.:2:. Jealousy : Negative
Have You Ever
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
I arrive earlier this morning than Gikwang and Sunhyun. I check the mailbox we put in front of our private room before I open the door.
"This is madness," I murmur to myself, checking all the letters in the mailbox. I decide to open the lock first and then grab all the letters, step inside the room, and close the door with my foot since my hands are full with the letters.
I put all of the letters on the table, staring at them for seconds. I sigh heavily, thinking that I will put all these letters from our fans in order is totally an extra job for me.
It's not really difficult actually since each of us, the members of Musique, has our own each color signature: red is for me, green is for Gikwang, and violet is for Sunhyun. This way the fans can send us personal letters by using the colors to indicate the receivers.
Just like what I've thought, the green is twice than the violet and the violet is twice than the red. Yes, I have the least fans compared to Gikwang and Sunhyun. Not that I want to complaint, instead I feel relieved to know I don't have too much fans like them.
I drag a chair and start to put all the letters in order. Since both Gikwang and Sunhyun are also busy with their part time jobs; Gikwang is a dance instructor for junior high school students and Sunhyun is a music teacher for elementary school students.
It's not like they need money. They just want to earn money earlier, be independent without their parents' support as soon as possible. They are hard worker and I admire both of them for having mature mindset.
"Done," I smile, satisfied with my own work. There are fifty eight letters for Gikwang, twenty nine letters for Sunhyun, and ten letters for me.
I open one of the letters and it is a letter from a freshman. Her name is Yong Haegi and she is studying art theory. She wrote how she admires me despite the fact that I'm not studying music at all.
"I know you are here!" Gikwang opens the door with a wide smile. He takes off his jacket and puts it on the table, next to the letters. "I was shocked when I saw the empty mailbox. I thought we lost our fans!"
"Don't you have any class to teach this morning?" I fold the letter back to the envelope, putting it back with the other letters for me. "Don't tell me you're skipping classes."
"I never skipped teaching. I skip classes for me, not classes by me," Gikwang takes one of the letters in green envelope. He smirks as he reads the name of the sender. "Yuseon's junior."
My heart skips a beat when the name is mentioned. But Gikwang doesn't notice it. He takes another letter and opens it, reading it with his usual charming smile.
Il Yuseon, Gikwang's first girlfriend and the one who cheated on Gikwang with dating his best friend. Yuseon is the most popular girl in the university, thanks to her beauty, perfect figure, and her reputation as a young model.
They started dating around eight months ago but before they could even celebrate their second month anniversary, Gikwang found out Yuseon and his best friend were kissing in a car when Gikwang was on his way back from class.
Now they are still friends though. Yuseon is single now but Gikwang blocks her way to get any closer to him since Gikwang only concentrates with his part time job and Musique; his grades are totally perfect anyway.
"Any love letter for you?" Gikwang gets tired from opening his letters. He takes a glance at the red letters, waiting for my answer. "I bet you have one."
"So funny, Lee Gikwang," I laugh with sarcasm, stand up from my seat to take the letters. "I'm not as popular as Sunhyun. Now let's discuss for the performance Sunhyun told us yesterday before my classes."
"Sunhyun is still at school, isn't she?" Gikwang looks at his phone screen, checking the time. "I think she will come around when you're at class."
I nod slightly, trying to surpress my jealousy. I put all my letters in my shelf, the one under Gikwang's personal shelf.
The fact that Sunhyun is Yuseon's best friend since first year and how perfect Sunhyun is for Gikwang sometimes make me realize that I am nothing compared to Sunhyun.
I don't want to be popular. I just want Gikwang to treat me the way he treats Sunhyun. I know they are best friends, long before Gikwang knew me.
But I can't help myself to pray that Gikwang will think of me more than best friends.
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
I plug my earphone back, picking random song to be played with my iPod. I walk at the corridor, heading to outside of the campus building since I'm done with my classes for today.
My steps stop when I see a girl is sitting alone in a classroom, looking through the window. She props her chin while her other hand is busy tapping the table with her pen. Looks like she is deep in her thought.
"Hari?" I call her name, making her to turn around. She smiles sweetly, making my heart to beat rapidly. I step inside and sit next to her. "What are you doing?"
"My class just finished around fifteen minutes ago. I decided to stay for a while to finish the lyrics," she points the paper on the table with her pen. "I need some inspiration."
Hari looks really admirable when she is having the serious expression on her face, the one she always has when she is working for the lyrics.
Putting aside her vocal, she has the talent of writing beautiful lyrics. This is one talent that makes her has extra value than Gikwang and Sunhyun but since Hari never wanted to take a spotlight, she insisted to hide the fact that she is the lyricist for their songs.
Suddenly she takes a glance at me, making me to blink in confusion. She smiles and puts down her pen, reaching out her hand to touch my collar.
"Your collar is a mess, you know," she straighten my shirt collar with her delicate fingers. Hari chuckles softly. "You walk around like this for a whole day?"
As much as I want to reply her, I can't. I hold my breathe while she is working with my collar. Does she know that my heart is racing because of her now?
"Now it's all good," Hari pulls away her hand, looking at my face. "You always look good in anything. I envy you."
I scratch my nose with my finger nervously, trying to hide the fact that my blood is rushing to the brain, making me to blush madly, "T-thank you."
"Forgive me for being captious about clothes," Hari mutters, putting her stuff back in her backpack. "Can't help it."
"No worry," I finally manage to keep calm, grinning to her.
Unlike Gikwang and Sunhyun who are attending Department of Vocal Music, Hari is actually a student under Department of Design. Basically she doesn't have any background of music like her groupmates.
"Are you going back home now?" I ask when she is done with her stuff. I am thinking about walking her back to her home since I've done it quite often because our homes are heading to same direction.
"I need to go to our basecamp first," she stands up from her seat, putting her backpack on her shoulders. "I must tell Gikwang and Sunhyun about my unfinished lyrics. We must consider postponing the announcement of a new song."
"Oh," I rub my head.
She walks pass me and, out of my control, I grab her wrist, stopping her from leaving. She turns around to look at me with confused look, "Yes?"
"D-Do you want to have dinner together?" I blurt out. I must be crazy to ask her to have dinner with me. She will reject the invitation for sure.
"Dinner? Tonight?" Hari tilts her head to another side. "Sure."
My heart almost jumped out because of joy but then she continues with a bright smile, "I'll ask Gikwang and Sunhyun. Come on. I'm sure they will be happy."
I should have known it. There is no way she is going to accept a date with me; there will always be Gikwang and Sunhyun.
"Come on," Hari says when she has reached the door. "I'm leaving, you know."
"O-okay," I respond, following her steps quickly to their basecamp, feeling a secret disappointment because of Hari's honest answer.
Not that I don't like being Gikwang's best friend but why do I have a feeling that Hari develops a special feeling towards him, despite the fact she has denied it in public?
I hope it's only my negative thought.
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