.:33:. Give Up : Let Go
Have You Ever
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
"I'll be back after classes," I pat Sunhyun's head. "I think Hari will come over in twenty minutes. Don't move too much."
"I know, I know," Sunhyun giggles and bids me goodbye. "I'm better now, don't worry!"
A week have passed since Sunhyun returned to her daily routinity. She has attended the classes again but she took her leave from her work until she is fully healed.
Within the last weeks, I have been thinking about my relationship with Hari. I asked her if something happened between her and Gikwang but she always avoided the topic, diverting our conversation to something else.
Meanwhile I spent most of my times with Sunhyun. She is quite different from Hari. Sunhyun speaks out her thought and she is more cheerful than Hari. She always tries her best to cheer up people around her even though she is not that strong.
The longer I stay with her, the deeper I hurt her heart, don't I?
I haven't talked much with Hari lately because she is busy with her project while I stay with Sunhyun more often.
A negative thought crosses my mind sometimes. Why doesn't Hari complaint about my close relationship with Sunhyun? Is she alright with it?
Or is she actually happy if I'm with Sunhyun?
"Yang Yoseob?" my lecturer calls my name when the class is almost begun. "Can you go to meet someone outside? They are waiting for you."
"Sure," I stand up and leave the classroom, wondering who is looking for me. There is a woman with glasses and formal clothes waiting for me.
"Mr Yang Yoseob, I presume," she offers me a handshake which I accept politely. "My name is Kim Hyomi. I've heard about your reputation in composing music."
She asks me to walk with her to the cafetaria so we can have more comfortable conversation. She gives me her business card and introduces herself as a staff from one of the biggest music companies.
"Our company just expanded a branch in Taiwan. What do you think about student exchange and working overseas, Mr Yang?"
♫ Cho Sunhyun ♫
"Ah, you are here," Gikwang steps in with his guitar. "Where is Yoseob?"
"Class," I answer him shortly and put down my phone. "Why did you bring your guitar?"
"A friend wanted me to sing for his cousin's birthday party next week," he laughs and sits next to me. "He asked me to dress like a clown. He is insane."
"It must be fun," I laugh and . "Ah, I can't wait to sing again with all of you."
"Just wait, Sunhyun," Gikwang ruffles my hair. "Be patient, young lady. We will perform again together after you are ready."
"Gikwang ah," I lean myself to the sofa comfortably, "do you think Renaitre can debut officially someday?"
He raises his eyebrow and I quickly add, "Just what-if question, you know."
"I hope so," Gikwang shrugs his shoulders and stares at his guitar. "If that happen, it will be really wonderful. How I hope I can settle my feeling for now. I can't even write new song."
I take a glance at him and finally asks, "Do you still love Hari?"
"You know it's hard for me to move on," he laughs with sarcasm. "Do you still love Yoseob then?"
This guy surely knows how to make me speechless. I shake my head with a smile, "Can you be less sraight forward when asking such a sensitive question?"
"You still love him," Gikwang assumes my answer and I don't reply him; he knows my answer. Of course I still love him.
Can you stop loving someone who is staying by your side for almost 24 hours?
If someone else can, I can't. He is really caring and gentle. How can I don't fall deeper for Yoseob?
♫ Lee Gikwang ♫
I don't know whether I should be grateful or not if I'm in Sunhyun's position, to have someone you love by your side but he doesn't love you back.
Sunhyun is really strong, isn't she?
"I think...," I mumble slowly, "...I'm going to give up on Hari?"
"What?" Sunhyun frowns with disbelief. "W-Why? Did she say something?"
"We talked," I answer her. "I talk with her around three days ago when I walked her home."
"Gikwang," Hari mentioned my name and stopped her step. We almost reached her house after I accompanied her to buy stuff for her project. "There is something I want to talk with you."
Ever since Sunhyun's incident, she avoided the topic about our relationship. For early days, she even didn't talk to me but slowly we managed to talk like usual again.
As if nothing happened between us. As if we're best friends. I tried my best to treat her like what I always did so she would stop avoiding me for time being.
"Remember that you said you want to focus with your career?" she asked calmly. "I know it's your excuse. I know you must be doing it for Yoseob."
I gasped, "You... remember?"
Hari smiled and continued, "I've been thinking for a while. About you. About me. About Yoseob. About Sunhyun. About us."
"I received a letter from Japan last night," she gave me a sign to follow her since she continued her steps. "My cousin offered me a student exchange program. My father will also move there for his work."
"Are you going to take the offer?" I asked her bluntly. "Don't tell me you..."
"I'm considering the offer," she smiled weakly. "I know it's too sudden but I think it's a good chance for me to have new experiences. Beside my mother wants me to tag along with them."
"Have you told Yoseob about it?" I dared myself to ask. I wondered what Yoseob would say if he knew it.
"No," she stopped when we have reached her house. "You are the first person I told about it so please keep it as a secret until I tell Yoseob and Sunhyun."
"Why?" I couldn't hide my curiosity. Why did she only tell me and not Yoseob?
She didn't answer; she just smiled.
"Something happened," I grin to Sunhyun because I can't tell her yet. "I'll tell you later when the time is right."
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
I stare at the pictures on my photo album. The picture of me and Gikwang, me and Sunhyun, Musique, me and Yoseob, Renaitre, and more.
I can't help myself to smile as I remember our memories together. It's almost a month since I started to sing together with three of them. It's almost a year since I started loving Gikwang.
Come to think of it, I never stopped loving him. I forgot that I love him, but I don't stop loving him.
Since Sunhyun's incident, I tried to love Yoseob just the way I love Gikwang; Yoseob has been there for me all the times but looking at him with Sunhyun, my heart sank.
I never asked Sunhyun but somehow I know Sunhyun loves Yoseob. From the way she looks at him, from the way she smile at him. It's obvious.
I drew a distance with Yoseob slowly, hoping that he will forget me and he will love Sunhyun back; I wonder if it happens though.
One thing for sure, I still love Gikwang but I'm grateful that he doesn't force me to admit it. He treats me really well just like what we've always been in the past.
Sometimes I hope that I never fell in love with him so all of these complicated things never happened. If only I never fell in love with him, four of us would always be smiling like in these pictures without awkwardness.
But then regretting everything is not going to change the present.
I take my phone and tweet the words in my mind,
"I've been wondering for quite some time now. What did I ever do to make you fall in love with me?"
Within five minutes there are two new tweets. One is from Yoseob,
"Have you ever had someone steal your heart away?"
And another is from Gikwang; he retweeted Yoseob's previous tweet and added some words behind.
"Have you ever had someone steal your heart away, you’d give anything to make them feel the same?"
My lips form into a curve. They are best friends. We are best friends. Nothing will change that fact.
There are some things you must let go sometimes to get something else.
I've made up my mind.
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