.:19:. Afraid : Intention
Have You Ever
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
"Welcome to Musician Camp," Jo Kwon welcomes us with a wide smile. "Four days, three nights. I hope all of us can be good friends here!"
We just arrived at the camp location. It's Jo Kwon's family property and there are around a hundred participants for this musician camp.
"So all of you have the little note I gave to you this morning before our departure, right? Check the number. It will be the number to your cottage!" Jo Kwon announces with excitement. "One cottage consists of five or six persons. Now go, go, go. I'll meet you in the main cottage in twenty minutes!"
"One," Yoseob murmurs and looks at me. I show him the letter with 'five' number on it.
"Ah! I'm seven!" Sunhyun pouts her lips. We turn to Gikwang and he shows us the 'three' number on the little note.
After assuring them I will be good on my own, we part our ways to put our stuffs in our own cottage and meet our roommates for these three nights.
I don't really have any interests about who my roommates are. I just hope it won't be her.
But the Goddess of Fortune is teasing me.
"Yoon Hari!" Choi Sooyoung, my high school friend who studies Department of Music Vocal at another university, stands up and hugs me. "It's been a while!"
I only give her a smile because my gaze is fixed on the girl on the bed. She doesn't even look at me when I step inside even though the others greet me.
"We have a member of Musique and the beauty queen here!" a girl with ponytail chirps. That's when finally she turns to look at me.
"Hari," Yuseon gives me a smile. "Roommates."
Even if I gain my voice back, I don't think I will say something for her.
I saw her this morning when we were going to depart. She approached us, well to be exact... Gikwang. She only talked with Gikwang and Sunhyun; didn't even give a look at me and Yoseob.
No, I don't hate Yuseon. I don't have any interest on her as well.
Maybe I'm just... afraid.
Afraid that she will return back with Gikwang. Afraid that I will lose Gikwang's attention. Afraid that Gikwang will love her again.
Aigoo... It's not like Gikwang loves you. What are you thinking, Yoon Hari?
"They said your voice is lost," Yuseon stands up and folds her arms together. "How is it now?"
I shake my head as my answer with a sheepish smile. I walk pass them and put my stuff on the empty bed with clenching fists.
This is ridiculous. I feel like a fool now to join the musician camp without my voice; my voice is the only talent I have as a musician. I can't play any musical instruments like my groupmates do.
I take out my phone and type words on it to show it to the girl with the ponytail before leaving the cottage to join the others in the main cottage.
"It's Renaitre. Not Musique."
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
I sigh with frustration. I don't know why the fate is playing around with Hari.
When I found out that she will stay in one cottage with Il Yuseon, I facepalmed myself mentally. And now that we have divided into group for the sessions, I can't help myself to sigh because they are in one group again.
Our first session is about knowing our groupmates well enough to continue for the next three days. We need to know about each other's talent.
After an hour exchanging stories, we head to another cottage for dinner. I quickly approach Hari to check her condition.
She looks up at me and gives me a weak smile. It must be really awkward to be in the same group with the ex-girlfriend of the one you love.
When I'm going to ask her whether she want to exchange group with me, Gikwang taps my shoulder lightly.
"Dinner time," he grins to me. I find Sunhyun is smiling at me from his back and I give them an awkward smile.
"Yoseob," Sunhyun looked at me with blushed cheeks. "I like you."
I blinked in confusion. Did I just hear what I thought I heard?
"I like you, Yoseob," she repeated again. "I know you like Hari. I know I don't have a chance against her in your heart. But..."
I was speechless. It's the first time a girl confessed to me. In person.
Some fans confessed to me via letters within the last three weeks but to have Sunhyun to confess to me...
She took a deep breath and looked at me firmly, "Is it alright for me to hope you will return my feeling someday?"
"I...," I tried to find the right words to answer her. "I don't know, Sunhyun. I-"
"Don't worry, I will help you if you need my help with Hari," she cut my words calmly but her eyes were teary. "Both of you are my best friends. But I..."
She couldn't finish her words because the tears had rolled down on her cheeks. She quickly wiped away the tears and smiled nervously, "I-I'm sorry... I-I don't know why I'm crying..."
Yang Yoseob, you just made a girl cried.
"Sunhyun, I'm sorry," that's all I could say to her. There was no way I could accept her feeling when my heart went to Hari; it would hurt her more if I lied just to ease her feeling.
"It's alright," Sunhyun wiped away her tears and looked at me with a weak smile. "I feel better now that I have confessed."
Looking at her tears, ironically, I have assured myself that I only loved Hari. Even though I felt guilty when I looked at her tears, I didn't feel that I wanted to hug her and stop her tears.
Unlike what I felt when I saw Hari cried.
"Did something happen between you and Sunhyun?"
Hari's question on the phone makes my eyes to widen. She tilts her head as she pulls back her phone.
I am sitting at the edge of the lake with Hari. All of us have returned to our own cottages after the second session.
When my roommates were trying to sleep, I couldn't sleep at all. I woke up and told them that I would be back soon after taking a walk at night.
That's when I met Hari. She just went out from her cottage to take a walk around as well. She tugged my sleeves and dragged me to the lake.
"Why do you ask?" I ruffle her hair, trying to act as usual. "I'm good with Sunhyun, if that's what you want to ask."
She types again and shows me her answer.
"You avoided her eyes during the dinner. I'm not that blind to see it."
Honestly speaking I want to ask her, why does she can see what happened between me and another girl but she can't see that I'm in love with her?
"Hari ah...," I fake a cough. "There is something I want to-"
My words are cut because both of us hear footsteps approaching us. Hari stands up and drags me to hide behind the bushes.
"Why are we hiding?" I whisper to her. She puts her index finger on her lips, giving me a sign to keep silence.
"What is it, Yuseon?" Gikwang stops his steps at the edge of the lake. "I was looking for Hari, not you."
My heart skips a beat. Why was Gikwang looking for Hari?
"What's about her? I thought you are with Sunhyun," Yuseon blurts out. "Don't tell me you're in love with Yoon Hari."
"What do you want, Yuseon?" Gikwang sighs heavily. "You can talk now so I can find Hari."
"Gikwang, I want you back," Yuseon tells her intention of dragging Gikwang to meet her. "I know you still have a feeling for me. I can see it in your eyes."
Hari covers with her left hand with disbelief look.
"Hari," I murmur her name as my eyes are locked on her. I want to hug her but I stop when I see a tear escapes her eyes.
I return my gaze on Gikwang and Yuseon and I understand why Hari cries.
They are kissing.
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