me or the neighbours are getting loud today ?" I said.

Its like he ignored to my words, he is too focused on the food.. but I am sure he really did listened to me. I can feel something is not right with him, he is just way too different nowadays.

"Let me get this straight, Kai" I said and he finally looked at me.

"You are acting weird, like- really weird" I said and he raised his eyebrows. "Now tell me honestly.. do you ever think of killing yourself ?"

The spoon and fork in his hands slipped from his hand, leaving a loud sound when it hit the glass plate. I blinked my eyes as silent fills in the room. "I guess its true" I said after a long pause.

"You shouldnt have done that Kai" I sighed and put down the fork. "Commit suicide is not a good way to run from this"

"Why should I keep on living when you are not here for me ?" he said, making me frozed. "Do you think I can live when you are not here ?"

"Kai.."

"You was not there when I opened my eyes, you was not there when Im sick ! I cant see you whenever I want to, Hae.. do you think I can keep on living this way ?" he said, his eyes slowly turned red as the tears fill in.

"I-I get it- okay ?" I said, stuttered. I dont think I can hear any longer. "Finish your meal first, alright ? We can talk about th-" 

"Talk ?" he smirked "About what ? Your wedding with that bastard ?" my eyes widened. "Kai, mind your language" I said sternly. "You're taking his side now ?"

"What ? No- its just not nice to call him that way !" 

"After what he did to us ? Do you realized what happened after he appeared infront of you ?!"

"Jongin !" I screamed. I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth out of anger. "Stop it.." I feel my eyes slowly fill with tears. God, Im so sick of crying.

"Do whatever you want then" He said and push the table, making the glass on the table fall on the floor. The glass shattered as I opened my eyes. I stared at it as I hear him walking away from the table.

Out of many things that I think of, this scene have never srossed in my mind. I never thought it will turned out to be so bad.

I flinched when I hear he screaming, making me feels goosebump. I hear things falling, along with a girls scream. My eyes widened.. a girl ?

Wait.. I must be mistaken.

I quickly stands up and gasped in pain. I accidently stepped on the shattered glass., thankfully it just a small pieces. I continued to run to his room but its locked.  I twist the doorknob and it just wont opened. "Kai ?" I gently knocked the door.

"Die ! Just die !" he screamed. 

My knees weakened in a second and I leaned on the wall as a support. 

I cant believe my ears. Did I hear right ?

His scream is not the only thing that I can hear, I could tell he throwed things around. But the most frightening thing is the fact that there is a girl inside of his room. 

I..I think he.. is hitting that girl.

I feel my whole body trembled as the tears falling on my cheeks. I extend my trembled hand on the door and about to knocked it when I hear another screamed. I flinched and take a back step. The pain from the glass hit me and I fall on the floor.

"Its hurt- Jongin !" It is not my voice, but the girl from inside of the room.

I feel too scared too get nearer- ugh, I dont even have the courage to even move ! I forced myself to run to the living room and searched for my phone. I needed help from Baekhyun, I cant just run and be selfish when there is a violent happened in this house.

I can barely hit the right thing on the screen as my hand trembled so badly. Baekhyun didnt picked up his phone for two times already and I feels like giving up. But its like a miracle when I see Baekhyun's name lighten up the screen.

At the moment, I hear the door slammed from Kai's room. I turned my head to him and find him looks.. horrible. His hair is messy and its like he has gone.. insane.

I quickly hit the green button as Kai getting closer with a bat in his hand. "Hello ?" Baekhyun's voice echoed and I screamed-

"BAEKHYUN ! HELP !" 

"Yah.. Hae!-" Kai swing his bat to my phone and it flies in the air as it hit the wall. The phone is now broken into pieces. My hands continue to frozed in the air as it still trembling. I am still too scared to move even an inch.

I gulped as I hear he getting closer to me.

"Hae.." he said as he s his hand around my head and