.:4:. Secret : Fragile
Have You Ever
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
"So they ask for helping them that day," the President of Student Committee announces. "It's a necessary for all of us to attend the seminar."
I am attending the weekly meeting of Student Committee right now. It's Saturday and I don't have classes for today. The President is telling us about our duties for next week.
But my mind is wandering somewhere right now. To be exact, my mind is going back to last night, the moment when I was walking back home with Yoseob.
"Why did you want me to walk you home?" Yoseob asked calmly with both of his hands inside the pockets. "Did something happen between you and Gikwang?"
I held my breath. Was it that obvious that I was avoiding Gikwang?
I knew Gikwang was only teasing me. But it's the first time he made a direct contact with my skin! Could someone blame me for blushing because of him then?
"Nothing," I answered casually, trying my best to control my expression. I couldn't let Yoseob to notice my heart. No one could.
"Yah, Hari, do you think I just met you yesterday?" Yoseob stopped his steps suddenly. I stopped and looked at him. "Tell me if you have a problem. Isn't that what friends are for?"
I clenched my fists slowly. I didn't even talk about my feeling to Sunhyun, knowing that Sunhyun would definitely tell me to go after Gikwang, which was I couldn't do if I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Not that I didn't believe Sunhyun, it's just...
Well, sometimes things were better left unsaid.
"Hari ah," Yoseob took a step closer to me, giving me a soft smile. "Tell me. I think you think too much that you can't even write lyrics. Maybe I can help you a little."
I sighed with frustration. He was right. My creativity was stuck somewhere. I had been struggling with my secret feeling towards Gikwang in these past six months but, even I hated to admit it, my feeling grew deeper for him because of his charm.
Since our group gained more attention, our rate of meetings increased. The more often I met Gikwang, the more often I saw Gikwang together with Sunhyun. And the more I noticed that Gikwang only saw me as best friends.
My heart started to ache again when I thought of him. I knew that I should be grateful that I could stay with him even just as groupmate. How could I expect more when I couldn't have more?
"I...," I murmured with hesitation, staring at the ground. "Can I fall in love?"
"Eh?" Yoseob blinked in surprise because of my sudden question. He tilted his head, "Are you... Wait, wait. You have a crush on Gikwang?"
Even though I didn't want to blush, my face started to burn. I could feel my cheeks were hot. Why couldn't I control myself when it came to Gikwang?
"Since when?" Yoseob asked calmly. I still didn't dare to look at his face so I decided to look at my feet.
"Six months...," I replied slowly. I knew he would be shocked because of my answer.
"Six months?!" he gasped; I knew it. Who wouldn't be surprised to hear that. "How could you- How did you- Did he-"
Yoseob messed his own hair, sighing heavily. He had too many questions to ask. I glanced at him with awkward grin, hoping that he would not scold me.
"Does someone know about it?" it was his only question.
"You?" I answered with doubt and he chuckled at my answer, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. Somehow I felt embarassed because of his reaction. Did I say it wrong?
He lowered his hand and smiled at me, "Feel better now?"
After he asked, I did feel better. As if someone just lifted the burden on my shoulders. Maybe I had buried everything alone too long. Maybe... I needed to open up a little.
I nodded slightly and he patted my head softly, "Good. Now let's walk again. You need to take a rest."
I don't know why but I feel I can believe Yoseob to keep my secret. I don't think he is going to tell someone else, let alone Gikwang, even though they are best friends.
"Did you hear me, Yoon Hari?" the president asks me, frowning with serious expression. I look at him and quickly nod despite the fact that I didn't listen to him at all.
"Good, everything has settled," he stands up and gathers his stuff. "The meeting is dismissed. See you again on the next meeting."
"Err, Hyunseung," I call Jang Hyunseung, the third year student of Department of Dance Performance. He is sitting right next to me. "What did the President talk about?"
He raises his eyebrow and then points the whiteboard, "Next week seminar. We must attend it. You are the MC."
My eyes widen when I look at what's written on whiteboard. Tell me it's not true. Tell me it's a nightmare
The date and the time. Exactly the same with the performance where Musique will perform next week.
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
I sigh again. I don't know how many times I have sighed today. After the conversation I had with Hari last night, I can't help myself to blame my foolish act.
"That's what friends are for," I murmur to myself, ruffling my hair as I lean to the back of the bench. I am sitting alone at the university yard, gazing at the sky. "You should say because I love you instead, Yang Yoseob."
When Hari admitted that she is in love with Gikwang, I swear my heart was cracking, shattering into pieces. When I saw her blushed cheeks, I knew she is really in love with Gikwang.
I should have known it. Gikwang has everything. It will be strange if she doesn't fall for him since they spend their times together almost everyday. But I just didn't expect I would hear it from Hari herself.
What should I do now? Support her? Tell her my true feeling? Tell Gikwang her feeling?
Aigoo... I don't know!
"What?!" the familiar voice catches my attention. I turn around and see two figures are standing under a tree. "But we promised to Doojoon Hyung!"
It's Gikwang.
Hari is standing in front of him, looking down at the ground as if she is a student who is scolded by a teacher. She looks really guilty while Gikwang has a disbelief look on his face.
I stand up and walk to them, trying to figure out what is happening between them. It must be something really serious if Gikwang acts like this. I never saw him angry at someone before, not even to Yuseon.
"Yah, Gikwang," I call his name and both of them turn to look at me. I glance at Hari but she immediately stares at the ground again. "What's wrong? Your voice was really loud."
"You should ask Hari, not me," Gikwang sighs with disappointment. He puts his hands in his jacket pockets, looking away from Hari. "She can't attend the performance next week. The one we have announced yesterday."
"Eh?" I'm surprised to hear that. "Why?"
"I have to be the MC for the national seminar at the same time. I must attend it as a staff of Student Committee," Hari explains it slowly. "I can't exchange place with someone else since everyone else have their own tasks on the day."
"I don't know what I must say to Doojoon Hyung," Gikwang murmurs vividly but it's clear enough for me to hear. "He will be really disappointed."
Yoon Doojoon is Gikwang's senior from senior high school. He is currently attending Department of Musicology and he is the one who asked Sunhyun to ask Musique for performing in his department's event next week.
"Gikwang, stop it," I hiss. It's his bad habit when something happens out from his expectation. He is more arrogant than everyone can imagine. "It's not like she wants to cancel the performance."
"I'm sorry, Gikwang, I really am," Hari approaches Gikwang, tugging his sleeves slowly. She bites her bottom lip, making my heart to ache because of her sad expression. "I will talk to Doojoon Oppa."
"I'll talk to him by myself," Gikwang scoffs. He can be really irritating when he is talking about his works. He is really serious when it comes to his work or his music. "You better concentrate with your own work. I'm leaving."
He stomps and leaves even though Hari calls his name over and over again. It's the first time I look they argue or, to be exact, have a trouble.
"I'm so stupid," Hari buries her face in her hands. "How could I be so stupid?!"
"Hari ah...," I reach out my hand to pat her shoulder but when I realize she is shaking, I know she is crying. She tries to hide her tears behind her hands.
Without thinking twice, I wrap my arms around her. I hug her, hoping that it will comfort her somehow. She clutches my shirt, crying in silence.
I never saw Hari cried before. She is a shy girl who has stubborn attitude. She never wanted to show her weakness in front of others, making her to look strong.
Now I know that she is actually really fragile inside. Especially because she loves Gikwang. She is crying because of him.
What can I do for Hari other than comforting her like now?
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