.:25:. Lose : Truly
Have You Ever
♫ Lee Gikwang ♫
After the days passed, finally I can spend times only with Hari. If I should be grateful for one thing when she loses her memories, then it should be the fact that she forgets that she probably hated me because I forced her into a kiss the day after she saw me and Yuseon.
When she asked me to sing the song with her, I couldn't help to play the guitar along with her. Putting aside the fact that I love her, I miss her as my partner in music.
"Your sound is amazing as usual," I compliment her sincerely when we finally finished the part before refrain. Sunhyun's voice is beautiful as well but Hari's voice is softer and her voice is perfect when it is combined with guitar and piano. "I'm glad your voice has back."
"And your play is perfect," she smiles at me. Something she always did when there was nothing between us. Nothing like kisses or love. "You really need to finish the refrain part."
"I'm always perfect," I start to . Like what I always did; how I miss those moments when I could make her blushed yet she replied me with excitement and sarcasm.
"Yah, don't be too cocky just because I gave you a compliment!" Hari sticks out her tongue and folds her arms. She doesn't lose her sarcasm side.
"But I'm always been like this," I put down my guitar and then look at her eyes, "especially when I'm with you."
"D-Don't tease me," she avoids my eyes and look at the floor. She moves her long hair behind her ear and the simple gesture makes my heart to beat faster.
I move closer to her and place one of my arms on the sofa, right behind her back. I lean closer to her until I can feel her hair with my lips; the gesture I always loved to do, "I miss your sweet scent, Hari ah."
I'm not teasing her. I'm not playing with her heart. I miss her. I really miss her.
As my groupmate who shared times to compose music and sing together with smiles. As my best friend who replied my jokes and laughed together with me. As Yoon Hari who always stayed with me through up and down.
I love her.
But should I have her back as best friend only? Are we happier this way?
She turns quickly with shock on her face but she doesn't pull away even though our faces are only inches away. My gaze stops on her lips and I lean closer to her until my lips almost touch hers.
Will a kiss awaken her memories?
If we are meant to be, please God, let her remember her love to me. Let her remember that I love her even though I never said it.
All of a sudden, she pushes me slightly, preventing me to get closer to her. She cups her blushed cheeks with her hands, looking away from me.
I clear my throat to call her name with broken heart; I don't know why but it feels really hurt right now, "Hari?"
"I-is this for Yoseob?" She ignores me. She tries to distract her attention by taking a blue envelope on the table, "Let's see what his fan wrote for hi-"
Hari stops and her eyes widen when she reads the letter. Within seconds, she drops the letters and rubs her temple with pain on her face.
"Hari," I grab her shoulders so I can look at her face but she closes her eyes, gritting her teeth because of pain in her head. I take the letter and read it just to find another warning letter from the mysterious person.
"What have I done?" Hari clutches my shirt, resting her head on my chest. "Why Yoseob?"
"Are you alright?" I hug her, feeling extremely worried. "I'm going to check Yoseob now. Don't worry. Wait here, Hari. I'll call-"
But I don't need to call him.
Both Yoseob and Sunhyun step in the room but Sunhyun is busy helping Yoseob to walk. He has some scratches on his left cheek and sharp cuts on his clothes as if someone just attacked him with something sharp.
"Yah!" I stand up and rush to his side, helping Sunhyun to drag him to the sofa, sitting right next to Hari. "What happened?!"
"I don't know," Sunhyun answers with trembling voice. In the same time, Hari stands up slowly and tries to find the first aid kit toolbox for Yoseob. "We were walking here when the window was hit by a basketball. It's really fast and... And he was protecting me with his body so-"
"It's not your fault," Yoseob cuts in with a pale face. "I've told you. The problem here is when we checked to find who threw the ball, there was no one. So basically it was not an ordinary accident."
"I'm sorry...," Hari puts down the toolbox on the table as she clenches her fists. She bites her bottom lip and I can see her teary eyes, "It's my fault..."
"W-What are you talking about?" Yoseob frowns, feeling panic because he knows Hari is going to cry soon. I quickly hand the letter to him so he can understand what Hari is feeling right now.
Shocked is written all on his face when he finishes reading the short letter. He looks up to Hari and then moves his gaze to me.
I know he wants me to protect Hari. I will do that even if he doesn't ask me. But after Hari pushed me, stopping me from kissing her, I have a big hole inside of my heart.
Does she forget her feeling for me?
Have I lost the special position in her heart?
Do I really want to give up on Hari for Yoseob?
Do I want to lose her?
Tell me what to do now.
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
"It's alright, Hari," I assure her once again as she is putting down a glass of water on the small table for me. "It's not serious. It's just scratches."
No matter how hard I tried to tell Hari to return with Gikwang, she insisted that she wanted to walk me back to my apartment. Gikwang had an appointment with his student and he walked back Sunhyun back to the apartment before that.
Sunhyun is still feeling guilty because she was right next to me when the intentional accident happen; someone set the accident yet we don't know who it is.
The ball was thrown from somewhere at the yard but there was no one when I checked out. It was afternoon and there weren't many students around the area so it's difficult to find a witness. If it was an ordinary accident, we should find someone who wanted to apologize to us.
When I have read the last warning letter, I knew they are serious. They're going to attack me if I stay close to Hari.
But I still don't get it. Why me?
Not that I want them to attack Gikwang. But it doesn't make sense to aim me as the target when I'm not that close with Hari compared to Gikwang.
Something is not right. Who is this fan who chose to attack me but not Gikwang? Someone who knows Gikwang. Someone who adores Hari. Someone who hates me.
Who is this person?
"I'm sorry..."
When I am deep in my thought, frowning with serious expression, Hari reaches out her hand to touch my left cheek, feeling the wound under the bandage with her fingers.
Both Hari and Sunhyun helped me with the cuts, cleaning them and wrapped them with bandage. I'm lucky since I wore jackets so the mirror shards didn't cut my skin.
"Stop apologizing, okay?" I brush her cheek with my thumb, smiling to make her feel better. "It's not your fault. Don't think too much."
Hari closes her eyes and lowers her hand, "I shouldn't be here, right? I can risk your safety if I stay too close to you, right? Maybe I should leave now..."
"No!"
She stands up but I unconsciously grab her wrist to stop her. She turns around and look at my face with confused look.
It's ridiculous. Once I avoided her, trying to seek Gikwang's help to take care of her so she won't feel guilty of what happened to me. Now that she volunteered herself to stay away from me, I feel uneasy.
I don't want her to leave me.
"I hurt you...," she touches my cheek again with sad eyes as she sits down next to me since I'm sitting on my bed. "How many times have I hurt you, Yoseob?"
Her question makes my heart to skip a beat. She shouldn't know that I love her... right?
Hari cups my left cheek with her right hand gently so she won't press my wound. She leans closer to me; her face is only inches away from mine.
Her lips brush my lips slightly, not fully touching. I can feel that she is hesitating a little while my heart is going to jump out because of her sudden movement.
"Hari-"
I was going to stop her because I don't want her to regret what she is going to do later just because her pity for me. But I'm not fast enough to stop her.
She presses her lips gently on me, kissing me with closed eyes.
I try really hard to prevent myself from kissing her back. As much as I want to do that, I still have my conscious to remember that she loves Gikwang, not me. A part of my heart keeps telling me that she does this because she feels guilty about what happened to me.
"Hari," I grab her shoulders firmly to break the kiss. She looks at me with blushed cheeks but sad eyes; I don't understand what she is thinking right now.
My heart is beating uncontrollably. Her kiss was really soft and lovable that I wanted to feel it again. Her eyes are so captivating that I don't want to look away from her.
"When I'm with you, I feel that everything will be alright," she suddenly states. She cluthes my shirt, closing her eyes while her forehead meets my lips. "I don't want you to be hurt because of me, Yoseob..."
My heart beats even faster now. I don't even understand how it can beat faster. Blood rushes to my brain and I can't think of anything.
She pulls away slightly so she can look at me directly. She touches both of my cheeks with her hands, letting me to feel her cold fingers on my warm cheeks as she leans close again to me, "Help me remember what my heart wants..."
With those words, my heart clenches.
I kiss her lips passionately and my arms wrap her waist, pulling her close to me. She put her arms around my neck, deepening our kiss.
I'm drunk by her soft lips. I don't even remember that I'm wounded. I only feel her warm touch as I continue kissing her, don't want to break the kiss even just for a second.
I want to forget the whole world just for the moment. To forget that she actually loves Gikwang and not me. To forget that maybe she will regret this tomorrow. To forget that we're nothing more than best friends. To forget that someone doesn't want me to be with her.
All of the feelings I've been holding inside are exploding with the kisses I give to her. That I didn't want her to know that I love her. That I didn't want her to be with me if it's not because of love. That I wanted her to be mine.
Can I make her love me truly now?
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