.:28:. Guilty : Slap
Have You Ever
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
Hari turns off her phone. I can't reach her by phone calls now. As much as I wanted to chase her when she stormed out from the room, I couldn't. Somehow I knew she would be really mad at me if I did that.
I was really panic when Sunhyun started to cry. I just wanted her to stop crying so I wiped away her tears. Who knew Hari and Gikwang would come at the moment?
"I'm sorry," Sunhyun mutters with an apologetic smile. "Are you worrying about Hari?"
"Well, kind of," I smile awkwardly. I still don't know why Sunhyun cried all of a sudden but I have a feeling it's because of me. "I hope she doesn't misunderstand about what happened."
Sunhyun's smile disappears as she drops her gaze, "What actually happened, Yoseob?"
"Eh?" I blink. What is Sunhyun talking about?
She sighs heavily and then looks at me with sad eyes, "I'm sorry, Yoseob, but I still have a feeling for you. Therefore I can't let you be hurt by Hari. You know she doesn't have her full memory right now. Everything she does is based on her blurry memories."
Her words stab me right on my heart. Even though I know it already, it feels really hurt to know it from someone else already. Not to mention that she just admitted she still likes me.
"Sunhyun...," I clear my throat, "thank you for your concern... I..."
I stop. What am I going to say to Sunhyun? That I don't care if Hari doesn't love me truly? That she already kissed me last night? That it's fine for me if she loves Gikwang?
No. I want her to love me because she loves me sincerely. I don't want her to love me when her heart belongs to Gikwang.
But can she? Will she love me back when her memories return?
"Yoseob," Sunhyun snaps me back to reality. "I don't want you to be hurt. I'm sure Hari doesn't want to hurt you too but she can't remember it right now."
I stay silent. I am speechless.
"I don't ask you to love me back," she suddenly speaks out. "I just want you to be happy, but not because of temporary happiness."
I look up at her with suprised expression. Somehow what she said just makes me realize that maybe what happened last night between me and Hari is just a mistake; because Hari doesn't remember that she loves Gikwang.
When my eyes meet Sunhyun's, my heart aches. How many times have I hurt Sunhyun? It's not only me who is hurting all the times. All these times Sunhyun had always been with us, looking at me and Hari together.
Maybe Gikwang doesn't hurt. Well, he rejected Hari before even though I don't know what the reason is but he can still believe that Hari loves him. While Sunhyun... she knows for sure I don't love her back.
She is trying her best to support me. She didn't even complaint when she stayed only with me and Hari. I feel like the biggest fool in the world because I just realize that I forgot that she has a crush on me until she confessed again just now.
"Sunhyun, I...," I hesitate for seconds, trying to find the right words to say without hurting her. "I know it sounds selfish but I want to make Hari happy."
Sunhyun closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She forces a smile with teary eyes, "I want to make you happy too but I guess I'm not the one you want, right?"
The guilty feeling strikes me without mercy. Sunhyun stands up and takes her bag, "I'm going back now. See you tomorrow, Yoseob."
I immediately put back my pen and paper in my bag then rush to the door before her hand reaches the door. She looks at me with confused look.
"I walk you back," I open the door, avoiding any question from her. I feel that she is going to cry if I let her be alone and no matter how deep I love Hari, Sunhyun is still a really good friend for me and I don't want her to cry.
"Don't you want to wait for Hari?" she asks, following me to step out from the room. She locks the door with questioning expression.
"I'll call her," I answer her shortly, feeling uneasy. I do really want to wait for her but I know she doesn't want to talk with me right now so I decide to call her tonight.
"You know," Sunhyun mutters when we walk out from the building, "you're just going to hurt me more by treating me this way."
I clench my fists, not letting myself to stop. I shouldn't do this, I know. Why do friendship and love must mix in one line together in my life?
"Alright," Sunhyun shrugs her shoulders. "Let's talk about something else. I don't want to be this awkward."
She starts to open a conversation about our latest song, how her students love the song. She also talks about the offer she received from another school to teach art as well.
We arrive in front of her apartment building. She steps away from me, facing me with a simple smile, "We're arrived."
I nod slightly to her, "Well, I'm going back now."
When I turn around to walk away, she suddenly calls my name, "Yoseob."
I look at her and my heart skips a beat when I see her beautiful yet sad smile, "Thank you."
As if I can't control my body, I pull her into a hug. A friendly hug. I murmur softly, "I'm sorry, Sunhyun. I really am."
"It's alright," she steps back, pushing me away and I realize a tear rolls down on her cheek. "It's my mistake for loving you this much, isn't it?
Once again I feel really guilty. She doesn't mean to make me feel like this, I know. In fact I'm sure she feels more pain than I do.
She bows to me and then bids me goodbye before running into the building, leaving me to stand alone.
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
When I saw Yoseob was wiping the tears from Sunhyun, my heart ached. I can't help myself to think whether I'm jealous or not.
Maybe this is all because of the conversation between me and the mysterious person this morning.
I touched my lips with my fingers, feeling warm because of Yoseob's quick kiss. He just turned at the corner, disappeared from my sight. Right when I turned around to enter my house again, someone called my name.
"Hari?"
He was a man with brown hair. He gave me a smile and somehow I found he was really familiar. Did I know him?
"I passed by this area and saw you with Yoseob," he stated with the charming smile.
I blushed really hard. Did he see me and Yoseob kissing?
"Don't worry," he chuckled and winked at me. "I can keep a secret. I won't tell Gikwang or Sunhyun as long as you take a walk with me for a while."
I was thinking about the fact that I had not showered yet but something about this man was making me curious. I nodded and followed him, walking to the nearby park.
"I'm sorry...," I said to him when we walked side by side. "But who are you?"
"Ah, you don't remember me?" he raised his eyebrow. "Can't help it. You're too famous to remember your fan, aren't you?"
"N-no, it's not like that!" I blurted out. How could I tell him that I suffered this silly memory distrust syndrome?
"But don't worry, Hari, I know you really well. I knew you since you were in Musique. Too bad it disbanded," he tucked his hands in his jackets. "I prefer Musique than Renaitre actually."
"Why?" I tilted my head, feeling strange. Mostly fans were happy because Yoseob was a really important member who helped us compose songs; at least that's what I read in the letters from my fans.
"Nothing special," he mumbled and looked at me. "Are you in a relationship with Yoseob?"
Once again I blushed because of his blunt question. But then, if someone else saw me kissing with Yoseob, they probably would think the same.
Was I in a relationship with him? Was I attached to him? He didn't ask me to be his girlfriend yet and none of us said the word of love.
Suddenly my head ached again. It's another deja vu feeling. I felt the same before. I kissed someone but he didn't confess to me. The scene of he walked away from me came across my mind.
"Hari, are you alright?" the man asked me. I looked up at him, trying to remember who this guy was but I was clueless.
"I'm sorry if I'm asking too much," he apologized with a smile. "But I thought Yoseob was with Sunhyun, you know. Since I saw them getting along together really well."
I felt really uneasy because of the statement but he didn't realize it so he continued, "They look really good together. I think some fans have been trying to hook them together, right?"
Yes, I knew. From some letters, I came to remember that fans love to match me with Gikwang and Yoseob with Sunhyun. I didn't know why though.
But I never thought that Sunhyun and Yoseob were real. Wait, why did I believe in this man anyway?
"I'm sorry but can I know your name?" I finally asked him when we reached the nearby park.
"You'll know it sooner or later," he grinned and stopped his step in front of me. "Let's just call me your angel for now. I'm going to help you even when you haven't asked me to."
I knew this man. But I couldn't remember who he was.
He excused himself, telling me to return. He said that we would meet again soon.
Gikwang doesn't help me as well. He doesn't have any idea about whether Sunhyun likes Yoseob or not. He found me on the rooftop when I was drowning with the question; I wonder why he could find me.
My eyes admire the sunset and I murmur with the blurry memory in my mind, "I remember the view of sunset from here was really beautiful."
Suddenly Gikwang puts down his drink and walks to my back. He wraps my waist with his arms and rests his chin on my right shoulder.
"G-Gikwang? What are you doing?" I try to pull away from me. Why am I stammering? "Y-Yah! Your fans will be mad at me if they see us like this!"
Wait. Why do I have a feeling that I've said those words before to him? Who am I for him? Who is he for me?
Is my blurry memory true? That he kissed me before?
He holds my hand, stopping me from trying to struggle. He kisses my neck gently, sending me chilness because of his cold lips.
"G-Gikwang, y-you have a girlfriend... You-" I try to stop him, turning to see his face so he will stop but he becomes the one who stops me.
Gikwang lands his lips on mine. Slowly he turns me to face him, cupping my left cheek with his right hand. I close my eyes, biting my bottom lip because I don't want to kiss him back.
"Hari...," he mentions my name between the kiss and another strange feeling that I've experienced this before hits me.
I manage to gather my consciousness and push him away, "Are you crazy, Lee Gikwang?"
I try to walk to the door but he pulls me into another kiss. I use all my strength to push him away from me and since I'm way too confused with everything, I slap his cheek.
He looks at me with disbelief look, touching the red cheek with his hand. I stand in silence, stunned because what I just did; I didn't mean to slap him.
Why do I feel my heart is aching because I just slapped him?
It's wrong, right? He shouldn't kiss me, right? He has a girlfriend and I have Yoseob, right?
Then why do my tears roll down now? Is it because he forced me into kisses?
I turn my body, wiping my tears roughly but he suddenly grabs my wrist. This time he doesn't kiss me again; he hugs me tight.
"Hari," he whispers with sad tone while my heart is beating out of control, "I love you."
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