Taeyeon sat facing Soo Yeon nervously. Irene was beside Soo Yeon but the girl didn’t even look at Taeyeon. She focused elsewhere. Only Soo Yeon was staring at Taeyeon. The three were in the same room but the silence was extremely awkward.  

Many things went through Soo Yeon’s mind. It was really difficult for Soo Yeon to believe that there would be a day where she would be in the same room with Taeyeon and Irene. She glanced to her side; Irene was facing the other side. She was adamant not to look at Taeyeon. She sighed.

Taeyeon’s eyes were focusing at her feet. She couldn’t think of anything although she was determined to say something earlier on. But the moment Soo Yeon reached her place, she went tongue-tied and she has lost her voice somehow.

“You said you have something to tell me – I mean us.”

Soo Yeon was gesturing to Irene.

“Y – yes I do. I know I have done a lot of mistakes towards you and Irene. I – I know you don’t feel the same anymore for me but I still have a certain degree of responsibility towards you and Irene.”

“Of course you do.”

“Soo Yeon ah..”

Taeyeon cautiously got up and stood in front of Soo Yeon.  She then went down on her knees and looked up; Soo Yeon’s eyes were staring deep into hers. Taeyeon took her hands gently and cupped them with hers. She held on tightly; tears were evident in her eyes.

“I still remember the first day we met. You were so beautiful, sophisticated and alluring. I couldn’t believe I let you, the one gorgeous wife one could ever have, slipped through my fingers. I was a fool, Soo Yeon. That night when you caught me with her, my heart sank to the deepest pit. When I saw your tears, I felt like ripping my heart off but I couldn’t get near to you, Soo Yeon.”

“Why? Is it because you don’t love me anymore?”

Taeyeon shook her head profusely.

“No, it’s not because of that! It was because I felt like I don’t deserve you anymore.”

“You’re lying.”

Soo Yeon scoffed. Taeyeon’s tears fell instantaneously and Irene rolled her eyes as she was forced to listen to her Omma’s explanation.

“If you love me, you would fight your way back into my arms. You would try to hold on to me and beg me to take you back. Love is selfish, Taeyeon.”

“I know it is. But I cannot do that to you. Soo Yeon, I don’t deserve to stand beside you anymore. I don’t deserve to hold your hand; to even touch your skin anymore. I’ve lost that chance ever since the day you caught me with her.”

“You stupid fool. Who gave you the permission to decide for your fate? Shouldn’t I be the one who’s deciding it for you?”

“Because I know you would take me back.”

“What?”

“I decided it for myself because I knew you would take me back. You would forgive all my foolish acts and my stupidity and then embrace me tightly in your arms. You’re one woman with a soft heart even though you could be mean and cold on the outer layer of you. I couldn’t let you do that. I couldn’t let myself scot free from all the pain I’ve put you through.”

“So you decided to take off and hide from me?”

“I never had that decision. But I just realized how stupid I was. I felt horrible when I returned home and my family was declared bankrupt. That woman took everything of me. All she needed was my signature and I was stupid enough to be caught by her charms. And when my father kicked me out and stripped me of everything that i used to have, that was when I realized I’ve lost everything. I’m not Kim Taeyeon anymore. I’m nothing. I don’t have anything on me. And I couldn’t possibly crawl back to your side and beg you to take me. That was not right.”

“I cannot believe I’m listening this from you.”

“I know. I know I’m the dumbest woman on this earth.”

“You are, Kim Taeyeon! You are! Even if you feel apologetic towards me, but did you ever think of your daughter; our baby girl?”

Taeyeon glanced to her side; Irene was still looking elsewhere but Taeyeon could see tears falling from the corner of her daughter’s eyes. Her heart ached.

“I did. I think of her. As much as I wanted to embrace her but I didn’t want to see her living in misery because of me. I couldn’t offer her anything. Those were my thoughts. You should know about how I felt at that point of time about having a baby.”

“You didn’t want her.”

Irene finally snapped and jerked to her side.  She stood up angrily and glared at Taeyeon.

“What? You didn’t want me?”

Taeyeon bit her lips.

“If you didn’t want me, then why did you have me?”

“Your Mommy wanted you. She was excited when you came along. She was so happy about having you in her tummy that she kept singing to you every single night. You were just a tiny dot but she had already treated you preciously. I didn’t want to disappoint her.”

Irene was in disbelief. First, she was without a proper family for almost 20 years, then she learnt that the woman she admired so much turned out to be her real blood Omma and now she finally realized that her Omma didn’t want her in the first place.

How cruel could the world be?

“Irene, I was a jerk. If you knew me back then, you wouldn’t even think highly of me. I did nothing but to hurt people around me including your Mommy.”

“Then why did you return?”

“It has been 20 years. I should stop running.”

“You’ve been running for god damn 20 years. That is a long time if you ask me. You could run for another 20 years or even 100 years or better still, even forever! I wouldn’t care anyway! Moreover, you’re dying now. Is that the reason why you wanted to find us again?”

“Irene!”

Jessica was appalled at her daughter’s insinuation. But she couldn’t blame her daughter. 

“Mommy, didn’t you hear what she said? She said she doesn’t want to be with you. She said she doesn’t deserve the both of us. So why are we wasting our time over here listening to all her crap!”

“Irene, you’re too emotional right now.”

“I can be anything I want right now because I have nothing for her anymore. I don’t feel anything for her anymore, Mommy. She doesn’t want me in the first place!”

“No, that’s not true.”

Taeyeon interrupted her.

“Irene, I know I’m not a good Omma to you. I know I wasted 20 years of my lifetime from hiding and my illness right now is not giving you the best impression anymore. But Irene, the first time I saw you; the first moment I held you in my arms; you were so tiny. You were so tiny, fragile and vulnerable. I couldn’t believe that this little baby was my creation and Soo Yeon had to suffer morning sickness; nausea and labour just to have you. And what have I done?”

Taeyeon paused for a second. Soo Yeon was already staring at her and Irene was clenching her fists tightly.

“I did the worst thing one could have ever done to her pregnant wife. I was worst than a beast; worst than a man and that added up to all the thoughts I had on my mind at the point of time.  This tiny little baby deserves better than to have a useless Omma. And Soo Yeon deserves lots more than to have an irresponsible wife. I couldn’t do that to you or to your Mommy.”

“But didn’t you ever think of the other consequences? What would happen if you did seek Mommy’s forgiveness? And that she will forgive you and you can redeem yourself after that?  You could have a complete family; and I’m not saying this because I’m the supposed victim here but at least you should have put Mommy’s interest first. You were selfish; you only think about yourself. Up till now; all that you have just said to me proves a lot to me. You’re just a selfish and immature; you think you did the right thing but all that were just the sparks for many broken moments for me and Mommy.”

Irene’s words struck a chord in Taeyeon’s heart. Her daughter was right about her.

“I resulted from you so Mommy took me as a nemesis. She couldn’t look at me; she wouldn’t touch me. She just couldn’t be in the same room with me and all this while, I’ve been growing up; fighting for her attention. I studied really hard; work really hard and sometimes I thought of giving up; I bit my tongue and preservered on. I was so desperate for Mommy’s acknowledgement; for her to look at me and tell me that she’s proud of me. I waited and waited. It took me 20 years before Mommy could finally look me in the eye and tells me she loves me.”

Irene broke down almost immediately. Soo Yeon’s heart was aching so badly that she pulled Irene towards her and kissed her forehead a couple of times.

“I’m sorry, Irene. Mommy has always been proud of you. I love you, Irene. I love you since the very first day you were born. I’m sorry that I vented my anger on you because of your Omma. I finally realized that one person who has been hurting; tormented and tortured is you. Not me. Not your Omma. It was you.”

Soo Yeon hugged her daughter tightly and Taeyeon clenched her fists tightly. Listening to Irene’s broken words; quivered voice and tearful cries, she felt like smashing her own head onto the wall. She was indeed selfish. She was indeed stupid and immature.

The walls of her heart clenched tightly; the pain she inflicted on her wife and daughter was unforgivable. Even she won’t forgive herself for hurting them that way.

Soo Yeon was cupping her palms around Irene’s cheeks. She wiped Irene’s tears with her thumbs and kissed her daughter’s forehead again. Irene just kept crying and Soo Yeon cuddled her daughter tightly in her embrace.

Taeyeon finally realize what she has missed out. She finally understood what she had done. She knew it was more than just seeking forgiveness. She needed to put her puzzles back together. She got up on her feet and walked over to Soo Yeon. She didn’t care if they would push her away but Taeyeon put her arms around Soo Yeon and Irene; hugged them tightly and then whispered softly.

“I’m going to put all the pieces back together and hold them in place. I’ll work hard to gain your forgiveness every single day of my life. I’ll persevere on until the two of you can acknowledge me and be part of my life once again.”

They cried together – Taeyeon, Soo Yeon and Irene.

They needed that anyway.

-

Yoona was watching them from her room. She didn’t want to be there as she knew she was just a third party now. They should be a complete family now.

Although her heart ached so badly, Yoona knew she had made the right choice. Initially, there were a lot of shouting and screaming. She knew Irene was the one who mostly affected by this family saga. It was difficult for her to apprehend this but Yoona was glad Irene made an effort to be there at least.

Yoona could hear Irene’s cries and Jessica’s quivering voice as she begged for her daughter’s forgiveness. She felt sorry for them. And she knew Jessica had always loved her daughter no matter what happened in the past.

She could hear Taeyeon’s shaky voice as she explained her story. And she was surprised when she overheard Irene lashing at Taeyeon; calling her immature and selfish. But Yoona had to agree with Irene. From her perspective, Taeyeon was indeed selfish.

But like any other person, Taeyeon was just human. And human makes mistakes. Taeyeon was no exception.  She made mistakes because she was unable to think properly. But that didn’t mean she doesn’t deserve second chances.

A moment later, there was just silence. Yoona was curious so she left her door ajar. She saw Taeyeon hugging both Soo Yeon and Irene in her arms. She couldn’t understand herself when she realized she was smiling at the sight.

They belong together after all.

But it wasn’t for long. Irene pushed Taeyeon away.

“I cannot forgive you. I’ll never forgive you! It’s too easy to just forgive you and pretend like nothing happened! I hate you!”

Irene took off and Jessica ran after her daughter. Yoona’s heart sank when she saw how dejected Erika was. Her arms were shaking and Erika slumped to the floor. Yoona quickly ran out and helped her up.

“Erika! Are you alright?”

Erika turned to look at Yoona. Her eyes were swollen. And that broken sight of Erika was so pitiful that Yoona felt really sorry for her.

“Irene is still young. She’ll come around one day. Be patient.”

“I’m not mad at her. I just feel so much pain to watch her getting so worked up because of what I did. I made my daughter miserable.”

“Erika, don’t give up. You still have chance to make up to her. Even if she’s going to resist you, you just have to find a way to touch her heart.”

“Yoona, if you were Irene, will you ever forgive your mother if she did the same thing as I did?”

Yoona looked straight into Erika’s eyes. She couldn’t answer her so she just shrugged her shoulders instead.

“I don’t know if I could but if she tries hard to win me over despite my resentment; then I might reconsider. Right now, all Irene feels is betrayal. It’s difficult for her to understand why you did what you did. But give her some time and try to find the way back into her heart. I think if you can win her mother over, you might able to win Irene over.”

Erika nodded as Yoona urged her not to give up just as yet. Yoona was right. She has to get Soo Yeon’s forgiveness before she could attain Irene’s.

She wouldn’t stop there.

She’d try until the end.

-

Professor Choi was rushing from one lecture hall to another. She was running a little late and she hates running. That was one exercise she wished she could abolished if she had the chance to. Professor Choi was speed-walking when someone was running towards her direction. They bumped and Professor Choi fell first.

“Ow!”

Her bump hit the ground and Professor Choi’s files were all over the place. She was little pissed with the intruder but was stunned for words when she saw the person’s face. She had a broken smile. And Professor Choi’s heart immediately ached. It would always do when it comes to this one particular person.

“Irene?”

“I’m sorry, Professor. I didn’t see you. Here, let me help you.”

Irene stretched out her hand and Professor Choi grabbed on tightly. The younger girl pulled her up and even picked up the files for her too.

“Here you go. I’m sorry again.”

Irene was about to walk away when Professor Choi held on to her arm.

“Irene, what’s wrong?”

“Huh?”

“You’re crying again.”

Irene quickly wiped her tears away and shook her head.

“I’m fine.”

“Is this about Erika again?”

Irene clenched her fists at the mention of that person’s name and Professor Choi noticed it. She watched as Irene changed from a broken to agitation. She must have hated Erika so much.

“Do not mention that name anymore.”

“Irene..”

“Please, just stop. I don’t want to hear her name anymore.”

“Okay, I’ll stop. But could you at least tell me why you cried?”

“That person caused my tears. That person caused my heart to ache and break and then the pieces crumble into a million tiny pieces. My pain is like a nuclear atom. It just explodes too tiny particles and nobody can put them back together. Not even myself.”

Professor Choi sighed.

What the hell did Erika do before she met her?

“I know you’re angry.”

“I’m not even angry. I don’t have any more feelings.”

“Irene, sometimes we can say things that we don’t mean when we are provoked; angry or even agitated. But at the end of the day, when the anger diffuses, you will just feel even more pain. And sometimes you’ll regret.”

“I won’t regret anything because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Okay, let me ask you a question.”

Irene didn’t say anything but her eyes were focused on Professor Choi.

“If one day, you realize that you’re just being emotional; irrational and ego because of what your mother did, and that she’s dying because she has nobody by her side; would you still have the heart to be mad at her?”

Irene just stared blankly.

“People make mistakes, Irene. But that doesn’t mean that they would be making mistakes forever and don’t deserve any forgiveness from anyone. Even God will forgive his people; so why can’t we humans do the same?”

“Her mistakes are my sins. I was being born with her sins and I had to pay it with my childhood.”

“Irene, are you that angry at Erika?”

“I’m mad at her because of what she said. She didn’t want me at first. She never wanted me in the first place! Mommy was the one who wanted me but guess what? Because of HER, Mommy abandoned me!”

Once again, Irene took off and Professor Choi watched her disappeared from view helplessly.

God please save this famiy.

Please save Erika.

Professor Choi prayed sincerely.

-

Soo Yeon wiped her tears away. She has lost sight of her daughter. Irene jumped into a cab earlier on and sped off without waiting for her. By the time she got to her car, the taxi was out of sight. Her heart was aching so much when she recalled Irene’s words.

She knew Irene was blaming her indirectly. It was her fault. All this escalated to a point where it was so difficult for Taeyeon and Irene – all this was because of her stubbornness and self-centredness.  If only she had spent a quality time with Irene during her childhood, maybe it would be easier for Taeyeon to seek her forgiveness.

Taeyeon. Soo Yeon wondered if her heart was feeling sorry for her or is it because she still loves her just like what Yoona claimed. 20 years of love cannot diffused so easily; it won’t fade because if it wasn’t love; it would have faded 20 years ago.

Watching Taeyeon struggled to get Irene to listen to her was heart-wrenching for Soo Yeon. Although Irene was amicably on her side; but Soo Yeon felt like she was the reason why Irene was apprehensive and Taeyeon was hesitating.

She’s the bridge between the two but it was already been burnt down years ago.

Tears found her yet again.

How long had it been since she last cried?

“Why are you crying here alone?”

Soo Yeon peered over her shoulders. She smiled when she recognized that familiar face. A pair of arms wrapped around her waist and Soo Yeon buried her face on the person’s neck.

“Are you alright?”

Soo Yeon nodded.

“Where’s Irene?”

“I lost her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She escaped really fast. I think she needs some time alone so I stopped chasing her.”

“Yeah, that’s the right thing to do. Let her cool down.”

“Yoona, the talk has been disastrous.”

“I know. I was in the room.”

“I don’t know what else I should do.”

“Don’t give up yet.”

Soo Yeon pulled away and took a good look at Yoona’s face. She was smiling and her palms cupped around Soo Yeon’s cheeks.

“You still have the chance.”

“I tried to be the bridge, Yoona but I think I’ve burnt it down years ago.”

“You can always build a bridge again. You can try again.”

“But Irene is adamant not to forgive Taeyeon at all.”

“She’s young and hot-headed. She’s probably feeling rebellious and stubbornly refusing to accept the facts. It’s a normal reaction. But give her some time to sit down and think it over. Erika said some things that really hurt her. I was shocked too.”

Soo Yeon sighed.

“Did she really.. you know?”

“Doesn’t want the baby at first? Yes, she was.”

“Oh.”

“She was against the idea but I really wanted to have her baby. I wanted to have a child in our family and that would complete everything. Who would have thought; Taeyeon felt the baby was a hindrance in her life at that point of time.”

“But you went ahead with it?”

“It took me at least a year and half to get pregnant. I failed 10 times and Taeyeon was getting tired of all the medication and process of ovulation. She thought it was ridiculous to go through so much just to have a baby.”

“She tried too?”

“She did. Twice. But then she gave up. So I took upon myself to repeat the process of IVF over and over again. It was really tough and painful. Taeyeon was there though but towards the end, she didn’t bother anymore.”

“Jessica, you’ve suffered so much.”

“Exactly, I suffered so much but yet when Irene was born, I turned my back on her.”

“You cannot blame yourself. Erika betrayed you.”

“Yes, she did but Irene didn’t. My baby was innocent. I was too stubborn back then.”

Yoona hugged Jessica tighter and then kissed her tenderly on her lips.

“Jessica, Irene will forgive Erika if you forgive Erika.”

“Huh?”

“Irene is against Erika because she has been thinking of the pain you went through and in return, implicating her.”

“Are you sure, Yoona?”

“You haven’t really talk things out with Erika, right?”

Jessica nodded.

“You need to talk with Erika alone. And I’ll talk to Irene. The two of you need to meet Erika separately. We’ll see how it goes.”

Jessica agreed.

“Thank you, Yoona.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“I hope this will go well.”

“I hope so too.”

-