“Mommy went through a lot. Her wife left her for some other woman and I was born on the same day her wife left her. So I won’t blame her if she hates me. Maybe I was the reason why the other woman left my mother.”

Those words lingered on Erika’s mind for the longest time. Erika felt something from that statement. She recalled her conversation with Irene.

“What’s your full name?”

“Jung Irene.”

“You don’t have any Korean name?”

“No, Mommy just gave my name like that.”

“Then what’s your mother’s name?”

“Jung Jessica.”

“I see. Where do you live?”

“Seoul.”

“You’re 20 this year?”

Irene nodded. Soo Young was just looking on; watching Erika’s every movement. Irene didn’t seem to mind with all the interrogation. The girl was a little clueless. She just answered Erika honestly. But Soo Young knew something was not right.

Just then, Irene’s phone rang and her face lighted up immediately. She excused herself and stood at one corner of the room. Her voice was animated and bubbly.

“Mommy? I’m in school.”

“...............”

“No, my professor just called me to ask me something. Are you done with your work, Mommy?”

“................”

“I should be able to leave soon. Where are we eating tonight?”

“...................”

“Okay, Mommy. I’ll meet you at the front gate.”

Irene hung up with a smile on her face. Erika just couldn’t erase that smile away. How could this girl look so much like her?

“Professor, do you have anything else to tell me?”

“Oh, do you agree to work at Miss Kim’s company as an intern?”

“I’ll talk to my mother about it.”

“Okay, good. Then I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Alright, I have to go now. My mom’s coming to fetch me. See you again, Miss Kim. It’s nice chatting with you.”

Irene grabbed her bag and left immediately. She was much eager to meet her mother. And Erika watched her back slowly disappeared from her view.

-

“Erika, you were a bit out of line earlier on.”

“Hm?”

“You asked too many personal questions for the interview.”

Soo Young sat across Erika after placing a cup of coffee on the table. Erika sighed as she recalled Irene’s smile.

“Her smile is so similar.”

“Similar to yours?”

“Yes, and her surname is Jung.”

“But your wife’s name is not Jessica, right?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m so confused now.”

“Are you suspecting Irene’s your daughter?”

“I don’t know, Soo Young. I really don’t know. What if she is?”

“Okay, and what if she isn’t? Are you going to destroy that girl’s life by invading too much?”

Erika was frustrated. Soo Young had a point but she was too suspicious of Irene’s smile.  She rubbed her temples with her thumbs.

“Look, I know I asked you to find Soo Yeon and your daughter. But just because that girl has your smile, doesn’t mean she’s your daughter. You’re lucky she’s too besotted with her mother’s newfound love for her. She didn’t really care much about your questions.”

“I’m sorry, Soo Young.”

“It’s okay. I know you’re hurting so much. But Irene is my favourite student. Please don’t scare her away.”

“Is she going to work for me?”

“I’m not sure if her mom agrees to let her work as an intern on part time basis. We’ll see how it goes. In the meantime, you calm down and take a good rest.”

Erika nodded. Soo Young was packing her bag and then looked at Erika who was spacing out. She felt sorry for her good friend but she sincerely hoped that Erika would find Soo Yeon and her daughter soon.

-

Jessica drove past her daughter’s university. She parked on the side and pulled the hand brake. Krystal and her mother were already waiting at the restaurant. They had already made reservation earlier on. She put on some soft music and waited for her daughter.

Seconds later, she saw a familiar figure rushing out of the gate. She was searching frantically and Jessica smiled at her daughter’s cute enthusiasm. She pressed the horn and the girl looked up with a wide big smile. She ran towards Jessica’s car.

“Mommy~”

“Hey, how are you?”

Irene squeezed her body and her huge bag on her lap. Jessica was watching with amusement.

“Baby, there’s ample of space at the backseat.”

Irene was stunned for a second. Did her mother just called her baby?

“Baby?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Huh, nothing. I thought I heard wrongly.”

Jessica smiled as she took Irene’s bag instead. She dumped it on the backseat and then pulled the safety belt over her daughter’s body. The girl smiled awkwardly.

“If people don’t know, they might think I’m your girlfriend.”

“I’m just surprised you called me Baby.”

“You are my baby. Aren’t you my daughter, Irene Jung?”

“Yes I am!”

“So from today onwards, I’m going to call you Baby, honey, sweetie, sweetheart and you cannot reject them.”

“I won’t! I promise!”

“So, shall we go, baby?”

Irene flashed her warmest smile and nodded eagerly. Jessica chuckled softly before caressing her baby’s cheeks. Her daughter’s snowy white skin is glowing and Jessica somehow felt proud of her.

Her daughter’s not only beautiful but she’s smart and filial. What else can Jessica ask for?

“I love you, Irene.”

Irene’s eyes were watery but she maintained her smile.

“I love you too, Mommy.”

The mother and daughter held hands throughout their journey to the restaurant. Jessica was driving with one hand.

-

As soon as Jessica drove away, Erika walked out from the gate. She spotted Irene in the white BMW but she couldn’t catch a glimpse of the girl’s mother.  Erika sighed before adjusting her coat. It was a little cold that evening.

Her phone rang right on time.

“HELLO!”

She rolled her eyes. Im Yoona was the caller.

“Yes?”

“Are you buying dinner for me?”

“Yes I am.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Why?”

“I’m having dinner with my cousin and her partner.”

“Oh great, are you ditching me tonight?”

“Don’t make it sound so mean. You were the one who refused to tag along.”

“I don’t like strangers.”

“You’re anti-social. My cousin’s partner is the property agent who sent you the photos of the apartments.”

“You make the decision.”

“Are you serious? You won’t regret?”

“I’ll just kick your if I don’t find it nice and pretty.”

“Evil. Anyway, are you okay with on your own?”

“I’m 45 not 14, unlike you.”

“Yes Mommy.”

“Shut up.”

Yoona giggled on the other line. Erika wondered why she tolerated Yoona for such a long time. Erika stared at her watch. Suddenly she felt lazy to buy her own dinner.

“Hey, since you’re buying dinner, can you buy for me instead?”

“Huh? Are you sure? I’ll be a little later.”

“It’s fine by me. I’ll wait for you.”

“Okay then. I’ll try to rush back once I’m done.”

“Okay.”

“See you.”

Yoona hung up and Erika slipped her phone into the back pocket of her jeans.  Her mind transported back to her past. Too many unhappy moments happened in her birth country. She has never told anyone what happened but Erika had made up her mind.

She needed to atone for her mistakes. She needed to face the music instead of running. She has been running for the last 20 years and it was taking a toll on her. She looked at her time and then determined to make a change from tonight onwards.

She decided to make a trip to a special place in her heart – the same place she and Soo Yeon had her first kiss.

-

Tiffany met her last client and proceeded to meet her girlfriend for dinner. They were having a company tonight. Yuri’s cousin was joining them for dinner. Yuri chose their favourite dining place and the moment she stood at the entrance, she could hear her girlfriend and her cousin arguing.  She sighed.

“What did I say?”

“What? I told you she’s gorgeous!”

“She has a 20 year old daughter!”

“I don’t give a damn if she has 10 grandchildren.”

“You’re seriously the death of me, Im Yoona!”

Yuri finally turned and was relieved that her girlfriend was approaching them cautiously. She rolled her eyes at Yoona and then pounced on Tiffany.

“What’s wrong now?”

“Im Yoona is annoying me.”

“I was just stating the truth and wow, you’re really beautiful, Fany unnie.”

Yoona took Tiffany’s hand and was about to kiss it when Yuri smacked her forehead. Yoona retaliated and Tiffany had to stop them.

“10 years of not seeing each other and still trying to choke each other’s throats?”

“She started it first!”

Yoona was complaining about Yuri.

“Hands off my girlfriend!”

“You’re seriously selfish. You have Tiffany unnie and Jessica with you and you’re not willing to share!”

Tiffany laughed at Yoona’s dorkiness. There was a certain reason why she adores Yoona back then. Yoona’s really funny at times.

“Jessica’s not my girlfriend!”

“She met Jessica?”

“Yes, she saw Jessica at our apartment and then went ballistic. She actually screamed out loud saying that I’m a womanizer.”

Yuri rolled her eyes. Yoona stuck her tongue out.

“She never mentioned Jessica to me before! How would I know?”

“So I assumed Yoona finds Jessica’s pretty?”

Tiffany seemed laidback about it.

“She’s gorgeous. She’s a goddess!”

“You’re aware she has a daughter.”

“Yes, Yuri repeated it like twelve hundred times.”

“Her daughter is not exactly young.”

“That’s why I said she’s a Goddess! She’s in her early 40s and has a 20 year old daughter! She’s still in her prime years. She’s so y!”

Yuri didn’t bother to say anything and Tiffany was amused. But she leaned forward and tapped on Yoona’s shoulder lightly.

“But she has a very painful past and somehow she’s not really exactly the type of woman you might like.”

“What do you mean?”

Yuri interrupted.

“She’s complicated.”

“Why? Is she a she-man?”

“I wish she is so that she can destroy you.”

“Stop being mean to me! I haven’t seen you for 10 years!”

Tiffany stopped the two cousins before the fight escalates. She decided to order food and talk over dinner. Maybe the two women were too hungry. She was right. Food came and Yoona was fully concentrating on eating.

Im Yoona’s a shikshin.

“So are we going to check out the apartment you were talking about?”

“You want to go after dinner?”

“Is it nearby? If it is, I might just go.”

“Then your friend? Doesn’t she have a say in this?”

“She told me to decide. She’s another complicated woman. I can handle her. So I think I might be able to handle complicated goddess named Jessica too.”

“No you don’t.”

Yuri was adamant not to allow Yoona to act on her feelings. Tiffany was curious as to why her girlfriend reacted so strongly.

“Your girlfriend is a selfish .”

“Language, .”

“You’re so unbelievable.”

Yoona continued eating while Yuri was busy fiddling with her spoon. Tiffany looked on; from Yoona and then Yuri. As far as she’s aware, Yuri adores her cousin a lot. She’s protective because Yoong has lost her mother at a tender age of 5. So Yuri’s mother kept reminding her that she should be taking care of the younger woman.

There must be some reason why Yuri was against Yoona’s newfound attraction for Jessica.  Yoona’s phone rang and she took it. She excused herself and left the table for a moment. Tiffany took the chance to learn the truth.

“Why are you so against Yoona and Jessica?”

Yuri looked up and stared at her girlfriend. Tiffany was keeping her gaze at her. Yuri sighed.

“Jessica’s complicated. She’s just a difficult woman.”

“You’re aware you’re talking about my best friend here.”

“I’m aware and I know you care a lot about her. You’re protective of her. But you should know how protective I am of Yoona.”

“I know. That’s why I need to know the reason why.”

“Jessica’s unsure of her feelings. Tiffany, I know deep down inside she still loves and cares for her wife.”

“Ex-wife.”

“Okay, ex-wife. But Tiffany, they aren’t divorced yet. So technically speaking, Jessica’s still her wife.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes. She hates Taeyeon more than Jessica ever did.

“Why are we talking about that jerk?”

“You wanted to know the reason why.”

“That jerk is no longer part of Jessica’s life.”

“Tiffany, do you really understand why Jessica finds it so difficult to move on? Don’t you think it’s fair on Irene that her parents have unfinished business and they conveniently blamed it on her.”

“Jessica never blames Irene for it.”

“But subconsciously, she did, right?”

Tiffany kept her silence. She didn’t want to argue with Yuri over this matter. She just shrugged her shoulders.

“Baby, I’m not saying that you should embrace Kim Taeyeon. But give a chance for Jessica to think for herself. You took her away from Taeyeon. You hid her away from Taeyeon.”

“That woman didn’t even look for her!”

“She must have her reasons. And have you ever asked Jessica why she couldn’t move on?”

Tiffany poked her steak with her knife. Yuri knew she had to say something because she couldn’t watch Jessica wasting her life away like that.

“Look, Jessica’s still loves her wife. And I’m not risking Yoona’s heart for anything.”

“You’re worried about that?”

“Listen, I live with Jessica. I know her well just like you do. I’m feeling sorry for Irene because she’s caught in some stupid moment. That child is the victim now.”

Tiffany looked away. Yuri has a point.

“We need to encourage Jessica to find Taeyeon. They need to settle this once and for all and all of us can move on together. Then maybe I’ll let Yoona acts on her feelings.”

Yuri looked at Yoona’s direction who was still yapping on the phone. Then she frowned.

“But then again, that woman is a player. I just don’t want her to take Jessica as her past time. You should know what I mean.”

“Oh, that’s right. That woman cannot settle for a lasting relationship, right?”

Yuri nodded. She has the perfect reason.

Im Yoona’s still a child when it comes to love.

-

“Wow, this is huge.”

Tiffany was showing Yoona the apartment she recommended.

“How far is this from Gangnam?”

“There’s a subway that links this town to Gangnam. It’s about 15 minutes.”

“And if you drive?”

“Probably 10 minutes?”

“How far is this from your place?”

Yuri narrowed her eyes at Yoona.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I want to live near you. Is that a crime?”

“You’re just going to have dinners at my place, aren’t you?”

“Am I welcome to do so?”

Yuri rolled her eyes. Tiffany giggled. Yoona enjoys getting on Yuri’s nerves sometimes.

“We’re about 20 minutes away from here.”

“Awesome! I’ll take it!”

Yoona sat down at the dining table and browsed through the documents. Yuri was staring at her before hitting her forehead.

“What?!”

“The rental is freaking steal. Are you sure you can afford?”

“Our company’s paying for it.”

“You’re seriously taking advantage of every single thing.”

“I’m the GM, babe.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.”

“Your friend won’t mind?”

Tiffany was still concerned with Yoona’s roommate.

“Don’t worry, she’s the managing director. All she needs to do is to sign on the cheque. Anyway, she would love this place. It’s overlooking the sea. She would love the view.”

“Okay then, so it’s settled?”

“Yeah, so when can we move in? Can I move my things here tomorrow?”

Yuri and Tiffany were exasperated.

“You’re not buying a toy house. The owner has to agree to sign the lease with you.”

“Oh, that’s right! So can we meet up soon?”

“I’ll arrange for that. I’ll try to let you move in by end of this week.”

“Awesomeeee~”

Yoona wandered off around the apartment while Yuri stood close to her girlfriend. Tiffany was amused.

“Your cousin is my easiest client.”

“She’s stupid that’s why.”

“Don’t be so mean. Anyway you would prefer to live closer to you, right?”

Yuri finally understood why Tiffany introduced this place. She already had this planned in mind.

“So you picked this place so that she could be closer to us?”

Tiffany nodded.

“Thanks, Tiffany.”

“But I didn’t expect her to fall in love with this apartment. I have several other places to introduce to her. They are much bigger and cheaper.”

“I told you, she’s stupid.”

The couple giggled softly.

-

Jessica was listening to Irene as she chatted happily. Irene told her about the internship and she was surprised that her daughter was seeking her permission.

“Why do you need to ask for my permission?”

“You’re my mommy. I need your approval for everything I do.”

“But this internship will help you with your career prospect in the future, right?”

“Well, I suggested to my professor before we got closer that I wanted an opportunity to learn about marketing. I wanted to be just like you.”

Jessica was taken aback but Mrs Jung was already smiling away. Her granddaughter was obviously sensible enough.

“You’re such a sensible girl.”

“I respect Mommy.”

“You wanted to be like me?”

“Yes, you’re so good in everything that you do. You took over the business and your fashion brand has become an empire. I read up about your business and brand name on the internet.”

“You googled your mother?”

Krystal was teasing Irene. The girl’s cheeks turned red and she nodded shyly. While Jessica was still staring at her daughter, her heart ached so badly.

It didn’t make sense that her daughter had to search her on Google. She had to learn about her mommy through internet.  Jessica felt worst when she thought of those times when Irene cried as a child but Jessica just ignored her. Tiffany would be the one to appease her instead.

“Irene, is that the reason why you picked Business as your main core?”

“Yes, Grandma.”

Krystal was watching Jessica and she knew her sister was crumbling after hearing her daughter’s words. She knew Jessica was regretting this so much so she held out her hand and gripped Jessica’s tightly.

Irene was chatting with her grandmother; telling her all the things she has learnt from university. Mrs Jung knew her granddaughter had good results since elementary school. She saw her report books and awards that Irene had won over time.

“You’re good in Maths?”

“Yeah, it seems like I can do any Maths question with ease. My school mates used to be envious of me. They call me the Maths God.”

“That’s funny. Jessica hates Maths and completely hopeless in it.”

Jessica rolled her eyes.

“Mom!”

“I guess Irene has this side from her.”

Irene knew who her grandmother was referring but she was already cautiously staring at her mother. Jessica didn’t say a thing. She just shrugged it away.

“She has a lot of things from her.”

Jessica lamented.

“Is that the reason why you couldn’t face this child all your life?”

“No Mom, not all my life.”

“I told you before. She’s always going to be your daughter whether you like it or not.”

Jessica nodded reluctantly. Irene bit her lip. She wondered if this conversation was going to affect her relationship with Jessica again. Her mother was slightly cold towards her a minute ago.

“Mommy..”

Irene spoke softly. Jessica looked up; her aunt focused on her and her grandmother gave her an encouraging pat on her back.

“Speak up, my child. Your mother can get really stubborn at times. She got that from her father.”

“Mommy, I know I’m the reason why Omma left you. And I’m sorry that I look a lot like her. I don’t want to look like her. I wished I look like Mommy instead. But I know everything about me and how I was created and born into this world.”

Jessica’s mouth was slightly opened. She was taken aback with Irene’s sudden confession. She must have bottled up her feelings all these years. But the girl bravely continued.

“I used to ask myself when I was a child. Was I adopted? Did my real mother abandon me when I was born? Well, technically she did and I was bent to hate her with all my heart. And I was so tempted to hate you too.”

Irene’s eyes were watery. Jessica struggled to remain compose.

“But all that disappeared when I stumbled upon your old diary. I found it when I was cleaning up your room. I showed it to Mommy Fany and she told me everything. I finally realized that your pain; your heart break and your tormented life were caused by me. I was no relation to you; not even by blood but yet you carried me and suffered all the pain; the troubles and all the little integrity things of pregnancy. Yet my Omma didn’t protect you; didn’t love you and didn’t take good care of you. I finally understood that you didn’t hate me because you wanted to; you hate me because you were forced to.”

Mrs Jung was already tearing up and Krystal stood up; went over to her niece and hugged her tightly. Jessica was still staring at her; her tears were b in her eyes.

“Silly girl, don’t say things like that. You’re always a Jung.”

Mrs Jung was comforting her granddaughter. Irene broke down and she cried helplessly. Krystal was hugging her and Mrs Jung was wiping her tears away.

Only Jessica did nothing.

“Unnie, are you just going to sit there and do nothing?”

Krystal reprimanded her sister but Irene shook her head.

“Mommy’s not in the wrong. I still love her. Mommy cares for me in her own ways. I know how she would come in every morning to kiss me on my forehead.”

Jessica was stunned that her daughter knew.

“I’m convinced Mommy loves me. I just need a little more time to see it.”

With that, Jessica stood up; pulled her daughter into her arms and embraced Irene tightly. She kissed her daughter’s forehead umpteen of times and then cuddled her closer; resting her cheeks against hers.

“I love you so much, Irene. I really do. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for all the pain I’ve put you through. I’m not a good mother to you before.”

Irene shook her head but Jessica kissed her forehead once again.

“From today onwards, I’m going to tell you that I love you. I’m going to be there for you and be everything that you need. I’m going to be a mother to you from now own.”

Jessica made her promise and she was determined to make up for the lost time with her daughter.

-

Erika was sitting on the same bench she had proposed to Soo Yeon.  She smiled as she fondly thought of Soo Yeon. They were in love; Soo Yeon was deeply besotted with her. They were a perfect match in heaven but Erika made a stupid mistake.

Painful memories rewound themselves. They remain vivid on her mind and Erika could never breathe freely each time those memories haunt her.

Erika has lost her parents. Her father died a year after she ran away. But she told nobody that she had returned. She was at his funeral; away from her family. Her brother was pissed with her because she was a coward. Her stupidity left her family in debts but Erika took upon herself to pay it back.

Her mother knew it was Erika who paid the bank faithfully. She managed to persuade the bank and they told her. Erika’s brother found her after five years and they reconciled. Hayeon, her little sister, studied in Australia and has lived there ever since. Her brother married and lives with his family in Jeju. Her mother’s with her brother.

Erika kept in touch only with her family. But Erika couldn’t bring herself to return. She didn’t deserve to breathe the same air with Soo Yeon and her daughter since she abandoned them for the last 20 years.

She sighed and tears fell so easily.

Jung Soo Yeon.

“Soo Yeon ah, will you ever forgive me? I know I was a coward but I couldn’t face you at all, Soo Yeon. I keep thinking of you; dreaming of you and our baby. I want to find you, Soo Yeon ah. Let me make up for all my mistakes to you, Soo Yeon. I’ll work really hard to earn forgiveness from you.”

Erika made a promise in her heart.

She has made up her mind.

She needed to trace back all her wrong footsteps and make them right all over again.

“Kim Taeyeon, let’s stop running.”

-