.:13:. 4Hearts : Disband
Have You Ever
♫ Cho Sunhyun ♫
Yoseob falls asleep in silence again after his unexpected rambling confession. Neither me or Gikwang say something; we don't even look at each other.
It feels really hurt as if someone just stabbed my chest with a knife. Is this jealousy?
Maybe it's true that people said regret always comes late. I fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.
I want to deny the fact but I must admit that I fall in love with Yoseob. Not too deep but it's enough to make me feel the pain caused by his love to Hari.
I fall in love with Yoseob, the one I thought would be nothing more than a friend. I realized that I'm in love with him when he shows that he's in love with Hari.
The clicked sound of the door makes me and Gikwang to turn our heads to see Hari is stepping inside the room. She brings the medicine and a towel in her hand.
"We have a basin here," she checks our lockers, the one we use to store our random equipments. She finds it and fills it with the the water from her drink bottle. She sits next to Yoseob again and dip the towel in the basin.
"He needs to take this medicine," Hari puts the wet towel on his forehead after moving his hair carefully. "Ah, he must be caught in the rain yesterday."
I blink, remembering that he was walking in the rain yesterday because of me. Is that why he fell sick?
"Ah, I need to return home now," Hari checks her wristwatch and stands up. "I need to finish my design project."
"I'll walk you home," Gikwang mumbles and I can see Hari smiles to him. My heart aches again because of her innocent smile. She bids me goodbye after telling me to give the medicine to Yoseob when he wake up.
I stare at Yoseob for around ten minutes with my brain fills with random thoughts. My daydreaming stops when Yoseob opens his eyes slowly, trying to focus on me.
"Sunhyun?" he mutters my name. He takes away the wet towel from his forehead and straightens his body. He rubs his temple slowly but manages to give me a weak smile. "Are you waiting for me?"
My heart flutters because of his smile. I walk closer to him and hands the medicine to him, "Here. You need to take the medicine."
"Thank you," he takes the medicine from me. He looks around and I know he is looking for Hari, which makes my heart to ache again.
"Yoseob," I clear my throat to have his attention. I don't want to know his answer but I need to know the truth. "Do you love Hari?"
His eyes widen in surprise. At the same time, his cheeks turn into pink shades; he loves Hari.
How long has he fallen for Hari? How could I and Gikwang didn't know about it? Why didn't he say a single thing to Hari?
"Is it that obvious?" he grins awkwardly.
I bite my bottom lip. I was the one who fell in love first with Gikwang but he couldn't return my feeling. Now he falls for Hari.
I just found someone I can love but the next moment, I found that he is in love with Hari too.
Why? Why should it be Hari?
A single tear escapes my eye as I blame myself from being envy towards Hari, my own best friend. I shouldn't even think like that. I must support my best friend.
"Y-yah," Yoseob sounds panicked. "Why are you crying?"
Who should I support now?
Gikwang? or Yoseob?
♫ Lee Gikwang ♫
When I found Hari was holding hands with Yoseob, I didn't feel jealousy. I knew they're best friends and from the first sight, it's obvious that Yoseob was unsconscious.
I am holding Hari's hand as she talks about her final project. She tells me that she needs a model to her project but I only smile to her, nodding randomly since my mind is wandering somewhere else.
She leaned to kiss me and as if I couldn't control my body, I kissed her back. I changed her position from standing to sit on the sofa. I was drunk by her kisses.
I showered her neck with butterfly kisses, her still wet hair with my fingers. I could feel she flinched a little as my lips touched her skin.
"Be mine, Hari," I whispered, continuing the kisses I gave to her. She clutched my shirt and my sense returned to me.
I stopped kissing her. I looked at her eyes. She was blushing madly. I sat next to her, pulling her into a hug as I kissed her hair.
I lost control over myself.
"I'm sorry, Hari," I murmured, tightening my hug. "I lost control."
She didn't reply so I continued again with serious tone, "I want you, Hari. The only one I want is you."
"Gikwang...," her grip on my shirt was tightened
"I'll take you home but for now...," I kissed her forehead, "...stay with me."
After that, I sent her home, holding hands. I didn't ask her about becoming my girlfriend or even said the 'love' word.
But the way I treat her is the way a man treats his girlfriend. I picked her this morning, telling Sunhyun that I left earlier. I lent her my favorite jacket since I'm afraid she will fall sick after standing in the rain yesterday.
Without any confession, I know our hearts are connected. We love each other.
I was planning to ask her more about her feeling towards me tonight. But after what I heard from Yoseob, even if it's only sleeptalking, I don't know what I should do now.
Yoseob is my best friend. And I value friendship more than everything. But will I choose love for a girl now compared to my friend?
"Are you listening to me?" Hari stops her step, tilting her head. She looks worried.
"Eh? I'm sorry, I-"
My words are cut off by Hari's touch on my cheek. She caresses my cheek softly as she looks really worried about me, "You must be really tired..."
I can feel my heart is aching when I look at her eyes. I don't know what I must say to her. I want to hug her, to tell her that I'm alright but I can't.
Something is holding me back from getting closer to her.
Something called value of friendship.
"Hari, I...," I hold her hand, stopping her from caressing my cheek. I don't know how to say what I'm thinking to her without hurting her.
Ironically this makes me sure that I love her more than just a best friend.
The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other.
This pain I feel in my heart is the pain because of choosing between friendship and love.
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
"Are you sure you're alright?" Sunhyun asks me for the fifth time. She checks my temperature with placing her backhand on my forehead. "You shouldn't sent me back. You should head home directly."
"Hey, I'm not a little kid," I laugh and pull away from her. "Thank you for taking care of me. And thanks for listening to me."
When I woke up, I was hoping that I would see Hari. Especially because I dreamt of her. I don't remember my dream but I'm sure that Hari was in my dream.
But instead Sunhyun was the one who took care of me, giving me medicine and accompanying me until I felt better. She told me that Hari needs to finish her final project so she left earlier.
When Sunhyun asked me about whether I love Hari or not, I think my heart stopped beating for a second. But I guess Sunhyun could figure out my answer because I'm pretty sure I was blushing because of the question.
For my surprise, she suddenly cried.
"Y-yah, why are you crying?" I started to panic. I wasn't good at facing a crying person, especially a girl. Did I do something wrong? I hadn't say a word!
"No, I'm just overreacting," she wiped away the tears and smiled to me. She cleared as I looked at her in silence. "Have you ever told Hari about it?"
I shaked my head, "I can't. It's only one-sided love. Besides..."
I stopped. I couldn't tell Sunhyun that Hari was in love with Gikwang; I was the only one who knew this secret.
"Besides I know she wants to focus on her study and career," I diverted the answer, sighing heavily. I forced a smile, "Don't worry. I'm happy that I still can stay as her best friend for now."
"I see...," Sunhyun smiled, looking at the ground. Somehow I felt that she was hiding something but maybe my fever was messing with my mind so I let it be.
I decided to walk her back to her apartment after I felt better. It's already past 5 and I assured her that I will take a good rest, meaning that I need to refuse her dinner invitation.
When I'm going to take the turn to a park that I always pass by when I return to my apartement, I'm thinking about send a text message to Hari, to thank and apologize her for taking care of me.
But I find a figure is sitting on the swing alone. She is crying, sobbing uncontrollably. And I know who she is.
I rush to her side as she looks up to see me with teary eyes.
"Hari, what happened?" I squat down as her eyes shift down to look at my face. She doesn't stop crying, instead she cries harder.
"I should have known that he will never return my feeling...," Hari wipes her tears roughly with the back of her hand. "I'm a fool to believe that he will love me back."
He? Gikwang?
What has he done to her? Looking at her like this my my heart to shatter into pieces. Even though I know I'm not the reason why she cries, I know that I will never be the reason why she will smile with love.
This is the worst.
The worst way to love someone is to be next to them, stay close to them, knowing they don't love you back.
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
My tears fall down as if they're unstopabble. I never knew that heartache will be this hurt. I have expected that Gikwang would reject my feeling but I never thought he would do that after what happened yesterday.
"Hari, I...," Gikwang held my hand gently, stopping me from caressing his cheek. He looked at me with sad eyes. There was no smile on his face.
"Yes?" I tilted my head, waiting for his continuation. Looked like he really wanted to say something but he hesitated.
"We're going to stick as best friends, aren't we?"
His statement made me to freeze on my feet. What did he just say? Was I hallucinating?
He took a deep breath and looked at me with both of his hands in his pockets, "Maybe we're better as best friends. Groupmates."
I wanted to scream, frustrated with his sudden statement. Then what did all the kisses we shared mean? Why did he treat me this sweet and lovingly if we're only best friends?
Why...
My tears started to roll down. Gikwang looked at me with guilty expression as he reached out his hand to wipe my tears, "Hari..."
"I should have known it," I step backwards, biting my my bottom lip. "I am the fool to believe that we can be together."
"I'm sorry, Hari, I-"
He stopped when I took off his jacket. I threw it back to him, "Stop. I have enough with your sorry. I don't want to hear it anymore!"
I looked away, clenching my fists, feeling that my heart was going to break into pieces because of him. I didn't want him to pity me. I sighed and said firmly, "Go."
Gikwang wanted to reply me but I hissed, "Go, Gikwang. I don't want to see your face."
"I deserve it, don't I?" Gikwang muttered, forcing a sad smile. He bowed to me and finally walked away, leaving me to cry alone.
I couldn't stay at home with these tears. I walked to the nearby park, sat on the swing and cried alone.
Until Yoseob came.
He pats my head gently. He doesn't say a word but his presence is enough to make me feel better. I don't need someone to lecture me or giving me encouragement words; because my heart is breaking really bad right now.
I finally stop crying but I now my eyes are swollen now. I inhale the air, trying to stop my sobbing. Yoseob stops patting my head and looks at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry," I force a smile to him. "I'm being a crybaby, right? But it will be the last time I cried in front of you. Don't worry."
"Cry if you want to," he caresses my cheek softly. "I will always be here for you whenever you need me."
He is a really good friend. He never complained about my nagging. He never said that I was talking non sense. Yoseob has been a best friend someone can ever asked for.
"I...," I stand up slowly, trying to gain my focus, "...will draw back from Musique."
"What?!" Yoseob blurts out in surprise. "Is it because of Gikwang?"
"Everything," I reply calmly. I know I'm being unprofessional to act like this but this is the best solution I have.
I look at Yoseob, "Sometimes it's better to be alone. No one can hurt me that way."
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
The new post in Musique's official web breaks the night at midnight. The fans who read the post start to discuss it on the discussion forum.
Musique to disband
Musique is thanking all of the fans who have been supporting us all these times. We appreciate your supports to us through our music and performances.
But we, the members, are going to walk our own paths since we have our solo activities. We're proud to have all of you as our fans and we will always treasure our togetherness.
We part our ways as a group after these wonderful seven months.
Thank you.
Best regards with love,
Musique
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